#you're too smart to not know that liam will only allow this for so long XD

[geekwiththeglasses]

Would love to hear you rant about Fourth Wing. That book makes me so mad lmao

I literally dashed to my desktop when I saw this because this deserves a desktop response (out of character for a millenial/genz cusper I actually type much faster with a keyboard).

Now to note, I am only 50% done with the book so far so this is limited to that (though I have watched spoiler reviews so I feel justified in my thoughts because I know it's not getting better).

By the way, I learned that this entire series was a publisher request, not like a passion project of Yarros and while I ain't judging (I would do it in a heartbeat if it meant I could pay rent for the next year), to me, you can kinda feel it, like there's a distinct lack of creative verve. You can especially feel it in how shallow everything (and everyone) feels.

A read more because this became obnoxiously long (it's almost 2000 words) and I respect people's dashboards.

Except for this article about toxic perseverance which I think everyone should have to read if they've read Fourth Wing.

There are, first of all, some major issues with this book. The biggest one is, of course, the toxic perseverance, which is covered quite well in the article, but if you're not going to read it, to pull a quote from it:

Creating a narrative in which a character with a disability overcomes all of their pain and other symptoms through force of will alone sets unrealistic expectations—unrealistic expectations which are, as I mentioned previously, a very real issue for very real disabled people in our very real world.  I believe we should have seen some impact of that lifestyle if the author was trying to engage with this intentionally. Because fiction is not created in a vacuum and this narrative goes unproblematised in-text, it’s unclear whether Yarros actively endorses this mindset, or is accidentally endorsing it, neither of which is good.

Just to elaborate a little on something I didn't see in the article, but this book hates the idea of accommodations. Like it's a horrible, horrible thing and how dare you ever suggest Violet might need something as disgusting as a saddle to stay on the equivalent of an airplane. It's not like accommodations are something that actually can end up helping non-disabled people as well. There wasn't potential for a scene where she actually acknowledged she needed help and suddenly everyone's like "hey, that's actually really smart, we should totally do this too, this makes life much easier/safer and will improve everyone's quality of life". Or even just a scene where it only helps her but damn it helps her a lot because it takes in to account her needs and specific body. Because that would require acknowledging that Violet has limitations and not allow her to power through the pain. And also get thrown from her dragon repeatedly, which definitely doesn't fuck up her joints.

Rhiannon gets so shafted. She gets the double whammy of two stereotypes: the black best friend and the promiscuous bisexual. She's seen with multiple partners, none of which seem like long-term or serious partners. And while some bisexual people have more sex with more people than others, if you're going to do that, include more than one bisexual person in your story. She has very little to do with the story unless she is there for the white, straight main character. We've gotten her helping Violet, but so far there's zero dedicated scenes of that tutoring help that was offered in the beginning and as far as I know we never get it (I may be wrong). I hear we get her family later, but that they're also glossed over for More Important Things. It doesn't feel like Rhiannon (or honestly any other character) exists except for when they're around Violet. They all kinda blend together, which at the 50% mark is fucking unacceptable. What is special about them, distinguishes them from the others other than Liam (is it Liam? whoever her bodyguard is) who whittles? There is so little to distinguish any background characters except for Dain. Even Xaden feels lackluster and a bit hazy around the edges, like he never finished rendering.

Let's not forget that Yarros is 100% a military wife and a US military bootlicker and from what I've heard she's had some unsavory and unsupportable opinions on Palestine. We do not like.

She also took Gaelic names and just decided the pronunciation doesn't matter??? Insulting.

Onto the less serious issues:

Firstly, as to my previous complaint, the entirety of Dain's storyline is the most impressive speedrun in character assassination I have ever seen. I described it to a friend as Yarros lovingly caressing a 2x4 before repeatedly beating you over the head with it. He gets like... a scene to be besties and then immediately he must be the worst thing to ever exist, specifically to prop up Xaden. Dain is the asshole holding her back, unlike Xaden who pushes her to be her best (entirely ignoring that her body literally has physical limitations and accommodations are not a dirty word)! He's such a rule follower, but Xaden understands when to bend or break them (pay no attention to him breaking all the rules to try to get her into the scribe's quadrant)! He doesn't believe her immediately when she accuses someone of murder, but Xaden absolutely believes her with no proof (let's forget that Amber is a good friend of Dain and that it would honestly be natural to want to believe that your friend isn't capable of cold-blooded murder with zero proof especially since that would lead to her execution which Violet somehow forgot would be a consequence of her accusation). Dain is overprotective and condescending to Violet (I mean he wasn't the one to force her to have a bodyguard, but he just doesn't believe in her). I bet he doesn't even wash his ass. Xaden definitely washes his ass.

Murder college makes zero sense, especially since she definitely based the military off the US (which makes sense since it's the one she has the most exposure to). Most militaries that I am aware of have rather high requirements for physical fitness, especially an academy for officers (which, in Yarros' face, I actually have experience with, as my father went to the Naval Academy so I know for a fact they're strict as hell with requirements). The US military won't even let you be slightly overweight, even if you can fulfill the physical requirements. It was hard to find any info on whether EDS would out and out disqualify you, but the fact that it wasn't even brought up as a barrier for entry that she had to overcome does not make sense to me.

Ah, I hear someone hypothetically argue, but the college is supposed to (theoretically) weed out the weak so they'll let anyone in who wants to join! Ok, then why is Violet the only physically disabled person in the entire college? I have been to rodeos with bull riders who were amputees, but there ain't one person missing an arm or a leg in that college. The only other disabled person we get so far is a scribe, but you're telling me not one deaf person wants to be a rider? Why is Violet the only one that gets to be "exceptional"?

Back to the murder part of murder college, the fact that this is a murder college gets technically lampshaded, but never really justified in why people keep coming. Like it's not some greater commentary on the lengths people will go for power or greatness or the insidious nature of military propaganda. It just felt like we needed to up the stakes that our protagonist was in danger at every turn, but honestly I never feel like the stakes are that high, because, well, she keeps emphasizing how much danger her life is in, how screwed and dead she is. And if her life is always in danger, it's never in danger.

Speaking of murder, the story doesn't challenge the idea that "weed out the weak through murder" doesn't actually work but just kills people and probably gives the survivors like the worst anxiety (because if everything can kill you your mental health will probably deteriorate). It's like that meme:

Basgiath War College: I have made the perfect rider Me: you fucked up a perfectly good person is what you did. Look at him. He's got anxiety.

Why is Violet so enlightened and above having any prejudice? If anything she should have way more animosity towards the rebel kids than she does. It's literally stated in text that she was not immune to the propaganda and misinformation she's read, but you want me to believe that between (what she believes is) losing a brother to the rebellion and a mother who was kinda involved, not to mention growing up in a group that would be full of anti-rebel propaganda she somehow didn't end up believing anything beyond "yeah some of them will definitely want you dead" which is true??? Instead she's fine with them and will definitely sit with rebel kids because unlike people who grew up with probably less or about the same propaganda than her, she knows not to judge people for the sins of their parents. Those other kids are just so much more prejudiced than she is, isn't she wonderful and has zero biases to unlearn. Oh, you may say, but she thought Xaden was going to kill her! He literally does confirm that the only reason initially he doesn't kill her is to keep a hold of his humanity which does actually confirm that he wants her dead! So the narrative even confirms that this bias was, in fact, the correct opinion to have.

I do not understand why Violet and Xaden are drawn to each other beyond Xaden hot. I am asexual and somewhere on the aromantic spectrum so perhaps it is just not in my nature to understand the ways of the heterosexuals, but I don't get it. Why does she like him? The only reason given is he's hot. Maybe a reason is given later down the line but this is a romantasy. You live and die by building up that damn romance and I am not convinced! I haven't even been given like a "oh I see him with his dragon and it's heart meltingly cute how he interacts with her". Is this why Dain had to be assassinated (we are holding his burial next week by the way, there will be funeral potatoes)? So that Xaden had something to be compared to because he has all the substance of one of those inflatable dancing men?

(Dance, Xaden, dance.)

Yarros cannot do exposition, it's so jarring. She tells us so much, shows little, and bores me the entire time. You seriously decide to make exposition a character quirk for when she needs to calm down? Seriously???? The parapet scene was hard to listen to because you were jerked around like a rag doll between quick action and exposition. Who thought that was a good idea? Exposition is always a difficult thing to include and make it work and sound natural, but this is not how you do it.

A minor complaint, but once you learn Yarros is Mormon you cannot unsee the fingerprints of Mormonism throughout this book. People do not cuss like people, they cuss like you put fuck into a fresh AI and asked it to try it out. I cuss like a sailor and I was wondering why it felt so jarring until I realized that it's not how people talk. I mean Holy. Fucking. Hot. I'm well the fuck aware. You tried ma'am, you tried. Here's a gold star. Also, I'm 99% sure there is zero alcohol. You seriously want me to believe that none of these kids are sneaking in alcohol? That no one is using booze to cope with being in a murder college? As if, we all know these kids are making midnight dragon runs to the liquor store.

Also, the fact that I had to hear an audiobook narrator try to make this dialogue and prose sound like something that would actually come out of a human mouth was truly something to behold. The fact that "for the win" was not left in the 2010s where it belonged is an outrage. If I had a better memory I would put in more quotes cause there have been other doozies.

But really, the greatest crime this book commits, is that it has the audacity to be boring. You give me dragons and you have the sheer, unmitigated gall to bore me. I will accept a lot from a book. I will accept plot holes. I will ignore shallow world building. I will tolerate character assassinations. Do all that if you must, but at the very least make it interesting. This book is not interesting. I listen to a few chapters at a time and I am not having a good time. I only continue out of sheer stubbornness and feeling an obligation that for once I should actually read a book that I have seen negative reviews about to see if perhaps it is not so bad.

I just happened to pick a book where it is, in fact, that bad.

[im-in-love-with-pizza-bites]

It Takes A Village Chapter 9

Chris Evans x Pregnant!daughter!reader

Series Master List

Series Summary: You find out that your pregnant. After being kicked out of your mom's house you go to live full time with your Dad who you only saw once every few months. Will he react badly to you being a mom at such a young age?

Chapter Summary: You tell your extended family about the news.

Series Warnings: swearing, fighting with a parent, teen pregnancy, speak of abortion.

Chapter Warnings: teen pregnancy

You stared out the window stuck in your thoughts as you, Dodger and your dad drove to your grandma's house for a family dinner. You had to tell them you were having twins now and it seems like everytime you come to terms with it for the most part but now you're more worried about your family's reactions.

"It'll be fine bubba they'll be happy if anything." Chris assured you.

"But... Okay.." You sighed looking at him.

"So bubs tell me more about your friends I only know one of them calls you an alien."

"Well his name is Oscar! He's the first one I met! He introduced me to his brother, sister and their friends. Marcus, Leah, Naomi, and Liam!" You told him. He nodded along as you told him about your friends. "Well Marc and Naomi are the smart ones, Leah is really sarcastic. And Liam is a goofball." You explained smiling.

