adventuroustealady

[adventuroustealady]

[adventuroustealady]

[adventuroustealady]

http://iglovequotes.net/

[adventuroustealady]

http://iglovequotes.net/

[adventuroustealady]

[adventuroustealady]

The Truth Comes Out...

....my last post was about me and my ex. Unfortunately things didn't change and I got a restraining order against him. Though, when they issue you one it's only temporary until your court date. That date decides on whether the judge extends it for a year or drops it. I got a restraining order due to my ex sending me an email threatening to break in and rape me. I dealt with the threat on my own for 5 days before my family and friends were made aware.

Lately the media has been full of story after story of people coming forward with their claims of sexual harrassment and abuse. Celebrities and non celebs. I think hearing about it constantly is desensitizing people to an extent. I've heard a lot of people say it must not be true if its just coming out now, or they're so famous why didn't they come forward sooner.

When you are sexually harassed or abused, celeb or not, it effects a person to a new degree. You become embarrassed, disgusted, scared, anxious, and most importantly, you blame yourself.

I had no intention for my family to find out the way they did. Everyone found out the same night and they're reactions overwhelmed me to the point I wanted to run away and hide due to shame and embarrassment.

Another thing I often hear is why stay in the relationship for so long. Hind sight is 20/20. I stayed with him because I thought he just didn't know better because of his up bringing. The first time he physically hit me I didn't see it as anything other than him playing around. When it became more constant I put an end to it. When he grabbed my hands, squeezing the more I struggled, refusing to let go, I gave him an ultimatum. He moved on to putting me in head locks as refusing to let loose. I put an end to that. The longer we were in a relationship the more intense things became with him. He told me several times that he has trouble controlling himself and I would be disgusted if I knew the things he wanted and might do to me. I took note of that and started spending less time with him...being alone less with him. This caused even more issues.

I would go to my family about things. When I told them about the physical stuff and how I felt..I was basically told to get over it. So I never mentioned any of it again. I dealt with it because my family made me feel like I was misreading things.

When Alex told me that if I ever left town for any reason that he would follow me without me knowing, I really took concern. Especially when he started demanding to know where I had been or where I was going. I was honestly scared to break up with him. Not only was he showing up at my door yelling and being all threatening, he was letting himself into my house when I was there, with no notice. He also threatened to kill himself several times, which had me scared that he'd kill the both of us. I talked him into seeing a psychiatrists and I waited til after his appointment to break up with him.

I was done with people making me feel crazy for feeling the way I did. I was done with his abuse. I broke up with him in the best possible way I could think of to keep feelings in check. I thought it had work until he started following me around, calling me at work, sending me multiple messages from multiple sources. He even showed up at my work and my home and wouldn't take no for an answer. After a few weeks of a message from him he or there I thought he got the message. Then I received the email.

Fear is what causes a person to stay. Plus the fact that I had little to no support from family made me feel like I was stupid and not thinking straight. Fear and stupidity became the reason I broke up with him. Fear is what brought me to file a restraining order.

You hear people say how others are brave and strong for speaking out but I bet that half of them feel like me, terrified and weak.

The night my family found out about the email I tried so hard to be brave and fearless. I stood in my sister's living room with my hands in my pocket because my hands were shaking so bad. I stuck around longer than normal because I wasn't sure I could drive.

I've still tried talking to my family about how I feel and am still basically met with you have nothing to fear or he didn't send that email and I feel alone.

Coming forward is supposed to give you power, help you be fearless, but I still am terrified and feel alone. And this is the reality for those who come forward.

Lets not turn a blind eye to those that are coming forward with allegations. It's not an easy decision, and the journey to freedom of ones self is difficult.

To anyone who's ever been abused, physically or sexually, I stand with you. I support you. You are not alone and you are not to blame. You may never completely feel that way but coming forward will be one of the strongest and freeing things you can do for yourself!

[adventuroustealady]

http://iglovequotes.net/

[adventuroustealady]

http://iglovequotes.net/

[adventuroustealady]

There's so much I want to rage about....but in the end...what's the point? Ill be made the bad one ....and I feel like I'm pretty much all alone to begin with.

But you tell me. My ex boyfriend promised after me he would be single for the rest of his life. We broke up because he was becoming stalkerish, controlling, and abusive. He was always so negative and demeaning. At times though he would surprise me and that's how we stayed in a relationship for almost a year.

