#this was before COVID btw so work from home wasn't big yet

[bethanydelleman]

Difficulties Part 1

I usually keep pretty well to Austen or British literature of the last century, but as Jane Austen is very concerned with the plight of women, I wanted to share two small things that happened to me, that impress upon me the difficulty living in the world as a woman.

I had a job that I really loved at a university in Canada. I was unionized, had unlimited sick days, medical benefits, paid time off, a pension, and reasonable compensation. After about two years at this job I left for maternity leave, which in my country was 1 year at half pay. I was worried however, because my department had a nasty habit of laying off women during mat leave. This would usually be illegal, but research work is all based on grants and contracts, so it can happen more easily in my field than in others.

I was anxious about going back to work, but at the 10 month mark my boss emailed and asked if I could come back early. I agreed, partially because I was bored but also because I was worried I might lose my position if I didn’t go back. So I went back 3 days a week (I had actually started at this job 3 days a week and moved to five over time) and my son went to a great little home daycare. I made it clear to my manager that as I had a 2 hours a day commute, I didn’t want to work more days. I thought she would understand as she had also worked part time when she had young children.

2 months in, I was laid off. I was only 2 months away from my contract becoming permanent, something that happened automatically after 3 years. I also had worked so few hours that it was impossible for me to collect employment insurance. It turned out they just wanted me to cover a three month leave of another staff member.

Now I feel I must justify myself, I was good at my job. When the news got around, I was approached by several people I had worked with who offered themselves as references. One person even swore when she realized she’d have to train someone new on the complicated medical software that I had mastered (just ask a nurse or doctor how user friendly their medical records program is...). Even though they were not required to, many of the doctors I worked with still included my name on their published research papers.

Anyway, we were in a terrible position as a family. My husband and I had just purchased a new house, since my job had seemed secure. I fortunately had about a month’s vacation pay as a buffer, but that was it. My daycare graciously let me take my son out until I found another job, if I had lost my space it would have been worse. I desperately applied for jobs and eventually accepted one with the same employer that was not unionized.

I lost my pension, sick days, medical benefits, and paid vacation and was only given about 2 dollars more an hour in this new job. I never would have accepted it if I hadn’t been so desperate. 

And the worst part is, the people who did this to me were all women. My manager and supervisor were both women. And they didn’t care. The one even seemed surprised that I was angry at the final meeting. She said it was best for the projects. I highly doubt it.

Anyway, this is my little proof that having a uterus and being a mother who wants to spend time with her child still can destroy your career and that you can’t rely on the compassion or humanity of your superiors.

Note: Why do I need medical benefits? I live in Canada, but we have a strange form of universal healthcare that covers all hospital and doctor visits, but not eye, dental, most therapy/mental health care or most medication. So for a person my age at the time, the most commonly covered would be things like birth control, glasses, dental visits, and physiotherapy.

And yes, this creates problems were someone with say, type two diabetes can’t afford their very cheap meds and instead ends up in the ER frequently which is super expensive. We have plans where if you are poor enough you get free medication but it’s a mess and honestly they need to fix it.

[lovejosephquinn]

Hey darling, I hope you're having a great day. I love your work and your writing BTW.

Since I'm a big sucker for any FRIENDS TO LOVERS theme, how about you've been in a friends group with Joe for a few years now. After all this mayhem (aka rise to fame) that happened to him this year, you finally meet him again in your group. You reconnect, still the same flirting between the two of you.

I JUST NEED ALL THE FRIENDS TO LOVERS FLUFF RIGHT NOW (no need for smut though)

Since, a touch-starved anon ❤️

Thank you so much 🥰

Absolutely joining you in being a sucker for friends to lovers, it's my most favourite trope. I'm really not proud of this however and I think it could've been much better; but I'll let you all decide! 🥺

You know the saying? keep your friends close... That was exactly your life's motto, they were for life and the close circle that you'd had over the last few years got you through anything. It wasn't until 2020 that you suddenly learnt you could be ripped apart from the person you were closest too in such a brief moment. The day that Joe got the phone call, the one that changed his life forever. You'd always secretly had a thing for him, not wanting to ruin your chances in case he didn't feel the same, but you kind of wished you'd told him before he'd got on the plane to go to America just a few days later.

