#we arent going to talk about how i had this drawn literally an hour after watching the episode and didn't post it for the next week <3

[vaguelygeiszlerian]

i was trying to be normal but now i’m here to make my feelings on nandor’s crisis of self everyone else’s problem

this is going to be incredibly unstructured and biased but i have feelings which are going under the cut

hello friends foes and people that know better!

im here to talk about nandor the relentless

so ok todays episode really did things to me that only pacific rim uprising has in that i am still crying about it over an hour later and now i need to talk about nandor’s crisis of self, namely his rejection of self 

we see the house, in this episode, celebrating not nandor’s birthday, but his rise to power in a country long since dissolved and buried in sand, a party that they have apparently been holding every year that guillermo has been in the house! nandor is discontented with the whole celebration, continuing this season’s arc of his existentialism, trying to understand what it’s like to be a vampire, to be lonely, to be someone once powerful and now small, co-leader of a council that only covers, what, just staten island?

and he’s drawn in by this promise of being human again, of being able to eat and drink and see the sun again, because hes so desperate to reject this part of himself that he must see as inherently cursed! when he was turned, his wives all rejected him and his kingdom drove him out, hes spent centuries looking for belonging, and always being barred at every turn but for this one house of perverts who he’s grown to resent for treating him like the big useless turkey of the house, only good for being strong (and now not even that, with guillermo in the house as their bodyguard rather than familiar)! he turned gail, only for her to immediately leave, after asking him to wait FOREVER for her! vampirism really hasnt been anything but a curse for him for as long as we’ve been following him, so it makes sense that he would be drawn in!

and he changes literally everything about himself to do it! cuts his hair, changes his clothes, pulls out his fangs every single day, they CLEARLY arent drinking blood to avoid being vampires so hes weakening himself too! and it makes him happy, because its something new, somewhere that he belongs to without being relied upon to be strong or smart or anything but human, which i dont think hes ever had? he falls for jan, because he wants so badly for her to be right, for this to be his chance to be human again, even when we’ve been given absolutely no sign that it does anything! (and we do see that it didnt do a damn thing at the end too!)

guillermo coming and rescuing him was, to him, a kidnapping and an assault on these people that, for months, had been his family, people that loved him without expectation (guillermo wanting to be turned) or reservation (the household all kind of hating one another in their own ways) and so no wonder hes miserable when guillermo tells him hes taking him home! hes convinced himself the only way he can ever be loved is to tear parts of himself out every single day to make himself lovable by anyone! no matter what he feels for guillermo, and he DOES feel things for him, he’s shown too many times this season and this EPISODE that he feels things, all he sees is this thing guillermo wants from him, to be immortal, to lose all these things that nandor is trying so hard to find, not realising that what guillermo really wants is him!!

and now he’s trapped in the same cage he locked guillermo in, begging them not to leave him alone in the dark because they want him to go back to being himself when he doesnt even know what they see in him besides these things he’s been ripping out every single day for a month, and i just know that guillermo’s gonna falter, because he loves him and wants what will make him happy, no matter how miserable he himself is, and he’ll let him go and nandor is gonna go to this place he thought was home only to find charred bodies, no jan, and the truth that ripping parts of himself out didnt make them love him, that the people that have been showing their love in the only ways they know how are the people he just left behind

these are literally just the feelings i have on nandors crisis i could go on so much longer about the scene where he leaves guillermo but im not going to because im being so normal about this again and not crying for the eighth time in an hour about nandors need to be loved

[starmakerdotcom]

summary : bee attempts to teach gab and ari not to mess with the spirit world, and royally fucks up in the process.

characters : maladee chairat / bee , lee sooyoung / gab , kim areum / ari , and kubo tomomi / tomie and jang yoorim briefly

genre : mostly slice of life with some mystery elements i guess ? but it’s mostly stupid

warnings : idk ? do i need to put a warning for a haunting it’s just like . there’s ghosts ! yk ?

words : 1.1k

[ 3:19 am , crepuscule dorms , 2016 ]

“okay, what is this?”

standing at the entrance to the hallway that opened up into the kitchen and dining room, bee, although her eyes were foggy with sleep, could somewhat see sooyoung and areum at the dining room table, hunched over with their full attention on something on the table.

sooyoung looked up at bee, “we’re just tryna see if this thing works.”

