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#waking up wishing i hadn't woken up every fucking day... i feel sick inside...
chrisbangs
ยท
9 months
Text
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#every now and then i think abt deleting every single social media and dying . like
#i really genuinely think abt just dying fr like
#๐๐๐
#there's only 1 person i've been wanting to talk to lately
#and like no one else lol
#i just feel so fucking out of my head
#why is everything so fucking bad
#i barely leave the basement these days .. i just stay in bed and sleep
#and i have less than a week to get the fuck over this random stupid rut i'm in
#because fucking classes start on tuesday
#i wanna kms so bad lol
#like i would rather be dead than do another year of college rn
#it's so fucking bad for me lmfao
#i don't have any support or anyone to talk to and i feel like i'm going fucking crazy
#i'm on academic probation is the best part so if i fuck up this semester i get kicked out which like part of me would love ik like
#the part of me that's tired and exhausted and just done with everything i wouldn't mind being kicked out but
#the ik . that my parents would fucking kill me knowing that i wasted 4 years worth of tuition money and just fucking flopped as a student
#waking up wishing i hadn't woken up every fucking day... i feel sick inside...
#my anxiety is spiking all over again and i can barely even organize my thoughts lately
#i literally threw up last night cause i worked myself up into such hysterics . like lmfao...
#i cant get a grip and i cant get the fuck over how bad i feel and no one fucking LISTENS when i saw i hate this and i'm not good enough for
#this fucking subject i wanna fucking kill myself holy fuck it's crazy how much i wanna die..
#i used to wonder abt that 4th year kid who killed himself when i was at my old uni like how fucking bad was it for him that in his last year
#he just couldn't take it anymore and now i'm in the funniest position of literally understanding exactly where he was lol
#last year... and i cant do it... i just cant fucking do it and i wanna kill myself i think about it every day i think about it 24/7 and
#i'm just so... tired doesn't even encompass what i'm feeling right now i'm fucking exhausted and empty and i have nothing left man i cant
#fucking do this... every day im dragging myself kicking and screaming to school and dealing with a 4 hr round trip commute in the shitty ass
#weather that we get and getting verbally and emotionally abused by profs and getting 0 acknowledgment for ANYTHING and it's not like my work
#is even GOOD enough to begin with so ofc it's not gonna get any acknowledgment like jdjdjdkdkskd i just dont . have it in me to do this
#for another fucking year... i literally cannot do this... and i have no other thoughts in my head other than killing myself lmfao...
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