alexhasalopecia-blog

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When you have alopecia and random strangers approach you to ask about your cancer diagnosis...and then they tell you they just got diagnosed with cancer that day...only the most awkward situation to be in.

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“Local bald girl gets asked if she has cancer for the millionth time this week.”

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I can't believe it's already been 2 years since I first discovered I had alopecia. What's even more unbelievable is how much I've grown through this entire process. Alopecia has helped me learn how to be confident and how to love myself. I wouldn't change this experience for anything.

I want to thank everyone who has been there for me through this entire journey. From the tears, awkward encounters, and plenty of spot on bald jokes I wouldn't be the woman I am today without the amazing love and support I receive from my friends and family daily.

Side note: my head is still bald as can be but my leg hair is growing back...what the hell???

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For about the past 3 weeks I’ve been in Thailand, but as you can see I’m a little delayed announcing my trip. I wanted to make sure I documented my trip sequentially, but an encounter I had in the Narita Airport took some processing time and severely pushed back the documentation of my trip. I promise I have more coming!

My dear friend and I were exiting a woman’s bathroom when these two middle aged women walk in and freeze. They stare at me and look back behind them to make sure they didn’t accidentally enter them men’s bathroom. They then exchanged a few sentences in Japanese to each other and started cracking up (mind you I don’t speak a lick of Japanese). I looked down and quickly walked out, although I couldn’t understand a word they said, it was clear what had happened:

They saw me, thought I was a man, made sure they were in the women’s restroom, and then laughed at a joke they had exchanged about the situation. Now there are a few different things they could have been laughing at, and obviously some would be more hurtful to me than other options. 

I’m trying to give them the benefit of the doubt; perhaps they were tired and taken off guard...or something to that respect. 

But I can’t help but still be self conscious about the interaction. I mean, you could clearly see my boobs under my shirt, I was wearing leggings, and had my eyebrows filled in, along with all the diamond-esque earrings I was wearing. Not to mention everyone I know reassures me endlessly that I am undoubtedly female. 

For the first few months of my being bald, I was most self conscious about being mistaken as a man (not that there’s anything wrong with that, I’ve just always identified as female). I thought, after about 1.5 years of being bald, I had reached a place where I didn’t have to be worried about being misgendered. (I became way less vigilant about wearing “enough” make up, reverted back to my more andro style, etc..) However, that one interaction made me realize how pressing that fear still is. It also made me a little more vigilant about not just filling in my brows, but also wearing eyeliner and mascara and wearing my dresses, especially when we went out. 

Despite this interaction at the airport, I’ve had a great trip so far. It’s unfortunate that this impacted me the way it did, but it just goes to show we all still have our insecurities no matter how confident we think we are (especially when we’re not in our home countries ‘outside of our element’). I’m finding out that coming into my self confidence and strength is a life long journey, not “a one and done” sort of deal. 

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I bet you've never seen bald look this good... I'm also willing to bet most bald folks you know are old men. ✌️

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I've been pretty absent since the new year guys, sorry! It's been one hell of a semester. Over winter break I went to Mysore, India to learn about the NGO Swami Vivekananda Youth Movement and India's healthcare system, made a quick pitstop in Paris on the way back, went to Ireland over spring break, and now am planning my second trip to Thailand during May/June all while preparing for finals week! Rest assured I have some funny bald related encounters to share from all my travels this far!

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Our bus that was going to take us to the Cliffs of Moher never picked us up…Can you say more incentive to visit Ireland again in the near future?

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Never pass up an opportunity to tell mediocre jokes in The Whole when it’s empty and they leave the mics on. Actual sense of humor pending…

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Here’s a breakdown of the last 24 hours: 11 hours of yoga 6 hours of C2H6O related endeavors 4.5 hours of sleep 2.5 hours eating and walking

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My mom and I have this tendancy of accidentally matching. But it's alright, she's pretty cool and I'm thankful everyday to have such a strong role model.

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I was going to take a line from a wintery poem out of context to caption this picture.

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My life is so stressful with finals right now...I'm pretty sure if I had hair to lose it would look something like this

Even more ironic is that someone with hair shared this originally Lol at people with hair freaking out over losing a strand 💁🏼

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Just had a patch of eyebrow fall out last night…at least I’ve still got my personality. Featured on my snap story last night: av_romfoe

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Quick Poll: 

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I taught my sisters the art of the “fake laugh” for our Christmas card. 

Turns out yelling “micropenis” is an effective tool to get people to laugh. 

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Today marks one year of me being bald. I want to offer a brief reflection on the time leading up to my hair loss and my year being bald. Anyone who knew me before my alopecia knows just how much hair I had. Thick, course, wavy and all around uncontrollable hair that had a tendency to break ponytails and brushes all too regularly. My hair is what many people identified me with, it was always "alex and all her hair", it didn't take long before all I valued about myself was my unique hair. I never took the time to think about who I was beyond that. I started losing my hair in late August 2015, by October my hair was falling out in large clumps. I cried myself to sleep often. I was losing the only thing I had come to value about myself. Then, on November 8th, 2015 I decided I was done watching my hair fall out with the absolute feeling of powerlessness. With the help of Maria, Sydnie, and Hannah (and some liquid courage) I shaved my head. Over the course of an hour I lost the one thing I liked about myself. But I never anticipated the instant relief that moment brought me. I no longer had to hide bald spots. I was no longer "alex and all her hair" but "alex, the bald girl". Over the course of those next few months I learned how to own my new look and how to be confident. I did have slip ups, nights that I cried myself to sleep because I didn't want to stand out (in all honesty I still have those nights, just much less frequently) [I want to express my gratitude to Josh for being there for the hardest first few months] I also cried myself to sleep because "who would date a bald girl" -Enter Michael- Michael and I instantly clicked, initially with the intentions of just being best friends. There are many reasons I love Michael (but we'll save those for another sappy post for another time). However, I do want to highlight a few of the reasons why he's awesome. Michael has offered me a shoulder to cry on. He is someone that I can not only discuss my insecurities with, but someone who has helped me overcome so many of them. He never saw me as “the bald girl”, he has always seen me for so much more and he helps me everyday love the girl he sees.That’s something I never would have been able to do myself. Because of Michael and countless others, I now know what unconditional self love is, I know that I am so much more than just a pretty bald girl. I have so much depth and dynamic to my character that makes me unique and worth love. I can say with utmost confidence that being bald has brought me undeniable happiness. And of course I cannot forget my family, my best friend Melissa, and my Theta sisters for being with me every step of the way. For listening to me and never thinking of me any differently (and sometimes forgetting that I’m bald entirely). I love and value every one of you so much, thank you for being with me on this journey of growth and self discovery. I appreciate it endlessly. I don't know what the future looks like for me as far as hair growth or hair loss (and countless other aspects) but I can say with utmost confidence that I have the best support network around. Thank you everyone for helping me evolve into the woman that I am today. <3 “Alex, the beautiful, vibrant, strong, bald girl.”

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Très Vogue.