#youre so gd talented its amazing to see what you create

[pendragaryen]

The things that stay with us...

This was supposed to be my last BFSN-post while the show is still airing - the last BFSN-entry right before the series finale. But now it’s just... a FSN-post? Call it a Big-Hug-post. A Hug-Gratitude-post. Or whatever you prefer. Though in my heart Bellarke will ALWAYS be canon (and nothing can ever change that): They didn’t give it to us in the actual show (a show, whose narrative clearly told us otherwise all this time, but well.. whatever...). It’s too much honour to grace such a disappointing last season with a BFSN, dearies. (Or... even more so now? ;P ) So, call it what you like i guess! ;). Honestly, i didn’t want it to end.. just like that... without any last words to you, the kindest, most tolerant and beautiful minded fandom i’ve ever been (proudly!) a part of since 2016. (The selfie lies. It’s not current. I’m sorry, i can’t show you my face these days.. This is from the day just before it all went inevitably down with this season: BB’s death. So... enjoy: That smile’s for you, fam! ;) 2nd pic: The tattoo i got almost two years ago now, on Sept. 22nd 2018, and that never fails to remind me of my emotional support person and the fact, that after every “down” in life there will come an “up” again <3<3<3 )

What makes the whole experience of this last ever season of The 1OO for me so incredibly sad is.... Well, please bear with me if you will... My english STILL isn’t the very best... But i’m trying to put my feelings into words:

Last year, when we got the news that S7 would be the final season, i DREADED this moment. I was AFRAID of this last day (and the hours) before the actual finale. And why so? Bc I am a person, who’s an incredible loser when it comes to let go of the things i love so dearly. Like The 1OO. I... in times i was OBSESSED with it, with the story, with the chacracters and the way they’ve been written, so credible, so tangible in their actions, nothing was just bad or good and even the villains actions had been understandable to some extend. It was amazing! I felt with almost every character! I LOVED it. (And to be very clear here: I’ll never STOP loving The 100′s 6 seasons, that are still existing for me!)

But what i wanted to say is: I dreaded the moment when l would have to let it go. THat inevitable moment, when this show with all its storylines and characters, that have been a part of my life for the last years and that i love so dearly, really ends. Forever. It would end and i wouldn’t be ready to let go, bc it means the world to me. Bc it changed me in more than just one way - no, even better, bc it made me want to change myself! “To do better...” *ugly crying...* THis show SAVED me in a way and in a time, where i was in a very dark place in life, in a very dark mind space (constant illnesses, termination of my job due to these illnesses, an ugly lawsuit etc. pp) , this show and its actors, especially one Robert Alfred Morley (yes), who helped me to look at myself and my mental insecurities and illness from a whole new point of view. I wasn’t ashamed of myself anymore. I felt... relieved. Understood. I even felt kind of loved for what i am, even with my anxieties. (There may or may not come a point or even a person in everyones life, that helps to develop this new kind of view on themselves. And for me this person was and always will be Bob Morley. And whatever happens, i’ll always love him for his open- and kindness and be thankful for his inspiration. I still call myself lucky to have talked with him a couple of times. I treasure these moments. Always.)

So, i was AFRAID of this day, when this all would come to an end. I KNEW it would wreck me, i would be devestated, i would be so incredibly sad, that i won’t be able to put it into words.

And here i am now. I AM sad. I AM devestated. But for so very different reasons that i could never imagine in my wildest nightmares... This last season... Season 7--- no i won’t start again. Not AGAIN. But... just that: What they’ve been creating for us here... it really overshadowed my joy of watching this show throughout this last season, yes even BEFORE that horrible murder of my all time fave and comfort character. I take back whatever i said about S6 or even S5. THIS... S7 was the season, that didn’t feel like the show i fell in love with anymore. Though changes CAN be refreshing and exciting... these changes haven’t been that for me.

Look. The thing is: Even WITH Bob’s request for time off and everything... There would’ve been PLENTY options for the writers to actually make it all make kind of sense! THEY COULD’VE DONE IT BETTER! If they’d really wanted to, that is... And here’s the point: I think they didn’t WANT it. For whatever reasons, whatever happened bts, they decided to do it like they did. And no-one’s able to understand their choices or the characters anymore - those characters we used to know so well, these characters i felt with over the course of so many seasons - who i could understand! EVEN THE VILLAINS! And now... look at the thanks we got. I can’t understand shit anymore when it comes to S7. Bc nothing makes sense. When i see even the GREATEST meta-writers among us surrender in their posts - than it’s really sad times for this fandom...

