#top surgery does not mean i am a top it means tiddy gone LOL

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

hi uhm, im non-binary and my legs shape and boobs make me a little dysphoric (im dysphoric about the "such a nice figure" that mothers usually say, my mum is super disappointed that I don't like my own tiddies :| ), im fine since I can wear rlly big clothes and "hide" my body but I'm worried that someday I will want to have sex and I don't know how, because I don't think I will someday be able to be naked in front of anybody and touch each other, I think I like the idea of sex but I don't like the idea of someone seeing/touching my waist/hips/legs/tiddies etc, i don't know why am I worried about this, I feel dumb lol, is this even something to be worried about ? are there any tips or any magical-fantastic idea of trans people about this ?

I left this in the inbox for a while hoping the other mods would answer because I’m literally the only cis person running this blog lol But they all seem to be busy so you’ll have to make do with me for now. I obviously can’t fully relate to this on a personal level. But I will try to give some advice based on what I’ve seen from other trans and non-binary people. And maybe the other mods want to add something to this afterwards.

Sex is definitely a common trigger of body dysphoria for a lot of trans people afaik - but not for all. But since you already suspect this could happen, I guess it’s likely that you are one of the people who could feel dysphoric during sex. I think that is one of many reasons why a lot of trans people date other trans people - because there’s a mutual understanding that each others bodies won’t necessarily ~look cis~. And I imagine it’s a lot easier to be cool about your body (and also talk about potential dysphoria triggers) with someone who #gets it because they are also not cis.

In general but especially for people in your situation it is a good idea to talk to any potential sexual partners about what makes you uncomfortable during sex. Maybe together you can find a way of having sex that does not trigger your dysphoria and still makes both of you happy. I think that non-binary and trans resources will probably have some more concrete advice on what that could look like... better than what I can offer you as a cis person. But what comes to mind is for example mutual masturbation - so instead of touching each other, you touch yourselves in the presence of one another. Maybe some kind of role playing could work and/or using certain toys. I mean, as for anyone who is discovering sex there is a level of experementation in this and I’d say as long as you have a respectful partner who is willing to accomodate and work on this together then you can end up with a fulfilling sex life - if that’s what you want. If you prefer to not have sex because the risk of it being triggering seems to big for you that’s absolutely valid, too.

I would also think that the risk of sex being a trigger of your dysphoria might get minimised when other sources of dysphoria are dealt with. Like, it absolutely does not help that your mother is making these comments and I hope she will realise that she’s doing much more harm than good with this and will stop! (and btw: saying she’s “disappointed” that you don’t like your breast is super weird even if you were identifying as a cis woman. like... as if afab people owe it to their mothers to be proud of their tiddies?? wtf??). I don’t know if you are considering HRT or top surgery or some kind of physical transition - but if you do then maybe at a certain point in that process your body dysphoria is managable (or completely gone) and sex suddenly doesn’t seem so “risky” anymore.

So long story short: I think it’s a valid thing to be worried about (and not uncommon for trans people) but I also think it’s something that you can work through if you want to.

Maddie