“what’s ‘this thing’ i can’t see it-“ bee froze when she leaned down and saw what the two girls were so focused on. she gasped, eyes as wide and round as could be, “where did you get that?!”

“they literally sell them at toy stores, they’re 8+,” areum said calmly as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. maybe it was, but was bee crazy for thinking you shouldn’t be able to contact spirits at eight years old?

“what kind of toy store is selling ouija boards? and why did you buy one?!” bee whisper-yelled, because after all, it was literally the middle of the night and yoorim was sleeping not that far down the hall, and they knew if she woke up she’d be grumpy in the morning. “and why are they only 8+?!”

“okay,” sooyoung started, “you’ve seen the weird ass fuckin’ shit that’s been going on here lately, so we decided to, reach out, y’know? just be like, ‘hey, what the fuck, dude’.”

bee knew the dorm was haunted, the rest of them knew the dorm was haunted. it was getting harder and harder to explain away doors slamming and opening by themselves, the random cold spots all over even when the heat was blasting in every room, and things being misplaced almost every other day.

what exactly those spirits were and why they were attached to the dorm, bee didn’t understand, and that’s what she had been trying to figure out. countless hours of researching the building they lived in and the areas around it, she’d even tried contacting them- as in whatever resided in their dorm herself, but so far, she’d had no luck. but she did know, that a board game was not the proper way to figure this out.

if bee wasn’t half asleep, she’d be scolding the two of them until their ears bled, but she found herself too tired to care. she sighed, and locked eyes with tomomi in the kitchen, who stared back at her, wide eyed with half a bun in her mouth.

“i’m not involved, i just wanted a snack,” she said quickly.

bee nodded, and turned back to the two girls at the table, “why did you think this was a good idea right now?”

areum shrugged, her calm expression certainly not matching the sheer panic behind bee’s sleep fogged eyes, “arent ghosts like, more active this time of night or something?”

sighing and pinching her nose bridge, bee would go on and attempt to explain why you shouldn’t mess around with the spirit world at three in the morning. if areum was being honest, it all went in one ear and straight out the other. something about 3am being the time when the veil between the living and the dead was the thinnest, and how it was dangerous because they could possibly house something malicious in their dorm, and how you’re not always talking to who you think you are, yada yada. she could really go for one of those buns that tomomi was stuffing her face with earlier.

“did you hear any of that?” bee queried, her patience very obviously wearing thin (just like how she described the veil, kind of ironic).

“i did!” sooyoung exclaimed, “you’re good at storytelling, isn’t she?” she looked down at the board, as if she was asking it directly, but before it could escalate, bee flared at her and continued for scolding session.

“stop messing with this stuff! you guys are gonna get us in serious trouble!”

“bee,” areum deadpanned, reaching her hand out to clap bee on the shoulder, “i love you, but fuckin’ chill. these don’t even work half the time anyway.”

“i’m allowed to be concerned about whatever you guys could be contacting!” bee shrugged areum’s hand off, her eyebrows drawn closely together in concern, “you know it’s easy for something to say they’re something they’re not.”

areum shrugged, “is it? hey ghost! buddy! who the hell are you?” she exclaimed, reaching out for the planchette, but bee swatted her hands away, almost slapping her out of recklessness in the process.

“don’t do that! you’re asking for something to happen.”

“what’s gonna happen?” areum continued to argue. bee would’ve bashed her head in if she still wasn’t half asleep and starting to slur her words together because she was so exhausted.

