aiueow

[aiueow]

It’s 12.12 and I choose to leave everything behind

[aiueow]

I’m such an egoistic person who only care about my only happiness.

I make many people cried in vain for me, because I couldn’t change.

I have no empathy for people who loves me. I only care for myself if they want to know.

Maybe I’m really designated to live and to die alone.

[aiueow]

Meeting you was a mistake. Until now I don’t know if it was such a good mistake or bad mistake.

You came to my world unexpectedly, like a calming breeze. It wasn’t in plan to let you in. You were once a stranger to me but then you became someone I wanted to know.

Was it in your plan to come to my world? Why did you approach me first? Why did you make me feel like this? Why?

You know, I just want to be my old self again when I didn’t know anything about you.

Now, I’m still trying to find my old self. I just don’t want to admit I want you to be in my world forever.

[aiueow]

Call me friend, but keep me closer.

[aiueow]

I miss my old life when we didn't know each other. I miss that time when my life wasn't getting involved with yours.

[aiueow]

I feel helpless. I don't want to have this feeling again.. it's like that it's only me who want us to communicate.

I really don't want this.

[aiueow]

What's good being someone who admired by him?

Is it better being someone who loved by him?

It's better like that.

[aiueow]

Dalam hidup ini aku percaya bahwa banyak sekali kemungkinan-kemungkinan yang akan terjadi, entah itu disengaja maupun tidak disengaja, entah kita memang menginginkannya maupun tidak menginginkannya.

Banyak sekali hal-hal yang mungkin saja terjadi di hidup ini. Saat itu terjadi, bisa saja dirimu tidak sanggup untuk menanggapinya karena dirimu belum siap dan tidak menyangka bahwa hal itu terjadi. Bisa saja rencana-rencana yang sudah kau buat dengan baik dapat berubah begitu saja dan kau harus memulainya kembali dari awal, dari nol.

Dan.. kau tidak dapat lari pergi dari apa yang sudah terjadi. Yang dapat kau lakukan sekarang adalah menghadapinya dengan lapang dada.

[aiueow]

Do you ever feel alone in a crowded room? I do.

Do you ever have a thought that maybe your existence in this world is not worthy? I do.

Do you ever feel that whatever you do you won't success? I do.

Call me a drama queen, I really don't care. Tell me that people out there don't have a lucky life like you do, you should be grateful.

I am grateful, yes.

But I have lost my faith in everything.

Yeah, I know I have people who love me and they are all caring to me but I don't like them to think about my problem too. What they do make me feel like I'm their trouble, they should be happy without me and my dramas. But they still holding on to me, pausing me to do something stupid and crazy.

I don't know until when I can hold this crazy thought.

They will better with(out) me.

[aiueow]

But, you said that you don't want to have another lover after me then you have her now. Oh, you are really a hypocrite.

[aiueow]

Sering bercerita tentang seseorang bukan berarti bahwa kita masih menyukai orang itu. Kita bercerita terus karena sudah terlalu muak akan sikap orang itu sehingga ingin membagi perasaan muak itu kepada orang yang kita ceritakan.

[aiueow]

A good guy won’t ever try to ruin other’s relationship. You talked to her like this but you did it. Funny, huh?

[aiueow]

When your ex keeps showing off that he is better now, but you feel what he did is just 'ugh'. And it makes you think that why was he your boyfriend before...

[aiueow]

I don't want to come up with this anymore but why do the memories keep coming up in my head? I am definitely over with you. Definitely.

A few days ago you sent me a message. Oh wow! I was impressed that you threw up your ego to sent me a message; to say hello for my family. It was such a nice attitude from my ex!

Well, I already forgive you, every time. But still I don't know if your apologies were a real thing for me. I always doubt you. This is why we didn't work out, because every things we did were like a game to show off to everyone that finally you had a girl.

Ha! This morning my mom was talking about you. She came up about something that happened on my graduation day.

Do you still remember that you bought me a flower bouquet with two balloons on it? One of the balloon was slipped from my grip and flew away to the sky. My mom said it was like you, the balloon. You were flying away from me, slipped from my grip and I couldn't catch you. I just smiled remembering the moment.

So, why do I have to bring you again in this writing?

Because... I hate your attitude to me. I hate every things that you did to me. I hate the way you treated me. I hate that you didn't say the truth to me. I hate your game. I hate the way you started to seek for attention.

I forgive you but I still hate you.

[aiueow]

We try to build a dream to be a real one. Someday it will be. Just don't lose our faith on it.

[aiueow]

Mementos

There is a song when everytime she hears it, she will remember about that time. She will remember the memories when she thought she fell in love with him again. She will always remember about those days because he treated her very well. She thought it would be best to come back to him because he brought back her smile again that night. They laughed together again and held hand like it was the first time. And she thought maybe he is her future. Maybe he would never hurt her and he would wait for her to calm her mind after everything that had happened between them before.

But it was just a sweet nothing. He never tried to wait even though he still loves her. He had lost his patience. He doubted her. And, slowly for sure she doubted him too.

And what remains from those days were just memories, sweet memories… and a song.

[aiueow]

Nowadays I see many people like to talk about other people behind their back. And, I did it too.