#this literally happened to me and now im horribly heart broken cuz he was the only good part of my summer

[b0oker18]

On the anniversary of ‘My Struggle IV’ I have many thoughts:

I became a fan of The X Files in 2008 when I saw ‘I want to believe’ on DVD. When I watched it I fell in love with Mulder and Scully and the strange universe that they lived in. Long story short over the next few months I watched every episode, then I watched them again and then again (and then again). Not only did I fall in love with M and S but I fell in love with the Mythology, the MOTW, and the themes of science and religion. I’m such a big fan I even (sort of) defend seasons 8 and 9 (I am very much aware of all the problems with both seasons ok lol).

I was so enthralled with this journey that these two lovely people had together! And you know what? I was somewhat happy to leave them and never see them again after ‘I want to believe’ While we didn’t get all the answers like colonization, William, etc. I was ok with that! I even had my own elaborate head canon of what happened after ‘I want to believe’. Basically it involved Gibson getting into contact with M and S to tell them that the colonists had left Earth because William was normal now (so colonization would never happen) and it also involved Mulder writing a series of memoirs that gave him a renewed sense of purpose in life, but maybe I’ll get into it another time cuz it’s a lot lol.

Anyway, one day in 2015 (I think) season 10 was officially announced and I was very happy! I thought finally we were getting closure! Then the Mulder and Scully breakup rumors came out and I knew we were in trouble, but I still wanted to give it a chance. Then Chris Carter called the “revival” series a “reimagining” and again I thought we were in trouble, but I still wanted to give it a chance.

I remember the night ‘My Struggle I’ aired. The Files fandom was SO excited and so was I. I remember loving it! Sure the entire mythology was flushed down the toilet and sure Mulder and Scully were broken up and none of things made any sense, but we got 5 more episodes! The mythology will go somewhere and Mulder and Scully will get back together. None of things happened and I felt horrible! Season 10 is the worst season of The X Files in my opinion. But I didn’t think the show would come back and somehow it was easy for me to ignore and I did for a while.

A year or so later Season 11 was announced and again the hype got to me! Finally we will get the answers to the shows original mythology and finally Mulder and Scully will get back together (noticing a theme here). Then ‘My Struggle III’ aired and it sucked! Haha. But then ‘This’ aired and OMG Dana Scully and Fox Mulder are back together as a romantic couple again! Hooray!!!! 🥳🥳🥳🎉Nope! they weren’t. 😞But that’s ok cuz next week Mulder and Scully will have sex, twice! Then the episode aired and while the episode was somewhat entertaining, it had what I feel is the single worst Mulder and Scully scene in the history of the show. Im sorry but that bed scene was horrendous! It was like two high schoolers talking about if they would still love each other after graduating. These two characters have WAY to much personal history to have any conversation even remotely like that. But they had sex twice and you know HYYYYPPPEEE ZOMGS they did it.... twice!! 😱😱😱.

‘Ghoulie’ was good but William is like a shape shifting monster now or something??? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But dear god the acting of Gillian Anderson was TOP notch! So you know MORE HYYYPPPE!!!

‘Nothing Lasts Forever’ was kinda boring but that ending!!!! They are back together!!!! They are talking about their regrets and letting them go!!!!! YAY!!!! HYYYYPPPEEE level over 9000!! But that shit should’ve happened WAY sooner. And is as fans deserve to know what Scully whispered.

