#tl;dr arte simping so hard it's painful

[viacursecasting]

A Sea Of Stars.

An Arte X Ivy Drabble

What the hell is wrong with me?

Restless, the maroon cat tossed and turned well into the deep hours of the silent night. Despite the Alaskan king mattress, despite the Egyptian cotton sheets, despite the mountain of cooling pillows, he couldn't get a wink of shut-eye.

He didn't quite understand it himself, but he craved... something. He wasn't sure what. All he knew was that he had this aching, burning, y e a r n i n g in his chest—like he had a void where his heart should be. He moaned, the pain almost too much to bear as he clutched his beating organ. What was it he longed for?

Perhaps he should be asking not what, but who.

He didn't want to admit it but he had a feeling that the only thing that could fill the space was her. Her radiant ambers, her silky smooth voice, her stubborn yet caring personality. He knew that when she risked her life for him, she was just doing her job as a bodyguard. But those fleeting moments where their gazes would linger, their touches would spark, their breaths would falter...

Was he just imagining those?

He sighed, only to grunt in agony. Then he heard a knock at the door. "Come in," he croaked.

A royal blue spider poked her head in. "Kingsley? Are you alright?"

His heart seized up in that stupid way it did every time he saw her. "Yes, I'm fine." He sat up in an effort to prove it. "Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you."

Ivy nodded once, about to take her leave—

"Wait!" Arte cried.

She did so, looking at him inquisitively.

Shit, he didn't think this far.

"I... can't sleep," he confessed. "Could you keep me company?"

"As you wish." Ivy closed the door behind her before ambling to his bedside. "Is something on your mind?"

He laughed hollowly. "What isn't on my mind."

"Perhaps some fresh air might clear your head." She walked over to the balcony, swinging open the glass doors.

A cool breeze caressed Arte's face, making him feel instantly at ease.

She gawked outside long enough to pique Arte's curiosity. He chimed, "You okay?"

"Hm?" Ivy blinked from her trance. "Oh, yes, it's just... The stars are quite lovely tonight."

Arte was already out of bed, putting on his trench coat and shoes. "If you think that's great, you should really see them from the countryside." He glided past her, hopping on the railing with a devilish smile. "Coming?"

Incredulous, Ivy retorted, "It's the middle of—"

But Arte paid no mind, jumping off the balcony with a charming salute, knowing she would be following close behind.

~

He led her through a winding path embraced by flowering fields and lush trees until they arrived at a secluded lake, sparkling in the moonlight. When she gazed at the night sky, she was breathless; the stars seemed to shine ten times brighter, singing like beacons of hope. She could even see the cool ethereal hues of the Milky Way.

She wondered how many wishes it cradled.

The feline walked confidently toward the water's edge. Ivy almost stopped him, thinking he was about to get his shoes wet, but then she saw him freeze the surface with snowflake-shaped constructs beneath each footstep, allowing him to walk on water.

Of course. How could she forget he was a cryokinetic?

Ivy called after him, "If you fall, I am not fishing for you."

Arte laughed, a melodious sound. "I think you will be falling. For me, that is," he said with a wink. He then gracefully skated away, wondering if she was blushing beneath her mask.

He put on a dazzling show for her, effortlessly gliding upon his makeshift ice, leaving sparkling snowflakes in his wake. He twisted and twirled, making it look easy, and even made a few impressive tricks in the air, landing flawlessly each time. He rapidly spun on one foot for the finale, posing with an elegant flourish.

He heard the arachnid give a gentle clap before skating toward her, holding out his hand.

Ivy was slightly taken aback. "I've never skated before."

"I've got you," Arte vowed as he constructed ice blades beneath her soles, raising her an inch off the ground. "Just trust me."

Ivy was about to refuse until she peered into his cyan saucers, particularly his deformed pupil. While others might have found it disconcerting, she found it alluring. It seemed to draw her in like a magnet.

She took his hand, cool to the touch. She wobbled a bit before he put his other hand around her waist to steady her, sending chills down her spine.

It was not unwelcome.

Arte guided her gently across the ice until she seemed to get the hang of it, twirling her now and then as if they were partaking in a waltz. There were a few times she thought she would lose her balance and clutched him close, which made him chuckle, a breath that tickled her ear.

Soon their movements synchronized and they used the entirety of the lake as their stage, gliding so fast they were a blur. Their limbs flowed and intertwined as smooth as water. With the twinkling sky above and the glittering lake below, the way the duo kicked up snowflakes made them look like they were drowning in a sea of stars.

The couple slid toward the center of the lake, catching their breaths as they held each other a whisper apart. When Ivy rested her head on his chest, she could hear his racing organ. "Are you alright? Your heart rate..."

"I'm more than alright," Arte confessed, lifting up her chin with a featherlight touch, "now that I'm with you."

Ivy's own pulse quickened as she read his eyes, which were completely sincere. She saw him glance at her mask, and watched his muzzle tint.

He asked under his breath, "May I?"

Just as she reached up, she felt faint, becoming limp in his arms.