It’s not even just about Bellarke anymore. Sure, i AM disappointed that they’re not canon now. But then they shouldn’t have arranged the whole story around these two! “The backbone of the whole story”!!! I am laughing. In that case S7 was SPINELESS! Let me tell you. Everyone’s just... flailing around... great little side storylines, but somehow... disconnected from each other and all over the place. That’s how it felt for me to watch this season. And i’m feeling so exhausted by now... I never stopped hoping... I always thought, at some point it would make sense. I’ve read all your great metas AND I WANTED TO BELIEVE! It made perfect sense! (I seriously felt like Fox Mulder from time to time this season... and the lack of sense in the storyline as well as the complete absence of my personal faves (yes i include Clarke (Eliza) here, bc heck, she was so sidelined this season too, self inflicted or not) - all these things had been the “UFO’s or aliens i was hoping to see” one day... Guess i was wrong.)

I’m babbling... Sorry. But it will be for the last time in that kind of form. Promise.

At the end of the day (at the end of all things.. sigh, Frodo... i see you... *blinks back tears*) I am so glad that you’re all here with me, in the same boat. That I’m not alone feeling this kind of lost and baited and betrayed. Bc whatever you like to call it: The narrative promised us otherwise. Did JRott OWE us canon Bellarke? NO. Of course not. But HIS STORY did. The story he’d been telling us for SIX GD YEARS! THAT is what makes me so mad. But most of the time (and despite the selfie above) i’m just sad. Sad and disappointed. I know it will pass one day. And that i’ll find joy in watching S1-4, even S5 except for a couple of scenes, and certain episodes of S6 again. But now is not the day. Even IF they’ll give these characters a “happy ending” in some transcended form or whatever, in the afterlife maybe,... S7 is ruined for me. It wasn’t even a bliss for me before, but it was certainly ruined after they killed “The Heart” - pointlessly (THIS is what will haunt me even years from now..).

Today is the day for saying goodbye. It aches my heart, that we’ll have to do it the way we have to now. But at least we are together. So let’s raise a glass in honour of all the hours of joy and excitement this show brought us over the years, maybe even the tears and laughter, let’s raise a glass for the outstanding performances of the cast and the great storylines some writers developed for us. I am thankful beyond words. Let’s raise a glass to this awesome, talented fandom! I’ve met and talked to dozens of you guys througout the years, and it had always been a pleasure! I hope we’ll stay in touch! <3<3<3 And last but not least: Let’s raise a glass for Kass Morgan. This is HER baby in more than just one way. Without her vision... there wouldn’t have been a show. Or even Bellarke. CANON Bellarke, that is! ;) And i LOVE it!

These are the things that stay with us, these are the things we will remember.

So, have fun with the finale tonight guys! Or should i say: Good luck? ;) I won’t watch now. I haven’t watched since 7x13, and i won’t start again tonight. Not even for the finale. BUT... i’ll probably do it some day in the future. I’m still kind of curious after all. And there are still some characters i want to know how it ends for them. It‘s just... i don’t want to support any ratings. I don’t want to support JRott anymore. But i’ll probably get back to it - if what y’all will write about it afterwards looks promising or not... ;)

See you on the other side!

(Tags under the cut)

Hugs and love to you, dear fam! Tagging @together-is-my-favourite-place @natassakar @geekyogicheese @immortalpramheda @carrieeve @bellamyblake @angelbellamy @burninghoneyatdusk @iwearplaids @wankadi @katersann @nvermindiseeyou @ruggedmurphy @clarkgriffon @poppykru @broashwhat @malclmbright @kizo2703 @cominguproses13x @clarkeindra @tenmonologues  @shialablunt @sometimesrosy @zavens @wonderingwhyy @charmainediyoza @the-suns-also-rise @lee-em-dee @bellamynochillblake​ @junebugninja @songhyeri @underbellamy @talistheintrovert @jeanie205 @bellamys11thfreckle @doontpanic @clarkegriffinblake @goddess-clarke @eyessharpweaponshot @hostagetakerandhistraitor @infp-with-all-the-feelings @theatre-steph @historyofbellarke @as-inevitable-as-morning @bisexualbellamyblake @little-oxford-st @delicatebluebirdruins in no particular order (i am so sorry in advance, if i should’ve forgotten someone... >.<), and yes, i include you too @merlination my Danny, bc without you, i wouldn’t have started watching The 1OO in the first place... ;)