"Okay.. We're here!" He parked in the driveway of your Grandma's house behind Carly's car.

The two of you said nothing as you went up to the door with Dodger running ahead of you, walking in, Miles and Stella ran over to you "Do you have the baby now?" They asked.

"It takes... A while."

"Oh how long?" Stella asked.

"Nine months."

"Oh... When you have the baby will we be allowed to hold it?" Miles asked the the four of you entered the living room.

"Yeah. You can hold them." You smiled.

"Y/n dear how are you? How is the baby?" You grandma said hugging you?

"Babies." You said eyes shot to you.

"Twins?" Carly asked.

"Yep!" You said

"How many is that?" Miles asked.

"Two."

"That's a lot." Stella said before they ran off to play with the dogs.

"Your having twins? Can you handle that?" Shanna asked.

"Yeah I think so." You shrugged sitting on the couch. "Well hope so." You thought.

"Did you find out their genders yet?" Ethan asked you smiling.

"No that's at my next appointment."

----

The day went well once you went to hang out with your cousins the adults had time to talk about the babies. All having mixed opinions on it but none of them would tell you that since you seemed confident in your ability to care for the babies. Now you with your family in the living room watching beauty and the beast on request of you and Stella. You were sat using Chris' shoulder as a pillow as be our guest was sang. Your arm found a comfortable place to lay on top of your tiny baby bump. Miles was cuddle up into your side focusing on the movie. Eventually though the movie ended and Miles and Ethan picked Wreck-it-Ralph to watch next. You shifted in your seat to snuggle into your dad's side as you grew tired. All he did was look down a small smile grazing his lips as he continued the quiet conversation he was having with Ryan. When the movie ended you were the only one of the kids still awake but just barely. You and your dad bid goodbye to your family as Carly and Ryan began gathering their kids to take to their car. You guys had to leave first since he blocked them in with his car.

"I told you that would go well." Chris said not bringing up the protests of your family.

"Yeah." You yawned resting your head on the window. "Dad I think I'm ready to announce to your fans about the babies..." You said sheepishly.

"Sweetie don't you think it's too early. You're going to be getting a lot of hate." He protested.

"I know but I think it's time. If I don't and people end up spotting the bump they're going to start a bunch of rumors. I rather skip the rumors." You explained looking at them.

"How about we start slow tell them you moved back in. Then maybe you can tell them about the babies later?" He tried to compromise.

"Fine when we go home I'll post a photo of us and Dodger." You said looking back at Dodger who was sitting in the middle seat of the backseat.

"Thank you, Bubba." Your dad looked your way for a second. You smiled leaning your head back against the window with a yawn.

Once you got home you took a photo with Chris and dodger posting it on Instagram before going to sleep.

Taglist: @toastisgood @coldmuffinpartycloud @thevelvetseries @uniquebeautyqueen

[nazariolahela]

Something Domestic: Chapter 6

A/N: Hey y'all! This is a new TRR AU I’ve been working on. This story is told in first-person narrative, from Riley’s (MC) POV. There will likely be smidges of canon in this, but not too much. Thanks for reading, and please leave feedback, and/or if you would like to be tagged.

Catch up here

Series Tags: @burnsoslow @aworldoffandoms @dcbbw @ladyangel70 @texaskitten30 @sunandlemons @jlynn12273 @indiacater @jared2612 @rainbowsinthestorm @drakesensworld @badchoicesposts @msjr0119 @katurrade @blackcoffee85 @cynicalworlds

Synopsis: When Riley Brooks takes a new job as a nanny for the affluent Rhys family in New York’s Upper East Side, she assumes she’s just going to care for the children of the couple who hired her. But instead of just school pick-ups and afternoon snacks, she also finds herself spending time with Liam, the handsome divorced dad. Can Riley control her feelings for Liam while still performing the job she was hired for?

All characters are the property of Pixelberry Studios. Thanks for allowing me to borrow them.

Chapter Summary: Riley gets to know the other important people in Liam’s life and learns about his past.

“Okay, tell me everything!”

Hana and I sit in our usual booth at the Double Tappe, discussing the events of our first day at our new jobs. She tells me about her schedule and the other teachers she’ll be working with this school year. I then tell her about the literal “run-in” with Liam in the kitchen, and the incident with the paparazzi in the park. She listens intently, pausing every few moments to take a sip of her Whiskey Sour. When I finish, she sits back and exhales.

“Whew. That’s intense. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I guess we’ll have to make sure we have someone with us every time we leave the house. I’m not worried about being attacked, but if they get too close, I’m worried they might frighten the kids.”

“That’s not what I was referring to.”

Of course, she wasn’t. I know what she’s hinting at and I’m not taking the bait. She was the one who told me to be cautious when it came to Liam. And as much as I want to throw caution to the wind, my job is more important than some mild flirtation with my boss.

“Hana,” I warn.

She throws up her hands defensively. “Look, I saw how you two were the other night. You can’t tell me there’s nothing there. I’m just trying to get you to realize the gravity of the situation. Getting involved with your boss is one thing. Him being a prominent figure is a whole different animal. Especially given his current marital status.”

I sigh and take a long pull of my drink. She’s absolutely right. As much as I want to argue with her, I can’t. Especially after what happened in the park this morning. The last thing I need is the tabloids catching wind of my little crush. I drag my hands down my face, wishing I could just disappear into the floor. “I hate that he’s a celebrity in this city. This would be so much easier if he was a nobody. Why does this have to be so messy?”

“You poor, stupid fool.”

“Excuse me?” I jerk my head around and come face to face with a woman with fiery red hair and emerald green eyes. She’s wearing a black blazer over a grey skirt and top. She stands next to me; one hand on her hip, and a look that would incinerate me.

“Scoot your ass,” she says, motioning for me to move over. She smirks and takes a seat in the booth next to me. “So, you’re the new nanny.”

“I am. And you are?”

“Olivia Vanderwall Nevrakis.”

She holds out her hand to me and I shake it nervously. She then reaches over and shakes Hana’s hand. Hana and I slink back in our seats, eyeing each other. Who is this woman? And what the hells does she want with us?

“I couldn’t help but overhear your little ‘predicament.’”

“Yeah? What’s it to you anyway?” I ask suspiciously.

“Let’s just say I’m an old friend. And I’m very interested in this new person in my friend’s life.”

“You’re a friend of Liam’s?”

She takes a sip of her wine, examining the glass. “You’d think this halfwit bartender would know how to properly clean a glass before serving drinks to his customers,” she states loud enough for the entire room to hear.

From behind the bar, I see Drake shoot her a death glare. “Because gods forbid her Highness has to drink out of a glass with water spots,” he grumbles, then retreats back to the kitchen. Hoo boy, that was awkward.

She rolls her eyes. “Now, where were we? Yes, I’m a friend of Liam’s. Our fathers were business partners a million years ago, so we grew up together. We even dated for a hot minute in college, but we realized we were better off as friends. Then, he married that she-witch.” She chuckles, taking another sip of her wine. “You know, the day he told me he was going to ask her to marry him, I told him he was the dumbest motherfucker alive. You’d think he would have listened to me.”

Hana cocks her eyebrow. “That seems harsh. Even if you didn’t agree with it, a good friend would guide him toward the right path, but support his decision no matter how stupid you thought it was.”

Olivia eyes Hana, smirking. “Oh, sure. If it were anyone else. But that man was so blinded by love and pussy, he completely missed all the signs about her. He wasn’t even her first choice. She had eyes for his brother, but Leo hit it and quit it faster than you can say, ‘Here’s cab money. Now get out.’”

Hana glares at Olivia, then turns to me. “Excuse me. I need to use the ladies' room.” She slides out of her seat and stalks off towards the back of the bar.

“I’m sorry, but why are you telling me this? I don’t even know you.” This all feels weird. This woman I just met is suddenly so interested in my non-existent relationship with my boss, who just happens to be her friend. This entire conversation is completely out of left field.

Olivia shakes her head. “You don’t think I don’t know about his little infatuation over you? We talk every day and he’s told me about you. And now seeing you in person, I get it. You’re young. You’re hot. You’re his kids’ nanny, so the whole idea of pursuing you is taboo. He’s pussywhipped and you haven’t even given up the pussy yet. To be honest, I don’t give a shit about you. I’m just looking out for my friend. He’s still legally married, and I don’t want this to blow up in his face.”

I already knew he talked about me to his friends, but to admit to them he has a thing for me? My head is spinning as I take in the information she’s slinging at me. Before, it was just a stupid crush. Now that I know he reciprocates my feelings for him, I’m not sure what to think.

“Wait a minute. Are you in love with him?”

She laughs. ”Good gods, you're as ignorant as my ex-husband.”

”You were married?”

”Ugh, yes don't remind me. My parents basically forced us into it because it was ’good for business’” she says, making air quotes with her fingers. “The day I married Anton Severus was the day a part of my soul died.”

”Wait...The Anton Severus? Majority Owner of the Lykos Kings?”

She sighs. ”One and the same. The only good thing I got out of that marriage was part-ownership of that damn baseball team. Except I hate baseball. I only keep it to piss him off.”

Hana returns a moment later. She scowls at Olivia as she slides back into her seat. “So, what did I miss?” she asks sarcastically.

“Well, your friend here has the hots for her boss, which I’m sure you already know. I also gather she’s told you about his situation. And to top it off, he’s like a horny teenager over here waiting for his divorce to be finalized so he can make a move on her.”

Hana sighs. “I’m not going to lecture you any more about it. I just hope you know what you’re getting yourself into.” She stands to leave and picks up her drink. “Olivia, pleasure to meet your acquaintance,” she says and moves to the bar to chat up a tall brunette in a blue mini dress who’s been eyeing her all night.

Olivia cocks an eyebrow at me. “You should listen to your friend. She’s obviously the smart one.” She polishes off her glass of wine and slides out of the booth. “Word of advice; keep your hormones in check until the ink is dry. If Madeleine finds out he’s got heart eyes for you, she’ll drag this bitch out until the kids are in retirement homes. Until next time, Riley Brooks.” Then, she saunters away.

“Don’t worry about her. She might seem vicious, but she’s harmless,” I look over to see Drake wiping down the table in the booth next to me. He eyes my empty glass. “Want another one?”

“Actually, do you have Skullcracker Ale on tap?”

“16 or 20 ounce?”

“After the day I’ve had, make it a 20.”

He nods and makes his way to the bar to pour my beer. He returns a few minutes later, beer in hand. He sets it in front of me and takes a seat across the booth from me. “So, you and Liam, huh?”

I groan, dropping my head into my hands. “First of all: there is no ‘Liam and I.’ Second: How many people know about this?”

Drake chuckles. “Not as many as you think. Just Max, Liv, and myself. We’re his three closest confidants, and he trusts us with his life. Even more than his family or that bitch of a wife.”