Arte held her upright, nearly stumbling, as his face washed over with concern. "Ivy? Ivy! What's wrong?"

Darkness threatened to overtake her vision as she fought to keep it at bay, but with one last shiver she slipped into unconsciousness...

~

The light of dawn greeted her when her eyes flickered open. She was blanketed with multiple layers and a heating pad. When she sat up she noticed the thermoregulating gauze around her waist and hands.

"You're awake!"

She looked over to see the cat bringing her a warm cup of green tea. "Kingsley? What am I doing in your bed?"

"Recovering, I hope," Arte replied sheepishly. Then he grew solemn. "You passed out from a mild case of frostbite."

Ivy took the cup, glancing at her downcast reflection in the liquid. "Oh."

Arte took a seat beside the bed. "I'm sorry. It was stupid of me to keep you so close, especially since you're immunocompromised."

"It was an accident," Ivy reassured him.

"Yes, but..." Arte groaned in frustration, dropping his gaze in shame. "You're always looking out for me. It didn't occur to me that I should be doing the same for you." He tightened his fist. "I won't be so selfish anymore."

Then he stared at his hands as if they betrayed him. "When I realized why you fainted in my arms, I felt so guilty. I didn't realize I could be such a danger to you."

His eyes started to well with tears. "Perhaps you're right, Ivy. Perhaps we shouldn't be togeth—"

He was caught off guard when an ebony web strand yanked him toward her, landing him on top. He reddened furiously. "I-Ivy—!"

"I was wrong," Ivy admitted. "Despite your ice, you showed me something I've never experienced before."

Arte blinked. "Skating?"

Ivy let out an amused huff. "No," she corrected. "Warmth."

The cat felt that very warmth in his cheeks.

Ivy smiled, reveling in his embarrassment. She touched a curled finger to his chin. "Keep me company?"

Arte chuckled, wondering who the real boss was. "As you wish."

[spikyshores]

ok, so this is my art blog, and several people followed me after i posted a few madness combat jokes, and i feel bad right now because madness was my special interest for like a year and a half and i feel like i very suddenly just stopped being able to get happiness out of it a few days ago. tl;dr my special interest is likely dying or at least i can't tolerate the feeling of obligation to draw it and i feel guilty for attracting people to this blog expecting that only for me to likely abruptly stop posting about it, so if anyone wants to unfollow over that i understand and won't be offended. sorry. also sorry to everyone who followed me from the start and has to deal with me making tons of fanart for stuff you don't care about whenever i get a new interest. i know it's not actually a big deal but it simply feels that way because i am autistic. thanks.

like i realized i was putting all this energy into caring and basically pathetically simping and getting emotional about missing the premier and then my body just rejected it. i was like why am i suffering so much, why am i doing this? and some part of me i guess got disgusted with myself and decided to just run away. obviously it's actually my mind that rejected it but i'm using the "body" language because that's the way it felt, like just an overwhelming reaction. and i'm actually pretty upset about it because i was pretty deeply emotionally attached and still am and yet my body is rejecting it because i used everything it had to give me up and/or feel trapped or something. really hard to explain. it's also about my feelings of throwing my life away not making good enough original art and not respecting myself enough as an artist to seek out original self expression etc.

i think maybe what happened overall was i committed myself to this one interest for a long time because i was attached and really didn't want to let go even though i should've let go before and then my brain suddenly forced me to stop and also i'm still attached and there's a chance i'll get re-interested but then this will just happen again and it will be a cycle of pain which coincides with the previously-unrelated-but-now-related mood swings i've been having for the past few months. another thing was that i worked hard to reclaim it as an interest over the course of this year because someone kind of involved it in abusing me (that wasn't the main factor, it just became involved because it was my special interest during the relationship and then was used to hurt me at one point) and i had to retrain myself to not associate it with that and this made me more attached as well.

i still haven't watched the live action trailer yet because i like felt pressure to be emotional about it and i'm like not up to making myself get emotional and/or failing to get emotional when i should. like i was excited about it and now it's been out for days and i haven't even watched it because it will hurt. i hope i get truly re-interested in a while, years or something, and then get to watch it and really enjoy it, but i'm scared that, since this happened, i will never be able to enjoy it again??

i hate that the nature of my brain is to love things really hard and then inevitably get tired of them and all that emotion is like... like it was never there and was always meaningless and just a dopamine factory. i know it wasn't meaningless but like i feel committed to things as if they were people and eventually i start to go crazy from feeling trapped due to doing this to myself but it's like i'm incapable of just having a bunch of casual interests and instead one has to become my whole personality for an extended time. god if you're out there i would recommend nerfing autism/ocd combo. awesome to be a person who by nature wants to do the same thing forever but also is extremely sensitive to feelings of being trapped and also can't stand the uncertainty of knowing if losing something will be permanent 😎 <- imagine that is the carter amelia davis version of that emoji

but yeah i really love madness but i like can't keep performing interest anymore or i will go insane. i need the amount of interest that exists naturally to be my only reason for caring and to feel safe with the possibility of that amount dwindling to nothing.