#which i imagine karlach would flip out on him like 'why the *fuck* would you let him do that?'

[vagueiish]

fuck i wish i could write. oliver just signed the deal with raphael (because he constantly feels like he's doing nothing to help the party or anyone and putting his soul on the line is the very least he could do, even though he helps everyone and also is like.... at max approval with the whole party and has finished or done the majority of everyone's personal quests)(he's trusting the emperor less and less, for Reasons, which i guess would involve more writing because it involves personal backstory shit, and he's already burned the bridge with gortash by crashing the party at the iron throne and saving wyll's dad, so his options to deal with the tadpoles are becoming fewer and fewer)(so. raphael it is. for now...?)

and astarion's basically just like 'well that was stupid, but what do i care, it's not *my* name on the contract lol' (even though oliver's apparently the first person he's truly cared for, bb, what are you doing? is this a 'id rather you hadn't, and i'm actually kind of upset but don't know how to deal and also you're a fuckin adult and made your choice, so what's the point in saying anything' moment or what, i am having trouble deciphering this right now)(and i know the dude is an ass, i dont expect him to be Nice, but your honor, theyre in love. and he did sound kind of pissed about it! or irritated/sarcastic??? but! how did he mean it? my brain is not cooperating, i hate this, lmao, i wish there was a follow up convo or something so i could pin down this fuckin plot bunny)

(and i mean. this is deviating into headcanon/oliver as tav specific territory, and is me trying to figure out how it'd figure into the thing i'd wind up writing for this if i do, and again, astarion is an ass and all that, maybe not the most emotionally mature dude in the realms to put it mildly, but he'd know, right? eventually, at least??? that he fucked up saying that? that however he actually meant it, it's going to sound very much like 'i don't actually care about you' to the first person he professes to actually care about?)(and in terms of oliver's canon timeline, i think he signs well after his own 'personal quest' would have occurred. so astarion would know about oliver's mother and all that baggage. not that he'd necessarily know what do to with it, but he'd probably have heard her be all 'yeah, i never actually cared for or wanted you, soo....')(which is an oversimplification and the whole situation is quite complicated, but. that's the gist he gets, so anyway...)

and then karlach. my love. the bestest of girls, she's angry and insisting on going to avernus one last time to save oliver's fucking soul because she's awesome and also because he's her friend and, tangent, i wish there was an option at all times to hug her, whether as a friend or lover. she deserves all the hugs, romantical or platonic or whatever, fuck, i want to hug karlach so fucking bad

and there is something *there* with all of this because oliver, sweet and sad and self-loathing, wouldn't have any of her help. he'd want her to let it go. gently, at first, but of course she doesn't, so then he gets pissed. because this is his decision. because it's not her name or anyone else's on the dotted line, so why the fuck does she care? (hm. sounds familiar.......) let it go. let him help for once, not be a burden on the party for *once* (as if he hasn't spent the whole adventure bending over backwards not just for our merry band of adventurers, but everyone he's come across)(because it's not enough, never enough, it'll never be enough to make up for being him) he isn't worth the trip to avernus, isnt worth her forcing herself to face that place again. and he's rarely loud or angry but he's both now, the exhaustion and frustration and uncertainty and fear re: the future that he's been trying to ignore pouring our of him, horribly misdirected at probably his best friend in the whole group, so of course the rest of the party is going to hear it and it's just.... there is something here, i feel it in me bones

(also. tangentially related, but didn't raphael imply that fucking up the contract would fuck over the whole group and not just whomstever is signing it? said something about hanging you and your friends from meathooks while watching the world burn??? so either he's full of shit or the contract actually fucks over everyone if broken, which..... oliver as tav would not have signed if breaking it affected anyone else, so this might all be moot. i dunno. just rambling)