#yes i'm mostly doing this because goodreads is fed up with my liveblogging and is overwriting my status updates and i find that offensive

[gerbiloftriumph]

Floating Castle Liveblog (first read)

The King's Quest series has been graced with a very silly and very wonderful trilogy of adapted novels, and of them all, the first is my favorite. I have read it more times than I should, and liveblogged my musings on Goodreads in real time, er, multiple times.

Below is my first readthrough. Follow along with my initial, baffled, but ultimately delighted, self. Obviously, spoilers for an objectively terrible but subjectively amazing video game novelization from the 90s.

(and if you want to read the Floating Castle yourself, well, [I'm sure there are avenues online] but you didn't hear that from me)

May 7, 2018 –

page 0

Let it be officially known: I am terrifically excited to read this, and a little nervous, too. Please be good. Please be good. But please don't be SO good that I want to break my wallet trying to get a copy of See No Weevil. [side gerbil note: at the time, one of the only copies of See No Weevil, the third book in the series, available for purchase online was selling for $8k. No, that's not a joke.]

page 6

I miiiight be wrong, but wasn't Merlin's Mirror blank for all the years Alexander was missing, too? I have a feeling I read that somewhere...eh. I should read the actual game manuals sometime.

page 9

It's a touch on the fluffy side. A whole paragraph is dedicated to Alexander getting out of bed. But, let's be clear, that fluff worked really well a few pages ago with the storm, so. Plus, it's from the 90s, so. For some reason fantasy from then seems to be fluffy

page 10

You out of shape magician boy, you. Then again, 4 deep flights of castle steps (probs rough flagstone, rather uneven) is probably hard to climb, so. Fair.

page 14

Graham is such a good king. Like. Really really good.

page 26

Come on, magician prince. You can think of somethiiiing.

page 18

Sir Brian of House Blessed, I presume.

page 40

A: Oh, you stuck Graham's soul in a crystal? Very Ocarina of Time of you. What year did this come out? B: ...why is this actually kind of a good book? Like, from an honest fantasy novel perspective, not just a King's Quest adaptation perspective, it's actually not that bad. Slightly dated with its fluffy descriptions, but I've read plenty of worse fantasy before.

page 47

I didn't expect to enjoy a magician turning into a tree as much as I am, and I love Alexander being all good and diplomatic and not swearing anyone out for Cyril's complete uselessness.

page 49

I wonder how old Alexander is. I don't think it's said. How far past Manannan are we? Has KQ5 happened yet? These are not crucial questions, and yet. I'm curious. Do we know about Crispin? He's probably fractionally more useful than Morowyn. But only fractionally, cos he's still mostly useless.

page 54

Alex (paraphrased): So. All I have to do is sneak into Telgrin's evil doom castle, figure out where he hid a crystal of undetermined size with King Graham's soul in it, steal it (it had better not be car sized), sneak out without getting caught, and get home before his empty body dies, and you can put the soul back in? Cyril (quote): Oh, yes. Almost certainly. Probably. I think. Sounds like a PLAN, guys. Let's go!

page 54

Addendum to the above REALLY AWESOME PLAN. Do it before Telgrin tortures Graham's soul into hideous unrecognizability. Y'know. No pressure or anything.

page 58

I like Cyril. Road trip with the boys!

page 65

What sort of spooky ringwraith nonsense....

page 74

That’s....that’s just lembas bread. Literally just lembas.

page 81

Okay, there’s a thing I don’t like. Little episodic things periodically happen but so clumsily. I think it’s to give Alexander “items” to solve later puzzles, like the games. Direct quotes here: “Good apple,” Cyril said. “Very good.” “Sweet.” “Mmm.” And that’s the end of the exchange. Like. I get it, apples will probably be important later but. That dialogue is less than riveting

May 8, 2018:

page 87

"He’s going to try to ride a kelpie. I’ve never been so excited about a plot development in all my life!

page 108

I very much enjoyed that bit with the ogre, and now we’re hiding in barrels to sneak in. This book is like, nothing but all the best possible Fantasy Highlights.

page 123

Also, I’m fond of this exchange: “You are an evil man.” “So it has been said.” Telgrin shrugged. “Personally I’ve always found that such abstractions do not apply well to the real world. They make matters that are by their very nature complex seem rather too simple, don’t you think?” “Evil,” Alexander repeated."

page 133

Ewwww what is that thing. That’s a horrible beastie.

page 139

Where was he? Yes. Who was this beside him? Yes. Alexander those are not answers to your questions.

