#you CAN make a song about sex that is a qualitatively 'good' song at the same time

[eurosong]

ESC 2019 grand final ranking

Afternoon, folks! I have many finals day traditions, and another of them is to share my ranking of the 26 Eurovision songs that made it into the grand final on Saturday. Was a hard one to do given that a huge bulk of my favourites got knocked out in the semis, but as usual I will try to give a positive as well as a negative for each song nonetheless. The songs are presented in their running order, with their rank out of the 26 finalists for me in brackets thereäfter.

Malta (4) + Full of energy, a very non-linear song that contains many musical surprises. Lyrically, it’s one of the most clever and playful of the year. I love the colourful metaphors playing on the concept of chameleon, and the “GIVE ME X I’M A Y” is the lyrical meme of the year. - The chorus is divisive and I can understand why, as it’s rather repetitive. Albania (2) + How could they put this queen on in the death slot? One of the most moving songs of the night, performed with style, power and grace. Sparsely poetic lyrics about something deeply meaningful. No need for theatrics - the song speaks for itself. - Though I find it a positive, maybe it does need a bit more staging though to carry across the message of the song more clearly.

Czechia (9) + Earwormy, upbeat song with retro flourishes. Would have made a great show starter. - Once again, problematic lyrics from Czechia. A song about listening into other folk having sex, wtf m8?

Germany (15) + The song has a really nice build - the verse and bridge are powerful, have good lyrics and make me expect a lot. - The chorus is a cliché let down. The girls are still two soloists as opposed to a group and often are rather screechy.

Russia (20) + I like that Sergej went in a rather different direction musically, with something more orchestral and qualitative musically. Coming back with another “b*p” would have been a much lazier move. - All rather melodramatic. Songs like these should move folk but I feel completely impassive. The clunky lyrics don’t help.

Denmark (14) + It’s nice to hear Danish again after two decades of the Danes dodging their national language for so long. - The sweetness becomes overbearing tweeness over time. I’m a little sad this got in over more substantive songs in its semi. Nordic bloc vote is strong. San Marino (25) + Serhat is a nice guy and the song has a nice message. - The fact this bizarre throwback, performed atonally, got in over Portugal and Hungary will haunt me to the end of days. Macedonia (18) + It’s nice to have Macedonia in the final again - they’d been done wrong for so long. It’s a classy composition. - It’s also rather dated and the lyrics come across as some Hallmark card factory produced lines.

Sweden (13) + It’s a catchy song. The Mamas supply the charisma where JH lacks. - Very repetitive song. Not very soulful, strange for a gospel-influenced song. Slovenia (6) + Musically, one of the more interesting songs of the year. Minimalist, intimate, some very nice turns of phrase in the lyrics. - Their attitude towards the press and fans as a cumbersome extra getting in the way of promoting their song leaves a very bad taste in the mouth. After they insulted the journalist, I regretted giving them votes.

Cyprus (21) + I like what I’ve seen of Tamta over the past few weeks. She cares about the fans, other artists (getting mad at Conan’s elimination) and has a lot of character. - The song is a pretty lame attempt to ride Fuego’s wave, even if I can tolerate it more than I did 2018′s song.

Netherlands (10) + The circularity of Eurovision. After folk predicted this year would definitely be won by a banger, it’s not bad at all to see a downbeat song as the most fancied to win, especially one written by the performer. - Doesn’t move me at all, and I am moved by several other songs in this year’s 41. Repetitive structure and overuse of a head voice that for me is not very good. The song will forever be associated in my mind with being made to feel like a complete idiot by a number of people for not finding it magnificent.

Greece (5) + Catchy, anthemic and I love the strange timbre of her voice. - The lyrics are non sequitur clichés and the staging is all a little odd. Israel (24) + This song choice will protect Ireland’s record of number of wins on home soil. - His syrupy yet maudlin voice matched with the bizarre, overwrought lyrics make the world lose all its colours for 3 minutes for me.

Norway (19) + It’s a happy, super-catchy tune and nice to see Sami representation - It’s a bizarre pot pourri that feels messy. The type of bizarre song that holds advances in ESC’s reputation back.

UK (16) + Michael Rice is an unbelievably nice guy with a good voice and I could not begrudge his success. The first thirty seconds are really effective. - Then it gets reallly repetitive and very X factor winners’ single.

Iceland (11) + I like the retro techno musical æsthetic. I also like the amount of effort they’re putting into side projects like “Iceland Music News” to build their mythos. It’s good to have representation of other styles in the final. - They were extremely aloof to their fans in Madrid. I know it’s part of the act, but it still comes across as dickish. The staging is very ott.

