#you're the cousin Willard

[splathousefiction]

On Age Gap Discourse

Finding out that there's a whole ageist discourse about fictional characters is wild, because simultaneously the same people screaming "old man Yaoi!" are upset because a 20 year old laughed at a middle aged mans joke.

For the record now and forever:

My characters and their age ranges are usually in the same decade I am, because it's what I know and it's easiest to write/relate to.

Jack The Warlock is 35 and has gray hair.

Jimothy Schwartz is 30 and easily looks in his early 20s.

Jenazebelle is 39 and both The Warlock and Jim jokingly call her a cougar.

Poppet, The Warlock's alter from another dimension, is 55 and has lived a hard life. He looks much older because of it.

Willard the Ghost Butler is over a hundred years old and is a RAGING cocain addict and alcoholic.

In "Old Man LaCroix", a holiday audio I produced last year, Jack Infernalus (named after the Warlock, his nephew and heavily inspired by a cousin I love dearly) is eleven whole years old. They're not the only child that's been featured in my work, as Kudzu (no last name) was only eight years old before he mutated into a giant evergreen forest.

All of these characters have interacted in a more-or-less same setting. Because that's life. You're gonna meet people older/younger and different from you in a lot of ways and sometimes they become your friends, sometimes you both pass each other like ships in the night, never to speak or see each other again. Sometimes you find shared experiences over the span of years in the count of one, five, ten or twenty and you form a bond you never forget.

Every time a "characters can't interact if they're (arbitrary number of years)" comes up, I'm reminded of one of my IRL friends named Charles who I used to play Magic: The Gathering with. I met Charles when I was 22. Charles was 65 years old and a born-and-bred carolina farmer. He'd gotten interested in the card game because of his grandson and would come every single friday to play cards with us. Charles and I hit it off smoking cigarettes together, and of all the people I wanted to see at the tournament friday, Charles was always the first person I spoke to.

We got beer and dinner together many a time. He'd talk about farming and the pending legalization of weed (which he called his "retirement plan") , and I talked about how badly I wanted to be a writer and radio broadcaster. Charles was one of the first people that heavily encouraged me to chase the dream, however unobtainable it seemed at the time.

I miss him dearly. The entire card shop showed up to his funeral, much to the joy of his family who doted that he always talked about "that group of guys he played cards with". If I'd followed the logic that popular discourse seems to preach, I would have been denied the memory of knowing that man and the many other elders, "big brothers/sisters", mentors, and even "cougars and dilfs" I've been fortunate enough to cross paths with. I never would have used those positive experiences to make the characters you all adore.

I'm not denying there's wolves after us out there; but there comes a point with the often hyperbolic, puritanical thinking of popular discourse that harms rather than reduces harm. You cut off your entire arm to save your finger.

Talk to people. Talk to people like you, but more importantly, talk to people radically different from you as often as you can, every single day. Sure, you're not always gonna agree. Sure, things are gonna be fucking awkward sometimes. But through words and speaking with them, you might just realize we're all a lot more alike than you'd ever imagine.

[littlegrayhearts]

Decades Challenge 1311-1315

Family Tree - Likely contains spoilers if you're not caught up.

1311-1313

[Willarde and Peronell's household.]

Willarde Lambard may love Peronell deeply but that doesn't stop him from feeling jealous from time to time. He still fears she may cheat on him, even though she was loyal to Arthurius for their entire lives, and even after she gave birth to his twin boys, in 1312:

(Twins) Lijart Wyschardus Lambard, Lancelet Willarde Lambard

It's not like Peronell has even been going out that much she typically spends most days teaching Helena, Mirabelle, Besseta, and Roesia how to cook, doing laundry, and watching after baby Lancelet.

Only Lancelet survived infancy, but for the moment that means Willarde might have a male heir society deems required. However, despite the fulfillment having Lancelet, brings Willarde he still loves his daughter as much as always.

[Henfrey left, Roesia right.]

Henfrey Arthurius and his extended family made yearly trips to the river, during the summer to swim catch frogs and fish. This is where many of his siblings and many of the other children learned they like fitness/swimming. Especially, Roesia. Henfrey had a bit of a mean phase, but mostly he just stomped around.

[Mirabelle left, Besseta right.]

