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Am I the only one that thinks 'bear in mind' looks wrong even though it's not. Like it's the right bear. Because it's 'bear' as in 'to bear weight' but it looks like 'bear' as in the animal. Like, we should have a third spelling of the word bear so that bear as in weight is different to bear as in the animal the way bare as in naked is different from its friendly neighbourhood homophones.

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/66036154/chapters/170163106

Ferðútantaiðhringr - an Old Norse ritual that, supposedly, allows the caster to travel to any point in History and re-direct the flow of time. When their team at the Department of Mysteries discover that not only is magic dying but that there is no viable solution in the present. Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger travel to the 1940's in the hopes that they can stop it before it starts and maybe build a better future in the process.

I did a thing! I've never posted anything I've written online before so this is new for me. I'm really enjoying writing this though so...

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houseplant type friend

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So I keep seeing references to the fact that having a bank account costs money. And while accounts with fees do exist the truth is

A BANK ACCOUNT IS FREE!

If your bank is charging you fees just to have an account - not for your account being overdrawn just for it existing - then what you have is in fact a premium account.

A basic current account - sometimes called a checking account - does not have monthly fees. This is true here in the UK it is true in the rest of Europe and in the USA. I'm also fairly confident it's true in Australia too but I've also never seen an aussie mention paying for their bank account. I don't know about the rest of the work outside of Europe and the US but in the counties I do know about

it is against the law to charge for a basic bank account.

Your bank will offer a basic current account and then several different premium options that come with service fees. Bank employees are encouraged to upsell the premium accounts. Some less intelligent bank employees can mistakenly interpret this encouragement as meaning they have to sell you the premium account. I have seen this happen more than once. If the person at your bank will not let you open/switch to the free basic account you need to ask to speak to a manager because a free bank account is your legal right.

Almost all of the services you are paying for with a premium account are unnecessary and if you are on a low enough income that bank fees are causing financial completely useless for you anyway. The services that might be useful for you are things like:

low balance warnings

Payment due alerts

Mobile banking apps

Online banking access

Free balance transfers

All of these are part of the basic current accounts at most banks so if they're not at yours you should switch banks if you are able to.

Please, please stop paying for your bank account.

As a warning:

Pay attention to your overdraft allowance when signing up. A lot of people here in the UK get their first bank account while they are still in education which means they don't have any overdraft fees. But your account will automatically start charging you for being overdrawn when you leave school/college/university. You can set your overdraft limit and make choices about allowing your account to be overdrawn or to deny standing payment with your bank. This does not come at a cost! This is a service your bank should provide you with free of charge.

If you live in the UK i recommend: Starling Bank (they do not have branches but you can access the online service at a library go to the post office for things like depositing cash)

Nationwide (they are a Building Society not a bank but they offer almost all of the same services and better than most banks)

Monzo (another online bank not quite as good as Starling but still better than a lot of the traditional institutions)

Any Building Society actually

Your local Credit Union (credit unions are not for profit financial institutions that offer services similar to a bank or building society. Some can completely replace a bank but others have a more limited scope which means some do not offer a current account)

Virgin Money (This is a last option personally, but they have bought up a lot of the smaller banking institutions in the last 20 years and are probably the best option for a traditional bank)

I cannot in good conscience recommend banks outside of the country that I live in. If you are in the US I recommend looking into Credit Unions in your area.

I really hope this reaches the people who need it. This is one of those things that should be common knowledge but isn't.

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I love how there's a thick, dark substance deep within the earth that was formed by the deaths of billions of lifeforms and has been trapped there for millions of years, that when harvested can weild such great powers that leaders are willing to start wars and slaughter millions just for it, however using said powers causes the very weather of our world to become corrupted, and yet we decide to name it after fucking olive juice.

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So, let me guess– you just started a new book, right? And you’re stumped. You have no idea how much an AK47 goes for nowadays. I get ya, cousin. Tough world we live in. A writer’s gotta know, but them NSA hounds are after ya 24/7. I know, cousin, I know. If there was only a way to find out all of this rather edgy information without getting yourself in trouble…

You’re in luck, cousin. I have just the thing for ya.

It’s called Havocscope. It’s got information and prices for all sorts of edgy information. Ever wondered how much cocaine costs by the gram, or how much a kidney sells for, or (worst of all) how much it costs to hire an assassin?

I got your back, cousin. Just head over to Havocscope.

((PS: In case you’re wondering, Havocscope is a database full of information regarding the criminal underworld. The information you will find there has been taken from newspapers and police reports. It’s perfectly legal, no need to worry about the NSA hounds, cousin ;p))

Want more writerly content? Follow maxkirin.tumblr.com!

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Today in niche genres of joke that I can never get enough of and will probably still be secretly thinking about four years later

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Hospitals and airports have the same energy.

Which is a different energy from train stations.

Train stations and motorway service stations have the same energy.

Which is different again from bus station energy.

Bus Stations have the same energy as supermarkets.

Liminal spaces are not created equal.

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A post crossed my dash today where the OP had misspelled cliché as clishe. That's how I read it 'I know it's a cli-shee', took me a second. I will now and forever be pronouncing cliché as "Cli-SHE" because it tickles me so much, is more fun to say and I just know how much it will annoy a very specific group of people.

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The patron

The alien came to the library again, shortly before closing time, and quickly found a book.

"May this entity borrow The Complete History of Knitting?"

They always return the book they borrow after five minutes, but the ritual of checking it seems important to them. 

"Of course. Did you bring your card?"

I looked them up, after the first time I saw them for real. They first registered with us over ninety years ago. The senior librarian who first told me about them said I shouldn't stare, or pry.

"Whatever else they are, they are a patron, and should be treated as such," she said. "If they seek knowledge, it is our duty to help them find it."

There isn't an ancient and secret code of librarians, but that is definitely a core part of it. If such a code existed.

I scan the card and the book. "There you go," I say and hand them over. "Please return it within two weeks."

They tilt their head. "This entity will honour your terms."

"Oh! That reminds me, we have updated the terms since your last visit." I hand them the pamphlet we got from the printers last week. "It's mostly about internet usage, but I'll need you to read them and agree."

They study the pamphlet.

"These are terms this entity can abide by." They pause. "Is there no requirement to keep your existence secret?"

"Of course not," I say, "we always welcome new patrons."

They stand silent, long enough for me to realise the implications of what I have just said. 

"This entity had made an assumption, based on prior experiences on countless worlds, where knowledge is always closely guarded and costly to obtain" they say at last. "You will provide knowledge for free to all who seek it?"

In my mind, I weigh humanity's ignorance of those countless worlds of alien civilisations against the code.

"Yes," I say, "this is a library."

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"hey, bobby, ginger's kid came out to her as non-binerary! can you believe it?"

"non-binary."

"huh? wha? what'd i say?"

"you said 'non-binerary.' the word is non-binary."

"right. non-byrony."

"oh my god"

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tired: mermaids are all women

wired: much like elves, merfolk are mistaken by sailors for being all women because they have long hair and are very pretty

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One-shot tabletop RPG where you play as a bunch of medieval English peasants trying to trick the royal tax-collectors into believing that your village has no taxable assets. It plays out exactly like a new-school heist caper RPG, except in reverse, with the players devising and carrying out the scheme which they must then prevent the NPC "party" from uncovering. Do you fake a plague? Pretend to be mad? Construct a second, much shittier village and try to keep the tax collectors so distracted they never think to ask what's behind that hill?