#white tumblr users actively call out racism challenge : fail

[greatrunner]

@tododeku-or-bust's post asking for examples of racism (experienced/witnessed) in fandom has got me thinking about how abstract the experience of antiblackness is once you (as in me, because I can only tell you my perspective) 'remove' yourself from the situation or the situation is considered 'settled.'

A lot of that is, obviously, a defense mechanism. If I didn't learn how to dissociate or numb myself from said experiences, I think I would be in a much worse place than I am right now.

But it also highlights how much I spent on Tumblr reading or experiencing antiblackness in different fandoms. Within the moment, the experience is raw and extremely triggering.

Left 4 Dead 2, Pacific Rim, Princess and the Frog, and Star Wars were probably the most active I'd been within a fanspace on Tumblr, and the antiblackness that ran rampant in those spaces was pretty vile.

At every turn, instead of owning up to the acts of passive and active racism, yt and non-Black users would break their backs to defend their position as 'not racist.'

The absolute refusal to investigate why they were so comfortable calling characters like Rochelle and Tiana boring or annoying compared to Lottie or Zoey allowed antiblackness to run rampant because, "I should be allowed to dislike a character!"

Do you know how aggravating it was to watch old-ass shows like Buffy and Angel at 14-then-22 and watch not only the writers but the audience (or LiveJournal or Television Without Pity) demonize characters like Charles Gunn and Robin Wood for doing things they cheered white characters on for doing... on the same shows? All while engaging in some truly racist stereotypes? It feels like you're going crazy when you see it. It made me wanna cry for help.

The fact that I had to remind Star Wars fans that 'DLF didn't mean it that way' wasn't an excuse for how LucasFilm treated Finn or John Boyega. That "actual racism" was benign, passive, uncritical, and often intentional.

The fact that much of my Pacific Rim experience was watching yt fandom call Stacker Pentecost an "asshole" or "control freak" because he was holding Raleigh and Chuck to account, or they wouldn't engage with his and Mako's relationship with the same respect they did with Herc and Chuck's.

I decided not to engage with the media outside of isolation or friend circles. As I moved further and further away from it, and it became vague and less sharp, I'd start to question, "Was it really that serious?" When so many people failed to read the room and centered themselves as victims of 'harassment,' was it really that serious?

And I have to remind myself, "Yeah, it was." Even as it becomes hard to verbalize or put into words to recall, it was and is that fucking serious.

And the worst part of all of this? Most of those racist shitheads knew that too. But they could get away with it, so...

The point ultimately is to drive people who'll challenge positions out of those spaces. That's why so many fanspaces don't promote growth or shifting dynamics. They prioritize anti-intellectualism and infantilization of the self or the work itself.