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Hey, remember in how in the "Kenan & Kel" movie not only did they kill three people, but they then showed their cut off heads on a table?

This was a kids movie, Jesus o.o

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Why not try “Secrets of Droon”?

Hey there adults with children. Want to introduce your kids to a magical world of adventure and wonder NOT written by an open and proud bigot? Well why not try “The Secret of Droon” series? We’ve got:

1) Three different main characters with different personalities and quirks for self insert options

2)  A spunky princess who can take name and kick ass while still being very polite (because manners are important)

3) An elder wizard father figure that does NOT manipulate the cast into convoluted plans to do his bidding

4) A comic relief side character that is not annoying as hell

5) An evil dark lord with a tragic backstory an redemption arc

6) An even eviler dark lord with no redemption arc that must be defeated at all costs

7) A mysterious, morally grey character with a secret connection to the princess.

8) A missing Queen 

10) Comedy, suspense, romance, drama, AND angst.

11) 44 TOTAL BOOKS

12) And best of all, the knowledge that every dollar you spend on this series is not given to a horrible, horrible person.

Have fun!

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Hogwarts Houses

Me as a kid: I wanna be in Gryffindor because they’re the heroes and are so brave and I want to be the main character and hang out with Harry Potter and--

Me as a teenager: pfft, Gryffindor? Okay poser, I’m going to go to the actual best house, Slytherin. They have the best color and they’re the real cool house and I’d be the one good Slytherin that would help Malfoy become a good person and--

Me as an adult: for the love of god, put me in Hufflepuff. I just want to get through the school year without any hassle, be close to the kitchen, and stay away from all that “main character” mess going on over there.

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You know who’s great? Cornelia Funke

1) she used to be a social worker that helped kids from deprived backgrounds

2) she wrote several fictional series about children confronting and overcoming adversity in several ways

3) She worked with the UN during their “United Nations Decade on Biodiversity” 

4) she doesn’t use her fame and influence to platform ideologies and people that attack marginalized groups 

Seriously, why don’t people talk more about her? 

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Misunderstanding

Edelgard: welcome back everyone to the "Fuck Lady Rhea Club", where we all hate that bitch and her fat ass. And now, a word from our newest member.

Byleth: ...so there's been a misunderstanding  

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So there’s always been this nagging thought in my head about wands in the Harry Potter universe: what’s the deal with customized wands? I know that it’s a marketing ploy to sell merch in the real world, but is there an in universe explanation for them? Because in the first movie when Harry is testing wands at Ollivander’s, they all look the same, yet then we get all these distinct looking wands for all the “important” characters. Like is that something the owner has to do themselves in their free time? Are their like shops for “wand paint” or “carving tools” to customize your wand how you want it?

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On the one hand, I know that “IQ” is an outdated and at times even just plain wrong way to measure a persons “intelligence”

On the other hand, I just love “If your IQ were any lower it you’d trip on it” as an insult. 

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American Winnie the Pooh

Producer 1: okay, so we have the film rights to this cute British story about a stuffed bear and its friends. How can we make it more relatable to an American audience?

Producer 2: I got just the thing

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Fire Emblem Driver’s Ed

Byleth: okay Dimitri, you're driving and suddenly Edelgard and Claude walk onto the street without paying attention. What do you hit? 

Dimitri: Edelgard. I could never hit Claude. 

Byleth: ...the brakes Dimitri. You hit the brakes.

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TV Network: okay so it’s a new adult cartoon.

Me: Okay

TV Network: it’s an animated comedy--

Me:

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I couldn’t help it. And now y’all have to see it too.

Note: re-upload because I noticed a mistake in the original post.

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Just a reminder the Happy Feet is both:

a) a good movie

b) a movie with penguins in it.

So there’s no reason for you not to watch it. 

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Was practicing with my tablet and decided to have some fun.

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Person: dead men tell no tales.

Reanimated skeleton: so me and me mates got wicked drunk this one time...

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Sometimes I can’t tell if I use “laziness” as an excuse for my fear of failure, or “fear of failure” as an excuse for my laziness.

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Person: hey do you watch *insert series/movie/whatever*

Me: no, I don’t really--

Group A: OH, SO YOU THINK YOU’RE TOO GOOD FOR IT?! YOU THINK IT’S BENEATH YOU?! I DON’T SEE YOU DOING SOMETHING BETTER!

Me: what, no I--

GROUP B: SHUT UP! THEY JUST SEE IT FOR THE PANDERING TRASH IT IS! HE’S NOT AFRAID TO SPEAK UP AMONGST ALL THE SHEEPLE!

Me: can you people get out of my house?

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Better late than never

I don’t care what anyone says. I’m making an account, I’m posting stuff here, and I’m going to enjoy this place until the day it dies.