“Wow. I take it you’re not a member of the Madeleine Karlington Fan Club either.”

“That woman is the devil incarnate. Even before they got married, she was always chasing the ‘next big thing'. He told you why they’re splitting up, right?”

“Yeah, he said she cheated on him with one of her co-workers,” I reply.

He holds his finger up and walks over to the bar. Grabbing a tumbler, he pours himself two fingers of whiskey, then returns to the table. He sits down and sighs deeply. “Sorry, I need a drink for this. So anyway. Yes, she slept with one of her co-workers, but what Liam didn’t know is that it wasn’t the first time.”

“Olivia said she also slept with his brother.”

Drake nods. “Leo and Madeleine ‘dated’ for a few months the summer after we graduated college. Leo was only interested in a fling, but Madeleine was madly in love with him. After he dumped her, she started dating Liam to get back at him. The problem was, Liam fell in love with her. They dated for three months before he moved her into his penthouse, and they were engaged six months after that. They married less than a year later, and she got pregnant with Charlotte shortly after. Come to find out that she was messing around almost the entirety of their seven-year marriage.”

I gasp. “Oh, my gods. Are the kids his?”

“Yes, thankfully. One look at Philip, and there’s no question he’s Liam’s. He’s the spitting image of him as a child. Charlotte looks more like Madeleine, but he had a paternity test to be sure. Especially since she’s asking for full custody and child support in the divorce.”

I shake my head. Good gods, I can’t even begin to wrap my brain around how dysfunctional their relationship is. What’s worse is there are kids involved. Thank goodness they’re too young to comprehend what is going on with their parents. I take a pull of my beer. “So how long have you and Liam known each other.

“Liam, Max, Liv, and I have all been friends since high school. He and I played lacrosse together sophomore year. He and Liv dated for a few months in college. They fought all the time because she’s stubborn as hell.”

“Was it serious? Liam and Olivia?”

He grins. “Do I detect a hint of jealousy?”

“N-no. I’m just...curious. Do I need to worry about a crazy ex stalking me?”

“I’d be more worried about Madeleine firing your ass and ruining your chances of getting another nanny job than I would be about Olivia harboring feelings for Liam. Deep down they love each other, but it’s not romantic.”

I nod and take a sip of my beer. Why am I jealous? Liam isn’t mine, so I have no right to be envious of Olivia or their relationship. Besides, if she was really after him, I’m sure she’d crush me with her bare hands for trying to step in and take “her man.” OMG, listen to yourself, Riley. He’s your boss, not your boyfriend. That means he’s technically off-limits.

“So, what does Liam’s family think of all this?” I ask.

Drake chuckles, but there is no humor in his voice. “Constantine is the one who encouraged Liam to marry Madeline. He said marrying a girl like her would convince investors to do business with the company because it would paint Liam as a ‘family man.’ He knew about her and Leo but said that it wouldn’t matter because Leo wasn’t the settling down type. Leo was actually supposed to take over the family business after college, but he gave that up to travel the world. To be honest, the company is in better hands under Liam. Their revenue went up like 25% last year.”

“Is that a good thing?”

He shrugs. “I guess. At least that’s what everyone tells me. I don’t know jack about multinational investment companies. Hells, I barely know the ins and outs of running a business.”

I cock an eyebrow at him. “But you’re a business owner. Don’t you think you should at least know the basics of running your own business?”

“Yeah, probably.” He notices Hana and her new lady friend flagging him down and gets up from the booth to move back behind the bar. I leave my booth and take a seat a few stools away from Hana. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her lean in and whisper into the woman’s ear, the two of them touching each other’s arms and giggling. Get it, girl!

“So, what made you want to open your own bar?”

He finishes making their drinks, then moves down the bar. “It’s always been my dream to own my own bar. There was this place called The Laughing Seal where we used to drink when we were in college. It burned down about five years ago. Most of the place was destroyed, but the bartop managed to survive. Liam’s dad knew the owner and convinced him to let me buy the bar when I opened the Double Tappe.” Drake says, running his hands along a charred spot on the bar.

“I’m glad you found your passion. And I’m glad you give us a place to unwind. You’re like a modern-day Sam Malone.”

He snorts. “Except I suck at baseball and the ladies don’t fawn over me like that.”

I smirk and glance up at the clock on the wall. Holy shit, how is it already 9 p.m.? I reach in my purse and slap two $20s on the bar top for my tab. “Thanks for the chat, Drake. I’ll talk to you later this week.” 

He nods. “No problem. And for what it’s worth, don’t let the whole Madeleine thing bother you. If you and Liam are meant to be, it will all work itself out.”

I shake my head and turn to Hana, who is currently exchanging phone numbers with the brunette. “You ready to head out, girl?” I ask her.

She leans in and whispers into her companion’s ear before standing up. “Yep, let’s go. I have to finish putting my lesson plan together for the year. See ya, Drake.”

He waves to us as we exit the bar. It’s late August, so the weather is still warm. We decide against hailing a cab and trek the 10 blocks back to our apartment. As we walk arm-in-arm, Hana tells me about her new lady friend. Her name is Meghan and they’re going out this weekend. She grins from ear to ear as she talks, and I can’t help but feel joy for her. All the pressure she gets from her parents to find a man, it’s about time she lives for herself. If my best friend can find happiness, maybe there’s hope for me as well.

Right?

[punkscowardschampions]