Estonia (12) + Victor is such a nice guy and he was one of the most reflective people after the semi final, vowing to step it up. The song has grown on me a bit. - It’s still Poundland Avicii with some very dodgy, not so high “high” notes.

Belarus (7) + Yes, in the end I’m gunna like it. Zena showed a charisma and professionalism beyond her years and brought the track alive. - It’s still way too repetitive, and the staging is the most bizarre string of non-sequiturs.

Azerbaijan (8) + Azerbaijan’s second best track after Skeletons for me. I love the ethnic elements and the atypical lyrical subject. Çingiz’ voice is also low key impressive. - That staging tho. How were people in the press room so impressed? So cheesy and chintzy.

France (26) + It’s sounding a bit more interesting than at Destination Eurovision, with a tiny bit of drama added with that stronger instrumentation. - It’s a masturbatory ode to self, and bringing in people to act like human props to make it look like a song of empowering people when for me it’s just a song about me me me doesn’t cut the cheddar.

Italy (1) + I love everything about this song with all my heart and soul. Please god let it be a surprise winner. In what bleak universe do we live in, where this winning would be a surprise?! Unforgettable music and an emotive punch to the heart in both the sublime lyrics and the clever orchestration. - I can’t say anything against it. I tried, believe me.

Serbia (3) + Bringing Serbia back to doing what they do best. Such a classy, emotive ballad performed by one of THE voices of the evening. - They could have done with making it a little

Switzerland (23) + Luca’s got a catchy song and the staging is very slick. - He radiates a smug energy for me whilst singing this. These Fuego-inspired tracks are not my cup of tea.

Australia (22) + Inspired by important personal experiences, its lyrics are sincere and the zeééééèèèero is an earworm - shame it’s not sung as much in the live version. - Led to believe they’d go with a classier staging, instead it’s even more extra and kitsch than in Australia. This slid down my ranking a lot, as I liked the song more in the studio version and the way folk have exploded in favour of it just because of this staging makes me like it a lot less.

Spain (17) + Cheerful, infectious, party stuff. - In the end, it leaves you with the hangover from such a party with its vacuousness.

[indistinct-echo]

5, 20, 29 ✨

I’m answering these out of order bc 5 is too long so its under a read more

20. would you rather be in Middle Earth, Narnia, Hogwarts, or somewhere else?

looking out through the fishtank in dnps forever home

but more seriously, i think I’d get too caught up in comparing political systems and societal values to really want to be in a different world long term, but I’d love to play around with magic at least for a bit :)

29. three songs that you connect with right now.

I accidentally overthought about this and what should probably be an easy answer suddenly became not so I only was able to come w one:

Taylor Swift- tolerate it

which I connect to in the sense of me reflecting on my experiences in opposite sex relationships before figuring out my sexuality where I often felt like I was merely tolerating the romantic parts for the sake of the more platonic parts that I enjoyed, like when I received a poem that my partner wrote and had to fake that I liked it - nobody should have their efforts received in that way and as the receiver I never want to feel like that towards a partner ever again

5. do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? do you identify yourself by the things you do?

ok firstly this feels evil bc you know I feel like I’m never doing enough but also this gets tricky bc it feels like “being” is the right answer of what it means to be human? (basically that’s what you’d get if you google it)

the thing is, I do feel that existence is purposeful, as in every person and thing that exists on this earth does so for a reason. and while existing in and of itself may be enough to fulfill that purpose, I believe that I and everyone else do all have the potential to add something that is qualitatively positive to the world. and even if that addition is fleeting or not meaningful in a grand scheme of things kind of way , it’s still worth it to try and do so. while being may be “enough,” it’s not the goal (if you believe putting the most good into the world that you can (can is subjective and doesn’t mean to burn oneself out) is a worthwhile goal, as I do)

so I’d say I’m primarily a “doing” although I do make an effort to also be a “being” (for example by literally doing no creative acts one day each week of quite literally every week of my life, and I don’t know how anyone possibly manages life without that break to just be)

all of that being said, I definitely do identify myself with the things that I do , possibly more than I identify with nearly any other aspect of what it means to be me. Getting a compliment about something I’ve done means so much more than something that I didn’t work for. And the things that I do when I don’t *need* to be doing them (ex writing fic) probably tell you more about who I am as a person than most other kinds of encounters with me could

sorry this got super duper long but thank you for the ask :)

identity ask meme

[piilokarsastus]

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Sometimes but not seriously

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? 2

3. The person you would never want to meet? I can think of many but let’s go with Trump this time

4. What is your favorite word? I’m a writer,,, how dare you ask me something that implies I’m able to make decisions about words,,, (”hellyys” does wrap around the tongue quite nicely phonetics-wise, at least as far as Finnish goes.)

