abookwormstale

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Because of my abuse...

Because of my abuse…

I’ve slowed down with reading. I used to be able to read multiple books a week, now I’m lucky if I get through one a month.

I feel out of my element in things I used to be interested in. For example, I’m close to tears because I have no idea what is going on as my boyfriend builds a deck for Magic the Gathering, and I feel as if I’ll never be able to connect with him on that level.

I can’t…

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Feyre: What, literally shout at the tattoo?

Rhysand: You could try rubbing it on certain body areas and I might come faster.

Me:

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Basically

(this isn’t hate)

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when Lemony Snicket wrote “I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you everyday” that hurt me

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he sees you when you’re sleeping he knows which kinks to shame

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A few tips for going to pride that I didn’t know before yesterday:

Bring cash. Most of the vendors can’t do credit cards.

WATER BOTTLE. Luckily there were free water stations at my pride but I don’t know if that’s universal.

Bring a bag for all the random stuff people give you.

If you have sensory sensitivities or anything, bring headphones and download something soothing in advance. There probably won’t be a quiet place, but find someplace that’s less loud and take a moment to rest if you’re feeling overwhelmed.

There will be lots of free hugs. Most people will be very nice if you don’t want hugs. Instead of a “hugged by x group” sticker, I got a “boundaries respected by x group” sticker.

It’s a little shocking if you’re pretty sheltered. There will be people wearing the bare minimum. There will be people wearing less. You get used to it pretty quickly. (Everyone I saw had at least underwear on, but there were people completely topless, including people with breasts)

They might have very loud music playing at the entrance to drown out protesters. It’s actually a little quieter inside.

Your cell phone may not work very well, even if you should have service. There are a lot of people. I was able to make and receive calls, but I couldn’t access the internet or anything.

I just went for the afternoon, so if anyone has any more tips (especially for the evening) feel free to add on! Stay safe and have fun at Pride friends!

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The Signs as Badass Girls

Aries: Sailor Mars, Xena, Arya Stark, Olivier Mira Armstrong, Tarene

Taurus: Katniss Everdeen, Mikasa Ackerman, Ellen Ripley, Michonne, Peggy Carter, Kate Beckett

Gemini: Buffy Summers, Sarah Connor, Jessica Jones, Sailor Mercury, Barbara Gordon

Cancer: Jean Grey, Sailor Moon, Carol Peletier, Astrid Hofferson, Brooke Davis

Keep reading

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You know what’s wild? Remembering that children hear things for the first time without context and are literally like, “What?”

I just said “See you later, alligator” to a four-year-old and I think it was the first time they had ever heard that.  They froze in their tracks, looked at me completely bewildered then replied, “See you later, chicken” and kept walking.

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Stay strong, ily 💕

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`’- types of people as days of the strange

monday’s daughter is a copper being. she is the strange wistfulness of used books and dark circles under russet eyes that are more enigmatic than lost sleep. she is brown lipstick smeared on her front tooth and old perfume bottles that remind her of amber and stone.

tuesday’s daughter is silver hellfire, a valkyrie in her own right. she is marble skyscrapers, the clean, milky blue sky offset by the bruised tones of an uncontrollable flame. she is loud bracelets that serve as her armor and piercing eyes for swords. she is clouds yet to form and storms yet to ravage.

wednesday’s son is wet sand and black ink. he is crooked calligraphy and bamboo sticks that collect themselves in mishaped glass vases. he is kafka on the shore but the whimsy is wasted on him. he is centuries grown within a millennial born yesterday and somehow through the weight of the world, he holds on to questions unanswered.

thursday’s son is the gentle tones of rotting earth in old growth forests. budding trees against the unfurling of storm clouds, daffodils still glistening with raindrops. wisteria and smoke color his fingertips, bleeding the scent of musty, abandoned log cabins. he is self destructive but not without a tragic smile, his accent that of foreign tongues with vowels the sound of redwoods falling.

friday’s daughter has a mind like a diamond, a disco ball reflecting the colors of the flashing dark and lives in infectious whispers. she is cold mint tea, forgotten in the rush to leave the world behind in favor of music that pulsates to your very core. she feeds off neon signs blaring into the night and her breath is invitingly toxic. her eyeliner is winged to be sharp enough to cut skin and her afternoons are non-existent.

saturday’s son is honeycomb, pomegranate seeds and raw meat; he is earthquake tempers, wordless lullabies and a body full of stories. his lips are glossy, too red to be natural, and his bruised knuckles are lattice cobwebs of capillaries. he doesn’t smoke but in his pocket there will always be a golden lighter, a flick away from burning the sunsets down.

sunday’s daughter is overripe peaches with faded off-white, she is dangling her feet off a dangerously high terrace to feel the sun on her face and adrenaline silently course through her limbs. she loves classic movies but never the sad ones, her blood is sweet iced tea and her eyes are the color of the evening laughter. she is carefully carefree and only owns broken, vintage mirrors.

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Rough few days...

Rough few days…

What is it about this disorder that makes me want to push everyone away? Everything will be fine, then one day I’ll forget my medication. Then I’ll continue to forget. Without Seroquel I’m overthinking and manic. Without Zoloft I’m depressed beyond return. Why do I do this to myself?

Then comes the fun part. I’m already irritated and frustrated. Someone (my boyfriend, in this situation)…

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Day 1 of DBT Skills

I didn’t realize some people would be continuing. I thought we would all be new and starting at the same time. Not true. I thought I’d be among people close to my age. Also not true. I’m pretty sure I was the youngest in the room. However, looking back, it made me realize it’s never too late to work on yourself.

We started the group by going around, saying our names and why we were in the group.…

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I suck.

Hi, hello, I know it’s been a while. I’m a sleepy, busy human. I dont know if it’s my medication, or my diet, or my allergies, or a mix of all three–but I’m exhausted and in a slump that won’t go away.

Had another session with my therapist. It’s only been two and already we have established goals and she has given me assignments. Which is way more than I can say about my previous therapist. I’m…

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Happy Mental Health Month!!!

Happy Mental Health Month!!!

It is May first, and officially Mental Health Month. To celebrate, I’m putting myself first. And what a better time to begin a blog about mental health than now?

This post is to explain my journey in 2019 so far. Don’t worry, my dear readers. More to come.

***possible triggers for mention of self-harm, medication, abuse, and other trauma***

February 2019–met with a psychiatrist for the…

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“That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying ‘as you wish’ what he meant was ‘I love you’….” - The Princess Bride (1987)

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“That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying ‘as you wish’ what he meant was ‘I love you’….” - The Princess Bride (1987)

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Sometimes I cry and cry for no reason at all, and then I don’t feel anything.