Then covid hit, it just seemed to be one thing after another. Yeah you'd all manage to video call every now and then from your homes but it wasn't the same as actually being around one another. You'd have brief encounters through your phone with your friends and singular late night ones with him as if you didn't have anything else to say, you'd ramble on together till the early hours. Joe returned months later back to America to continue filming and the calls and texts came few and far between, he was busy all of the time and it wasn't entirely his fault but you got worried that this was it; that he'd forget you especially and you'd never see him again the way you always had, just merely through a television screen instead. It was different when everything he'd done had been filmed quite close to home, so you knew you'd always find him back at his flat eventually, but not having him around hurt and it made the feelings grow evermore; painful yet sinful when you'd think about him in every way possible.

You'd lost count of the many times you thought of him, keeping him in the forefront of your mind at all costs, day or night, no matter what you were doing, wondering mostly what life will be like for Joe after Stranger Things aired. You had spent countless hours over the years telling him to be patient, comforting him when he almost gave up on acting. You promised him the day that he sent his audition tape that he'd make it big, that one day someone would notice his talent and he'd take off into the industry big time. He'd just smile at you the way he did, his dimples approving of your promise but the look in his eyes, sorrowful and scared told an entirely different story.

Surely enough, the day that Season 4 aired, you and your friends were sat in your living room watching it, you all cheered when Joe came on the screen, shouts of excitement and gasps at the look of your friend with a long haired curly wig, clothes that just were not him, for example the ripped black skinny jeans, that was entirely mesmerising. Your mind was boggled at the way it didn't even look like him anymore, it was only his chocolatey gaze that reassured you Joe was behind that get up. His acting was outstanding to you all, giving him a mental standing ovation that he was on his way to stardom through his new role, he shined brighter than you'd ever known him too.

He'd stayed in America finishing off bits and pieces for Volume two, he'd facetimed you one day in his trailer after not hearing from him for a month, you stared him down the second his face filled your screen as he was in costume, ready to go film the last scene before they wrapped up. He caught you gawking a few times, he'd have you stuttering in response.

"What're you staring at?" How did he realise that was the case? Prick.

"N-n-nothing."

"You got the hots for me in a wig?" Joe barked a laugh, you instantly threw yourself into self defence mode shaking your head, your cheeks flushing in confirmation which made his smile beam from ear to ear.

You even called him Eddie instead of Joe at least twice, embarrassing yourself deeply but the laugh that erupted from his throat made it more than worth it. It wasn't until you both said at exactly the same moment that you missed one another, your voices spoke in unison and the emotion came crashing between you in an instant was electrifying, but you shook it off quickly when he got shouted from the door of his trailer shortly after and the call was ended abruptly, a pout from Joe's lips, his little puppy dog eyes giving you an apologetic look that he had to rush off. You didn't have time to speak about your feelings, you'd planned it all in your head the second you got to talk to him, but it just never came about - you were grateful yet full of regret.

Some time later, the group of you re-joined and sobbed hard through Volume 2, all decided collectively that he seriously deserved an award for this role, especially from the fact he could make fully grown men tear up at their own friend dying on camera. Your promise of 2 solid years ago came true and exactly 24 hours later, your social media was bombarded with Joseph Quinn this and Joseph Quinn that. Eddie Munson had created your friend celebrity status in the matter of a mere moment.

It wasn't until the summer that you'd all taken the time out of your busy adult lives to throw a party especially in Joe's honour for returning home, a nail biting experience for you indeed. Your friendship circle wasn't the same without him so it wasn't often that you'd all get together anymore. You couldn't wait to see him, you couldn't wait to tell him how proud you were and above all, you couldn't wait till you could utter the words I told you so. You'd done a number on yourself, making yourself look as good as possible so that he might notice. Your feelings overtaking you a little too much, maybe understandable after you'd not seen him solidly for the last year and a bit, so you thought you'd make an effort.

You watched through your kitchen window whilst you stood outside having a smoke with your friend, the front door opened and a crowd of people huddled around. A rush of nausea hit you like it was the first time you were seeing him again, the eye contact that was made between you through glass when people moved around to return to their previous conversation.