[mameleh-life]

Purim in Color

Layla and I have a store where we get the best accessories and toys, it's called Gem stores on Delancey street and everything is ridiculously cheap and also insanely cool. A color-changing lava lamp guitar is like ten bucks and hair accessories are a dollar. The beauty of 2020 fashion is that it's the era of what I call the "omni-trend" meaning literally everything is on-trend simultaneously as long as it was at one point a trend and so essentially literally everything is fashion nothing is obsolete. We have reached the style era of everything goes and everything can feel fashion as long as its worn with confidence.

In a way fashion has become just one big collage and I'm cool with that because I love collage it's my artform of choice because it's this visual feast for the eyes and it also takes scraps and bits of stuff that could have been just thrown in the trash and elevates it to beauty and in fashion taking a simple green tee and a vintage skirt and making it somehow look like an effortless Miyake wearing hippe instead of just "single mom trying to avoid ruining the good stuff with hamentaschen filling shmooshed by her kids" and with the right jewelry it could look editorial [that being said Naftali was super hyped purim so I wasnt taking chances wearing anything that could break on me but layering gold necklaces with a simple top is guaranteed #editorial every time]

And one thing this Purim really did for me was return the color back into my world. I'm pretty open and candid about my life and I've been that way my entire life so I've wrote about going through a weird time recently and this Purim completely upped the joy factor in my life and made me forget about the bad stuff, the crazy stuff the "oh Gd I never want to think about that again" stuff and just made me focus on the positives beautiful people, beautiful clothes all around me, beautiful smiles from my children, laughing about everything. I've always been someone with a huge sense of humor if I could get my best friends or my kids to smile/ laugh I feel like I had a good day and that was how I felt this purim I felt like I was laughing nonstop again and it was such a good feeling.

When I was baking hamentaschen before the Chag with one of my incredible besties and her beautiful girls I was amazed by the art hanging on the walls of her childrens art center there was one picture in particular that completely wowed me and I couldnt stop looking at it-it was absolutely stunning. It was a three-dimensional photo of crayons that were melted to create rain running down the paper in thick beautiful swirls of color and it was absolutely mesmerizing and gorgeous [she has knayna hara extremely talented girls] and that picture inspired me. I was such a hippie when I was married. I dressed like one for a while [I still have a macrame sweater from miu miu that I wore all the time] and I listened to Borns, and The Beatles and just collaged and read childrens books to kids and made glitter bottles with them and walked around in glittery tops and long flowy skirts and silk scarves and I miss that part of me. This purim brought it back in me- it brought back that Gucci mama in me and the Florence Welch inspired flowiness I had lost and for someone who loves fashion getting dressed up depends so much on your mood and the happiness levels you feel and this purim surrounded by the amazing people in my life giving shaloach manot to the beautiful girls in who make my life more joyful seeing my friends in the street and feeling very loved and very connected that was the best feeling in the world. Hashem gives us chances to start life over, start life fresh turn the page in our sketch book and a fresh set of paints and if we want to keep only the good bits and pieces of our past well we can collage and make something absolutely beautiful🦄

[notreallypostinganymore]

My Calming and Anxiety Reducing Kpop Playlist

As someone who suffers from severe anxiety, I created a playlist awhile a go that helps calms me down. I will put a symbol next to the ones I find most helpful (*). Also if you have songs to add let know I would love more. 