Edie & Liam

Edie: [Okay, so a school trip moment for Edie for Politics and Society where they've gone down to the local courts to probably watch the most boring cases of people paying parking fines etc lol so have fun with that babe] Liam: got the hots for any criminals? Edie: the dude refusing to pay his child support is just my type Liam: pity I don't have any 👶 I've binned off for you Liam: all I've got going for me is how willing I am to catch a charge Edie: We're gonna snatch one, already decided Edie: daddy issues withstanding, no one here is as interesting as you Liam: when I find one with 👀 like yours Edie: 🥺🥺🥺 Edie: I'll make one for you Liam: would you? Edie: I'd do anything for you Liam: I'm just testing you, baby Edie: Test away Edie: my brain is dribbling out my ears over here Liam: don't lose it, we need it Edie: I need you Edie: what are we doing later to bring back my will to live? Liam: anything you want Edie: I might have something Liam: am I guessing or are you telling? Edie: I don't wanna get your hopes up Edie: but I heard rumours, some kid in my year reckons he's found an empty Edie: and that his brother and his mates are gonna squat in it Edie: but it's in a really fuck off big house in a decent part of town, so idk if it's bullshit or what Edie: but it'd be fun to trash if it isn't Liam: we could kick them out, stay for a while before we do Edie: yeah? Edie: play 🏡 with me Liam: somewhere nice to take the 👶 to Edie: Wonder how many rooms there are Edie: can have a playroom and everything Edie: lucky bastard Liam: do you think there's a garden? Edie: even if it's really in town, they'll still have a perfectly landscaped backyard, patio, room for a swing Liam: sandpit for our buried treasure Edie: and the dogs 🦴s Liam: great idea to blame the dog 💀🦴 Edie: I think so Edie: failing that, the previous owners Edie: clearly left in a hurry because the body count got out of control Liam: won't look suss that all the little pussies from your class who are looking at you now when they shouldn't be are in there Edie: I can think of a thousand reasons they deserve to die Edie: yours is the best though Liam: it's the most important one Edie: I don't want anyone else to look at me Liam: put your jacket on Edie: [stealth selfie 'cos p sure you are not meant to have a phone in court lol] Liam: you'll feel better now Edie: 🤏 Edie: what lesson are you in? Liam: maths Liam: about to stick a pencil through my own eye Edie: save one for me Edie: I love your eyes too Liam: right or left? Edie: left Edie: it's the side the tattoo is on Liam: 👌 Liam: [a selfie that he's edited to get rid of an eye] Edie: my cyclops Edie: still hot Liam: eye patch isn't as useful as a fake leg but I knew you'd be into it Edie: you can stash some in the socket Edie: or a 💎 Edie: can't bury all the treasure Liam: 💍 Edie: 🥰 Liam: when can you get out? Edie: when do you want me? Liam: I wanna find the house & make it nice for you first Edie: [screenshot of this kid in her year going off about it/inviting her with the address etc] Liam: I'll go now Edie: I'll pretend the cases have upset me and ask to be excused when I get the chance Edie: then I can go into town and steal all the stuff we'll need for the house Liam: don't forget the 👶 Edie: I'll look in all the prams for the bluest eyes Liam: has to be a girl though Edie: they're always decked out in all the pink Edie: even if I've left some of my brain on the seats Liam: get some clothes too then Edie: your babies would be so beautiful Edie: not like pink screaming blobs Liam: if she looks like you I don't mind her screaming, can do whatever she wants Edie: I'm in love with you Liam: I know you are Liam: & you know how I feel about you Edie: yeah Edie: you take care of me Liam: I'm trying to Edie: you are Liam: I want this to work Edie: then it will Edie: I'll do whatever you need me to Edie: be what you need Liam: you're perfect Liam: he knows that's why he invited you there Edie: but I'm going to be with you instead Liam: who is he? Edie: dunno, he's barely in any of my classes Edie: Craig something, his brother is called Sean, you've probably seen him at shit, even though he's been out of school time Liam: yeah, previous raves & shit Edie: right Edie: just think he knows I go to that shit too Liam: I just need to broadcast a bit louder that I'm with you now, everywhere Edie: How do you wanna do that? Liam: can't let you out of my sight if it means you're in theirs Edie: I'm not mad about that Edie: I want to be with you all day every day Edie: but I'll stab my eyes out before I look at anyone else Edie: you know that Liam: it's not you I don't trust Edie: if anyone touches me, you'll kill them Edie: and we'll bury them in our sandpit Liam: I test you, they test me Edie: you can handle anyone, you're so above them, everyone Liam: I don't know what I'd do if things changed Edie: things will only change if you want them to Edie: I'm not going anywhere without you Liam: tell your ma you're staying at mine, I don't want her trying to get you back Edie: okay, I will Edie: you're the only one who's allowed to tell me what to do Liam: it'll be home until we don't want it, barely a lie Edie: it doesn't matter Edie: I'm never safer than when I'm with you Liam: you can stay at mine too, any time you want Edie: I can? Liam: yeah Edie: 😄😄😄 Edie: I'm now leaving Edie: very, very devastated about the lady driving without insurance 💔 Liam: who can afford that shit, heartbreaking isn't far off Edie: it's a scam Edie: speaking of, how am I gonna liberate some sleeping bags 🤔🤔 Liam: 🤰 Edie: 💡 Edie: pram would actually be perfect Liam: didn't leave any of your brain behind Edie: don't wanna live that young mum stereotype too hard or I'll be right back in that place and I've only just escaped Liam: you won't Liam: the baby won't need to steal it from you, it'll be smart & talented & beautiful in its own right Edie: and you'll love it Edie: and always look after it too Liam: everyone says there's nothing like it, I'd have to feel something Liam: you know that's all I want Edie: I think even if you don't love your kid Edie: you must still be scared for them Edie: and for your own life, how they'll save it or destroy it Edie: that's something Liam: we could be a family, it's been so long since I had one of them Edie: all we'd need would be us three Liam: if my ma won't let us make my sister's room into one for the baby then we'll find our own place Edie: there's room at mine Edie: well, we could make it Edie: with her track record, that's the one thing she can't not be cool on Liam: mine's not cool on fucking anything, but pretend I didn't say that or you'll never wanna come over Edie: she won't like me Edie: but I'll still come Edie: and I'll try to be more what a ma would like Edie: in front of her anyway Liam: she's up for me having a girlfriend, in her words finally Edie: better not disappoint then Edie: what's she like? Liam: she's a lot but she's been through a lot Liam: maybe that's where all the shit I'm supposed to feel went to Edie: maybe Edie: that's the kind of thing a mum would do Edie: take it all on, for good or bad Liam: she does do that, since both the baby daddys she picked turned out to be losers Edie: same with mine Edie: the only person who helped her out was another chick but she died and then there was another kid to take in so Edie: I'd hate to live like that Liam: you won't Edie: I can't Liam: we've got a plan, yeah? Liam: stay with me Edie: we can be different Edie: we are Edie: don't you feel it, around everyone, all the time Liam: yeah, I do Liam: I used to hate it Edie: it's lonely Edie: was Liam: I wanted to be more like my sister, everyone knew her & liked her Liam: but she got lonely too, in the end Edie: people are selfish Edie: they couldn't deal with her pain, even though it was hers to go through Liam: she used to beg me to stay with her & I did but we weren't in the same place Liam: I couldn't go there Edie: you weren't dying Edie: that's lonely Edie: people waste their time alive being alone and not doing what they want whilst they can and for what Liam: they don't wanna live too hard in case it kills them Edie: at least that way is quick Edie: you don't have time to think about it, or wait in that place Liam: yeah Edie: it's bullshit, all of it Edie: what happened to your sister, your mum, you Edie: we'll live by our own rules and it won't be like that Liam: it was bullshit, everyone acting like there's peace & acceptance & she'd feel super chill Liam: she was angry & lonely & fucking terrified of falling off the edge Liam: exhausted from fighting to stay on Edie: why would there be, or should she be Edie: it isn't okay Edie: kids with everything ahead of them shouldn't fucking die Liam: I should've Liam: before I met you Liam: instead of her Edie: you would've if you could've Edie: the universe doesn't do trades and that's another fucked thing about it Liam: I need you to help me fix it Liam: nothing's how it's supposed to be Edie: Okay Edie: let's do it Liam: you'll really do anything for me Edie: I swear Edie: it's right Edie: it's what I'm meant to do Liam: how do you know? Edie: because I want to Edie: and if the universe is pure random, chaotic chance Edie: then you have to follow the right strings Edie: or it goes wrong, like you said Liam: & this is right Liam: the only way I have Edie: is it? Edie: for you Liam: you're all that's left Liam: I can't do anything else Liam: if this doesn't work, nothing will Edie: then it's settled Liam: you're gonna love this 🏠 Edie: what's it like? Liam: huge Liam: bigger than the one my ma rents for real Edie: no way Edie: can't believe he wasn't lying Edie: let's keep it Liam: baby, there's so much space Liam: haven't hit my head either Edie: 😱 Edie: let's stay forever Edie: we'll deal with any estate agents or potential renters who come Liam: under the floorboards Edie: bet they have loads of unnecessary storage we can use too Edie: wine cellars and pantries Liam: 👶 do have a lot of shit they need though Edie: how many bedrooms are there Liam: 4 Edie: it can have a playroom and so can we Liam: you'll be able to finish that song about me Edie: I'll write whole albums Liam: you can write one for the 👶 every milestone, like a less shit Adele Edie: 😂 Edie: I will Edie: 👶 will feel so loved Liam: I want it for my birthday Edie: have you done the maths? Liam: not in that lesson any more, give me a sec Edie: 🤞 you've not given me an impossible task 😿 Liam: [does the maths even though we don't know when his bday is or what time of year it is rn but pretend we do] Edie: okay Edie: we'll have to get moving Edie: I'll put these condoms back Liam: give them to that lad, he don't need to be having any kids Edie: seriously Edie: his brother already has some he doesn't see, right Edie: gross Liam: I got some 💊 off him that didn't do fuck all Liam: waster in every way Edie: such a loser Liam: we're gonna have to be clean Edie: me at least, when it's cooking Liam: I'm not gonna keep going without you Edie: serious? Liam: you're willing to do anything for me, I can stop taking 💊 for you Edie: I love you Liam: hurry up, you have to see this place Edie: Okay, okay Edie: there's a lot of stuff this baby needs too Liam: I need you here Edie: then I'll run Liam: you can lie down as soon you've made it home Edie: I got us dinner Liam: gutted I don't have a real 💍 in my eye socket Edie: I'll have to use a ring pull Liam: it'll work for now Edie: were your parents married? Liam: nah, but she married my sister's dad Liam: she liked him better all round Edie: that makes sense Edie: same with mine and the others dad Edie: hence she went back to him Liam: dunno what your ma was thinking but in fairness to mine he was less of a twat for a while Edie: can't help who you love Edie: some people are unlucky with that too Liam: yeah Liam: & some people never get to be in love Edie: some people don't let themselves Liam: like we said earlier about not living Edie: yeah Edie: I guess it is scary but what's the alternative Liam: I used to properly feel things you know Edie: before your sister died Liam: if it was there before, it could be again Edie: definitely Edie: I know it Edie: we'll work it out Liam: you'll be happy here Liam: [a pic of the cute shit he's been doing in her absence trying to make this place nice for her] Edie: 🥺🥺 Edie: it says I'm nearly there Liam: I'll come out so I can carry you in 👰 Edie: you know I'd die to make you happy Liam: but that isn't what I want Liam: I'd prefer if you lived forever Edie: then I'll do that Edie: we can have hundreds of babies if that's what you need Edie: or do all the drugs in the world Edie: or go on the longest killing spree Liam: I think that'd take a huge toll on you physically, which I don't want either Liam: I'm not trying to ruin you Edie: you might make me actually cry Liam: stay beautiful, that's what I need Edie: Come get me Liam: [does] Edie: [lowkey laden down with all the essentials be careful boy] Liam: [literally take a sec to imagine them going from room to room planning their lives like adorable nerds] Edie: [this is all so bittersweet we're so mean] Liam: [I'm totally fine and not gonna sob] Edie: [I think if they made it look lived in, it'd make the squatters go away, so then it's just when the landlord/estate agent moment shows up eventually, but I think that would give them a bit of time to do it, even if it's like a week] Liam: [there's just something so pure about this, like it really reminds me how young and broken they are, casually playing pretend like little kids here] Edie: [mhmm, like because she's technically smart everyone expects her to be cynical and realistic but she can't be and is like genuinely if we try hard enough this will all work and be real] Liam: [just reminding me of my pure baby angel Carly in a way I did not expect to be hit by, excuse me] Edie: [when you're more like her and Billie is more like Ali don't mind me] Liam: [I don't know why I love that so much but I do] Edie: [just live your best lives huns, all the ridiculous things you've got for this home moment, also some kind of baby doll 'cos we didn't steal a real child] Liam: [we don't need either of you getting in that much trouble when the fams are gonna be annoyed as is, they should totally film something with it during this week because those hoes] Edie: [creepy, cryptic video in response to where you are like soz for scaring you all half to death it's just our brand] Liam: [and she should practice tattoo designs on it for him like do you like this one or nah] Edie: [definitely covered in biro] Liam: [put your treasure in it's eye socket] Edie: [there's so many sick designs tbh] Liam: [are we saying they still go to school or purely hole up] Edie: [probably hole up 'cos 1 why not but 2 at least you'd know they were together even if not where lol] Liam: [it adds to the vibe of their own little world so I'm here for it] Edie: [like truly why would you go to school, maybe when you're pregnant and we need to win people 'round lmao] Liam: [he wouldn't stalk Rio all week that means #proudofyouboy] Edie: [we're all thrilled] Liam: [actual progress for real because he's been doing it for years and he didn't force Edie to go to school so he could] Edie: [it truly is, when you're just having fun gah] Liam: [proud of you for living real life again boy, speaking of, we know the vibe but is there anything you wanna write down here as defs happening this week other than what we've said?] Edie: [hmm, so let's recap real quick and then we can add anything if we think of it, we've got homey things and he's made it cute and we're playing house so the squatters don't come and wreck it, which is so cute, we're planning our family and life like this is absolutely nbd, doing all the biro tattoos, making our ARG and making a weird/scary vid for the fam lollollol soz, just clearly getting to know each other intensely and bonding and cementing this plan] Liam: [do write some songs gal but I also think they should try whatever drugs they want to that they haven't before they get clean for this pregnancy moment because adds to the bonding that they don't even throw a party they just do it together] Edie: [i vibe that because it isn't about the party of it all, it's the feeling things, so it makes feelsy sense] Liam: [yeah I felt it, and it's so cute that they're doing all these domestic things while sometimes high af] Edie: [like you said, we don't need to be saints 'cos who is even when they have a child but it's very noble that you're like okay let's get it out of the way lol] Liam: [literally ruster are still living lavish and partying with their champagne and coke when they have theirs, tell me I'm wrong] Edie: [mhmm, y'all are very sweet actually it's pure] Liam: [neither of them seem like they would be so sweet and pure and that's why I stan it] Edie: [maybe they can do things they'll do when they have the bub like the park etc so like normal childhood things which he probably didn't get to do much] Liam: [boo how dare you, that's so cute] Edie: [like again, bittersweet but also childlike vibes again and he can enjoy it] Liam: [also I vote he gets on this roof and shouts about his feelings like he said he was gonna on the school roof] Edie: [a mood, and you can be a bit destructive inside, just got to keep it looking respectable so every loser in town doesn't crash your fun] Liam: [OMG but what if that's towards the end of the week and he says he loves her then because he has not like literally shout it from the rooftops but genuinely] Edie: [need that tbh 'cos as in this as she is and not turning back, she's obvs noticed he hasn't like she knows she's still out here trying to make him feel not like oh yes, I have succeeded lol] Liam: [it just is real like when you're pissing about at first but then the feels carry you along] Edie: [oh you two]

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on TRR Book 3, Epilogue.

• So. This is going to be our last TRR chapter...for a while, unless they decide to do a spin-off of sorts. All the issues have been (somewhat) resolved, the MC and her friends + LI are triumphant, we've broken our beds on our wedding night, now it's time to explore the aftermath. (So sorry it took me this long, guys, I've spent a full week struggling to save whole paragraphs).