As the old saying goes in a sea of people, my eyes will always search for you, that quote was circling in your head until eventually Joe came sauntering out of the back door and you felt his presence solidly stood before you, staring, almost teary eyed from the obvious confirmation that he'd missed you the most. He looked the same, but different, his hair was curlier, face looked skinnier and body less defined from the weight he'd had to lose especially for the show but the same in the way his eyes sparkled and spoke a thousand words without him having to open his mouth.

You dropped the cigarette that was perched between your fingers and ran into his arms like some sort of romantic scene, wrapping yourself around him, your face held in position into his chest as he swayed you from side to side. You caught sight of a few people looking your way that were situated in the kitchen, one of them even mouthed get a room, mentally flipping a middle finger their way; all you cared about in that second was that Joe was around you again.

"God I've missed you Joey." You cooed, your voice slightly muffled from your face smothered into his chest.

"Missed you too love." The happiness radiated from his voice and butterflies swarmed your stomach.

People had always noticed in the past the flirty exchanges between the two of you. People had always commented that you would look cute together, there were only a couple of people out of the entire friendship group that knew of your true feelings, they'd been sworn to secrecy on the matter that Joe would never find out. There were always talks between all 3 of you, they'd always confronted their beliefs that they were 99% sure that he felt the same way but he was too damn shy and too stubborn of a person to admit it. If that was true then that made two of you.

The girl who stood outside with you had disappeared to let you have some time alone with Joe, patting him on his forearm as a brief encounter as she left to go back inside. She was one of the people that knew of your secret and had only in these last five minutes been telling you that you needed to make a move before it was too late. That you couldn't watch from the side-lines forever, twiddling your thumbs and gawking at him from a distance.

Indulging in another cigarette together, not quite being ready to go inside and share him with the rest of your friends just yet, you playfully and skilfully caught up with him, finding ways to bring into the conversation that all you wanted was him.

"You know Quinn, you've really broke the internet with Eddie. He's everywhere." You muttered and he rolled his eyes, not quite believing you.

"Stop saying silly things like that." He laughed, you pulled out your phone, showing him some of the screenshots you'd taken and they rolled back around swiftly, his lips parting at the wonderful things people had said about his character, unsure what to do with all the strange love coming from random people he didn't know.

"Did they let you keep the wig by the way?" Joe frowned, looking back to you, putting your phone back into your pocket and folding your arms together.

"I knew you had a thing for Eddie." Joe smirked. Not Eddie. You you fool.

"The wig made you think that?" You laughed over dramatically.

"I saw the way you looked at me on FaceTime Y/N, you were down bad for me with long hair." He stuck his tongue over his top lip, his stare intense waiting for your admission.

"Correction, Eddie..." You threw him off his high horse. "Yeah well, what can I say? A sexy ass metal head is just my type." You joked. His eyes grew with your response.

"I'd better get it back then." What was that supposed to mean? Your mind was all over the place in just 6 short words. "I've already got the leather jacket." He continued.

"Phew, I was scared you were going to miss that out." Stifled and forced giggles fell from your lips, you were nervous from the way Joe looked at you differently in that second, something told you it was good. You stood in silence for a few minutes and Joe looked through the window to see the rest of his friends deep in conversation.

"You wanna get going back in?" He said anxiously before moving toward the door.

"I told you so." You belted out quickly, grabbing at his hand, holding onto his fingers as if your life depended on it, he moved back towards you, a look of confusion taking over him.

"Wait, what?" He chuckled.

"I promised you that this was it for you. I told you so." You smiled, mirroring the shyness on his face, he softened in seconds.

"Don't be daft." His hand wrapped around yours, reciprocating the grasp as he swung it side to side, not letting go, even if your palms were now sweating from the soft touch, this somehow felt right.

"Well I'll always be your number one fan." You winked and his lips pursed together in the most adorable way, smiling as he looked to the ground. His free hand came up to stroke your cheek and it was like all of a sudden you'd fell into a dream that was all too familiar when you were sleeping.

Without any forewarning, Joe leaned down, replacing his fingers for his lips and planted a kiss on your cheek, his mouth hovering still against the heat from your face after, unsure whether he should of committed an act like that. Then he did it again, giving your hand a squeeze in reassurance when he stood back in his previous stance, an exhale of relief that you didn't let go or just bolt from his actions.