“i mean, we could always be terrorized by ghosts the rest of our lives, that certainly wouldn’t be fun,” tomomi piped up from the kitchen.

areum glared at her, “i swear i thought you went to bed.”

“alright fine,” tomomi threw her hands in the air, “going to bed now,” she continued as she started walking down the hall, “night.”

“and that’s where we should all be going now,” bee mumbled, picking up the lid to the box the board came in and tossing it in areum’s direction.

“alright, damn, going to bed now,” she grumbled as she picked the lid up and began putting the board back in the box.

“you look tired, you can go back to sleep now!” sooyoung said, waving bee away, who, surprisingly, complied, obviously much too tired to do really much else. “night!” sooyoung called after bee as she disappeared down the hall.

later that night, as the call of slumber had nearly taken control, bee suddenly jolted awake again. she’d just then realized, in her sleepy stupor, she’d forgotten to make sure sooyoung and areum did one of the most crucial things. she heard areum stir on the other side of the room, and bee sat up.

“wait.” she said suddenly, “did you guys say goodbye?”

“...what?”

“on the board. did you say goodbye.”

areum was silent for a beat, before quietly replying, “...you’re supposed to say goodbye?”

so bee knew one thing was for sure, and that thing was that they were fucked! she was already imagining waking up the next morning to those spirits even more violent than usual. cupboards wide open, plates and other cutlery smashed on the floor, and at this point maybe some demonic hoof prints crossing the linoleum floor of the kitchen or something. who knew at that point! was bee overreacting? possibly, but she thought she was justified in being at least a little apprehensive.

“yes? if you don’t say goodbye you could- oh my god, areum, you didn’t know this?”

“i’ve never used a ouija board before! i just thought you asked the thing and the thing moved and that was that!”

“oh my gosh,” bee replied quietly, rubbing her eyes, “we’re screwed.”

[cake-of-awesome]

kinda came to an obvious revelation yesterday?

yesterday i was at the department i work part time at, one of my coworkers had just gotten some photos back from a photoshoot they had last week and they were compiling them into a 3d program for their new VR project they were working on

throughout the process various other members on the team were hovering over the persons desk, talking about what was going on, and how things were turning out and just being genuinely excited for this development

one guy was literally like, “this is what i went to school for! i mean its totally different cause at school everyone’s students and trying to figure it out- but this! this is the real deal! this is the real professional stuff i wanted to see back then!”

and it made me realize this is how theyre able to put in 12 hours even when it sucks. these people like what they do. sure they might not like the entire process of having to remake their work 6 times a day or having to go to meetings with people who have no idea what they want but theres a genuine enjoyment in the process of creating.

and i myself have no idea if i do or not.

im still having trouble enjoying things. im getting better at identifying things i dont like i think. but its still hard to motivate myself to sit down and do the things i remember liking.

im trying to be active in roleplays but im at the point now where i have to force myself to reply which sucks cause i have so little time to do that.i guess i should just drop them but part of my clings to the hope ill fine enjoyment once things pick up. most of my rps are in discord now and theyre all so slow compared to live rps from chatroom days.

same goes for drawing. most days i just force myself to work on my comics, if im lucky. yesterday i got depressed cause i drew so little compared to past years, which is dumb since ive drawn less because i work fulltime and now im a mentor for highschools students so OF COURSE id have less time to produce finished stuff but still...

i do enjoy hanging out with the circle of friends i’ve made. though half the time all we do is drink and complain about work. and game, i guess thats a positive. its a lot easier to play games when you have others to play with ive noticed. im not sure if thats the secret ingredient to everything else i used to enjoy but it might be a secret to something.

some rps arent as fun since it isnt live, theres not that OOC talk to laugh at the bullshit in same time

i dont draw anything other than my comics because i havent had that loop of feedback like when i was in art school or in past rp groups, i probably would have given up on this webcomic long ago if it wasnt for the fact i was in an oct and theres so many wonderfully talented individuals to keep my motivated to continue it

and maybe part of the reason im iffy about my enjoyment of work is because im still pretty frigid with the team after that whole logo episode. (which turns out they werent laughing at me but the person i was working under)

the people there are nice, so i guess i should relax and try to warm up to them more? or wait? i dont know. i just know im tired.