page 146

“All I’d have to do is wait until Telgrin is out of the room, step through the mirror, reclaim my father’s soul, and return through the mirror.” Alexander *liked* this plan."

page 162

It's absolutely just The Best Parts of Any Fantasy shoved together in one frantic ball of fury, with maybe three pages at most devoted to each new Fantasy Segment. I'm so into it. It's not a challenge to read by any stretch--I'd say it's middle grade fiction level--but, like, yo. It's crazy fun so who cares. (darn it, book, you broke my theory about where Telgrin had stuffed Graham. Boo. I was enjoying my guess.)

page 163

If my baby boy has broken his arm punching this ringwraith there will be hell to pay from me. I will protect this scarf-wearing lad at all costs. I say, when he's probably my age and knows at least a little magic and how to use a sword and has no problem crawling around dungeons and enemy castles.

page 165

Alexander is SUCH a pile of snark. Yeah, this is going well, he thinks. Now we have *four* knights chasing us.

page 168

“Cyril, I really don’t think—“ “*Enough.* there’s no time for discussion. Prepare yourself.” “No, Cyril, I— Aieeeeeeee!” Boys please

page 170

Are you KIDDING. It took us ages to get INTO the castle. And now we’re stuck outside again. P sure Telgrin is going to raise security after that debacle and kerfuffle you just caused.

page 175

Cuss the ever loving frick out of that tree root. You’ve earned a little less-than-princely reaction after this hell day.

page 181

Graham’s been soul-less for about a week at this point if I’ve added up right. He can wait a bit more, probably.

page 183

THIS IS NOT A HELPFUL SOLUTION TO THE MANY PROBLEMS AT HAND.

page 185

“Did you speak, Sir Frog?” “That’s Prince Frog to you.” Alex, please reign back the sass a little bit. You’re not helping matters.

page 194

We’ve found a princess, convinced her to smooch, he turns human again, and the first thing she says is “but....you’re *beautiful.*” Agreed, yo.

page 204

He’s been walking around with a hat this whole time? I hope it has a feather in it.

page 219

My baby Grahaaaaaam. Sorry about the week of agonizing torture. We came quick as we could. That whole scene with you and Telgrin was so cool and you’re so brilliant and I love your stupid regal face. Also. This exchange; “What happened?” “I’m not exactly sure. All I know is that Telgrin came uncomfortably close to killing me.” Y’know, no big deal.

page 223

"It opened its eyes, blinked, and said, “Hmph. What’s happening? Where am I?” “It’s all right, dear,” the first head said. “Go back to sleep. I am just going to kill this man here.” “Oh, that’s all right, then.”

page 228

I’m amazed Telgrin hasn’t raised hell and panic after losing Graham and his staff. Like. This isn’t a good event for our villain but we everyone seems remarkably calm.

page 231

“Is *everyone* in Daventry this obstinate?” Yes. You messed with the wrong royal family, tbh.

page 234

I love this. I love this book. In ways I cannot express because truly it is not a good book and yet. And YET. The setting is phenomenal, the cast both old and new entertaining, the language occasionally dips beyond melodramatic into actually decently lyrical, the action is relentless, and EVERYONE IS SASSY. Be it Alexander, Graham, this new princess, Telgrin. Everyone.

page 243

“I don’t suppose that you’ll tell me what you were up to.” “I don’t suppose.“ The sass is too strong. It’s blinding. I don’t want this book to end.

page 248

“You know, Alexander, I am not normally given to strong emotions. I do not often make declaration of animosity, for these do not agree with my usually thoughtful and scholarly nature. I must, however, tell you that I hate you.” The sass.

page 249

“The wonderful thing is, I have the power to make it all come true. All of it – the pain, the disfigurement, the death. I tell you, sometimes it’s a truly marvelous thing to be me.” Stars above I’m dying this is so good

page 250

This book is amazing. I am dying.

page 252

No, seriously. I am actually laughing out loud at this point. I love this. “She shall marry me unwillingly, or not at all!“

page 255

“Oh, I see the way of it. It’s blame-everything-on-Telgrin time, is it?” It hurts. My joy hurts too much. I’m crying with joy.

page 260

Cool guys don’t look at explosions.

page 269

This castle even has murder holes. Like. This is actually a good solid piece of fantasy, with accurate castles.

page 273

“I could attempt to fly you down.” All in all, Alexander thought he would rather just jump."

page 293

Graham is such a flirt.

page 297

No there’s no more page to turn!!!!!! Nooooooo I want moreeeee. .....aahHahdhsbdjdhdbuebfjxi.

May 8, 2018 – Finished Reading

five stars out of five stars