#this wasn't wholesome enough to make the wednesday cut

[genesis-quoi]

EMTs checking my mangled corpse to see if I'm an organ donor only to find nothing but this high definition 6x4 in my wallet

[mahpaiam]

Sunday, February 12, 2023

I got in a fight with my mother again. The day seemed to have been going well; we went to mass together. After, I left to run some errands and cleaned my room. My mother texted me something wholesome about going through pain and God letting all the good come into your life after.

I just carried on doing homework. It seemed to be going great until she came into my room, upset over my skirt, saying it was too short. She said I couldnt wear it anymore, how I never changed, how I wasn't making her happy. This was the skirt in question:

Objectively a very normal length skirt. I always wear stockings underneath. She then proceeded to tell me I dressed like a bitch and did it to please men. She then made me take off my pants, try it on, bend over, etc. I pulled out another skirt she had bought me and wore that on too. We marked my legs and there was only a 1cm difference in the two. I started to get frustrated, on the verge of crying.

She then yelled at me as we argued back and forth over the length of the skirt. It's the same length as all other skirts I had worn before. I then pulled out a skirt she bought me and she refuse to acknowledged that she had done so. When I screamed out no, she shut all the doors and then pulled off her shoes to try and hit me. She then proceeded to cut up the skirt and tell me I wasn't ever making her happy. How it was her or the skirt. I started to cry and tell her all she does is call me a bitch and tell me I do things for men. My aunt got involved and agreed with me. My dad was screaming from downstairs and then came up to ask to see the skirt. He said he never wanted to get involved because all she did was think he was bias to me.

When my dad saw the skirt, he agreed with me, telling my mother, 'how conservative do you have to be to let an 18 year old wear that. when will she wear it? when she's 81?"

My mother still told me it didn't make her happy, getting angrier.

I can't do homework anymore. I cried so much my eyes went swollen. And I NEED to do it. I just spent the next hour crying. There's so much work piling up but I just feel so so sad.

I want to be far far away from this. Every year my mother just gets more and more conservative. She gets mad at clothes I wore a year ago and even ones she's bought me. What the fuck. It makes me so sad all the time, how I never do enough for her. She also has a conspiracy that I'm a prostitute on the side. I'm so busy with school and work and extracurriculars I think doing that must be an act of passion for me to be able to squeeze that in my schedule.

I have great grades, I get along well with everyone, I go to two times a week, I volunteer at the church, I have amazing extracurriculars. It's like she's never happy with me.

I just want to be happy so bad. It's been an hour and I'm still crying. I've locked myself in my room and refuse to see anyone. I'll try my hardest to not come down to dinner but you never know.

Tonight is the super bowl. I know nothing about it other than the fact that Rihanna is performing and that Taylor Swift is a fan of the eagles, one of the players.

Valentines is also coming up. So that means I can't get any work done Monday or Tuesday unless I don't see friends then. I probably shouldnt but we've been planning for a while and Solana is vulnerable with being alone then.

Anyway, I've got a lab report due Monday, physics work due wednesday, history work due wednesday, math homework due thursday, and probably something else I'm forgetting. I'm so so tired. And sad. I wish I could sleep.