🌊

Intro: Serendipity - BTS*

This song is my life saver, it calms me so quickly. The soft beat slows my breathing and my heart beat. It is definitely the best for me

Try Again - d.ear x Jaehyun*

The silk vocals of d.ear and Jaehyun are so pleasant. The chorus lyrics also make me feel better, “We’ll be alright, I want to try again”

Instagram - DEAN*

Dean is probably the best when it comes to calming me down. His soft heavenly vocals just bring me right down

The Unknown Guest - DEAN*

He’s back, you’ll probably see him a lot thought this list. I just love old sounding music like this (if that make sense), stuff that sound like its coming from a radio

Intro: Singularity - BTS*

This song is great! Taehyung’s beautiful voice is so relaxing and the beats are just lovely

Paradise - millic

This is probably one of my favourite songs of all time. Although it’s not as calming as the others it’s still really nice

heyahe - ONE

Again not as calming as the other songs but still really chill. ONE is really great check him out if you haven’t yet 

Gettin’ by - ONE 

A really nice song more up beat, but still nice. Also the MV visuals are really pretty

Come Over - DEAN ft. Yerin Baek 

I feel like Dean never fails to impress me song wise. He is one talented man and I can’t wait for more of his music 

I Love It - DEAN

A great song from his album 130 mood: TRBL. If you haven't checked the album out already you should it’s amazing

Memory - Mamamoo*

A beautiful christmasy song with the lovely vocals of Mamamoo. Great for winter and late nights  

Don’t Forget - Crush ft. Taeyeon 

Honestly if you don’t have this song what are you doing? It’s so good and really soothing

Fall - Crush

Crush’s music is some of the best his voice is so beautiful. This song is one of my autumn/winter songs. It creates such a nice atmosphere

우아해 (Woo Ah) - Crush

A little more upbeat the pervious few, but still relaxing. It makes me feel like I’m floating 

Eat - Zion.T

Zion.T’s music is really relaxing, Eat is one of favourites, the piano is really lovely in this song 

Yanghwa Brdg - Zion.T*

This song is super relaxing. The soft melodies mixed with his voice is really good at making me calm

ROSE - ELO

I. Love. This. Song. Everything from the vocals to the cute and aesthetically pleasing music video. It is one of my top songs of all time

D (Half Moon) - DEAN

Dean’s back again and surprise it’s another great and calming song, who would have guessed

What 2 Do - DEAN x Crush x Jeff Bernat*

All of the vocals in this song are amazing. The lyrics also calm me when I’m pumped on anxiety induced adrenaline

One Of These Nights - Red Velvet

I’m not the biggest Red Velvet fan, there songs tend to be a hit or a miss with me, this song however is so beautiful. They really out did themselves

BABY BABY - WINNER

Winner have some of the nicest vocals. I love how this song has a more natural sound and is less computer generated 

Rain - Taeyeon

This song is a winter/autumn song that you look out your window at the rain to. It’s so pleasing 

What If.. - EXO

EXO’s vocals really compliment each other. I really like this song it is soft but still interesting

MY ANSWER - EXO

I love the simple piano throughout the song it really works well with the soft vocals and I love how it builds

My Lady - EXO

An iconic song really, although it may not be as soothing as the other songs on this list it really lifts me up

IF YOU - BIG BANG

Big Bang can to any genre and it would still work. This song is so beautiful I will never get over it

BABY GOOD NIGHT - GD & TOP

Can you say, ICONIC. This song is so lovely despite being a little funny. Also am I the only on who thinks that they kind of look and act like mums in the MV?

Automatic - Red Velvet

Out of all of the Red Velvet songs this is my favourite. I love everything from the start to the end, it’s art 

Palette (Feat. G-DRAGON) - IU

I love how soft and gentle this song is complimented with IU dreamy vocals. It makes me feel easily relaxed

Spring Day - BTS

 Although sad this song is able to calm my anxiety down pretty quickly. It is a great song 

RUN (Ballad Mix) - BTS

I chose to put this nice slow ballad version in this playlist because it really helped me calm down one day 

Butterfly (Prologue Mix) - BTS*

I love this version better then the original. I love the trickling sound it reminds me of creeks in the forrest, I sometime visualise sitting next to one

Sing For You - EXO*

EXO are back at it with another beautiful ballad. I also love how it’s just their vocals and a guitar

Dawn of us - Jackson Wang*

This song might be surprising for some to see on this list, but this song is relaxing and sometimes when I have a tough day I visuals the MV set

Dream In A Dream - NCT (Ten)*

This beautiful song is one I just recently add and I’m happy I did because it helped me calm down today

🌊

I hope this helps some of you I decided to add little comments about each song which know one probably cares about but idk I just wanted to add something extra. Also you could probably tell that I’m not a music expert so I have no idea what I’m talking about. Anyway hope you enjoy if you want me to do more music stuff in the future let me know. 

I don’t own any of the photo’s and/or gifs credit to owners