[katie-vamos-a-china]

Saturday: Tai’an Community

We did a lot of things yesterday.

So we also had lunch at some point after calligraphy which was all traditional Taiwanese food people made. There was a ton of things, a lot of which I was too scared to try, mainly because they like pickling a lot of things it seems like. There was fish which was literally pieces of fish hacked up,  I was too scared to try it but apparently they tasted extremely fishy. I got some noodles with cabbage and stuff in it, some rice and put leeks and carrots with chicken on top, Chinese sausage,  and some sort of fruit stuff. I have pictures but they arent posting so I’ll try again soon.

Then a few of us went up into the Temple area & took pictures. A student showed us how to do a ritual to get your fortune. So there are sticks in this box thing you pick up & Drop into the box & whichever is the tallest you take; then you go to the altar & there are these half moon wooden things broken into 2 half moons & you pass them circularly through the incense 3 times and drop them on the ground; if they both drop facing down the gods are saying no to your request, both facing up I think they’re angry or like give up or something but if you get one up & one down the gods are saying yes to your request/can get your fortune (depending on temple youre at). So I got my fortune and apparently it said something like it is easier if you take things step by step.

After that we started off for a walk to look at the fields. One guy (Josh) brought his drone (lol) and he set that up and flew it around and the Tai students were amazed by it (so was I) because it can fly miles into the air & he flew it around which was super cool. And we all stood around talking for a bit. Then we were given those stereotypical Rice paddy hats (bamboo pointed hats) and were guided around by a community leader. Its an agricultural area so there were some rice paddies, taro, pepper fields (which people tried and freaked out about how hot they were, I was too scared to try after already licking a pepper at lunch and my mouth lighting on fire). We went to  an old train depot place which was cool. I started talking to one of the girls from Vietnam. She was in what looked to be traditional dress called Ao Dai (silken pants with a longsleeve dress sort of thing with slits on the sides. Her name is MyMy, I asked her what her favorite thing to do in Ho Chi Minh was and of course I’ve already forgotten what she said. Her english was broken & a bit hard to understand at times but like I cant judge because I can only speak English. Elaine & I asked her about her clothes if they were traditional (because they were gorgeous, her pants were light pink and the dress was white with a pink tulip on it) and she told us it was her high school uniform for the Lunar New Year. She told us she rode her bike to school so she would have to roll her pants to her knees so they wouldnt stick in the wheels. She was also 21 and studying landscape design. She said that since she lives in the city in Vietnam her mom wanted her to live in the rural area while shes here for 6 weeks so she is staying with either one of the professors on the program or in a hostel, I didnt quite understand. The 3 of us took a selfie together too (lol). It is just super cool getting to know people from different cultures and laughing over the same things, because there is always something similar between people no matter what language you speak. She asked how long the flight from Texas to here was and I told her 14 hours and she was appalled & said hers was only 4 hours and she thought that was rough.

Then we had shaved ice from a local store; it had brown sugar  & lemon enzyme in it and  it was great. It renewed my faith in shaved ice; although I have yet to have the kind with fruit & condensed milk here, but I didn’t like it in Houston so we shall see. Near this store there were signs like warning of snakes and bugs & I saw wasps which were the size of my index finger and that was scary. The community leader handed us a rollerball of insect repellant which a few people put on and it burned like icy hot for about 20 minutes which was weird.

