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is this illegal?

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Self-Care for People who were Neglected

It was your caregivers’ job to get you to be self sufficient, but a lot of caregivers don’t seem to know what that means. Taking care of yourself gives you certain privileges in life that make the sun shine a little brighter, so why not learn how to?

Smelling Good

The key is thorough hygiene. I remember once Colleen Ballinger said when she showers, she does not scrub her body— instead letting the shower head wash the soap off of her… I’m here to tell you that doing so will leave dead skin and sweat traces on you unless your shower head has been replaced by a pressure washer.

I recommend using a scrubbing mitt, Moroccan loofah, African net sponge or the like with any quality body-wash you wish. a regular loofah like the ones they sell at the dollar tree lose shape and texture quickly. replacing them costs a lot over time. if you have sensitive skin and scrubbing with something textured will irritate you, some simple washrags are IMO the best thing to use 6/7 days a week, but most won’t have a problem using something exfoliating 1-5 times a week. invest in something good quality and used by people for generations. that’s how you know it works ;) (I use black soap and scrub my skin with a Moroccan Loofah before going through my usual shower routine every day)

Keep in mind your oral health too! When you speak to someone, they are seeing and smelling your mouth. Aside from the obvious brush your teeth twice a day and FLOSS!! brushing your tongue is more important than you might think!

fun fact: the colour on your tongue before you’ve eaten is bacteria which causes bad breath.

Flossing is linked to improved mental health! people who floss regularly and keep good oral hygiene are less likely to develop dementia in old age. it also gives you a little bump in serotonin when you feel clean and productive. I could go on and on, but the point is oral health and hygiene affects the rest of your biology.

Looking Good

You don’t have to conform to contemporary beauty standards or gender expectations. You’ve just gotta look clean. Aside from keeping good hygiene, it’s important to other people that someone LOOKS clean.

if you shave your legs, exfoliate every time you do until all of your leg hair grows back. if you’re prone to breaking out, clean your sheets and pillowcases often or switch between pillows if you have to wait. human beings are always going to have ingrown hairs and acne, but avoiding or reducing it can be simple.

I want to again acknowledge that this doesn’t have to mean you conform to gender roles.

If you’re a woman with a moustache, keep it shaped up! you don’t have to bleach if you don’t want to, but put some pride into your appearance. say “yes i have a moustache, and i take damn good care of it.”

At the end of the day, do what you want and what looks best on YOU. even if it is alternative, do it and do it well!

Eating Good

Cooking for yourself can feel like a ton of work. cutting ingredients, making a mess of the kitchen, doing dishes after. fml right.

thing is, everyone should know how to cook simple meals. ordering delivery for every meal is a surefire way to go broke and feel lethargic. knowing how to cook quick and easy balanced meals is going to only add to your life.

sandwiches are the depressed’s best friend. they’re easy to make, hard to mess up, and can include anything you need. bread for calories and carbs, tofu/meat/eggs for protein, lettuce/spinach/kale for nutrients, sauces for fats and seasoning. make it as delicious as you want. then have a pb and j for desert! sandwiches are godsend.

Feeling Good

when caregivers are emotionally neglectful, its very easy for a kid to get all sorts of mixed up ideas in their head because the world is a mixed up place. a lot of people think being mean to strangers is “not that serious,” a lot of people think that they deserve disrespect because “everyone gets criticism.”

there’s some merit to these ideas; if a stranger is acting too familiar and creeping you out, if you’ve fucked up and someone’s let you have it out of their anger. like that’s kind of fair, can’t be reasonably too mad.

but many people forget the core values, cross culturally celebrated, that take care of their spiritual health. i’m not religious, but idk what else to call it. it’s the thing that connects us to our friends and neighbours, the thing that allows humanity to survive and progress in ways that matter to the people. in this world of profits over people, a lot of these values are labeled childish.

respect, compassion, justice, and trust are NOT childish. nobody has the authority to treat you with disrespect, hatred, bias, or antagonism. it doesn’t matter if you’re neurodivergent, if you’re not conventionally attractive, or if you’re lower class. even if bella hadid herself walked up to you and spit in your face (which the princess or Nazareth Bella Khair Hadid would never do), you don’t deserve it because objectively nobody does.

same goes for how you treat yourself. how dare you take your bullies’ side instead of your own? how dare you start to believe what others have made you feel when you’ve known yourself longer? have loyalty to yourself! be on your side, because you’re the only person who you can guarantee will have your back.

