#you're just...lonely all the time and i can totally relate to a lot of max's emotions

[wiitzend]

it’s just...the utter heartbreak of max mayfield as a character is just too much for me. she’s so young, but has already built up walls thousands of feet high around her because of her father and her brother. she contends herself with her loneliness, forces herself to accept the fact that her life is crap and it’s most likely going to stay that way. 

then she moves to hawkins.

max mayfield moves to hawkins and gains a support system in the form of best friends who she’ll do anything for, (because fighting monsters from another dimension is a surefire way to form life-long bonds, but max clings to her friends with everything she has regardless. no way in hell is something from the upside down going to tear them away from her), which makes the scene of her breaking out of vecna’s curse so emotionally powerful. she’s fighting to go back to her friends, because her love for them is more powerful than her fear, more powerful than her depression. (and at it’s core, stranger things is a show about characters loving each other so intensely that it ultimately conquers the trauma and blood they face, again and again.) and while it’s incredibly important for the show to explore max’s depression, her conflicted feelings about billy and her thoughts of suicide, seeing all of that ultimately culminate with her in a coma with her arms and legs broken just makes me so mad. of course, i’m sure the duffer brothers won’t kill her, but it feels like an endless cycle of max daring to hope again only to have that hope ripped away from her in the cruelest ways possible. 

[wunkolo]

this is a candid ask, but since ive started following you i see many people send you messages about how good you are at programming, modeling, art, etc. and they want to know WHY. you say it's because you keep up a healthy "mix" of your hobbies but, tbh, i dont think that's it. you're smart. like. really fucking smart. probably near genius. most people aren't on your level. do you know that, somewhere, subconsciously? you really think just ANYONE can do what you do? it's not realistic.

People message me usually asking specific questions about stuff. “Where do I start” is one I get a lot and I usually refer them to python since it is a very welcoming language and when people ask about 3d art I show them blender and 3ds max stuff and blah blah.

When it comes to me as a person and what drives me I say what works for me in which one interest will touch another and touch another and “mix” and such and that’s what drives me as a person. Of course though theres drive and passion and interest but there is also circumstance and background and “where you’re coming from”. I had the chance to start when I was very very young (like 11). Not a lot of people are going to get that chance. Someone might not be able to give self-teaching the time they wish they could because of work or family or location or access to resources and all that stuff that can get in the way that is totally out of their control so it’s some percentage “passion/drive/etc” and another percentage “circumstance/proximity/etc” and lots of other percentages that factor into a healthy and secured environment to grow and keep on growing’ at a particular task. A lot of people have given up on their interests simply because the fight to secure such interests was too much or out of the question due to circumstance and so on. 

I’m too humble to have narcissistic thoughts involving being near-genius or thinking about how a lot of people are not “at my level” as that would serve more harm than good(probably related to some validation issues as I’ve seen before) and just make someone feel super lonely in the end. People have done stuff like what I do. Plenty of people have surpassed me and those are the people I learn from and I’m honestly not that special out there. I don’t look out to make clones of myself either. It’s unrealistic like you said and there isn’t really any benefit to the world to craft myself into another person so harshly(At a certain point in your education you might have ran into those professors that basically want to make clones of themselves out of a classroom rather than truly educate or those parents that force their children to be like them). In fact I don’t think I would ever want to answer a “how can I be more like you” type of question compared to the more insightful “how do I start” types or specific informational posts like “difference between a mutex and a semaphore” or “hand topology” and such and idk.

You seem upset about something more intricate beyond this ask but yo I am not expecting myself in anybody here