"I had no doubt that you would be, my darling." Your mutual stare became something intimate, you weren't sure where this was going but you were pretty sure that from that one moment, he'd always felt exactly the same and had just admitted it in his own way. Nobody had ever looked at you the way Joe did tonight.

[bellveder]

Me doing a graphic design project:

Use photos of favourite actors as a template instead of photos of the actual speakers/guests, so every time I see the photos, I got excited and can misattribute the excitement to the work.

I can't be the only one doing this right? Anyone who else here doing this?

So how's the design process?

It goes something like this:

Design brief:

"We want a professional, eye-catching poster for an international event, the previous designers couldn't make it eye catching"

Eye catching? Alright... Let's make something biiiiggg to catch the eye.

"No no no, it's too big, we don't want too many ornaments, we want the texts to be the main focus"

Like this?

(I can write it as speakers and affiliation, but why would I, it's just a template only I would use)

"We want the pictures of the speakers to be bigger we want them to also be the focus"

Is this big enough for you???

Wait now we can't put the texts.

"Oh, btw we want it to be cheerful"

So you want a cheerful, eye-catching, professional design with minimum ornaments and mostly just consist of texts...

Shit, I am dark and unempathetic, I can't make cheerful designs.

Alright, let's get some colorful, romantic comedy vibes.

Which brings us to the main poster design at the top.

Is this cheerful enough for you???

Now let's go back to the module poster

At this point, my brother caught a glimpse of my workspace and said, "Why do you have pictures of Frank Grillo and Sebastian Stan in your short course poster? Aren't those supposed to be your college teachers?"

"Yeah, but why would I put the real pictures when I can run wild with my imagination instead? I don't wanna limit my creativity, I'll put the necessary last"

"AND WHY DOES IT SAID MARRIAGE ISSUES?"

"BECAUSE I SHIP WINTERBONES THAT'S THE TOPIC OF THE MODULE "

Now imagine a winterbones course on marriage issues during zombie apocalypse the pandemic:

1.

Brock: "What do you mean you can't use a fucking blender? Put the fruit in the blender, not your brain!"

Winter: "I shouldn't put the fruit in my brain?"

Brock: "For fuck sake, use your fucking brain!"

Winter: "But you said I shouldn't put it in my brain."

Brock: "Fuck! It's like you got your brain in a blender again!"

2.

Brock: "For fuck sake, Winter, your hair is too long, it's getting ridiculous now. Get some haircut!"

Winter: "But we can't go out. Would you cut my hair?"

(One haircut later)

Winter: "Did you just cut my hair with the same hairstyle as yours?"

Brock: "Very observant of you."

Winter: "Why?"

Brock: "Because it's the best fucking hairstyle, that's why."

3.

Bucky: "Aliens, androids and wizards, they said, no one said anything about virus and zombies."

Brock: "or a brainwashed assassin cyborg."

Bucky: "or an asshole of a Commander, I'll take fighting Gandalf any day now."

4.

Bucky: "What do you mean find a helicopter? I've lived for a century and you're telling me that we still don't have a flying car?"

5.

Brock: "The test came out positive."

James: "You're pregnant?"

Brock: "What?! No! I got the virus!

James: "How? We stayed at home, got vaccinated, following every health protocol–"

Brock: "You're asking how I could get infected, yet not wondering how could I get pregnant?"

James: "You are?"

Brock: "No!"

6.

Brock: "Stay away from me! You'll catch the virus"

James: "I'm a super soldier, remember? I got better immune system"

Brock: "You might still..."

James: "Too late for that, I'm here"

7.

James: "You need to eat"

Brock: "I'm not your small little buddy Steve, you don't need to babying me"

James: "No, but you're still my shorty little baby brock"

8.

Brock: "Shit, did the virus takes your cooking skill too?"

James: "No, it takes your sense of taste and smell"

9.

Brock: "The boredom is fucking killing me. I need to get out!"

James: "It's not too bad. Better than being frozen in a cryo."

10.

James: "Did you know that as you're isolated and get more and more deprived of the world, your dreams and imagination got more and more bizarre?"

Brock: "And so does your nightmares."

James: "And daydreams. I'm a walking nightmare, and you're the daydream that makes it bearable."

Brock: "I think I am the nightmare."

11.