this post is getting pretty long, and i feel like there’s more to cover, so if you’re reading this in the future, i might have part 2 up! go check it out ^v^

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How To Love Yourself

“Love yourself!” People always say it, but what the fuck does it mean? I’ve spent a long time trying to figure it out myself. It’s going to be a different process for everyone. Everyone has a different situation and a different relationship with themselves, but I’d like to just say what’s clicked for me and maybe it can help some. 🤍

1st, what is love? There are a million and one different kinds of love between other people and between oneself. If you have absolutely no idea what kind of relationship you want to have with yourself, you can model it off of another relationship. maybe you have a favourite TV ship where you can relate to both characters; love yourself how they love each other. does that mean you have to get butterflies and flirt with yourself whenever you pass by a mirror? yeah if you want to feel some whimsy. but most importantly, you should foster a growing unconditional love. if you romanticize yourself, you think you’re glasses arent dorky: they’re dignified, or your fat isnt gross: it’s cute, then it becomes sooo much easier to see yourself through a lens of love by reflex.

If you are in a state where you just absolutely hate yourself and can find no redeeming qualities, take a break from yourself for a while. read books and don’t compare the writing to your own, people watch and don’t get jealous of couples, hang out with a friend without wishing you were more like them. Just appreciate the book! Appreciate humanity! when you go out into the world and you see other people and their perspectives, you realize that your shortcomings are not an issue to 90% of people. Why should they be at the forefront of your mind? unless your shortcoming is that you are a serial killer, you’re probably fine. did you get bad grades? do you have acne? do you have an old car? NO ONE REALLY CARES. anyone who puts you down for it only does it because they want you to think they’re above you, which is not true unless you’re a serial killer and they have not killed anyone.

when you come back, feeling better but still not loving yourself, go back to step one. not everyone is going to be able to love themselves to the extent of a fictional couple; hell most couples cant manage to love each other that way. maybe you actively dislike yourself. maybe you are mean when you shouldn’t be, you hurt people you love, you don’t take responsibility for your actions, but you want to love yourself because you need to love yourself in order to make lasting changes. you can love yourself the way that a child loves her toxic mother. sure, she may hurt you and others and make her own life harder than it has to be, but she’s taken some care of you and made you laugh, you still love her even if it isn’t 100%— you just want her to do better.

maybe you don’t have issues hurting other people, maybe you’re embarrassed of who you are. maybe you think you’re weird or annoying. it’s not easy to just stop thinking that way. but if you find yourself here, you can love yourself the way a moody teenager loves his nerdy younger brother. maybe you’re outcast and feel like you just can’t fit in and you’re embarrassing yourself. hey man, remember that you gotta look out for yourself. anyone giving a nerd a hard time is the aggressor. like let the nerd live. who cares if his interests are strange or he isn’t good with people? he’s just a little guy! and he’s kind of cool, of course, because you helped raise him. just give him a chance.

It’s important to understand that you don’t have to love everything about yourself. when someone writes a book, their characters have flaws and despite them you root for them. musicians with millions of fans and celebrity spouses fuck up all the time, have extremely problematic pasts, etc… but still have all those fans and business connections etc. whether they deserve them or not is not the point, the point is that they are flawed but still beloved. it’s my honest belief that you need to love yourself enough to make up for all the middle aged women who love j#hnny d#pp. yall like the energy balance is fucked up pls love yallselves /j.

another thing is, get over yourself. be silly, dont care what people think. of course, maintain social awareness to avoid further embarrassment. but if you are in a situation where you are being genuine and having fun and someone reacts in a strange way? forget them. literally who gaf. honestly love when someone gives me a dirty look at the club bc then i know im having fun.

the quickest way to really start loving yourself instead of just saying it is to talk to yourself the way that dennis reynolds talks to himself. now, i am expressley forbidding you from emulating anything else about him. but if you’re on a jog? you’ve got the stride of a gazel, oh yeah, you see that form? that’s like a Sha’carri Richardson in her prime. you’re doing your make up? hello Bella Hadid we are so lucky to have you in this show you have no idea! your image suits our vision to a tee, yes, you are so stunning omg turn around for me gaaaasp oh that blush is perfect. it’s not delusion, you dont have to believe it despite what some may say. just talk to yourself nicely, make yourself laugh, charm yourself. no one is going to jump out of the bushes and say “you actually dont have the stride of a gazel :/” bc that would be weird and who gaf.