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Linden

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? oh shit I have to go to school... again

7. What shirt are you wearing? a brown long-sleeved shirt with horizontal stripes

8. What do you label yourself as? In regard to what?

9. Bright room or dark room? dark

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? something highly unproductive, that’s for sure

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? 18′s been cool so far

12. Who told you they loved you last? my gf

13. Your worst enemy? left hand pizzicato

14. What is your current desktop picture? the windows logo (I know, original huh)

15. Do you like someone? nooo not at all,,, who might this girlfriend person be whom I seem to think of every day,,, peculiar, dare I say

16. The last song you listened to? Mozart’s Sinfonia Concertante E flat major KV. 364

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? trump

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? TRUMP

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? TRUMP (he gon learn)

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) I’m told my hair is nice

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? one word: boobs.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? umm I’ve got some talents but I’m not sure if any of them is really secret

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? nothing unique really

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. ok. I’m awaiting further instructions

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? slowly, over time without thinking about the $100 as a whole

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? This time of the year? New Zealand could do the trick

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?  Ley .925 Tequila Pasion Azteca Ultra Premium Añejo (google it and you’ll understand why)

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? no capitalism

29. What is your favorite expletive? “like”

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? my laptop

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. I’ll say New Year’s Eve 2013

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! okay but what is the question

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Mozart

34. What was your last dream about? I wish I remembered

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? example of theoretical framework in qualitative research? no!

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? yes

37. Have you ever built a snowman? yes /muffled Let It Go playing in the distance/

38. What is the color of your socks? black

39. What type of music do you like? anything with real instruments (no, type of music -- country doesn’t count)

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunsets. The only way I’m ever seeing a sunrise is when I’m either up way earlier than I want to be or staying up waaaay later than I should

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? I don’t drink milkshakes like, ever

42. What football team do you support? sports? the wat

43. Do you have any scars? no

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? a mentally stable entity

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? reshaping my physical attributes to conform to my personally and/or socially induced standards

46. Are you reliable? yes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? you makin that money yet?

48. Do you hold grudges? I’d like to say no but I also happen to remember every single significant thing anyone has ever said to me so...

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? cat. parrot. need I say more?

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? Have i told you about that time I was chatting with this religious girl who was like a casual school friend and then somehow the conversation turned into her sending me pics of both tasty desserts and hot women from instagram? I mean, we had fun and all but it’s not something you experience every day

51. Are you a good liar? 

no...

OR AM I???!?!?

you’ll never know

52. How long could you go without talking? preeettty long

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? as for style... like, everything until these last five years or so. My haircut hasn’t changed much over the years.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? no

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? yes, I’m apparently good with language stuff

56. What do you like on your toast? margarine, meat and some occasional cucumber

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? I honestly don’t remember when I last picked up a pen with intentions other than taking an exam or composing music

58. What would be you dream car? some expensive-looking Audi probably

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. I don’t sing but I sometimes kinda like open my voice if I’m alone. It’s also worth mentioning that I tend to spend my long showers in a slav squat especially if it’s in the morning.

60. Do you believe in aliens? yes (I mean, statistically speaking, you should too)

61. Do you often read your horoscope? nope

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? Q

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? dinosaurs

64. What do you think about babies? ew

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. no

[eurosong]

2018 vs 2019: Semi-final 1

Hey there, folks! Every year after the national final season is over, one of the first things I write about Eurovision is a comparison of the new year’s songs with those of the previous year. Often it gets folk unfollowing the blog even though it’s almost entirely posts about ESC statistics and only a relatively small amount on rating the songs here. These are just my thoughts and no offence intended to anyone who thinks otherwise. Without further ado, click below to take a look at my thoughts on semi-final one!

◯ Australia – 2019 – Last year, Oz sent “We got love” (or “We got l’œuf” as I renamed it), which was a dizzying collection of clichés, got a mediocre placement and might well have been the impetus for them finally biting the bullet and getting the punters involved in the thitherto long mooted national final. This decision might not benefit their chances of keeping up their qualification record in the long run – but it means, for once, that Australia can move outside a narrow box musically and send things that would never be picked by internal selectors. “Zero gravity” was a less astute choice than “2000 & Whatever” would have been, I feel – it sounds to be like something that people think is so Eurovision who haven’t seen it in some time. Nonetheless, homegirl has pipes, the tune is quite catchy and it’s a hell of a lot more interesting than last year’s song.