Mirabelle Ellice went through a clingy phase with her step-sister, Besseta, you practically couldn't find one without the other. Mirabelle might not dislike the rest of the family, but she's not particularly close to anyone else. Besseta Emelyne is also one of the children who loves fitness/swimming along with her cousin, Linet Madeline.

However, in a cruel twist of fate, despite their mother's being sisters they don't get along incredibly well. She also absolutely despises Lancelet. Although, she's likely just upset feeling like her triplet brothers are being replaced with a new brother or worried it will change the relationship she has with her father.

[Linet left, Helena right.]

Even though, Linet is partners in crime with both Helena Peronell, or Roesia Adelin, they are not partners in crime with each other. Instead they have a deep hatred for one another as they both feel the other hogs to much of Linet's time, plus they are officially enemies.

Helena went through a pretty bad mean streak and even refused to attend church for a few months, even influenced Linet to ditch as well. She often cooks with Peronell, which is nice since her evil tendencies tend to take a back seat during their bonding time.

[Wenefreda left, Lancelet right.]

Unfortunately, in 1311, Wenefreda Jossy passed away from an unknown heart defect. Fortunately, Lancelet survived his baby years and loves being carried around and talking with his family, but if he gets in a mood it's best to just stay out of his way.

[Tillie and Peytr's houshold.]

Tillie and Peytr Lambard seem to be getting along really well, especially handling the stress of caring for her brother's orphaned children. They welcomed their second child, Ninette Tillie Lambard, in the end of 1311.

[Theobald left, Rex right.]

Theobald Humpherus was also one of the members of the family that discovered a love for fitness and he and Henfrey started spending a lot more time out and about the local area together, running and playing. Rex Peytr gets along with little Ninette really well, he took an instant liking to his baby sister. He loves doing things by himself for the most part and picked up the potty skill almost instantly.

1314

[Willarde and Peronell's family gathered to celebrate Christmas together, they also all attended the local Christmas celebration.]

In 1314, the family had a large Christmas celebration and everyone got together. All the kids got presents from their parents/guardians, as well as, Santa. (If that's not historical accurate oh well. 😏)

[Henfrey and Theobald late night fishing, in autumn of 1314.]

Henfrey and Theobald spent a lot of time playing in the local park on the hanging frame and fishing together. Ilbert occasionally joined them, but usually he would choose to stay home, especially if they decide to go fishing, he finds it boring.

[Helena knitting on a stool in the garden trying to avoid the family.]

Helena has been getting pretty good at the violin and has been spending a lot of time knitting. Mirabelle and Besseta still spend every waking moment together, and Mirabelle even gave Besseta fill permission to use her violin since Helena refuses to share.

[Roesia and Linet becoming partners in crime.]

Roesia and Linet have been hanging out more then Helena and Linet. Linet spends a fair amount of time training Tillie's dog Ginger to do tricks but that doesn't mean she doesn't still plan pranks with Helena, or Roesia. She also started using swear words when her parents aren't around. All the instruction Ginger had been receiving must have been a bit much because he ran away for part of 1314.

[Ilbert left, Ninette right.]

Ilbert finally aged up into a child, meaning all of Humpherus's children under Tillie's care have reached childhood. Despite Ilbert's active energy, he's a pretty shy and quiet kid. He hasn't made much of an impression on most of his family, but those he has love him dearly. As toddler's, Rex and Ninette are even closer, and they play together non-stop. It probably helps that Ninette doesn't really seem to mind anything or anyone and gets along with most if not all members of the family.

1315

[Henfrey and Helena having a meal during the famine.]

When Winter 1315 hit, Both Faremanne families were lucky that had stocked up really well. Before Winter each year, Both Arthurius's family and Tillie's family stocked up on resources for winter and the following year incase there was a poor harvest which left them with plenty to ration throughout 1315. However, stores started to looke pretty bare by Winter 1316.

[Peronell just after giving birth to her final set of twins.]

In Autumn 1315, Peronell gave birth to her final suprise babies,

(Twins) Osane Mae Lambard & Owin Isenbert Lambard.

Due to a lack of medical advancement, Peronell perished during the birth. While both twins lived initially, without Peronell alive to feed them, Osane ended up getting an infection due to the unsanitary feeding conditions and died before she turned 3 months old.