We broke up and it took me two weeks of bluntly telling him that there is no more us for him to understand that. So officially we've only been single for two weeks.

In those two weeks everyone is telling me how he's changed and how I should learn to move on. Every time I'm around him he doesn't say a word, glares at me, ignores me, talks over me, or completely up and leaves when he sees me. Has he changed or is he just putting on a show? I broke up with him so he could focus on him and work on him. Which is what I'm doing on my end.

As much as I wanted to be friends, now I just want to use him as a pinata. He's up in Iowa meeting a girl to start a relationship with. So he's spent two weeks looking for another girlfriend instead of focusing on himself. And I'm the one that needs to get over all the hurt and pain he caused me?

I know I sound like a bitter ex. And I am a bit, but I think it's justified to a point. I feel like I've lost family and friends over his craziness. I want to say get in a relationship and move to be closer to her and stay out of my life....but I'm trying not to be that way. Its just hard move on when he lives with my parents and I have to be reminded of him every day.

Maybe over time it will change...but for now I honestly don't want to have anything to do with him. A person doesn't change over two weeks, it takes months. I'm scared for any woman he gets into a relationship with. Especially knowing that it just takes one situation to trigger his old self.

Anyways. I'm done with this rant. This will be one of those relationships that I regret ever getting into....I don't regret the growing as a person....but I was pressured into the relationship and took a lot of abuse, so this will be one I use to educate my kids with.

Thanks for reading. If you feel like leaving me a comment that's awesome!

[adventuroustealady]

http://iglovequotes.net/

[adventuroustealady]

HUFFLEPUFF: “Sometimes you’ve got to do what you think is right, and damn the consequences.” –Brad Vanstone (Morgana: Merlin: The Poisoned Chalice)

[adventuroustealady]

an appreciation post for every the walking dead character; rick grimes

                    “i was thinking, how many of you do i have to kill to save your lifes?”

[adventuroustealady]

