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#until you can properly answer that dilemma but in turn you've left yourself with 1 person to seek out and talk to
muu-kun
·
1 year
Text
#; ♡ ; okay to reblog
#muu has admittedly been describing is self perceived melancholy and isolation regarding it
#as being comparable to the circle drawn around Sadness in Inside Out due to others finding his emotions to be Too Much in capacity
#and that as such he has thus been persistently trying to make himself very very small in spaces
#so that maybe perhaps someone would soon be able to reside in the circle with him just until he gets to where he feels he is supposed to be
#muu has also stated on numerous actions that while he is adamant about self healing he is not necessarily of preference
#to not have the assistance of peers and their feedback and he tends he show it most predominantly in asking them to hear Everything
#about himself in the form of the big box because one he wants assurances at the end of it all but also because he Has to be explaining
#his processes of thought and general state of where he is now to people so that they may go Oh so that why you do the neurotic shit you do
#but it really be hard out here when you don't know how to self advocate for a persistently emotionally present romantic partner
#you don't really have any friends and you are either God awful at making new ones or you don't want to try for reasons of either
#feeling scorned past close friends of yours have left time and time again OR
#because you don't know what version of yourself is the Real one or the Good one or the Authentic one so you avoid socializing
#until you can properly answer that dilemma but in turn you've left yourself with 1 person to seek out and talk to
#but with that comes the existential dread of either a this person is also going to leave me or
#b I am in fact so totally codependent on them that it isn't fair to be my sole research for assistance that I ought to fend for myself
#but what do you even do to fend for yourself when you don't even know how to Advocate for yourself??
#you devise a plan to shrink down and provide no indication to those around you that you are struggling with anything
#that perhaps shriveling yourself down like that will allow for people to find you tolerable enough to be around
#and that their presences will patch up every interpersonal wound in your system until eventually what you are faking has come true
#; ♡ ; inner thoughts
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