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#why can't I do the classic spaghetti western thing? ride into town. help out and be appreciated for it. and then leave when I feel it's time
neverendingford
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1 year
Text
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#contemplating the existence of loving yet uncommitted relationships. relationships of mutual convenience not romantic but still not platonic
#tag talk
#like. I want intimacy. I want to love and be loved. but the usual understanding of that is that you are committed. you are locked in.
#taking a break from a relationship is code for “we're breaking up”. there's is no getting out without destroying the bond
#I wonder if the classic Tom Cruise c love a woman but next movie she's dead“ trope could be seen as a version of that.
#a socially acceptable way to love someone until you're done and then move on to the next thing.
#a lot of my hookups have been a one time deal even though I would have liked to see them again. because they got too attached.
#people see love and presume romance. people see openness and presume emotional connection and commitment.
#if your friend is having a rough time and needs to disappear for a week. that's okay. but a partner suddenly can't.
#there's less permissable distance in a romantic relationship.
#why can't I do the classic spaghetti western thing? ride into town. help out and be appreciated for it. and then leave when I feel it's time
#cue that magnificent seven quote that's like “cowboys are like the wind and farmers are like the land”. there are different ways to live
#and social interaction is a numbers game. meeting people until you finally find someone you're compatible with.
#and the more particular or non-standard you are. the more your success pool narrows. or at least that's how it feels
#I know the reality is that there's more relationship diversity out there than it seems. because divergence is suppressed and hidden.
#but that contributes to it being harder to find. more difficult to seek. more culturally shameful to pursue.
#I don't think I've ever seen a fwb relationship in media that's not either played for laughs or turned into a romance eventually
#the classic “men want fwbs and women want a committed relationship” ☠️ it's not a concept that gets taken seriously.
#I just.. ugh. I feel like I'm pushing against the entire weight of my upbringing because what I innately desire is so far from acceptable
#and I've unlearned so much self criticism and policing. but there's so much more to go and I just. ugh. it's so exhausting
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