We then walked by small stores and a school and someone’s home who had large chickens (very large). One of the stores sold fidget spinners, I just don’t understand the hype. We went by a police station and there was a police dog which was a fat black lab which couldn’t hurt a fly, or run probably. We went to this area which had been designed in previous years I think on the Rural Up program which we were currently taking part in; there was a wooden sort of train thing with holes for picture taking, a lot of plants, a small pond, and some rock structure thing which had a fish (?) on it maybe. I also saw a cat. We also walked by a small cafe and they had a chalkboard outside which had some pokemon drawn on it which was cool.  Then we went back to the temple for our last lecture which was about biochar (basically activated charcoal) and how it can be used in agriculture. It was sort of interesting but the guy giving the lecture skipped a lot of slides and when we asked  questions all of his answers were basically “i dont know we are in the beginning stages of this” But apparently it is used all around the world. Basically it is just like burning agricultural waste to use for water retention & nutrient/heavy metal scrubbing in the soil but not necessarily for adding nutrients to the soil. We also had to give our bamboo hats back which some people were pissed about. And Josh who had the bug repellant rubbed it on the back of this other guy (Austin’s) neck and he flipped out and asked if someone rubbed  a pepper on his neck b/c it burned. Austin proceeded to show me memes during the lecture I just talked about.

After the lecture we got on the bus to a larger temple in Taichung.

[fraidofnoghost]

valentine’s questionnaire

really cutting it close on this one arent i? been sat in my drafts and things have been such a whirlwind in the best sort of way. 

part 001 ⟶ everyone answers

✦ what’s your favorite valentine’s day memory?

I don't usually bother with valentines day, you know? it's always seemed trivial. I remember being in school and everyone paid to send roses to their friends during the school day on valentines day every year. I always ended up with a bouquet and they made my heart warm. that feels like such an odd flex now. but... as a teenager that was everything you know?

✦ what is something you did one valentine’s day that you’ll never do again?

fucked a random stranger cuz I got stressed out about being alone? lmao

✦ what is your idea of a perfect valentine’s day?

I don't know I don't think I have a perfect valentines day in mind. something soft and sweet, but fun. I like to be able to have fun with whoever I'm with, and if you're sharing a romantic day together it has to be fun somehow. I don't think I'd like to go somewhere super crowded as a date. but like cooking together and just having a fun time and a nice dinner or something along those lines? feels good.

✦ what is your favorite valentine’s tradition?

it's not really a valentines tradition, more a holiday tradition. but I always buy myself a little plush toy in the holiday isles of whatever big department store I'm in the day after any holiday when they go on clearance. I have so many.

✦ what is your favorite valentine’s candy?

candy hearts!! the ones with words

✦ what’s your favorite romance movie?

about time! it’s so stupid cheesy, and not really well made. but i’ll watch it and cry every time

✦ what’s the number one thing you think makes a relationship last?

communication and honesty. that's two things but they go hand in hand. i wouldn’t ever be able to feel strong about being with someone without those.

✦ tell us about your worst breakup?

it was after the third time. he wanted to be a dad. wouldn't accept that I'd lost it. realised how selfish he was then. how terrible he was. he couldn't see that I was mourning too. he was convinced I'd done something wrong and I had somehow sabotaged his plans. nearly convinced me I had. I kicked him out. told him I didn't want to deal with his issues, that I had enough of my own. that was cold of me. but he was colder.

✦ what gesture feels the most romantic when done for you?

i just get really emotional when someone shows me that they pay attention. i’m so used to lads that don’t actually give a shit that i have to constantly remind them “no i don’t like that” “i said this remember” etc. but when someone actually tries? and actually cares? even about the little things? wow my heart. 

✦ do you have any romantic past memories that were so good that you’d relive them if you could? what are they?

absolutely not. 

part 002 ⟶ only those who are in a public relationship answer

✦ so you’re dating/engaged to/married to [name here], how long have you guys been together now?

it’ll be a month since we met on valentines day. and we didn’t get together until about a week later, but i’m going to say nearly a month because we’ve been talking and connecting almost constantly since the moment we met. 

✦ how did you meet?