There have been multiple times where im on the subway, a girl looks at me, then looks at her boyfriend and makes a joke. for context: i know i look good, so whatever she might be making fun of is trivial so immediately i know she’s just insecure. like relaaaxxx i dont want your basic radiohead manipulator boyfriend i was more focused on YOU 😳 before you opened your big mouth. I will take an airpod out and lean in to let them know i am not the one to be talking about alr on a bad day i might just say something. one time the girl said it in a language that i also spoke and when i took out my airpod and leant in, she got embarrassed and they moved seats. funny how this experience has only ever happened with straight couples (yall need help🙏) i live in a big city, so there are just rude people who i encounter, sometimes I’m one of them. either way, other people’s thoughts and opinions are holy to them but they’re bullshit to you. Love yourself enough to know when you are not the problem.

if you love yourself, you can do better. you can sleep better. you can handle problems better. you can handle other people better. you can love other people better. when you start loving yourself, you start holding yourself to a higher standard because you want to see yourself happy and successful. when you love yourself, happiness and success is possible every day.

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ED Harm Reduction

You deserve to be healthiest as possible, even if you are struggling and not actively seeking recovery. I know that when you’re in the thick of it, it’s difficult to even think about recovery, so I’m gonna focus on harm reduction.

Oil your skin. Oil your nails. Oil your scalp. Your hair WILL fall out with any rate of weight loss but it will fall out and break at an exponential rate if you aren’t eating proteins and fats. maybe some of you want to look like smeagul from the ring, but if you dont, take extra care to keep your body nourished and moisturized.

If you have the means, get therapy. You don’t even have to tell them about your ED until you build trust. EDs dont arise out of nowhere and you deserve to at least know steps to progress in your stability. Therapy is annoying for sure, I saw 2 therapists before i found the one who was right for me. But tbf, I used to lieeeeee to my other two, but i was also lying to myself. don’t lie. a good therapist won’t push you to talk about something that you don’t want to. if you know something is messing with your head, talk about it.

Stop listening to those cheesy ass quotes. “skinny feels better than pizza tastes” “second on your hips, a lifetime on your lips” “i have glass skin and paper bones” brother stfu. if you keep surrounding yourself with this sad shit, you’re going to be sadder. if you are going to be suffering w an ed, you deserve to at least feel peace.

think about food and exercise and bodies like a robot if you cant think about them like a normal person. if you don’t fuel your robot, it’ll die. maybe you keep your robot near empty for whatever personal reason, but it needs fuel because it is a robot and thats just a fact. if you can overtime detach emotionally from these things, it will be easier down the line to view things in a way that helps you succeed.

it is embarrassing not to love yourself. you can love yourself like you love an annoying little brother, a helicopter mom, or a deadbeat dad if it’s easier. it’s okay to have a complicated relationship with yourself, it’s impossible not to. at the baseline of that relationship you need to have love, even if it’s begrudging, distant, faltering love. you can make it better from there.

I’m gonna tell you right now your ED makes you act like a huge bitch. you probably don’t mean to, you’re just so fucking tired and stressed out and annoyed at everything especially yourself(warranted or not). keep in mind that you might be taking your shit out on the wrong people, or the right people at the wrong time. I’m not going to sit here and say “be nice to everyone, if you snap at someone you’re a horrible person and going to hell” because some people deserve to get cussed out. I’m just saying don’t bitch at your waitress because the kitchen put the dressing on the salad instead of the side.

If the sun’s out, so are you. EDs drain the colour from your skin. I’ve always been somewhat pale, but at my worst I have been called BLUE. some of you might be into that, but it is much harder to navigate in society when you look like you’ve just rolled up out of the crypt. if you’re planning a vacation, go somewhere sunny. lie on the sand and soak up that vitamin D, because you’re not getting it elsewhere.

At the end of the day, the fast’s gotta end. eat and eat well. if you’re dead-set on depriving your body of energy, at least eat things that are high in nutrients, proteins, and fats. if your muscles don’t get enough protein, they break down and lead to a softer surface for remaining fat to lay on, leading to a “skinny fat” look. lack of nourishment causes acne, balding, brain fog. you don’t listen to me, and you’re gonna be pimply, bald, and slow. choose wisely.

at the end of the day, EDs are a form of self harm, and people who are committed to harming themselves aren’t going to want to take this advice. if you are suffering but don’t want to suffer forever, or don’t want to look like you’re suffering, please listen and implement this stuff 🙏 saving your life might not be enough motivation, but at least think about making yourself feel a little more comfortable while going through hell