[Included in the photo above from left to right; Ninette Lambard, Rex Lambard being held by Peytr Lambard, Besseta Lambard, Willard Lambard holding Owin Lambard, Lancelet Lambard, Ginger Faremanne (dog).]

Owin really didn't fair much better then his twin sister, but at least he survived infancy. Henfrey, Mirabelle, Roesia, and Lancelet all decided they absolutely hate him. Only Helena and Besseta actually like him. With so much stress in the family and the fear of how Helena's obsession with Owin might effect his upbringing, Willarde ultimately made the choice to split up Peronell's children and return to his family property with his three children: Besseta, Lancelet, and Owin.

[Included in the photo above from left to right; Roesia Faremanne, Helena Faremanne, Linet Faremanne, Tillie Faremanne Lambard, Mirabelle Faremanne, Henfrey Faremanne, Ilbert Faremanne, Theobald Faremanne.]

Due to the near non existent harvest of 1315, resources were becoming incredibly scarce by the end of Autumn. This put Tillie in a very scary place. Already caring for Humpherus's 3 children, Tillie felt extremely wounded by Willarde's overall abandonment of Peronell's older children and worried deeply for the future of her niece's and nephew's as well as her own children. If the famine lasted much longer. she wasn't sure any of them would survive. Even under immense pressure and with a fair amount of fear on what the future would bring, she wasn't about to let her brother's, nor her adoptive father, Gerard Helewyse's legacy vanish without a fight.

[Just and extra photo from left to right: Theobald Faremanne, Rex Lambard held by Tillie Lambard, Linet Faremanne, Ninette Lambard held by Peytr Lambard, Ilbert Faremanne, and Ginger Faremanne (dog).]

Faremanne Lineage

Founder: Arthurius Faremanne 1284-1306

Heir apparent: Henfrey A. Faremanne 1303-

[brothermouse]

There are approximately 16,000,000 members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - These are their problems

You hate the rain because you dread the phrase "thank you for the moisture"

You stopped doing family history because you got to the part with all the polygamy and it got real depressing to see that your great- granddad had seven wives meanwhile you're about to age out of the singles ward

On your mission you used to get so mad at the people who would pretend not to be home but, heck, now you'll pretend not to be home for an Amazon drone

You're still not sure if Coke is against the Word of Wisdom so you drink Pepsi instead

Your mom's stopped bugging you about being single but you're pretty sure that's because she thinks you're gay. You're not, but you're going let her think that and see how it all shakes out

You don't claim to be a great public speaker, but frikkin' heck, your cousin Willard gave a talk last Sunday and even Job wouldn't have had the patience to stay awake

You took piano lessons when you were 12. Every day you're afraid that someone will find out you'll have to play the piano in every. Single. Meeting.

You know that the type of bread use in the sacrament doesn't matter, but if it's anything other than Grandma Sycamore's you consider it blasphemy

You're closeted gay and the only person who knows is you Grandma who knew because the Holy Ghost told her. The mother fetchin' narc.

You hitch up your skirt above the knee to let that cute guy in your ward know you're down for a NCMO but then his cousin Willard comes by and you put that skirt right back where God intended it to be

You're looking forward to the new hymnbook because then you can say you don't know how to play any of the new songs. Hopefully you can keep that up long enough for people to forget you can play the piano

Your cousin Willard gave the prayer in sacrament meeting and accidentally said Joseph Smith instead of Jesus Christ. The missionaries had an investigator.

That weird old guy in your ward went off for about 15 minutes on his theories about Kolob and you want to write him off as crazy but, gosh darn it, the man made some real good points

You and your two buds pulled over to help someone stuck on the the side of the road and now that person is going around saying the met the The Nephites

You hate when people say "on my mission" but you just shared three mission stories in the past hour

You just heard you forth Harry Potter reference at church today which made it pull ahead of Disney references

Your cousin Willard is head over heels for a girl he met at EFY and you almost don't have the heart to tell him that she's only 13. Almost.

You had a crush on a girl you met on Trek, which is weird because she's not really your type. At first you thought it was because she's related to Brigham Young, but now you realize you just have a thing for girls in prairie dresses

The bishop called your cousin Willard to be a door greeter and your faith in local leaders has never been this shaken

Growing up you weren't allowed to do homework or play videogames on Sunday, but you were allowed to go to coolmathgames.com. you're still trying to figure out that one