#when joyce said ' wouldn't you know your own daughter's (breathing)? ' my heart stopped

[brrochu]

Jim Hopper in every episode: S01E02 The Weirdo on Maple Street

[jinxthequeergirl]

149 days & The Grieving Stage

Steve harrington x hopper!reader

Summary: things hurt but luckily you have people to help.

Song choice: Ease my mind by Ben platt

Warning: swearing/ angst

I also kinda wanted to make this a part of "unseen things" but I'm obviously probably not gonna work on that cause it sucked but enjoy this anyways

~~~~~

You and El both tumbled out of the car as quickly as you could and raced to your friends.

You where especially excited to see Steve again. He wrapped you in a hug and supn you around. "Hey dingus, don't hog her!" you grinned pulling away to met robin. "You've been keeping an eye on him?" you mumbled into her hair, you could feel her chuckle as he pulled you away holding you out at arms reach.

"There isn't really much to keep an eye on...you know he's crazy about you, plus he's awful at the flirting thing." You both laughed and could feel Steve come up beside you taking you from her grasp.

"Be careful steve, she's miss steal your girl." you joked leaning into him. He simply rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around you.

"Watch where you put your hands on my daughter, Harrington!" you both turned and spotted hopper pull up in his car.

"Holy shit..." you breathed you freed yourself from Steve's hold and watched el run towards him. Tears welled in your eyes as you watched them hug.

And from the back of your head you instantly remembered everything you where trying so hard to forget About that night. The overall fear and pain from that night, waiting in the ambulance with El and steve, waiting and hoping that by any sort of mirical it would be over and hopper and Joyce would make there way back to so everything would be normal.

But instead you got Joyce who gave you and your sister both a look from over wills shoulder that took all that hope and crushed it.

And now here he was. That stupid patterned shirt he insisted on calling "cutting edge", a huge smile, one you had to admit you hadn't seen in a while. And all you could do was stand there and stare at him. El pulled away looking back at you with the same excited grin and moved away a little making room for you.

And within an instatant you went racing towards him collapsing in his arms, so much so he stumbled a bit upon catching you in his arms before falling to your knees. You instantly felt your self sob into his shoulder murrmering things that you didn't even understand. You chocked out more tears as his hold on you tightened a little, finding hard to keep any sort of breath do your wheezing.

"Kid, kid, it's ok, everything is fine, deep breaths." You pulled your head from his shoulder and looked at him. He cupped your face in his hand rubing away tears with his thumb. "I...I...though...thought...thought You where...where..." you couldn't even mutter out the last sours before you coughed out another cry. He only nodded in response giving you a sympathetic look.

"I know...it's ok...it's all over now..." you wrapped your arms around him again. "Its all over...you can live life again." You nodded into his shoulder blinking away tears until you finally shut your eyes and relaxing in his hold.

You blinked your eyes again suddenly feeling the loss of warmth around you, you opened your eyes full taking in everthing around you and sighing lightly.

The moonlight filled your new room do to not owning any curtains yet. Or maybe Joyce had some and they hadn't been unpacked yet. Your bed was pushed up against one of the wall's with a small night stand that held a few things, a dresser was pushed against the opposite wall, really it wasn't much yet. You stared at the ceiling taking note of the glow in the dark stars the previous owner of the room had left.

Do to the moon light they wheren't doing much, but they still kept your mind off of what had just happened. Until finally they didn't and you broke.

You let a real sob wrack through your body and tears spill as you did your hardest to bite your lip and keep quiet making sure not to wake the other four members in the house.

You brought your fists to your eyes and held them there until explostions of color where the only thing you saw behind your eye lids, you could feel the mattress beneath you along with your cheeks and chin become soked as tears scilently continued to fall.

After what had felt like hours of tossing and turning in bed, crying off and on again. You finally sat up on the edge taking one of the two blankets on your bed and wrapping yourself up in it before crossing the room to the dresser.

Your eyes hurt and your feet where now cold from the wooden floor under you. You grabbed the phone from onto of it ignoring the picture frame you had purposefully facing down and sat in the little book in your window, you cracked it open inorder to obtain fresh air and started dialing the number.

You sat there for a few moments letting it ring, and ring, and ring, you stared out the window into the moonlit backyard.

Joyce told you when you moved in that maybe the three of you girls could go to the local garden center and pick out a few plants and stuff to start a garden back there.

You where suddenly yanked from the thought as a clearly exhausted voice filled your ear. "Hello?"

You took a shaky breath and turned from the window to look down at the phone cord. "Hey Harrington..." you finally breathed.

"Y/n? Are you ok? What happened?" you could hear the sleep in his voice vanish with every question along with the shuffle of bedsheets. "I..." you stopped to clear your throat. "I'm just holding you to that promise you made before we left...it's not to late is it?"

Before you moved steve made the promise that no matter the time, the issue, the want he would answer the phone and be there for you.