• Many thanks to @kennaxval and @boneandfur for all the screenshots and help on the Hana x MC and Maxwell x MC scenes! I used my own screenshots for Liam's playthrough, the above two + the "All the Stories Girl" YouTube channel for Hana's and Maxwell's, and the HIMEME YouTube channel for Drake's.

• So we start with waking up in our LI's arms, and it's all sweet and adorable and we're all basking in the afterglow of our first wedding night. But the LI has a surprise.

• The beach!!

• Since we'll be going on our honeymoon sometime later, the LI basically wants us to have a little fun and alone time on a private beach.

• All the LIs give us three choices of drinks (mimosas, infused water, tropical drink), and three choices of food (fruit-and-cheese-platter, french pastry and bread rolls).

• FINAL CHANCE TO SHARE AN INTIMATE MOMENT WITH THE LI!! For 15 diamonds!! That's quite a steal.

• Now...who am I to say no to a Sparkly Liam?? 😀

• So the pre-fucking activities are obviously different for each LI. It's meant to suit each of their personalities and while I loved the sex part...I really enjoyed this.

Liam takes his wife swimming (you can either splash him or take him underwater for a kiss) and then proceeds to write a love note for her in the sand. When she points out that it might get washed away in the sand, he states that the message will live on in the waves that will carry it. Gaww.

Hana's activity is SO HANA istg. Both she and the MC build a sand castle and you get a rare glimpse of "Hana-getting-carried-away-talking-about-things-she-loves" if you choose the fairytale option xD They build a castle and a moat, and it's pretty obvious that Hana loves her fairytales ("there's no such thing as too many castles") and that the activity is so representative of her wildly romantic spirit.

Maxwell agrees to get buried in the sand, and the MC can choose what form it should take (Valtoria's sigil, a sea monster or a lot of muscles). @boneandfur tells that if you choose the sea monster option you get the first mention of "unleash the kraken" if you are married to him (the first one was in the fling scene, which you obviously won't get if he's your fiancé). It's all sorts of adorable 😂

Drake has a swimming race with you, in a rather nice callback to his first beach scene (diamond-option) in Book 1 Chapter 10. Back then the race was between Drake and the MC, Hana acting as referee and producing a shell for her and a sand dollar for him later on as prizes. Here, the MC has the option of gifting Drake a beautiful conch shell, and Drake is the one who gives the MC a sand dollar.

• Guh. That's all I'll say about what follows. Guuuuuuh.

• I made Esther wear her hugeass hat just to see if she'd keep it on during sex. She didn't and now I'm very sad 😟

• It's now a few weeks later, and we're being called for a special secret ceremony that Liam has gotten planned, and that apparently only Madeleine knows (very very few) details of. You get to tell your friends (in your fiancé/e's presence if you're not married to Liam) how married life is going for you, and there's either some good natured teasing or "ugh, spare me the details" from them. Madeleine then enters, having found the perfect excuse to wear the white dress I pettily didn't allow her to wear to my wedding.

I bet my note said "pay diamonds or it's the LBD for you, bitch".

• I also love how Madeleine knows that asking Olivia not to bring daggers is a lost cause, so she might as well put a limit of the number of weapons she brings instead 😂😂

• Out of the four, two already decide on their outfits (Drake on his grey suit and Olivia on her Costume Gala Nevrakis gown), and two ask you for your opinion.

• For Hana, you can choose between the handmade cheongsam that is so precious and personal to her, and the godess-of-spring gown she wore for the Costume Gala. If you were married to her, or chose another dress for Hana to wear, the cheongsam would be perfect!! Imagine, when she finally receives honours for her contributions to her country, she will be wearing this lovely dress that has so much personal history for it and possibly may also be representing her roots as well. But I chose the spring gown, because the cheongsam she'd worn for my wedding. If I ever wind up replaying maybe I'll switch it all around a little.

• For Maxwell, you either choose between his smart black suit, or the squid suit. OF FUCKING COURSE I'm going to choose the latter. When he goes up to get his honour as Guardian, I want everyone to know that this Beaumont Boy is the Pride of His Home and His Family 😍 Same with why I'm happy that Olivia is wearing her Nevrakis gown because this event is further proof that she is redefining what it means to be a Nevrakis. (also if you choose his squid suit, he exclaims in squiggly letters about how the "cephalopod rises again". 10/10).

• For Drake, I like the full-circle enforced by the fact that this suit was what he wore on the night of Liam's Coronation. That night was the first time Drake didn't try to reject his feelings for the MC, didn't allow his guilt re: Liam to come between them, instead accepted that he felt that way and approached her (in his diamond scene). Given that this epilogue features a throwback to the Coronation...I like this extra touch.

• My corgi Joy DuPont of Valtoria/Cordonia gets his own suit too.

• Aaaaand now it's time for the finale gown!

Pretty faithful rendition of the gown on the cover, and I think it has elements of both sigils just to keep us covered either way. The gown is a rich wine/burgundy colour, gold swirls at the skirt and jewelled gold belt (phoenix sigil) white/silver-ish coloured elements on the neckline and cuffs (dove sigil). Madeleine tells us that the gown was made keeping our house colours in mind. The LI - if they're in the boutique - gets to gush, and Olivia is the only friend who gets to comment by default - very possibly because she shares a common house colour with the MC, and either woman will get to be his Consort. Alongside the Coronation Ball parallels, you can see parallels to the Costume Ball as well!

• If you're married to Liam, and therefore Queen of Cordonia, you get an extra (and free!) selection to make: your tiara! The book gives us four options:

I honestly don't know what they're supposed to symbolize really, and I don't think they would actually symbolize anything. They're just pretty headpieces meant for the country's new queen. But Ima list down what these tiaras remind me of!

Royal Rose. The "Romantic Love" pink ballgown option for the Homecoming Ball, which was Hana's choice of outfit back then and comes in her favourite colour, pink. It also reminds me of Liam, because in the beginning especially he was often associated with roses.

Gilded Grace. A gold tiara with gems embedded. The design is exquisite and intricate. Kinda reminds me of that nice gold watch Drake gifted us, but also the top half of it reminds me of the flare of a peacock's tail, so I'm also reminded of Maxwell 😄

Petal Perfect. I think it's called so because of the flower motif in the centre, surrounded by serrated edges which seem to me like leaves. I would definitely be reminded of Hana, who is associated with flowers in general!

Pearlescent. There is only one person I can think of who this tiara would remind me of: Liam! The pearl plays such a poignant part in their story if you chose that scene, because Liam found it at the Blue Grotto before he had ever met the MC, and showed it to her when their relationship was going through rough times in Capri. Back then, there was the option of rejecting it, keeping it or asking him to keep it safe until they were free to pursue their relationship.

• I had a headcanon that Esther asked Liam to keep the pearl, and that he had it placed in a tiara of hers to show her how far they had come together, and how much hope she had instilled in him. So OF COURSE I would choose the pearl tiara xD The writers seem to have forgotten about that Blue Grotto pearl, but I haven't!

•

Liam's outfit at this ceremony mirrors the MC's: burgundy with gold designs and leaf motifs. I see this as parallel to two events: the Costume Gala, where his "King Fabian" outfit matches both Olivia's and the MC's (that one mirrors Olivia's better though, because it's a bright red and not saffron-with-red-notes like the MC's avian gown). I also see this as parallel to the Beaumont Bash: where you can persuade Liam to show his support for you by wearing the Ramsford Duchy house colours of blue and white. Here, the ceremony itself seems centered largely around the MC - what with her being given the country's highest honour - so it could either be a show of unity (as a couple) or solidarity (as Liam showing his support to the MC). I also wonder if this is why Olivia is automatically given the red gown to wear, since they seem to be at least close to dating now if you're not married to Liam.

•

Interestingly the group receives honours based on their defining characteristics, which seemed to have helped in various ways in the fight against Anton. It's also a nice way to finally wrap up all their individual arcs, and validate them in the face of all the doubts they'd had about themselves throughout the series. Maxwell needs to see himself as good for being who he is, not have to transform into someone else altogether, to be seen as a person with something valuable to contribute. Hana still needs to navigate who she would like to be, and how she would like to live her life, and this title is an incredible step forward. Drake has had the most to prove in this book, making it clear that as a commoner he is important and that the nobility need to change their outlook towards commoners in general. Olivia is still redefining what it means to be a Nevrakis and to prove that her family name can be one that stands for loyalty and honour, not treachery.

• The Champion of the Realm title is given to the MC regardless. Even in a fail playthrough she gets it, and I think that's mostly on the basis of the very last scene, since Anton is vanquished by default. Does it ring false? Hell yeah it does. On one level that's the way the story goes, on another - it makes everything EVERY member of our core group says about her sound absolutely weird.

• Why does she get a higher honour above the others? You actually get the chance to ask Liam that. And he does respond - both in his speech during the ceremony, and later on.

Speech: He mentions her position as an outsider in this country and how she has embraced Cordonia as her home, but also speaks of having fought for Cordonia and unified it as a country. The second definitely seems to be the overriding theme when it comes to her: the ability to unite people to a cause.

Do I Deserve This? This is a question the MC has the option of asking Liam after the ceremony, and he stresses again on her working as a unifier. Her quality is not as much intelligence, or bravery, or strength - it's the ability to inspire people to reach their highest potential. He speaks of it as "You don't just make Cordonia better, you inspire us to become better ourselves". Which, if your MC is just all-round horrible to everyone and doesn't even have people come for her wedding, is a load of horseshit. Stop being nice to her Liam.

• Ana de Luca referring to our social season moniker in Book 1 (Mystery Woman/The American) was a nice touch.

• Liam also (finally!) addresses in public the vast imbalance between the nobility and the common populace, and how he would like to change that. I've seen complaints that he has basically "placed his buddies" in the Council, so he is essentially making the same mistake - but I can only see that argument as valid if a. those "buddies" weren't involved in the eventual takedown of Anton, and b. you ignore what he says about getting a roster of candidates ready for the council itself. It's still an ongoing process, so us jumping to criticize something that's just been announced is a little premature.

• Ana says we haven't ever had a council...which makes me question how much of Book 1 the writers have forgotten, honestly. Because...like...

Both screenshots are from the initial chapters of Book 1, mind you. They're possibly not the same as the Council Liam is planning on, but they're definitely there - just that they're invisible! Like the Cordonian populace for most of this series.

• Time for a Ball!!

• Since this is the epilogue, the Honour Ball (which is what I choose to call it rn) harks back both to Liam's Coronation Ball, and to the Masquerade Ball that introduced the MC to the nobility in the first place. The first half is a conversation between the MC, Olivia and Hana (parallel to our very first scene in Book 1, which is Hana congratulating the MC and Olivia maintaining that no matter how attractive she may seem to the Prince, she doesn't have what it takes to be chosen). Hana was sad about the prospect then, but happier for their friendship now. Olivia jealously dismissed the MC as not worthy of Liam then, but accepts that she is worthy of the honours bestowed on her now. Even the MC's responses now parallel the Coronation Ball: a gracious response, a threatening response, and a response that implies closeness ("I would rather date you"/"Just shut up and give me a hug").

