#unfortunately i have Essays so I'm not allowed to have any fun ever. or until juneish. sad!!

[warriorprincesstramp]

also. mind you. carrie musical episode. starring(ish) jordan calloway…. notably of cbs fire country fame…. just saying. just pointing out since you’re watching him sing and dance and slay that you could be watching him do at least one of those things every week on cbs…. hypothetically!!!! <- guy desperately trying to recruit literally anyone to the cause of watching fire country on cbs

lowkey my friend bug hellerman being there is the greatest pull there is... him co-parenting with chuck is mega awesome though... I'll think about it... <3

[vivisextion]

I first saw Slipknot at age 14.

No one knows how I managed it. I'm not sure I even remember. These days, you have to be 16 or 18 to get into Standing areas. I do know I had to buy tickets on the phone, back in the old days (2005, that is). A singular ticket, too - none of my friends, not even the classmate who had gone with me to see Linkin Park the year before, was that into Slipknot.

But I HAD to see them. This was the Subliminal Verses tour cycle, and Vol. 3 was my first and favourite Slipknot album, even to this day. It's the reliable old warm blanket for my soul whenever I need it. It's on right now, as I write this.

My memory isn't that good, but luckily I unearthed a livejournal (livejournal!) diary entry about the event I made the next day.

August 16, 2005. I went right after school. I went to a very conservative Anglican secondary school, too. I tried not to get caught in the bathroom, as I coloured my nails black with permanent marker (I know, don't laugh) and changed into my standard metalhead baby outfit - Slipknot band shirt, black cargo shorts, and my pride and joy: steel-toe boots I somehow managed to cajole my parents into letting me own.

I caught the bus to the open-air war memorial park where the gig was going to be. I got there at 4pm, 4 hours early. A couple other maggots were already hanging around. I found myself surrounded by tombstones, and I read them all. It was the middle of the Hungry Ghost Festival, too - a very fitting time for Slipknot to pay a visit to this godforsaken hellhole of a small town I lived in. (Especially given the paranormal circumstances surrounding the making of Vol. 3.)

While I wandered around the venue (no security or sound guys were around at all), I spotted two white vans pull up to the stage, in the middle of a clearing. It was them! I spotted Joey and missed him by a hair's breadth. I was quickly ushered behind the stone archway entrance by security then.

(Funnily enough, while walking around, I got mistaken for Joey more than once. I am the same height as him, had the same long black hair, same pale skin, and was wearing almost exactly what he had been. One person claimed from behind, I was a dead ringer, apart from when I turned around, and they realised I was Chinese.)

It was soundcheck time. A sound guy testing the mics would say random things, like "testing one two three two one.... fudge fudge, I like fudge...." The band even did Purity, so us earlybirds were given a rare treat, and we screamed along from the entrance, and drummed our fists on the sides of nearby porta-potties. I hope no one was in there at the time. Whenever we got a glance of any of them, we'd scream and cheer. Finally they left again, but were soon to return.

This was the first time I'd been a part of the metal community. I was barely allowed internet in those days. But here, random strangers were friendly, striking up conversations like they'd been friends for years. Two big guys, called Trevor and Ted, looked out for me the entire gig after, keeping other big dudes from crushing me too much (I'm 5'3, remember). Other people commented on me being so baby, because I was only 14, and said they would take care of me.

When we were finally let in, right after the usher cut the rope, I ran in, screamed "WOOOHOOO!" along with a few friends I'd made. I only briefly stopped to receive this RoadRunner Records compilation CD from a roadie, then resumed running like a madman screaming and dashing into the VIP cage.

I was right up against the barricade - the first time I would ever be at a gig. People from assorted magazines and press took photos of us, and I think I got my photo taken about 10 times at least.

(This is how I got in trouble with my parents the next day. My photo had ended up in a local paper - you can see examples of that here. They had no idea what I'd been to see the night before, and were horrified when they saw what Slipknot looked like.)

We saw Sid filming us from the stage with a camcorder and screamed at him. We saw Jim and screamed at him too, and he flashed the victory sign back at us. I remember Metallica playing at the time, another one of my favourite bands.

The concert was a brutal religious experience I will never forget. People with their arms outstretched, crying and screaming out loud, moving like the devil possessed them.

The new friends around me made sure I was alright after every song! There were huge guys fainting behind us who had to get carried out, but I endured, a tiny 14 year old child. We got a family speech as per tradition, of course. "Are you guys out there all looking out for each other? We're all one big family, and we gotta look out for each other." What Corey said held true - strangers hugged, shook hands, talked, and made friends. I was heartened by how close-knit the maggot community was. It really did feel like a family, and it's felt like that ever since.

Of course, I did my first Jump The Fuck Up. It is possibly the most euphoria I've ever experienced all at one go. (Later, in 2020, I was extremely disappointed that I didn't get to do it again in London.)

They did the death masks for Vermilion, and I remember Chris helping Sid fix his mask and shirt when they'd changed back. Sid hung out near Clown's drums for most of the time too, and hugged him from behind and just latched on at one point. It was pretty adorable.