That was the same day you missed your chance to tell him you loved him. And that you had since God knows when. Instead you cried barrelly able to get a "I'll miss you." out.

You reached over to your night stand and grabbed the alarm clock to check the time in the light. 1:40.

You mentally cursed yourself as you set it back down and leaned back. "No not at all what's up?"

"Just...just a nightmare..." You combed a finger through your hair and sighed. "I'm sorry...was it about-"

"No it..it was different this time..."

He humme. "Care to talk about it?"

"I..it's late I just wanted a little comfo-"

"No, no, hey I'm up now so you have to tell me." you chuckled and took a breath.

"Y/n?" you licked your lips before answering. "I saw...him..."

"Who?"

"My...my dad." you croaked looking back out the window.

"Shit...y/n I'm so sorry...I..." he trailed off attempting to find the words to comfort you. You only laughed when you realised it. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing...nothing. Just you always where just the worst at these kinda things."

He gasped a little and you could only imagine him placing a hand over his heart dramatically. "Wow no matter how far away you still manage to hurt me y/n." You laughed again.

"It's times like these I wonder-"

"Why the hell I'm your friend?" you asked do ishing his scentence.

"Yea." he replied. Steve sat at the edge of his bed, phone tucked between his shoulder and ear all the while he held a photo he stole from your photo album.

His heart swelled a little just looking at it. You where happy, happier than you have been lately. And he looked at you in that picture with the same goofy grin he was wearing now.

"Steve?" he jumped at the voice instantly putting the photo down. "Did you fall asleep over there?"

He lied back down. "No...not at all...I wouldn't dream of it."

You smiled softly. "How are the kids?...and robin?.." you asked.

"The little shit's are fine...they miss the three of you a hell of a lot, speaking of which you should be gettinging something in the mail soon."

"Oh?"

"Yea...you've been gone a month and we decided to wip something up for you guys."

"What is it? You asked curiously."

"Can't say...don't wanna spoil the surprise."

"Right I forgot Mr. Steve "the surprise king" Harrington."

He rolled his eyes but mustered a smile. "Whatever."

There was a beat of scilents Before you spoke again. "I miss you Steve..."

"Hey, I miss you too....but you'll be here for Christmas soon enough."

"Steve that's so long..."

"No...149 days to be exact...it'll fly by and before you know it you'll be back in Hawkins."

"You've been counting?"

"Of course I have." you hummed and again went quiet for a moment.

"Listen there's something...something I've been meaning to tell you.."

"Oh yea?" you opened your mouth but the words refused to come out.

How difficult was it to just say it? Why no matter what the words never fully formed on your tounge. You sighed. "You know what never mind...it can wait.."

"How long?" he asked clearly anxious. "149 days to be exact...it's better if i tell you then."

"Oh c'mon at least give me a hint?" You shook your head with a smile. "No...I wouldn't wanna spoil the surprise." you joked. He laughed making your heart jump." just swear to not find someone to replace me within that time frame."

"I swear. No one would even come close to you." You smiled softly. "Uh listen thanks for taking my mind off of things....you should probably get some sleep....I promise to call in the morning if anything happens."

"Just call no matter what."

"Ok...goodnight shit head."

"Night loser."

You hung up the phone and sat there for a while. Letting things pan over in your head.

Your mind was finally off of your dad for a little bit. And you though about how you said you would tell him at Christmas and wondered of you even meant that, you wondered if he really meant the last thing he said about not finding anyone else.

"Knock knock..." you looked over to your door and found Joyce peeking in.

"Hey...what are you doing up?" you asked turning so your feet touched the cold floor.

"I could ask you the same...another nightmare?"

"Yea...something like that.." she let her self in shutting the door and leaned against the dresser. "How do you not...not have nightmares?...I mean you where right there..."

"Well I never said I didn't..." She said picking up the picture frame and looking at it.

"How do you keep it together then?"

She glanced at you but kept her eyes on the picture for a moment. "Someone's gotta be strong for You kids..." she took the picture and made her way over to you sitting down.

"You don't have to be all the time."

She nodded. "I know...but life had been so rough on you guys already...it helps." You leaned your head on her shoulder and looked at the picture frame in her hands.

"I don't remember these." she said looking at it with you. In the frame was a photo of you do and your dad, tucked outside of it was a picture of you Steve and robin.

You smiled pointing to the one of you and hopper. "The night me and el went to the snow ball...I told him it was an important night for all of us and we had to remember it. He fought me on it but eventually gave in."

She smiled.

"What about this?"

"That was the day we moved...johnathan wanted to make sure I had something good to remember them both by...I miss them all so..so much..." you mumbled.

"I know..."

"Will it ever...not hurt?" you asked sniffiling.

"No...not Right away...just give it a little time..." she placed the picture frame on the bed stand.

"I think you should get some sleep...sleep in extra long if you need."

She kissed your forhead before you got up and walked over to your bed. "Y/n..." you and Joyce both looked up and saw El come in with puffy red eyes that matched your own. You opened your blankets and she quickly made her way over and fell into bed next to you.

"Hey it's ok...it was just a dream..." you kissed her head and Joyce quietly left the room letting you two get some sleep.