#unfortunately even though they're dealing with such similar things they'd never connect about it

[scalpho]

fabian kristen solidarity would've KILLED because. kids who were raised in sheltered cult-like (very literally in kristen's case) environments and heavily pushed to fulfill a potential probably too great for a child but still expected of them (bill seacaster's son, helio's chosen) and being shown that as the only path forward in life. kristen being told that the whole church and community is relying on her, being taught that helio is the one true god and to shun other kinds of people, other religions. fabian being told that he needs to write his name upon the world to carry on his father's legacy, being taught that violence is the way to earn respect. both of them assured that they're going to be something great.

but then their worldviews are shattered, and life as they know it is swept out from under their feet. the church of helio is an eschatological cult, bill seacaster beats the shit out of his son in a jail cell, and it turns out everything they believed in so fully was Bad. and it's a lot easier said than done to break out of that, but no one quite understands why they're having so much trouble, because to everyone else it's pretty obvious that their childhoods were absurd and wrong. kristen tries to loop back to helio, even though she knows she shouldn't, because it's solid and familiar in the face of her endless doubt, and is met with confusion and frustration. fabian endlessly defends his father and is met with the same from his friends, and then he's punished harshly for it, his encounter with whitclaw leaving him broken.

deep down, kristen knows she can't continue to worship helio, and fabian knows that he can't follow in his father's footsteps; most importantly, they both know that they don't want to. but that's all their life used to be. how are they supposed to know how to do anything else?