Then we get to ‘My Stuggle IV’. We got car chases! We got Mulder shooting like 20 people! We got Scully doing.... stuff! We got Chris Carter doubling down on William not being the true son of Mulder! But who cares SCULLY IS PREGGOOOSSSSS!!!😱😱😱😱. Greatest series finale EVERRRRR.!!! I got the Mulder and Scully happy ending I have always wanted y’all! Ty Chris Carter!!! 🥳🥳🎉🎉🥳

Yeah, I thought that way for months. Then I walked away from the show for a year or so and I honestly didn’t think much of it! Then the “revival” came back into my conscience. My “revival” HHYYPPEE brain had left me. I started objectively thinking about the revival. Literally nothing made any sense. Mulder and Scully are back in the FBI in there 50’s? With no training? As Mulder is clinically depressed?? Mulder just believes some random person that alien colonization is all bull shit and it was all evil white dudes? This man has been lied to his entire life yet he just believes? That ain’t my Mulder. Where was all that character development from the original series? It certainly wasn’t in Chris Carter’s show bible (I think only a few people will understand that joke lol).

I don’t want to make this post much longer so what I’m trying to get at is the revival as a whole was noting more than a soft reboot. That REALLY bothered me for months when I came back to this show. It’s so goddamn disrespectful to the original fandom. There are still so many fans that care about the original mythology and Mulder and Scully, we wanted to see both progress into new and interesting ways. Instead it’s all burnt down to the ground. Sure Mulder and Scully are cute in the revival series, but what’s it really worth when they aren’t truly together. I get the show needs angst, but at what cost? Breaking them up is the easy way out. That shit hurt me. Same with the mythology, Carter just deletes all of it so he can tell a story that would connect to a new audience. Instead it pissed off just about everyone.

I’ll never, ever begrudge any fan for loving the revival. Actually I’m a little envious, but now that I look at it objectively I just can not reconcile the new Mulder and Scully we got and the new mythology that were being told. So for me the “true” X Files ended after ‘I want to Believe’. Mulder is writing his books, finding his new purpose in life. Scully is still working as a doctor helping children get better. Colonization will never happen and William will have a happy life with his loving adoptive parents. Sure maybe the rest of Mulder and Scullys life may be rather dull. But in my heart of hearts it’s what I believed they longed for, it’s what I longed for after I first saw ‘I Want to Believe’. So I’ll give it to them, they deserve it. I’ll love this show forever. 💜

[thetragicescape]

18, 21, 23, 25, 29 annnnnnd if you were given the opportunity to have all of your wishes and desires to come true but lose the one you love.. would you? Why or why not..

18: Most traumatic experience: -when I was 7 years old my mom and 4 year old brother and me were in a horrible car wreck. My brother and I survived but my mom didn’t. I saw her broken bloody body and had to watch the life leave her eyes. It was and still is devastating to me cuz she was my hero,my idol,the one I wanted to be like when I grew up. Even 14 years later it hurts like hell cuz i loved her more than anything and still do. -The abuse my family put me through and continue to try and put me through. -Being bullied and outcast all my life -Being raped multiple times. -Being sexually harrassed and assaulted by one of my dad’s employees (a registered sex offender who had been to jail for molesting a child) for years. When my dad found out, he took absolutely NO legal action against him because it would “hurt his business” (he knew the guy was a sex offender for 6 months before i finally got the courage to tell my dad what he’d done to me and HADN’T fired him immediately when he found out. For GOD knows what reason. He told my dad that he had changed and was past it,while doing it to me the whole time in secret. My dad was scared that the fact he knew the dude was a sex offender for 6 months before firing him would make him look bad). If it was my kid I’d sue the fuck out of them. It really fucking hurt because I felt unimportant and insignificant to my own father. Like I didn’t deserve justice or even the time of day. Like I was nothing more than dirt under his shoe and the world’s shoes. I had gone through horrible things in those years,and my dad refused to do anything about it for the sake of his precious business,which I guess was more important to him than his only daughter. Also,after it took me years to work up the nerve to tell my dad about it,he blamed me for it going on so long,asking why I never did anything to stop it for all that time. Well,he was way bigger and stronger than me as well as cunning and manipulative as fuck. Im tiny and weak and can’t stand up for myself,verbally and physically. He was an evil man,I was his victim and my dad blamed me. Every bad and traumatic thing that happens to me,my family finds a way to make it “my fault” which hurts more than anything else. Fuck them,they aint family to me at all. -My ex boyfriend leaving me to die on the floor of a dairy queen bathroom stall after I ODed on meth,cocaine,molly,and a whole bottle of vodka. Not only did he leave me there, he also stole my phone,car,macbook pro and all my money ($20,000 to be exact here) and pushed my car off a mountain. The cops doing nothing about it because “since I gave him permission to drive it earlier that day,it wasn’t stolen” yeah i totally wanted him to steal my car. I couldn’t have given him permission to rob me and take my car when he did it,as I was unconscious and dying on the floor. The cops’ excuse was such bullshit I get angry thinking about it,even. It sucked. Almost the worst part of it was my family blaming ME for him robbing me (saying I “shouldn’t have been hanging out with him") such douchebags holy fuck. Yes,I shouldn’t have been around him and wish I never knew he existed,but that does NOT make his cruel,horrendous act MY fault in any way,shape or form. He is the piece of shit who thinks its acceptable to leave someone who showed him nothing but unconditional love on the floor to die and rob them blind. That’s not my fault at all,I was the victim of a crime. Every bad thing that happens to me is my fault in their eyes which is why I never told them I got raped. They’d blame me for it. Anyway i hate my ex with a passion for what he did and he is the only human being i could kill with no remorse. Fuck you Cody,I hope you burn in hell.