◯ Belarus – 2018 – whilst I’ll be talking about 2018 vs 2019, I have to take a quick detour almost right away to 2017. It was the first time that Belarus managed to sustain my interest and get into my personal top 10 since their début, and they did so by going authentic and finally showing some love for their national language on the ESC stage. One year later, and I certainly wasn’t enthused by a carpetbagging victory of a non-local singing a rather ordinary song in English or some approximation thereof.

And yet, “Forever” and its earnest performer grew on me, especially the strange dissonance between the hopeful lyrics and the very melancholy music. After a similar number of repeated listens, “Like it” has not sparked even the briefest flame. Musically, this starts off with an inoffensive if very 2005 Spanish guitar riff, arrives at a decent-ish bridge and then throws itself off it head first into an absolutely dreadful thumping, repetitive chorus which is reprised way too much in the rest of the song. Lyrically, they put about as much effort into the words as they did into the “screensaver with default font” they were using as a background as Zena performed. She repeats “yes, you’re gunna like it” 40 times in the space of 3 minutes – one every 4.5 seconds. Maybe she’s trying to psychologically condition us, but no, Zena, I ent gunna like it at all. In a delicious bit of irony, it’s also at time of writing the least “liked” ESC ’19 song on Youtube. Strong preference to 2018.

◯ Belgium – 2019 – It can be difficult for a country to come back after a peak moment for them with something equally good that also manages to win over the fans and juries. We’ve seen it in Latvia after “Love injected”, in Estonia after “Goodbye to yesterday” and I think we’re seeing it once again with Belgium after “City lights”. Neither this year’s song nor last’s comes anywhere near the anthemic, emotional power of Blanche’s song. Both are nice enough, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Eliot struggled much as Sennek did last year. I give it a slight preference, but both songs are really let down, I feel, by choruses that don’t pay off the drama built in the verses.

◯ Cyprus – Neither – I try to limit myself to as few “neither” choices as possible in these games because the fun is in having to choose, sometimes, between two difficult options. Nonetheless, I abhorred “Fuego” in every conceivable way and this aptly-named “replay” offers little different to those who weren’t fans of it. If I had to pick, I’d go with 2018, because at least it doesn’t have the sadness of attempting to catch lightning twice in the same jar attached to it.

◯ Czechia – 2019 – Two years, two rather uncomfortable entries from the Czechs in a row. Last year, we had a predatory “Blurred lines” light, while this year, whilst less lyrically degrading, still has weird lines about eavesdropping on people having sex through the walls(?)… but it’s enough to secure a slight preference.

◯ Estonia – 2018 – It seems like such a long time has passed since the days when I consistently found Eesti Beesti, since those days when Eesti Laul seemed experimental and had a decent number of songs in their native language. I’m no fan of popera, but at least Elina was a local talent. It’s bewildering when a country with so many great artists can’t find someone with any real association with it to sing for them. Though both are ultimately derivative, I prefer La forza to what is essentially an aviici b-side.

◯ Finland– 2018 – I have a pet peeve for national finals where you are presented with a single choice of artist. Unless said artist is very versatile (say, Frances Ruffelle, who took on dark pop, ballads and gospel-tinged anthems in her solo national final back in 1994), you are restricted to a narrow set of genres. If you don’t like that artist or their style, then you’re shit out of luck. That’s been the case for the last few years with Saara Aalto and now Darude. I didn’t really like ány of either’s songs and miss the days of a diverse choice in UMK. I pick Saara because her throwback was slightly more tolerable.

◯ Georgia– 2018 – Fair play to Georgia, who always dance to the beat of their very own peculiar drummer. You’d think that the shift to the X Factor format to pick their representative, combined with the cold reception for their “ethno-jazz” last year, would have led to them playing it safe to try to avoid three DNQs in a row. Instead they’ve gone for something downbeat, angry and almost oppressive in its ambiance, i.e. something even less accessible to the general viewer than last year. This feels like the rock song equivalent to a war crimes tribunal. I preferred last year’s effort, which was rather more uplifting, and which I felt was unfairly underrated for a genuinely well-composed piece of music steeped in tradition.

◯ Greece – 2019 – A number of people around me were raving for Oneiro mou last year. I wasn’t one of them and suspected it would fail to qualify from the get-go. Instead of “Greece returning to form”, it felt like them attempting to do so but ending up with a nationalistic pastiche instead. This year, they’ve taken their usual mould and smashed it with a hammer, going in a very different direction with a delightfully husky-voiced singer and a musically anthemic piece that manages to compensate, for me, the song’s lyrical shortcomings. I enjoy it a fair bit more.

