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#waking up wishing i hadn't woken up every fucking day... i feel sick inside...
chrisbangs ยท 9 months
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#every now and then i think abt deleting every single social media and dying . like#i really genuinely think abt just dying fr like#๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿ‘Ž#there's only 1 person i've been wanting to talk to lately#and like no one else lol#i just feel so fucking out of my head#why is everything so fucking bad#i barely leave the basement these days .. i just stay in bed and sleep#and i have less than a week to get the fuck over this random stupid rut i'm in#because fucking classes start on tuesday#i wanna kms so bad lol#like i would rather be dead than do another year of college rn#it's so fucking bad for me lmfao#i don't have any support or anyone to talk to and i feel like i'm going fucking crazy#i'm on academic probation is the best part so if i fuck up this semester i get kicked out which like part of me would love ik like#the part of me that's tired and exhausted and just done with everything i wouldn't mind being kicked out but#the ik . that my parents would fucking kill me knowing that i wasted 4 years worth of tuition money and just fucking flopped as a student#waking up wishing i hadn't woken up every fucking day... i feel sick inside...#my anxiety is spiking all over again and i can barely even organize my thoughts lately#i literally threw up last night cause i worked myself up into such hysterics . like lmfao...#i cant get a grip and i cant get the fuck over how bad i feel and no one fucking LISTENS when i saw i hate this and i'm not good enough for#this fucking subject i wanna fucking kill myself holy fuck it's crazy how much i wanna die..#i used to wonder abt that 4th year kid who killed himself when i was at my old uni like how fucking bad was it for him that in his last year#he just couldn't take it anymore and now i'm in the funniest position of literally understanding exactly where he was lol#last year... and i cant do it... i just cant fucking do it and i wanna kill myself i think about it every day i think about it 24/7 and#i'm just so... tired doesn't even encompass what i'm feeling right now i'm fucking exhausted and empty and i have nothing left man i cant#fucking do this... every day im dragging myself kicking and screaming to school and dealing with a 4 hr round trip commute in the shitty ass#weather that we get and getting verbally and emotionally abused by profs and getting 0 acknowledgment for ANYTHING and it's not like my work#is even GOOD enough to begin with so ofc it's not gonna get any acknowledgment like jdjdjdkdkskd i just dont . have it in me to do this#for another fucking year... i literally cannot do this... and i have no other thoughts in my head other than killing myself lmfao...
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