21: What I love most about myself: Fuuuuck this is hard as a person with a nonexistent self esteem. If I had to pick one thing,I guess it would be my kind heart.

23: My relationship with my sibling(s): awful. My little brother basically blindly agrees with my dad on everything, so he doesn’t like me. Especially due to my past drug use,even though I got sober. He doesnt think you can smoke weed and be sober (he and my dad are super Christian conservative and against weed. They literally treat it like it’s fucking heroin,and no I’m not joking. It’s fucking ridiculous) Recently we aren’t speaking since my dad kicked me out of the house because he didn’t approve of my husband. So my bro, being the sheep he is,doesn’t bother to think for himself and hates me cause my dad does. He’s the exact opposite of me- very religious, prudish,square,and straight edge as fuck. So no wonder he hates me. I’d give anything for him to think beyond my dad and try to have a relationship with me because he is my brother and I love and care about him, but he,like the rest of my family,couldn’t care less whether I was dead or alive. Fuck him.

25: My idea of a perfect date: anything in the world as long as you are by my side 😍😍😍😍😘😘😘😘

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend: I absolutely HATE lying and usually only did it to cover my ass. Way back when I was in college and using meth heavily,I lied constantly to my best friend/roommate Savannah about it so she wouldn’t know. She has a twin sister who was also a meth addict and she was constantly telling me how gross she thought meth was and how gross she thought her sister was for doing it. I was scared she’d be disgusted with me too if she knew I was also doing it,so I made up countless lies to her, any and everything that kept me under the radar. Honestly,I was so damn twacked out all the time, I have no idea how the fuck she didn’t notice,especially since she spent so much time around her sister who’d been doing it for a hella long time. I was just super grateful she never noticed shit. It was a miracle I pulled it off,but fuck I hated lying to her. I wished I could tell her everything,but I didn’t want her to hate me over it. My reasoning behind it was that I didnt wanna lose her as a friend (we were pretty close amd still are now),and I thought she would never be my friend again if she knew about my addiction. For a while it worked, until the day before I got robbed, when my ex ratted me out to her for no reason and even showed her my pipe (again,FUCK YOU CODY). I was so scared she was gonna hate me and not wanna be my friend anymore but she took it surprisingly well,way better than I ever thought she would. She even hugged me. Shes hella cool and I miss her. She’s glad I got clean and we are still great,close friends to this day. Im so grateful to still have her in my life. Baby,all my wishes and dreams came true because of you, so fuck no im not giving you up. I get both my love and my greatest dreams coming true already 😍 you are my dream come true