◯ Hungary – 2018 – This is one of the hardest ones of this semi final to choose, as “Viszlát nyar” and “Az én apam” are chalk and cheese, but both highly qualitative and with meaningful lyrics. Joci’s other ESC song, Origo, beat Viszlát nyar for me, but his 2019 effort doesn’t have quite the same visceral punch to it, so I think I’m going to have to give the edge to AWS this time around.

◯ Iceland – 2019 – Another country giving us night and day, but this time, I like neither of the two choices. Last year certainly put the “cheese” in the old “chalk and cheese” saying, an unbelievably overwrought and soppy Christmas charity-esque tune that somehow ended up at ESC. This year, it’s something rather acerbic, dingy, grating and ultimately gimmicky. In these times, “hate will prevail” is the last message we need. I will take it over Ari any day though, as that was just squirmworthy.

◯ Montenegro  – 2018 – It seemed that, last year, Montenegro was back to doing what it has always done best – a haunting, beautiful Balkan ballad after a few bizarre years of experiments gone wrong. Unfortunately, Inje got slept on despite its quality and couldn’t bring about an end to CG’s DNQ streak. There were many candidates in this year’s Montevizija that could have gone one better and done just that – but instead, bewilderingly, we got this unspeakable jumble which sounds like it was a rejected b-side for a mediocre mid-90s boy band, but with the addition of Random Casio Noises® in the background. Comparing Inje to it is likening fine wine to a bottle of Panda Cola that has been left with the cap off in the sun for 2 weeks.

◯ Poland – 2019 – Last year, Poland sent a middle-aged man in a hat doing a cringey snake dance whilst a young, inexplicably Swedish guy sort of sang and the whole thing sounded like the soundtrack for a Coke advert gone wrong. This year, they’ve got some women swaying like maniacs in a forest where they probably buried their patriarch. Not much of a step up in theory, but a big step up nonetheless…

◯ Portugal– 2019 – Portugal is a country that could have peaked with their first win, or fallen into a niche in a sad attempt (*cough* Cyprus *cough*) to recapture that glory. Instead, they are challenging all the tropes and have a national final with some serious diversity. I loved “O jardim” and it deserved way better, but this year’s song, “Telemóveis”, exceeds even that. It’s a haunting but catchy as hell rumination on mortality, technology and saudade with a musical backdrop whose influences transcend continents. If it’s not in the running to win the whole thing, I will be disappointed.

◯ San Marino – 2018 – I cannot get my head around the enthusiasm for “Say na na na”, which seems to have been contracted not only by postmodern pisstakers but by many folk who genuinely like it. It makes me cringe 10x more than Jenny B’s not quite sick rap skills last year, and that’s saying something. Plus, they had robots.

◯ Serbia – 2019 – They seemed like really nice people, but I found last year’s Serbian entry itself to be a bit of a minestrone into which a dozen elements of other songs were chucked in, and thus was lacking a bit in coherence. “Kruna”, on the other hand, is perfectly-formed, poignant, beautifully orchestrated and one of the best Balkan ballads in the past few years.

◯ Slovenia – 2018 – Fair play to Slovenia for picking themselves up and dusting themselves off after a few rough years. Hvala ne was backed by almost no one to qualify but I had faith in it early on and Lea benefited from being able to make a real connection with the crowds. Sebi is a very different beast entirely. Whilst Hvala ne had a defiance and a frenetic energy, Sebi is contemplative and melancholy. Both have great lyrics, too. I am going with Slovenia at the minute as it’s stood the test of time, but really the better of the two songs is really a question of mood.

And the automatic qualifiers of this semi-final:

◯ France – 2018 – It’s a battle between two songs written by the same writers, and since I loved their 2018 work, their follow-up should have a chance of making this a closely-run thing. Shóúld. Instead, they went from writing an understated song about humanity to writing an overbearingly pompous and self-important song about ego. This is the worst French song to me since 1988.

◯ Israel – 2018 – I wonder if Israel’s broadcasters remember how their predecessor, the IBU, won on home soil in 1979. I have the feeling they might well do, and as a result ensured it wouldn’t happen again with this song. There are elements of the song I really like, but it’s let down for me by a snivelly, exaggerated voice and a rather self-indulgent chorus. I was no great fan of “Toy”, but can listen to it with more pleasure than this.

◯ Spain – 2018 – I remember when “Tu canción" came out and I was completely in love with it. The unfortunate thing about songs sung by starry-eyed young loves is that their relationships often end up star-crossed. Now, Almaia is no more, and the song has a hugely bitter aftertaste. Nonetheless, I prefer it to La venda, which is a rather empty song lyrically but which I still found the best of a bad lot in the Spanish national final.

Coming up in the next instalment, my thoughts on SF2’s songs and how they shape up to those from last year!