I messaged him out of the blue and was just like “king” and it was all like magic from there. to this day i don’t know what compelled me to message. he hadn’t posted, i hadn’t seen him on the dash, no one was talking about him. i just... did. maybe i was drawn to him without knowing it.

✦ did you get together right away or was it more of a slow burn type thing

oh it was almost immediate. physically it was immediate. like. i was at his place a few hours after the initial message. does that sound terrible? probably. what can you do? he could get it. 

✦ what do you think initially attracted you to them?

i mean he’s fit fit. is that a proper answer? like physically? that’s the answer innit? but i mean if you mean more? he’s gentle. he’s sweet. he’s got the sweetest heart. he’s a teddy bear. he went down first. that’s a keeper right there. 

✦ what was the reaction from your friends, family, and fans when they found out you were together?

i’ve had mixed reactions. a lot of people think we’ve rushed into things. and i can see where they’re coming from. but those are also the people who don’t really know the details of how much we’ve talked, how much time we’ve spent together, and how well we get one another. 

the people that do take time to learn and to understand and that have been there from the beginning and heard from me more than just a couple sentences, they’re so supportive. 

my mum loves him of course. she thinks he’s the sweetest, and i don’t need her to say it to know she thinks he’s an upgrade from some of my exes. him and dad bonded over their cluelessness while mum and i were getting ready for the oscars. so i’d say he has that approval too. 

✦ when was the first time you knew you were in love with them?

✦ what are some of the most memorable moments you’ve had together?

the day after we hooked up for the first time, i invited him over to make ice cream of all things. hey i know you just fucked me senseless but you wanna come make ice cream i’ll teach you. he taught me how to split eggs without wasting half of it so it was teamwork. 

the oscars and the grammys for sure. we left the grammys early and went to olive garden of all places. but it was still a night to remember. and then the oscars, i would have had a complete emotional meltdown if he hadn’t been by my side the whole time lifting me up and talking me through all my anxieties. 

my favourite times together though are the ones where we’re watching a film or a show and we’re just existing together. that’s always lovely. 

oh and chicken pox.

✦ what was the hardest time you’ve had to go through together this far?

we haven’t had many hard times yet. unless you count how emotional him not seeing how amazing he is makes me. because i could cry. but i know that there’s hard times coming up. he’s promised to help me with something that i know is going to be so hard to go through after tour and i’m... terrified. 

✦ do you have any big valentine’s day plans?

I DONT KNOW HE WONT TELL ME, THE CHEEKY BUGGER. 

✦ what weaknesses do you see in your relationship? what strengths do you see?

we’re the same. we’re always on the same energy, and we’re usually feeling the same emotions and thinking things at the same time. i can’t count how many times we’ve finished each others sandwiches. that’s such a strength because i can feel when something’s wrong and he always knows just what to say when i’m struggling. but it could be a weakness if we get too comfortable in that, you know? if we get to a point where we just expect the other to get it and things get strenuous. i can’t imagine that happening but i want to keep that communication going regardless. 

✦ what do you find most attractive about them?

there is literally nothing about him that’s not attractive. physically and personality, he’s gorgeous. maybe that’s the rose tinted glasses, but god. i can’t get enough i really can’t. i can’t imagine ever looking at him and not seeing the most gorgeous human

✦ what are some goals you have for your relationship that you haven’t accomplished yet?

oh this is still so new. i want to do everything with him. i’m really excited to take him to oxford. we’re going to texas in a couple weeks, i’m excited to see where he’s grown up and places that are important to him. i’m excited to see where this goes by this time next year. we’ve talked about so much, but it’s all been very abstract thus far. but i’m curious to see how many of those abstract concepts become tangible. 

✦ do you believe in soulmates? do you think they’re your soulmate?

I didn’t believe in soulmates before chicken pox.

✦ are they your ideal person?

i couldn’t have made someone more amazing if i had hand picked him. i never knew someone so precious could exist. so yes, but he’s so much more than that.