• The second half of the Honour Ball scene is the LI dancing with the MC. At the Coronation Ball, this moment was our introduction to Liam, but now our respective LIs come forward for our first dance. In those playthroughs, Liam immediately asks Olivia to his first dance instead. The conversation then turns to their first Ball (Masquerade) and explores the LIs' initial thoughts on the MC.

Liam speaks about how there was a mixture of concern and love in his feelings for the MC. Hana speaks of how the MC transformed the way she looked at herself. Maxwell speaks of wanting the MC from the very beginning but withdrawing because he believed she was meant for Liam, not him. Drake speaks of how wrong he was in believing the MC didn't have what it took to survive, and how proud he is that she doesn't need a protector. All in all, toothachingly sweet 😊

• "I'm ready to do a lot more than dance". Esther is thirsty, from her first scene to her last 😂

• Alright so we now go a whole bunch of extra scenes meant to wrap up everyone's story, and I'll begin with the animals and Olivia before moving forward to the LIs.

Pets: Joy (the corgi) is found raiding the kitchens and making a mess, and in a very fun scene, the MC gets to set a few (very funny) ground rules. The first set deal with house behaviour, the second deal with their interactions with the non-royal LIs, and the last deal with some funny rules about the dog in Cordonia, including not getting involved with cults or overthrowing Liam. It ends with the caption "12/10 The Goodest Boy" (I'm inclined to agree 😄). There's a tiny scene involving Celestia (the horse), Hansel and Gretel (the red pandas), where the MC steals a moment and makes them lovely promises of pampering. All of these scenes are included if you buy all these pets - a little bit like that bonus scene involving Bubbles and the Mechawolf in TCaTF.

What I Think: These are not meant to be very deep - they're just fun, playful little bonus scenes meant to bring a smile to your face, and these scenes definitely succeed in that.

Olivia: This scene involves Olivia regaling Kiara and Penelope's families with the tale of Anton's defeat, and I believe it's the first time we see both families together (they've shared the same spaces but not exactly been shown talking to each other). The futures of all the three ladies are outlined: with Zeke disinheriting himself to become a vet, Kiara now gets to be next in line for running Castelsarreillan after Hakim, as well as the diplomatic liaison on the Royal Council. Penelope will now be a dog fashion designer with plenty support from Joelle, and possibly marrying Ezekiel. Olivia will be meeting Liam to discuss the dissolution of her marriage to Anton, and if you married someone else she will be doing it over dinner, which suggests the beginnings of a romantic relationship. She also plans to tour Lythikos in the aftermath of what Anton and Lucretia have done, and make sure that there are no more rules and stipulations from Lythikos that will pose a problem for Cordonia itself.

What I Think: I like how this wraps up several things at once and brings back that initial conflict of what Zeke's decision to be a vet (even though, frankly speaking, I kinda wish he didn't exist). The highlight was the sincerity and passion with which Olivia plans her next steps for her duchy and country. This scene neatly ties up all the women's stories with satisfying resolutions: the most satisfying of all being that Kiara is justly rewarded for all her hard work. I do take issue, however, with how the writers use Kiara to sugarcoat how terrible the MC and her friends were to her, in front of her mother Joelle. Then again it's not like the MC was particularly honest about her motives for talking to Kiara in Lythikos but...the last thing I want to see is Kiara giving credit where it is not due.

Drake: You begin by talking to several people: Gladys if you took her diamond scene and set her free, Mara, and Drake. Bastien is present, but he speaks more to Drake than to you. Gladys gives you an update on her life and thanks you for giving her a second chance. You get to either thank Mara for "risking her life" or tell her she sucks at her job. Drake talks to a number of people: Bastien, Neville and Rashad. Bastien reveals to Drake that his father was also once Guardian of the Realm (why was his family almost cast out so cruelly then, if what Jackson did was so phenomenal that he got this honour for it?) and would have been proud of Drake today. Neville apologizes to both Drake and the MC, and depending on the MC's response either walks away on good terms or acts like the spoilt brat that he is. Drake then reveals to the MC that she was his inspiration for taking up the Council Seat and that he wants to do more for the common people of Cordonia. Just seconds later, he gets his chance to make a change when Rashad comes forward with a proposal to use unused lands in the duchies to make public spaces for the people, a proposal Drake is only too happy to be involved in.

If you are married to Drake, there is acknowledgement all round of his new position, one extra dialogue from Neville if you respond positively to him, and it changes his dialogue with the MC just a wee bit.

What I Think: What makes Drake's scene so special is the fact that it, by far, most effectively shows the change in nobles' attitudes towards commoners. It is also symbolically important that it happens at the place where the MC sees the palace for the first time with both Maxwell and Drake, AND where Neville and Drake once duelled (and Neville acknowledges this). This is where Gladys - the representative commoner - chooses to thank us and assure us of her support. This is also where we have the chance to take our security detail to task if we so choose (we all thought she was going to be proven as shady and as a traitor...turns out she was just inefficient). The cherry on top is Rashad - the rebel heir - approaching Drake with something that will benefit both nobles and commoners. It kind of shows us the true triumph lies here, in giving to the common populace before unscrupulous elements can sway them. Could this have been done earlier? Of course! But I feel like narratively this is more effective.

Maxwell: For one, thank God Maxwell isn't a surgeon!! This scene includes BertVannah, Bartie and Maxwell, and delves into the upcoming wedding, Bertrand recognizing that he doesn't need to be as hard on himself and his brother as he was in the past, and Maxwell revealing that he's going to write a book about the MC's rags-to-royalty tale. Bertrand is now happy to be honest about the state of his financial affairs and his determination to keep Savannah and Bartie happy. He also gives Maxwell the chance to handle his own finances independently.

If you're married to Maxwell, you get to refer to Savannah as your sister-in-law, Maxwell speaks about your love "changing along the way" if you married someone besides Liam. In his playthrough he speaks of the book as their love story.

What I Think: Overall the Beaumont Brothers storyline got some amount of buildup but very little resolution. We don't know what pushed the House into financial ruin, we don't know the history behind them as we should considering we're an honorary family member, we're never told the secret things that Maxwell hinted at in the Shanghai Night Market group scene in Book 2. The book and its proceeds is said to be the key to restoring their House to its former glory financially, but that's just a very odd way of ending that arc. On one hand I'm glad there is a resolution, on the other it seems a little weak to me.

Hana: Hana is seated at a piano in front of her parents, Madeleine, and Madeleine's parents. Lorelai repeats the mistakes she'd made in Hana's childhood, trying to push Hana into parading her skills in front of guests. Hana refuses without much success, but Lorelai doesn't seem to be really listening to her. At this point, the MC gets to intervene and Xinghai agrees, leading Hana to open up about wanting to share her skills by choice rather than being forced to do so, and Lorelai apologizes...yet again. There is some talk about parenting from Adeleide and Godfrey who are watching this exchange, and we find out that Madeleine is now Royal Communications Director. Once the parents have left, Madeleine stays behind to apologize to Hana for the bullying she meted out to the latter during the Engagement Tour, and Hana tells her that Madeleine will have to earn her forgiveness. Madeleine then promises to ensure that no one harms Hana in court (hah). Once she leaves, Hana joyfully plays piano for the MC herself.

If you're married to Hana, the end of the scene has a few changes. Instead of jokily throwing pillows at each other, they jokily argue over who the best wife is instead (for each, it's the other). The tune Hana plays for the MC as her wife is different from what she plays as her friend. The friend version has her play the upbeat TRR theme tune, and the LI version has Hana play what the narrative calls a "slow, sultry tune"...which turns out to be the mournful TRR theme tune. What, is being married to Hana supposed to be an occasion for sadness now?? Because you're definitely succeeding in making it look like that.

What I Think: I guess I should be happy that Madeleine's behaviour was addressed at all, though it was clearly a rushed, last-minute job that happened because of some amount of arm-twisting. It's also nice that they bring us full-cirlce by referencing Hana's piano scene in Book 1, and showing that rebuilding her relationship with her parents (she shouldn't have to, but this is clearly the way the writers WANT to go) is going to be an agonizing, painful process. They show the parallels between Hana's upbringing and Madeleine's upbringing as well - it's not a parallel I'm happy seeing, but I was aware they were going to take that route way back in Book 2.

That said, there are things that won't let me enjoy the scene. One is that at this point, I'm not seeing Lorelai learning or growing enough. I know this might be an attempt to show that these things take time, but the Lorelai scenes are honestly getting repetitive and exhausting. And as someone who has been where Hana has been? Right down to family members who accept they need to be better but don't actually? I can tell you it's fucking exhausting to have to deal with that again and again and again. For Hana's sake at least I wish I could actually see her LEARN from what she's done and ACTIVELY DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Now we go to my biggest problem with this scene. Madeleine.

It's good that she confesses to her motives and accepts Hana's decision. It's good that Hana gets to be firm about not forgiving her until SHE is comfortable doing so. It's good that Hana sees her own forgiveness as something that should be earned - not by a paltry two-minute apology but through genuine effort. But the problem for me lies in two areas:

1. Madeleine's Excuses: That's exactly what they are - excuses. Madeleine claims that she wanted to "break" Hana in an effort to get her to shed her "nice act". Which is bullshit. Even if Hana's kindness was an act...was she hurting anyone? Was her "act" actually causing harm? Madeleine's actions exceeding even Hana's perceived crime. What business was it of Madeleine's to rip this woman apart based on her own assumptions? And if she recognized that Hana was genuinely good, why was she okay with minimizing what she did to her? We can bring a thousand excuses about her sexuality and her upbringing and how hard all of this was - it doesn't make the gravity of what was done to Hana and the ridiculousness of Madeleine's claims any less.

2. The MC's Fake Self-Righteousness: This bit was perhaps the most jarring part of the entire exchange. By default, when Madeleine speaks about wanting to break Hana, the MC seems furious. But it's more than that. The MC sounds like she's hearing these words for the first time.

The only good thing about it is that Madeleine calls her out on it. But besides that, it just...makes all the MC's claims about being there for Hana and having Hana's back ring so false. One of my biggest problems with this whole series of events was how much the MC herself minimized and diluted what Hana went through at Madeleine's hands. How little she seemed to care about arming her friend with the entire, unvarnished truth. To have her act all protective in front of Hana now, to pretend like she'd never heard those poisonous words...that's just a whole other level of shady. It reflects even worse on the MC if they're married, because dafaq kind of wife are you if you couldn't arm your wife emotionally against this snake of a human being? That would be a major disservice to Hana-romancers who hated the way Madeleine treated her, and Hana stans in general because they weren't given a fair chance to properly protect and support Hana. Instead for the most part they'd be forced to choose the least worst options, rather than ones they were truly happy with. It sucks.

