#too much analysis of this story focuses on tuxedo mask i think but that's a separate post

[minakoaiinos]

She's your boyfriend now <3

[confusedspaceotter]

Originally this is in daily avatrice analysis(day 6) but I decided to create a separate post

Because I wanna show the internet just how important this show is to me

Link to the analysis itself

Before I got into the analysis itself

I need to tell you a story first

A story about a little girl 

Growing up, she knows that she is different than others 

Different, how you may ask?

She find herself having a hard time focusing during classes

Because she can’t help but to play with her stationeries and textbooks

She often forgot to bring her homework to school

making careless mistakes on her homeworks even when she remind herself countless times not to

Which makes doing her homework a painstaking yet dreadful task

However, when it comes to books that she is interested in, she can devour them in a matter of seconds

She wasn’t doing terrible academically, but not well either

Over the years, she had come to a conclusion:

Maybe she is just dumb and all of this is her fault

She just needed to try harder

A couple years later, when the girl was no longer little 

She is a teenager now

School is somehow more difficult than before

turning in homework on time is nearly impossible 

In the midst of all this, she starting watching silly little TV shows

She loves diving into different fictional worlds

thinking about all the possibilities, all the adventures she could have

anything is better than her miserable life 

And just when she thought she couldn’t get more attached to TV shows 

She stumble upon a silly little show about a hundred teenagers who got sent to earth 

she was intrigued, she started binging the show

She quickly made her way to season 2 where she met 

Her.

the commander of the ground people 

seeing how the commander and the leader of the sky people went from enemies, to friends, to lovers

she realized maybe, just maybe, she is like the leader of the sky people

she also likes guys and girls too

This new discovery shocked her, yet she is not surprised 

maybe the reason why she love sailor moon and tuxedo mask’s relationship so much is because she likes them both

Upon finding out this new information, she is relieved thinking this must be why she felt different than others

than she remembered she grow up in a religious environment 

where this kind of being different is a sin

but before she could deal the internal turmoil that's rising rapidly

She begin to develop a crush on one of her close friend 

She was never good with emotions

let alone having feelings for someone else

so she did the one thing that she is good at

hiding.

She decided to put those feelings in a cage, buried deep down in her heart, and vow to never think about it again.

She did what she think was right at the time, but she didn't foresee the consequences

She slowly become more and more closed off, she distanced herself from her parents, she buried any feelings she might have and put on a smile like nothing happened 

there is price in hiding your emotions

but she didn’t know yet

fast forward a couple years, the combination of school related stress, the self inflicted guilt of think she is the the reasons her team lost in a competition, a misunderstanding between her and her friend and the never ending burying negative emotions and mask it with a smile have send her down to a downward spiral 

everyday is becoming more and more unbearable

she didn’t want to become a burden to everyone around her, so she acted like everything is fine

sure there were signs, but she lied and say that she is just tired 

deep down she knows, those are signs of mental illnesses

distancing herself from her loved ones,letting herself wallow in self-loathing, thoughts about ending it all

life was not kind to her

yet she somehow keeps going 

even though each day she is just barely hanging on

she held on

for a simple reason

she needs to see how her silly little shows ends

so she held on

and that turned out to be one of the best decision she ever made

because one day she came across this new show about nuns that are warriors?

okay sounds interesting she thought

imagine her surprise when she saw one of the nun who not only looks like her 

but they shared similarities in their personalities as well

So when she was watching episode 8, and saw how Beatrice tell Ava her past experience 

the girl felt understood and seen, as there isn’t a scene in media that vividly depicts her situation so well

“My whole life, people have tried to make me into something I'm not.

To make me "normal," or at least "acceptable."

 I became skilled at so many things just so I would still have value... despite my flaws, or what I'd been taught was a flaw. 

Of course I tried to fit in. 

But when you're punished just for being different, you begin to hate what you are. And what you love.

What should make you happy... only brings you pain. 

Pain is what made me a Sister Warrior.”

As if this scene is not making her emotional enough 

Ava replied with:

“Don't hate what you are. What you are is beautiful.”

After hearing Ava’s response

the girl felt something inside her chest

something warm

an feeling she had long forgotten 

even though is just a sliver of it

Hope.

If beatrice could eventually met someone like ava

who understood her, who doesn’t judge her for being who she is 

maybe she could find someone like that too

she just needed to hang on a little longer 

and don’t give up on life like she was planning 

Recently, the girl had received her official ADHD and depression diagnosis

She had mixed emotions about the diagnosis

For the most part, after getting the ADHD diagnosis 

she is glad to know is not her fault that she struggled academically and having trouble focusing during class

and getting a depression diagnosis

means that even though she wouldn’t admit it, she needed help

And with some help, who knows, maybe she can feel better eventually

At this point I think you all know who the little girl is

the impact this scene alone had on me 

words are not enough to describe it 

I will never forget the first time I watch this scene in 2020

nodding along to almost everything Bea had said

This scene had make me felt seen like no show had before

and sometimes all you need is to feel valid 

to feel understood, to relate to someone, to be seen by someone

and that's enough 

I truly cannot thank the wn writers enough for give me this scene in season 1