6h0stswelt

[6h0stswelt]

"Society is where men go to die"

6h0st

[6h0stswelt]

My place is better than yours.

My place has everything I like.

All my needs are met. My places caters.

My place is not like yours.

My place is a place I was put in more than once.

My place is more of a home.

I stay in my place more than I should.

So you have a big house, my place is better.

So you have lots of rooms. So do I too.

My place is endless with space, no more than I need.

I live in my head I've been told like it's a problem.

My place is cleaner than yours.

I stay here because no one can come in, it's just for me, my place.

The gates are far from the doors and there's tigers and shit. A rainforest between my gates and me.

There's paths to walk and clear your mind. Beautiful gardens to sit and read.

A library with ladders and shit. Paths I've long forgotten.

My place is not for sale and cannot be replicated.

It's mine forever.

I'll be here after I die, so I might as well make it home.

-6h0st

[6h0stswelt]

"Take me back unrelenting, not too early in the night."

[6h0stswelt]

Merlins diary

Eryone wants pieces.

Taking seconds for grains of attention distillet.

Cooked down and festering. I wither. Frail and grey the rain pours through and under. Giving life a new.

We skip down the path in confidence.

Dark trees around. The smell of the earth. Static of nature. The myth of meditation takes hold only for a second, though hours unfold.

[6h0stswelt]

Shit, Group of Kids:

It wasn’t the best decision I ever made; it wasn’t the worst.

I don’t look back with pride or regret, merely indifference.

We have all been there, is all.

Somewhere between Who we are and who the world perceives us to be.

Our friends.

Family.

Those people know the concept of who I am, is all.

How can anyone know.

The choice is still mine to make, as it was then.

When I walked away from everything I ever knew, anyone who ever knew me.

As if they could.

I didn’t know.

Didn’t know myself, what I was capable of.

My words have always meant something to me. It’s all we have in the end.

A collection of memories and choices. Nostalgia romanticized, over and like some made for T.V. special playing over again. The first time you watch it, it’s lame, it’s annoying, complete trash. 

After so long we begin to crave it, want to show new people we met as if it somehow is a part of who we are. 

Merely because it was on, and we were there. 

The decision I made was simple, yet the most difficult thing I have ever done.

Yet I’ve done it many times before and most likely will make that choice again.

Perhaps without my say so or not.

The choice to walk away from something or someone and not once turn to look.

Not once, call or answer.

To never again have that conversation.

Not with myself.

Not with anyone.

To live in the memories of people I love.

People who I thought loved me.

People who don’t know what love is.

Maybe its just that our definitions are different.

Could be that no one ever knew me, is all.

Could be that I don’t understand love or know what it would look like, to anyone else but myself.

Could be that I didn’t love myself, therefore making me incapable of loving others for who they are and not who I want them to be.

All I know is how to sit with silence.

Silence that screams inside.

Silence that has no brothers, no equal, no mother, no love.

Silence that is and always was.

A quiet that feels hollow.

Emptiness that feels like home.

Alone.

6h0st

[6h0stswelt]

TEXT MESSAGE

5:58 p.m.

Hey Gramps, how you feeling?

Hope you are feeling better.

6:00 a.m.

Remember that time the wolverine chased us out of the woods. I was just thinking about that. I met some new people, and I was telling stories about growing up. They looked like they didn’t believe me when I said I remembered my grandpa driving his motorcycle into the living room. Grandma would be mad as hell and chase you with the rolling pin. Don’t know if Really miss those days.

6:30 a.m.

Packing Poles and firewood was brutal, I remember the pumice up to our knees, at least that’s how it felt. You remember those songs you used to play? I wish we had recorded some. I guess I might have to start rankin on the kids these days. IDK, now that you gave ole “ouch” to Ashley. I’m still a little chapped about that, it’s ok though. I remember the songs.

6:40 p.m.

I would have liked to do more fun stuff like that one fishing trip, or the one I missed.

8:01 a.m.

Hey Gramps, I know you don’t text, but I hope you’ll still get this. I wish I knew sooner how to read your mind, just by looking at your face. We all tell on ourselves, don’t we, with the expressions we give. You taught me so much, I didn’t even realize at the time.

10:03 p.m.

Hey Gramps,

I still need to write that western. You still never told me your 10 favorites. I guess I’ll have to do the work like you did. I’m looking at “Mustang Man”, hoping I can keep my commitments. How many books did Louis L’amour write anyway, what have I gotten myself into LOL.

11:15 p.m.

Jon took that fight. I wish you could be there. I know we all have to be tough, but I actually worry about him, especially now that your gone. He needs to learn how to keep his head clear and mentally focused.

12:20 a.m.

 I don’t know how much time we all have. I know what we do in this life, lives on in others. 

I miss you.

-6h0st

[6h0stswelt]

"Depression is one hell of a drug"

6h0st

[6h0stswelt]

To be boiled down to grit.

Absolved.

Mushed to a pasty white ghost.

Distilled to nothing.

No longer corrupt.

Assimilation lives on and on and on.

In pipe dreams of the person I thought I was.

Absorbed into nothingness.

The sweet serenade of silent death ringing in my ears.

Forever and on and on.

-6h0st

[6h0stswelt]

Country Girl

Before too long it all seemed the same.

Been through all this before.

On repeat since forever.

Thought I was on a different part, turns out it's stuck and it's been chopped and screwed.

Mixed and blended up.

That's how I feel.

Turned to pulp and mush when I think of you. Think of us.

Been like that ever since day one.

If I could.

I would I take it all back.

Live it over again.

As I do now, in my head.

In my dreams.

Lost and frosty.

Toasted and all put together like a perfect golden marshmallow.

Put away again.

Before too long I'll think of you.

-6h0st

[6h0stswelt]

Petrified for too long the molecules begin to stack, reclaiming life.

Solidifying energy.

Aging.

Every seven years.

Every seven years.

On seven planes through eleven dimensions.

They saw themselves again.

Aligned and whole.

More powerful than before.

-6h0st

[6h0stswelt]

The gradient in screens, dreams, and what seems.

Has me lost in between, with no means to an end in sight.

-6h0st

[6h0stswelt]

"There is something truly criminal about being authentically yourself."

-6h0st

[6h0stswelt]

Old ways.

Begin again and again.

The wave returns giving and taking alike.

What is borrowed must be returned.

Although, time is relative, the gravity is intensified as it returns again and again.

The armour breaks down.

It is only in frames, the light is captured into particles.

Particles of change.

Particles of permanence.

The ancient human lives on.

Their consciousness is ours.

The primordial ooze, drips from my lips.

-6h0st

[6h0stswelt]

We slip through the cracks.

We pour ourselves out.

The trembling get louder and louder.

Lost to our past selves.

Lost to our dreams.

Forever undertow.

Forever your burnt coal.

6h0st

[6h0stswelt]

Through waves

We turn and boil

Through particles

We dissolve

Through time

We grow old

Through others

We live forever

-6h0st

[6h0stswelt]

Somewhere the peices found wholeness.

Not in me or you.

Dissolved into the compendium.

Time slips away.

Those who lost are found inside the amalgam.

6h0st

[6h0stswelt]

I feel the pull.

I will not relent to that tremendous force.

I will not submit to the cold dark night.

Into the abyss I thrust forward.

Unwilling to compromise.

-6h0st