Fun fact: The version of Eyeless you hear on the 9.0 Live album is from Singapore, as is Eeyore. There are very few photos and videos from the crowd of this gig, because in 2005, very few people had camera phones. The crowd at the Slipknot gig in 2020 was a sea of arms with phones, filming the gig rather than experiencing it. Yes, I'm going to be that cranky old geezer who complains about the good old days.

Joey as usual, was fucking amazing and never failed. However, due to the fact that I was right up front, only his tiny head was visible behind his vast drum set, I couldn't see him the entire gig.

Amazingly, the government told Slipknot they were not allowed to do obscene gestures, curse, vomit (possibly due to the decomposing crow pre-show ritual), simulate humping on objects, throw faeces, or jump off stage (looking at you, Sid). I don't think our totalitarian government knew who they were dealing with, because watch what happens next.

Near the end of the gig, Corey tells the crowd “your government has given us a laundry list of things we aren’t allowed to do, your government has told us we are not allowed to swear”. Crowd goes “BOOOOOOOOO” and Corey goes “BUT WE DON’T GIVE A FUCK!!” And they launch into Surfacing, the last song. Everyone riots. Best night of my life.

You can find the setlist from that gig here. It had everything I wanted and more.

This story later got immortalised when Kerrang asked maggots for gig stories, for an article which came out in 2020. I had forgotten entirely, until people began messaging me to tell me, and one friend sent me a scan of it!

On the way out, I managed to get a shirt. I remember calling my best friend at the time, and got everyone at the merch booth to go "IF YOU'RE 555 THEN I'M 666" for her. This shirt has since been lost to the landfill, because my Christian mother took it upon herself to dispose of it the first opportunity she got. Needless to say, our relationship is not very good.

After that, I even managed to get that Roadrunner compilation album they were giving out signed. The band was staying at the Carlton. Unfortunately, Joey wasn't there, neither was Clown, and Mick was swarmed by guitar nerds so, 6/9 it is. It is a great regret of mine that I'll never have anything signed by him, nor will I ever get to see him perform ever again.

The next day, I went to school, my head swimming. Yes, I went to see Slipknot ON A SCHOOL NIGHT. I was a giant bruise, from my ribs and my chest, to my hips and knees, from being slammed into the barricade like a screen door in a hurricane. Most of all, my sore, headbanged-out neck could barely hold my head up. Classmates thought I had been in a fight. I was torn between battle-scarred exhaustion and hyperactive ranting about the most amazing gig of my short life (it still is, to this day). When teachers spoke to me, I wanted to reply, "Fuck trigonometry! I've just seen SLIPKNOT. Do you not understand that my world is different? Do you not understand that *I* am now different?"

My country was a small, conservative town that Slipknot had graced with their unholy presence. Corey Taylor once said that where he grew up in Iowa had a way of making a 16 year old boy feel like a 36 year old man (or something to that effect). I felt that in my weary bones as a teenager, being from a place just like that. Years later, Watain would run into worse trouble, and wouldn't even be allowed to perform. The Christian stranglehold is stronger than ever. It was a good thing that back then Slipknot had the element of surprise, striking serpent-fast and choking this society by the neck for a too-brief time, before they departed.

After that, my desire to play the drums only grew like a weed. Joey Jordison had, has, and will always inspire me as a drummer, and seeing the beast live (or what little I could spy behind the massive riser) had only spurred me on. I had always been a noisemaker, be it driving my parents mad with chopsticks on pots and pans, or driving my teachers mad with pencils on my desk. But of course, my parents wouldn't have any of it. I'd have to wait a good 14 more years before I'd be able to afford lessons and later, a kit of my own. Better late than never, right?

There will never be enough words to describe the impact Joey has had on my life. And it isn't just Slipknot, either. I could write another essay on his time with the Murderdolls and its influence on my own gender-non-conforming ways. Suffice to say, my wardrobe doesn't look too dissimilar to his during the early Dead in Hollywood days.

I told my boss I could not come into work today. I was grieving. I said that my music teacher died, as I didn't think she'd understand the magnitude of my loss. In a way, it's true. And I am not the only one Joey has nudged on the path to being a musician, that much is certain. To the rest of us, I wish strength and love for you in this difficult time. The best way to honour Joey, who truly loved music, both the creation and appreciation of it, is to pass that gift on. Teach it to someone. He is the reason I picked up the sticks in the first place, and one day, they'll be handed on, the heavy metal baton for the next generation.

And finally: remember that the ones we have lost are never truly gone.

Vinnie

P.S. See if you can spot me in the crowd photos in this post!

[kadoodles-on-ao3]

General Update/Proof I'm Not Dead

Hello once again, and sorry (times 10^10000000000) once again! Life events plus family issues plus holidays, all of which involved a lot of traveling, kept me extremely busy, but now that things have settled down I think I owe everyone (anyone? are you out there?) an update of some kind!

Putting this under a cut because I have not yet decided to figure out how to stop talking so much haha, but tl;dr I'll be trying to get back on the writing horse (get it? because "writing" sounds like "riding"? eh? ...I'm sorry), I plan on releasing my voice line documentation project on June 10th this year, I have a FFXIV crossover project in the works, and I will also do my best to update this blog's Shulkelia content archive as well!

