#we don't want to probe deeper and ask what the IMPLICATIONS are

[bessiemae]

Warning. I''m about to be critical of Rory Gilmore. Specifically about the affair with Dean.

First, lets get this out of the way. Dean is completely at fault for cheating on Lindsay. That goes without question. No one has ever tried to defend Dean in any way. However, people have defended Rory.

When the show first aired, the general justification was that Rory didn't take vows, so she had no obligation to respect Dean's marriage. I admit I was flabbergasted reading multiple posts like this. I mean, obviously people feel that way or no one would sleep with someone married. But, I always assumed it was a something only a small number of people sleeping with a married person truly believed. Others would tell themselves that to justify what they knew was wrong. And others outside the situation would all agree that hurting an innocent party is wrong. No certificate or vows necessary. But, it seemed people honestly felt Rory was completely in her right to sleep with Dean because she wasn't the married one.

Skip ahead to now. The reasoning isn't that Rory doesn't have to worry about Dean being married. It's that Rory had no idea that Dean was still married. That she thought it was over and he was free to be with her. I don't accept that. Did Dean imply that he and Lindsay were in agreement that the marriage was emotionally over (which is a different thing from being legally over)? Yes, so we can blame him for that. But, I don't think Rory really felt that meant Dean was no longer married. I mean, look at her argument with Lorelai. Yes, she says that it's over, but when Lorelai pushes, Rory doesn't answer that he told her that it was something that both he and Lindsay are on the same page. She admits they didn't discuss the details. Probably because neither one of them wanted to discuss it. And they had time. It's not like they were frantically tearing clothes off and moving so fast she couldn't catch her breath to ask a few probing questions. Like "So,you're getting divorced?" If she had asked and he had said yes, I'd be more inclined to say Rory was innocent in this. Also, take her other justifications. Lindsay isn't right for him. (implication, Rory is) That he's not a married guy. But, not because a divorce or even separation are in the works, but because "he's Dean. My Dean" which overrides his marriage. Again, we see this in her saying "he was my boyfriend first!" She slept with Dean because she felt her teenage relationship with him took precedence over his marriage.

Rory wanted to sleep with Dean. But, I don't think she could have done it and admit to herself that his marriage didn't matter to her. She wouldn't have gone to him or instigated anything, but since he came to her, well, he was her boyfriend first. But, she couldn't risk going any deeper with her questioning and keep her from hiding from herself the fact that she was sleeping with a married man .

Also, I have to step back and look at it from a writing perspective. They could have played it very differently. They could have had Rory tell Lorelai that Dean was leaving Lindsay. And when pressed she could have said that he said it was over so that must be what he meant. Or even just repeat him saying that both he and Lindsay felt that it was over. They could have played it as Lorelai being sympathetic and sad that Rory's first time came from being tricked. They could even still have their fight only this time it would be because Rory was mad at Lorelai for disparaging Dean's integrity. But, it's pretty clear that they were not writing a naive girl who had no idea of the situation.