Its been a while since I've wrote a blog post. A lot has happened in that while. I was in a relationship for almost a year. And now I just want to rant about it. Alex and I met at work. He was volunteering on the weekends and then during the week. When he first walked into the store I thought he was cute and had some smarts. We talked for a good 30 minutes. By the end of the day I though he was arrogant. Which caused me to avoid him until he started coming to work during the week. I went back and forth on dating him. He was real conceited. Eventually he told me that he really liked me and couldn't keep quiet about it any longer. When he started volunteering at the store he had a girlfriend and he still wanted to be with me. After he told me he liked me....we spent a lot of time talking...and he spent a lot of time pressuring me. He will deny that but he did. Finally I decided to go out with him figuring it wouldnt last long. The first month and a half was horrible. It seemed almost every day he would either blow up my messaging app or show up at the store assuming we were breaking up. Honestly I should have ended it then but I was patient. It got better around the holidays. There were about 2 months where things seemed good. Spring time came and we were back to arguing a lot. Our work hours changed and less time was being spent together. Alex was back to blaming me for our rocky relationship. Summer came and things were getting worse. I had asked him to seek help once before and he said no. So I asked him again and he said no. July things were horrible. Alex was blaming me for everything. He was getting really jealous and becoming more negative and controlling. He wasn't only treating me badly bit he was treating everyone else around him horribly as well. We had a fight and Alex told me that he will always do things by himself which told me he would never trust me. A few weeks later we had another fight and I told him that if we didnt know anything about one another and we decided to date based on looks that we wouldn't be together...I would never date someone I didnt know anything about. And I didn't feel bad about it because he told me before that he doesn't date girls who don't have at least $1000 in their bank account. He was really hurt by what I said even though almost everyone is the same way. The looks thing ive told him several times before in a different way. He wasnt taking care of himself physically and was having a lot of health issues because of it. Then he lied about the fact that he once was slim and that he couldn't get back to that if he tried....knowing full well he could. When he walked in that door the first day and saw me he would be dated me on the spot without knowing a single thing about me. He's even said as much. So I didn't understand why he was so upset over it. But he wanted to marry me....which meant we'd be together forever...but he would never let me into his life or let me help or trust me. I was broken by this. And the fact that he acted like it was no big deal just made it worse. It got to a point where he was leaving all the effort in the relationship up to me. Dates, hanging out, talking, etc. He'd done that the whole relationship. Then he'd go around to my parents and say I wasnt trying to make an effort and that I kept shooting him down....when he hardly ever made an effort. I was getting chewed out by everyone regardless of the fact that most of the relationship was me doing everything. I decided he needed to fight for me and I stepped back....and my neck really got rung. Everyone said I needed to make more of an effort so on top of what I was already doing I did and that wasnt good enough. I would tell Alex to meet me when I got home. I'd tell him when I'd be home and his response was well send me a message and let me know that I can come over. If I didnt he'd stay at home and then tell everyone I didnt try. When I'd tell him he could come over for 5-10 minutes he'd come over and spend the next 2 1/2 blaming me for things. I started the process to become a foster parent. Alex tore me down for it. Got mad because I didn't even talk to him about it. He never once came to me and asked me about anything ....he just came to me and told me this was what he was doing. He gave me an ultimatum. And I told him if he didn't want this relationship to end then he better get help. This was my third attempt at this....if he would've said no...we would have been done. In our last two weeks together he tried breaking up with me twice...one on facebook. I should have not even bothered to fight for us and just have let things be. The second time (in less than 7 days) he showed up at my house pounding on my door. I had gotten home from work that night and went over to spend 5 minutes. I was there 30 and had tried leaving 3 time to avoid an argument. He didn't like that and showed up at my door. Throwing my key at me then demanding to know who I was on the phone with. I told him to give me my key and go and he wouldn't. He wanted to talk. He came in and was yelling at me. I kept telling him to leave and he wouldn't. I though he was going to hit me. The rest of the week we didnt see much of one another. Sunday came and he acted like a jerk. He wanted to argue and I wasnt having it. I had let him spend most of the day with me and then he went home and my brother and I left. He got upset over that. I told him I was done for the day...I didn't want to argue and that we werent hanging out at all the rest of the day. My cousin came over with her kids and we were filling up water balloons. Alex decided that since my car was in front of my house he'd show up and try to hang out. He showed up at the gate asking if I was here. Then he asked my brother if the door was unlocked and let himself in. Andrea asked if I wanted him here and I said no. I told Dustin to tell him to leave. Alex showed up on the back porch and I told him to leave. He wanted to talk and I said no and had to continuously tell him to leave. He wasnt having it. He came to where I was and said you don't want to do this to yourself....I had to tell him no and leave another 5 times each. My brother had to follow him and make sure he left. That was the final straw for me. Alex didnt understand what he did wrong or why I was upset...even after explaining it to him he was still clueless. He told me that I had just as much blame as him in what happened....I about blew up on him. Tuesday he had a psychologist appointment and that evening I broke up with him. He still doesn't understand what he did wrong. He's going around bad mouthing me and lying about things I've said. I broke up with him in a way that once he got help and worked on things that we could give it another go. I couldn't be with someone who is controlling, abusive, manipulative, and all dependant. He wouldn't change unless it was for me....he wouldnt get help because he didnt think he needed it, said it was pointless because he'd give it up after a few weeks (which he did).....always expected me and our relationship to fail....and wouldn't do things for himself. After we broke up he posted a meme that says love never gives up on someone no matter the situation. He tried breaking up with me twice and expected me to fail him which caused him to intentionally cause issues in the relationship. I do love him and ways will. I didn't give up on him...I gave up on us until he learns not to give up on himself. Part of me wishes he would disappear for a while but in reality I want us to be friends and I want to see him get better, succeed, and become an amazing man. But none of that will happen unless he's willing to help himself. And yes I have blame in our relationship ending. I could have worked a bit harder at spending more time together....but with all the effort I was already putting in I was tired of being the only one doing most of the fighting. I will continue to date...hopefully get married and start a family. I know what I want in life, and I know how to fight for it. But I'll be damned if I put myself in another relationship like that one. Here's to the future!

[adventuroustealady]

Dinner is served!

[adventuroustealady]

Made myself a veggie omelet for lunch! #adultingdoneright

[adventuroustealady]

the walking dead parallels

[adventuroustealady]

I thought you understood me, but it was just me misunderstanding you.

Michael Lipsey (via ohteenscanrelate)