Writing-wise I unfortunately haven't made any progress on my drafts, but I do still have a very (**very**) huge backlog of ideas that I am ever wanting to bring to fruition: of course updating the collab fic (Darklions and I haven't talked for a while unfortunately as he's also been very busy, but rest assured even if he can't work on the fic I definitely can and will finish it myself if I have to!), a rewrite of my first attempt at a fanfic (maybe I should also post the original, as a way to see how much I've improved as a writer since then if at all?), and most of all a series of longfics that will be very dramatic and emotional and deep and most importantly will have titles based on some of my favorite songs I discovered in high school, so look forward to that sometime! Although maybe I'll first try getting one of my shorter and/or goofier ideas done just to practice getting back on track... which would you guys rather read first, a bit of ~intimacy~ from The Two Nerds or a comedic crackfic-I-only-call-a-crackfic-because-it's-wacky-but-I-take-it-wholeheartedly-seriously with the whole gang involved (including the Villain Squad and a little bit of Alvis too)?

Voice-line-project-wise I have slowed down on updating the actual document as I'm working on renaming the audio files in the drive to fully match their transcriptions so as to make them functionally searchable by their filenames (it's explained more in the actual doc haha), but two things of note:

1) I've been considering this for a while, and I've now decided I for sure would like to release it on this year's anniversary of Xenoblade 1, **June 10th**. This is partially for the sentiment of it, partially because there are still audio files missing in the only rip I can find and I'm holding out for the ripper to respond to my DM about finding the others (either themself or teaching me how to find them), partially because after the release of 3 (which I unfortunately still have yet to play!) I think 1's anniversary will be the best time for people to be talking about it and interested in it and therefore actually take a look at the thing I made haha, partially because I still have quite a bit of work left to do until it'll be in a state that perfectionist me would consider acceptable for others to see... and partially because I *may* have set the Google account for the project's birthday to the exact Japanese release date of 1 for fun, and so because the game is at the time of writing only 12 years old, the account is considered a minor's account which means it has restricted access to things (including Youtube. Every time I wanted to listen to music or a video essay I had to do it in an incognito window because my project account is blocked from Youtube outside of Youtube Kids lmao) and it affects what I want the document to look like (specifically with how hyperlinks work), meaning on June 10th both the game and the account will turn 13 and Google allows 13-year-olds to get their accounts upgraded to full accounts so I can finally be free of the curse on that day.

2) I've also been wondering for a while whether or not I should publish a link to it on here so that people can take a look before it's done and give me feedback (which I would very much appreciate!) The Title section is nowhere near finished in places but the vast majority of the thing is done and it feels weird just to keep it locked away like that haha. But also I know hardly anyone reads my blog anyway so it's not like it would matter all that much to share a link. Still, if anyone (anyone?????) out there is reading this, let me know if you want to see it and are willing to critique it!

Other-project-wise I've begun something else because I just cannot help myself haha. But it is Xenoblade-related! Specifically, it's a recreation of the full main cast using Final Fantasy XIV's character creator, down to combing through every piece of armor in the game to find which ones look the most like their clothing *and* are equippable by the jobs/classes I think suit each of them most, ***and*** designing characters based on what I think the XC cast would make if they made their own characters in the game! FFXIV is a wonderful game that is one of the main, *massive* monopolizers of my free time haha (especially since I decided in my insanity to level every combat job to 80, now 90, and I've also been doing high-end raiding with a static) and I love it for a lot of the same reasons I love XC, they just really feel like they go together! Not to mention the fact that *SO* many of XC's voice cast are in FFXIV (Shulk, Fiora, Dunban, Alvis, Egil, and even Colonel Vangarre and Maxis from FC are all in the game, usually voicing major characters!) and so many details in the job design fit with the playstyles of the XC cast, it just feels meant to be haha. Plus the fucking Allagan technology oh my GOD it literally looks fucking EXACTLY like the Monado down to the bright red color and computer chip lines, it is absolutely absurd, there is no way it's not a reference of some kind I refuse to believe otherwise. Pls Square make the next raid tier a XC crossover you know you want to everyone wants it even people who don't know what a Xenoblade is okay got it thank you in advance. So anyway, expect pics of that project to show up sometime in the future! (Oh and I also have had/developed a XC crossover idea for a different game over a very long time as well so I'll be working on thay sometime too but it's more involved since it'd be an actual mod/"dlc" that needs testing and balancing and new assets to be made and such I have too many ideas and not enough time it's a problem)

Oh and this blog! It's supposed to be an archive of Shulkelia content from other people! Yeah! Cool idea, maybe I should actually do that! In all seriousness, I do plan on archiving everything I have on here at some point (there's surprisingly quite a bit of stuff out there! I looked everywhere for hours searching every tag and every website every way I could! But that's absurd and no one should have to do that so that's why the blog is here!) so look forward to that as well!

So I think that's about it! Again I have no idea if anyone is reading this (if so I'm sorry I talk too much haha) but thank you as always for your patience with me, and keep on loving Shulkelia!