Liam: A short but significant scene. You find Liam in conversation with his stepmother Regina, and greet them. She is happy and proud of Liam and the MC, and everything they have achieved. She thanks you, and you can choose to either respond positively or maintain that she should have trusted you in the first place. Either way, she responds with grace, and then leaves. You speak about not having seen the throne room much, and Liam opens up to you about not being able to come here without being haunted by his memories of his father. He confesses to struggling with moving on from Constantine's death, understandably, and for the first time, feels safe enough emotionally to cry in the MC's presence.

If you're married to Liam, Regina speaks about how you two as a couple remind her of herself and Constantine, and expresses happiness in the changes you have brought about in Liam. Furthermore, the conversation about Constantine is extended to involve Liam and the MC's own plans for a family, and how they will strive not to repeat Constantine's mistakes. This is a fitting throwback especially to the date scene with Liam, where he speaks about how he wants a family where everyone is open to each other.

What I Think: I'd been silent for a long time about things in Liam's storyline that have disappointed me, mostly because I felt that given my LI was the central LI I fared better than most (and it's true - I did). But it doesn't change the fact that I am disappointed they didn't explore his potential. Neither his fiancée nor his friends nor his family paid enough attention to his own emotional state, and where the narrative could have had us tackle his demons they failed in creating opportunities for us to do so. A single tear slipping down his cheek is something, but to me it presents similar issues to Hana's last scene - that it is a rushed job of a journey that could have been resolved step by step, that could have been given some attention. I'm happy we got to see the statesman behind the lover, but doesn't mean it should be one or the other. There was enough room to balance out both and actually address his trauma and his health, yet it was ignored for the most part.

That said, this scene was poignant on its own, and I always love it when there are little moments of bonding between Liam and Regina, because I think that relationship itself is quite underrated.

• Now that we have finished checking up on everyone, we take one last look at the ballroom that held so many memories - sweet and horrific - for us, before Mara tells us it's time to get into the carriage for our honeymoon.

• We say goodbye to all our allies first (and get to hug Olivia if we want), and then to our friends who are waiting at the carriage. There's a lovely little group hug, and if you bought the horse she will be the one drawing the carriage. If you've bought the corgi, he also gives you a fond goodbye before you leave. As do the Cordonian citizens by default.

• The carriage scene is a beautiful private moment, because each LI gets to explore the moment they first met the MC, and how incredibly fortunate they are to have been on this journey together. All of them speak of the incredible odds they faced together, and how they will be willing to face them all over again if it meant a lifetime with the MC. It's a touching emotional moment, and all the four scenes have been written lovingly. The final lines of this book are the kind that stay with you, long after the book is finished:

LI: Is this moment everything you wanted it to be? (or some such variation, depending on your LI)

MC: No...it's better.

General Thoughts:

• Even if you choose every single wrong option possible, the story ends well for you. You don't get people to support you and very few people besides the ladies of the court and your immediate friends and LI's family make it to the wedding, but somehow they magically appear at the reception. Regardless of how badly you performed, your final actions fighting Anton earn you the Champion of the Realm title anyway, and in this case it's an unfair advantage to give. But the thing is this: every single LI in this group showers praises over you no matter what you do. That's the way this particular story goes, and it's written such that it won't go any other way no matter how much you try. The MC in a lot of cases is a reflection of the player, and at the end of the day I think they want the player to leave this story happy with their journey, even if it's too ridiculous to be true.

• This is a fitting end to the series overall: it allows us to explore everyone else's endings, has great parallels with the past, and allows us enough wiggle room to imagine our MC's future with their spouse. With regards to QTs, I still have Book 1 to complete, but I'd like to get some distance from the series itself first before I tackle it again.

Final Thoughts:

When I started this book last year, I got in completely expecting to be bored. Bored and totally not invested. I gave my MC the name I felt the least connected to (Alice Bennet), and barely gave much thought to which LI I would pick. However, something always brought me back, something always got me looking forward to the next chapter. Thus began my love affair with this book.

There are a lot of reasons why this book grew on people. The intrigue hidden behind this fairytale-like frame story. The little connections between this series and TCaTF, one of their most popular flagship books. The camaraderie between the members of the core group themselves. The way even the not-so-nice characters grew on you. The way each LI had something unique to bring to the table. Somehow...even the people who couldn't be bothered about the series could find something they would have even a passing interest in.

Do I miss this book? A little. This book got me back into writing essays - something I always loved doing - and fanfic. I got to learn so much, explore so much, and contribute so much thanks to my fondness for it, and for the fandom that seemed to love it as much as I did.

Am I sad it's gone? Well, in some ways yes. But I'd rather it did when it had to instead of being dragged along, and I would rather not see the writers destroy the characters they had zero interest in, further (I love this book - but I also love it enough that I will never forget to point out where it fucked up). I think it had a good run, lasting more than a year, and it ended well.

For better or for worse, I'm glad I got to be a part of this journey.

[punkscowardschampions]