James: "Do you know that in our late years, as we're forgetting bit by bit memories of our lives, the later memories gone first until what remains is the early memories of our lives."

Brock: "Isn't that good? That means one day you get to live your early life as if none of those dark times ever happened as if they're just a long forgotten nightmare."

James: "But that also mean I will forget you first before I remember who I used to be, and I don't wanna forget you."

Brock: "I'll make you remember, or I'll make you fall in love with me again and we'll make new memories."

12.

James: "I am the Winter Soldier. Yes, it comes with a lot of bad things, but it also comes with you. This is who I am. I can't undone what I've been through or what I did, and I don't wanna undone us. It wasn't the best life, but you're part of that life. You're a part of who I am."

13.

James: "You can't leave me"

Brock: "But I will, if not now, one day, I got older as you're frozen in time all those years, and I only keep getting older everyday as you age one day at a year."

James: "You can't leave me, you're the only remains of my memories. I don't remember everything. Only shreds of terror, and then you."

14.

James: "Those experiences really did nothing on you, did it?"

Brock: "I did get one or two lesson."

James: "And that is?"

Brock: "That I'll live one every moment with you, and make sure each one get ingrained in your brain."

Oh, by the way, the actual short course on family during covid-19 does exist, and you can join by clicking here

[zadle]

oh my dearness big update post since the last tumbling

2020 has been very wild since day 1 (which is also my birthday). i felt very lost at this job i was at, some place i had worked before, as it was sort of eating up my life. wasn't really sure what to do. a couple weeks into january i met this girl at work and we like instantly clicked, but something was very off, and i just had a feeling, right from the first conversation, that the universe was trying to teach me something with her. we ended up dating for like 6 months and i won't get into details but it was very bad and unhealthy, i'm still working through some of it. i'm still sort of friends with her, but i keep her at a (very long) distance.

at one point i made this discord server, and i wasn't expecting much but it just properly Took Off. it's a lot of folks' go-to server now. like it's not huge, but it's a big comfy family. a few of my very good friends are in there and i love them very much. there's also a bunch of fable speedrunners in there, as well as the co-creator of fable himself lol (who's such a lovely person btw). i've made very good friends from discord. one fellow even sent me his old capture card, so now i can stream/record stuff from console. he also sent me and some other friends a couple jars of apple butter that his mum made lol. if anyone's inch-rested i can DM u a link!

at one point in the summer, i asked my crush if she'd like to go on a picnic date with me. i wasn't planning on doing so at that point, but the tarot cards nudged me in a direction and after a good handful of clarifiers it became clear that i should. i at very least wanted to be direct about it for once. she hasn't decided yet (reasons i won't get into) but that's very much okay; i just want her to be happy, as she deserves all the happiness in the world. she makes me so happy just... existing. like she is the sweetest soul, i love hearing her talk about her interests (she has a voice like sunlight and honey and her laughter makes me melt). and she has the most gorgeous eyes. i could go on but this paragraph is getting long; i'm very gay. she's just special.

onto other things, i got sick in march and lost my job due to a communication kerfuffle, but it ended up being okay, as over 20 people tested positive for covid-19 there, which is genuinely terrifying. and they never shut down because "demand was too high". capitalism is honestly such a fuck and i am so ready for it to fall at the hands of zoomers. i started a patreon working on some fable mods, hoping to work more on my own game, but i've been very overwhelmed by all that atm. thankfully, the only patrons i have are people who just want to support me for being me (i've wanted to keep it a secret until i'm ready to do things more consistently).

i've also been really coming to terms with my noise sensitivity. due to quarantine, i have not had any alone time whatsoever, and there's constant noise and i'm realising how bad that is for me. like it's very, very bad. one thing just a little too loud can make me stop in my tracks, completely derail me, and render me nonverbal. i want to figure out a way to communicate that without just saying people aren't allowed to live in their own home lol. but learning to recognise my own needs and limits, even the hard way, has been really helpful and i'm glad i've been able to figure things out more because these are useful things for later in life.

and yeah that's just about it for now. i've also been writing a lot more, like just channeling stuff. i might start posting some of that here.

tl;dr very bad relationship now over, discord is a good time, i'm so fucking gay, death to capitalism, noise is very bad, and esoteric wordification writing go brrrr.