Liam & Edie

Liam: [okay so wrong number text which isn't actually we know, which is just the location of some illegal rave moment that she'll wanna go to] Edie: treasure? ❌🗺 Liam: wooden leg would be useful to hide all the treasure we're bringing in Edie: Gutted I don't know anyone who's ever had an abscess go full necrotic ☠ Edie: and who wants to cart around a treasure chest Liam: don't wanna do your share of the heavy lifting, big surprise Edie: is it? Liam: outgrow this pussy behaviour before tonight as a favour to me Liam: I don't wanna cart that much dead weight about Edie: As I remember it, you owe me though Liam: your memory's in the 🚽 Liam: I owe nobody nothing Edie: yours is selective Edie: can't even get 11 digits down Liam: a barcode's got 12 & I told you it's your business if you wanna walk round inked like you've only lived that many years that's your lookout Liam: not holding your hand Edie: even more gutted, no doubt Edie: 💔 Liam: if you won't be talked out of it, put it on your balls where no-one'll see it Edie: Will you think I'm tough then? Liam: what kind of gay shit is this? Edie: 😂 Edie: go easy on your mate Edie: you got the wrong number Liam: fucked the 11 digits Liam: that's what you were trying to say Edie: mhmm Edie: that's what I said Edie: but a barcode tattoo is a shit idea Edie: agreed Liam: sick of being the voice of reason around here Edie: I find it's more entertaining to let people make the bad decisions, personally Liam: would be jokes until I look a sad twat by association Liam: wants it on his head Edie: 🙄 what's it gonna say, product of the system? Edie: pretty sure a serial killer has already done that Edie: or some shit rapper Liam: he is a shit rapper Liam: [link] Edie: oh Edie: I know him Liam: serious? Edie: by association Edie: I'm a less shit musician in general, not that that's any brag Liam: can I get a listen or you're just here to promo to set me off on a ❌🗺 as payback? Edie: depends Edie: who's heading the rave you linked? Liam: [deets] Edie: alright Edie: you're not 12 like your pal Edie: [links him her music] Edie: [definitely pictures and videos along with, as if you don't know who she is but pretending you don't lol] Liam: come tonight instead of him Edie: talking to strangers is one thing, boy Liam: you leave the bad decisions to everyone else Liam: don't sound as entertaining as it could be Edie: I meant for your safety Edie: could be anyone Liam: be full of nobodys and anyones when we get there Liam: I'm still gonna go Edie: what makes you stand out? Edie: as you ❌ the barcode Liam: when I track you down, I'll listen to your opinion about me Liam: I'm bragging before then Edie: 🤞 we can't hear much of anything over the bass Edie: not that you're intriguing enough to show up for Edie: but the invite is sound Liam: you'll still know what I think, never had an issue with body language over bass Edie: I think I can guess already Liam: 👌 guess Edie: don't take a mind reader Edie: body language and 💭 are one in the same Liam: it don't take a mind reader when you know you're beautiful and talented Edie: ha leave it out Liam: 🧯 Edie: less of that as well Edie: not a wet blanket Liam: 🧨 Edie: that I like Liam: buying 🎇🎆 if you have any requests Edie: [all the party drugs not in code 'cos we're not bothered] Liam: 👾 Edie: NOW I look forward to 👀 you Liam: guessed it Edie: what gave it away? Liam: the vids you linked me to Edie: that's your review? Edie: at least give me some ⭐s Liam: 3.5 Edie: 👌 Liam: I'll give you another 1/2 when the anti barcode tat song drops Edie: what about the other whole? Liam: get him on the track Edie: 😂 Edie: you're on Liam: 👌 Edie: thank god for the edit Liam: & that only you're allowed to freestyle it rule we just invented Edie: good thing I'm more talented than even you are demanding Liam: I'd agree but you've heard it once & you weren't a fan Edie: you can agree when you see it in person Edie: I don't do this online fake shit Liam: I'll have my turn at looking forward to 👀 you Liam: more than down to Edie: good luck Edie: I can't find any cars with spare seats, so it's gonna be a crowd clearly Liam: yours is in if you want his Edie: how will I get my freestyle if he can't catch a ride? 🤔 Liam: shit like that is what earns you the rest of the ⭐s Liam: talent's not just Liam: 🎤🎧 Edie: yeah, I'm well kind and considerate Edie: known for it Liam: good thing I am Liam: [pic of all the drugs he has picked up] Edie: 🤪 Liam: got a 🐷 mask to fit in post raid, can stick it on early if 🥴 isn't doing anything for you Edie: 💡⭐ Edie: if you can't hang with your gurn we can't hang, like Liam: [a gorgeous gurning pic from a previous rave moment] Edie: fit Liam: ha ha ha Edie: don't act like you don't know Liam: I do 👌 out of my mugshots Edie: convince him to get that tatted instead Liam: too gay Edie: alright I'll do it Liam: before or after you take his seat Edie: if you tell me your name I'll save you a spot to earn mine Liam: Liam Edie: alright, Liam, thanks for not having a long and hard to spell name Edie: give me 🖐 Liam: you can have 3.5 again Edie: [purposely leaving it a full five before coming back with his name stick n poked and then a shoddy box for the mugshot portrait to go in] Edie: tada Liam: 👏 Liam: I didn't think you would Edie: if I say I'll do something, I will Edie: why not Edie: loads of Liam's in this town Liam: don't act like it's a standard trick to pull Liam: he's been oohing & ahhing for months over identifying as frozen peas when his face gets scanned Edie: it's a win-win for me, no need to think on it Edie: either you end up being sound, then it's a memory attached, or I get a cool story about getting a tattoo of a mugshot to get a lift to a rave to tell my grandkids Liam: I wanted you to sit next to me 5 mins ago, I can be impressed, can't I? Edie: I accept impressed Edie: and 👏 of course Liam: what did it feel like? Edie: it's somewhere between a scratch and a burning sensation Edie: but deeper Liam: you'll have to do me Liam: I like the sales pitch Edie: what do you want? Liam: what can you do? Edie: on you, a lot better than I can myself Edie: anything you want, I'll make it happen Liam: thanks for accepting impressive Edie: I intend to be so I can Edie: not here to disappoint Liam: I only was willing to be when I thought I was talking to that little bitch boy Edie: no gay shit Liam: unless you like one of the girls in the car Edie: ha Edie: we'll 👀 obviously Edie: where you starting out, anyway, and when Liam: [a time and place, I like to imagine it's a longish drive to give them time to #bond UGH] Edie: [and usually is to go to a middle of nowhere moment so agreed[ Edie: I'll be there Liam: would make me laugh if you don't show now Liam: longest chat I've had for ages Edie: even if I missed you 🚗 I've hitched before Edie: and it's been ages since I've been to a decent party so Liam: my pic could've fooled you but that last one was shit Liam: got a better feeling this time Edie: I feel you Edie: 💊🥤 just makes it tolerable Edie: down to 👀 yeah? Liam: Yeah Edie: better go find my glitter and gemstones out ✌ Liam: I feel you, will take me a while to paint my 💪 UV Liam: not got as steady a hand as you Edie: damn, that was almost impressive Liam: I'll work on it Edie: your steady hand or your bragging about your 💪? Liam: which one's letting me down the most? Edie: 🤔 Edie: you don't need to tattoo me yourself Edie: you are good looking enough you could get away with being cockier, go with that Liam: 👌 but now you've made me wanna tattoo you myself Edie: maybe Edie: if you think of a good idea, we'll overlook the shaky lines Liam: I'll try & think of an idea where wavy lines are part of it Edie: smart Edie: I like it Liam: 🌊 or something Liam: but less shit Liam: 📻 ones maybe Edie: you have any? Edie: professional ones, like Edie: you asked what stick n poke felt like so obviously not Liam: spend my money as fast as I have it Liam: what are you gonna charge me? Edie: what else are you gonna do with it though Edie: see how nice or poor I'm feeling Liam: I won't let the 💊🥤 run out, you'll feel a lot better than nice Edie: deal 🤩 Liam: be me blinded by your glitter & gems Edie: not actually my first rave Edie: but I can raid my little sister's shit if that's part of the deal Liam: see you in a 👑 will I? Edie: that's just standard day to day tbh 🤷 Liam: how many raves have you done? Edie: I've tried not to be in at the weekend since I was like 12 myself so Edie: enough that I know there's nothing fun or attractive about freezing your tits off in a neon bikini in a field Edie: what about you, you're [the year he'd be in which is either 2nd to last or last, either way], right? Liam: hasty to go with unattractive Liam: but yep, you're not wrong Edie: 😏 Edie: I get it, you wanna match 💪 Liam: no gay shit, your own words Liam: I didn't go to my first one until I was like 15, still not impressing anyone here Edie: me either Edie: middle child syndrome or whatever Liam: trade you oldest and only son if you want it Edie: Attention is grand and all but too much parental attention isn't what I'm aiming for Liam: can't offer you it Liam: my parents attention is elsewhere Edie: yours still together? Liam: nah Edie: oh good Edie: wouldn't know what to do with a dad Liam: not lots you can do with mine Edie: might be stuck being ourselves for the foreseeable anyway Edie: not a convincing freaky friday/parent trap situation you and me Liam: shame I won't get to 🎸 & lay down a track with your talent Edie: just buzzin' off all the things I could lift obviously 💪 Liam: this where I get cocky like you said? Liam: go on about how much I can Edie: you could Edie: but I'm clearly impressed before you need to use that tactic Liam: it's too desperate Liam: we both know I can pick you up if you get stuck in the mud later on Edie: we both know it's every man for himself when the 🐷 show Liam: I got you a mask Liam: yours has lipstick and more eyelashes, so we know Edie: thank god Edie: fragile femininity anyone? Liam: prefer toxic masculinity Edie: same Liam: 👍 Edie: if the daddy issues weren't glaring the 👑 will make 'em blinding Liam: we can pretend that since you're with me no-one'll be looking at you if you want Edie: the freedom Liam: I'll give you 🛢🧨 to play with Liam: 🔥 will take the attention Edie: really? Liam: 🎇🎆 wasn't only a code Liam: I do have some Edie: 🤩 no joke Edie: I wanna blow shit up Liam: that's all I ever wanna do Edie: yeah Edie: feel that too Liam: if you can capture 🔥 in a tat that'd be something worth considering Liam: not in a gay way like 🎲💀♠ Edie: that's overplayed, and doesn't mean anything Edie: I'll do some designs, providing I make it home alive Liam: supposed to see my dad tomorrow for the first time in months, don't think I'll rush back Edie: 🛢🧨🎇🎆 why would you Liam: don't feel you have to either, unless you're catfishing me Edie: I'd pick someone else if I was Edie: and you accidentally texted me Liam: I'm into the someone I accidentally texted, full fucking offense to whoever you wanna pick Edie: then I'll stick around too Edie: nothing I'm rushing back for Liam: it's in writing I'm not kidnapping you Liam: have to do a mugshot monday instead or something Edie: feel free Edie: I can't see that I'd mind Liam: being kidnapped or sharing a cell? Edie: hmm Edie: both Edie: though the involvement of bars to keep me about is unnecessary really Liam: does hitchiking only work if you're a girl with killer eyes? asking for myself before we torch the car Edie: as you're toxically masculine, most people'd be afraid to stop for you alone but as we're together, you should be safe and not an axe murderer Edie: unless I'm pulling a Hindley Liam: when we go for that we'll think it through more Liam: 🐶 or 👶 on board Edie: I can borrow one Edie: 👶 more likely Edie: people don't like cats enough Liam: I'll get over a fence to grab us a dog Edie: in one step, like Liam: depending on the fence Edie: sure, don't wanna oversell it Liam: you don't want no online fake shit Edie: just telling you so you know Edie: not the same Liam: thanks for telling me Edie: yeah alright Edie: didn't lecture you did I Liam: nah you didn't Edie: there we go then Liam: [quotes some of her own lyrics at her that he likes because genuinely listening to these tracks] Liam: you could sell that harder Edie: I'll work it out in my freestyle Liam: 🛢🧨 Edie: 🔥 Liam: 🎇🎆 Edie: 🤩 Liam: let's see your glitter Edie: checking it's not a catfish? Liam: can't show you mine first, too cocky behaviour Edie: [a rave lewk when we've clearly done the most to do the least you know the vibe] Liam: [I like to think he's written her name in body paint wherever she put her stick n poke so have a pic of that gal] Edie: 👍 Edie: approved Liam: what do you want your i dotted with? Liam: about as artistic as you'll get me to be Edie: ⭐ Edie: has to be Liam: [an adorable little star has been added so have another pic] Edie: perfect Liam: thanks for having a name that's short and easy to spell yourself Edie: oh yeah, snap Liam: except I haven't met another one of yours Edie: maybe an 👵 Liam: prefer a silent snatch & grab Edie: 😂 Edie: alright, then I can be the one and only Liam: do you wanna guess what I think about it? Edie: I have Edie: be too cocky to say Liam: I'll do it then, you said I can get away with more of it Liam: I think it'd be good if you were Edie: let's see if you're right Liam: feels like I am but yeah we'll 👀 Edie: it is weird Edie: how you randomly found my number instead Edie: how many # were you out by? Liam: you'll have his if you didn't before Liam: last number Edie: crazy Edie: another good story Liam: should've been a 6 but I did a 9 Edie: 🤪 love that Liam: I'll lose my phone again if you're what I find Edie: I'll save your number then Edie: or add it to the tat Liam: since you love how it feels Edie: and I'm no less liable to lose my phone, so Edie: the pain is just a bonus Liam: I can add it as fuel to the 🔥 any time you'd like an excuse to cross my number out & go again Edie: I won't run out of ideas either way Liam: what about space? Edie: not anytime soon Edie: I'll have to go back to biro and keep it less permanent after that Liam: leave it on the bodies of our victims like the shittiest calling card for the 🐷 Liam: call me Edie: ooh Edie: we could get really zodiac with that though Edie: only murder people on days ending in 9 Liam: I like it Edie: I'll go solo if you piss me off and do it on 6 days Liam: I'll start staging them like they've starred in your vids to get your forgiveness Liam: attention to detail for attention from you Edie: we can communicate through corpses Edie: that's new, no one's done that before Liam: when I keep the 👀 as a 🏆 you'll know I wanna see you Edie: romantic, aren't you Liam: toxic like my masculinity Edie: good Liam: ☢️ better than a barcode but not by a lot Edie: I could do you a Chernobyl victim tat Edie: get the toxic and the 🔥 in a really untasteful onner Liam: 👌 you're beautiful, talented & smart Liam: don't give me any flaws to pick at then Edie: I did say untasteful instead of distasteful, if you wanna be pedantic and take away smart so you can save some toxic masculinity points Edie: one-ner, also, doesn't translate to typing Liam: when it took you pointing it out, I don't think I can take anything away from you Edie: you can try Edie: again, like kidnapping, might not mind Liam: I can't help thinking it'd be better to give you things Edie: 🎇🎆🛢🧨? Liam: all that Liam: ⭐🐶👶 Liam: & anything else I've not remembered Edie: we can keep the puppy right Liam: what else would we do with it? Edie: just letting you know I draw the line at puppy killing Edie: get that out of the way now Liam: me too Liam: never microwaved any 🐹 or thrown them at the wall Edie: imagine how big you look to 🐹 Liam: ���🦖 Edie: definitely made that 📹 as a kid Liam: I'll be in the remake next time you're stuck for a vid idea Liam: if you still have it, we'll kick it frame for frame Edie: you'd be perfect for my next project Liam: sign me up Edie: [tat pic again like I already did] Liam: what else have you got? Edie: [just a comprehensive pic rundown of your tats that are all just silly ones you've done on the whole hope you've not got them anywhere too scandalous but realistically gonna need to be able to hide them when school so it's probably mostly legs at and like, upper arm and ribs/hip vibes] Liam: 😍 Edie: I'll tell you all the stories later when we're smashed Liam: no awkward silences in the car Liam: great idea Edie: not if the other girls are hot Liam: there's one I think you'd like Liam: you'll have to tell me if I'm wrong Edie: I'll flash a 6 or a 9 and you'll know Liam: she can be our first victim either way Edie: 😈 Liam: 🚗🔥 Liam: 🔐 Edie: 😍 Edie: you win Liam: how do you feel about playing games? Liam: 6 or 9 Edie: 9 Liam: same Edie: I know Liam: yeah, you're smart, I gave you that Edie: how smart is it that I wanna play with you? Liam: I'd call it a good decision, which maybe isn't smart if you only like bad ones Edie: I just like doing what I want Edie: good or bad is mostly irrelevant Liam: so do what you want Edie: you to be here now Liam: direct me 🗺❌ Edie: [at least you've had the good sense to be in town not at yours] Liam: [lord imagine] Edie: [like sure Rio ain't about but still don't need to be inviting you in quite yet lol] Liam: [her room is still there and no thank you hun] Edie: [not today huns, we can either skip to post rave now or post this as is?]