am-i-ace

[am-i-ace]

Am I ace/ on the asexual spectrum??

[I have created this side blog exclusively to sort out my sexuality, please, please, please help me, I'm genuinely so lost]

I don’t know to whom I’m sexually or romantically attracted, but I know the only person I would be fine with engaging in such acts with is a very close friend (I wouldn't say I fell sexual attraction for her, but I’m emotionally attached enough for me to not feel super frightened). I feel no attraction to strangers whatsoever but can see their objective appeal. I feel miserable thinking about a relationship with a hypothetical, meaning I don’t want a relationship with someone I don’t fully know and trust. To that I might add I am uncomfortable thinking of situations where sex or intimacy might be expected from me. Due to sensory issues, I hate skin to skin contact (only accepted when body temperature of the other person is low), any kind of situation involving sweat or any sort of stickiness, heat, soft touches and feeling someone's breath on my skin. To clarify, these are things that have always bothered me, but my parents thought it was not important enough to get me tested for anything so I’m also unsure now if I’m neurodivergent or not or even if these issues with tactile sensations are concerning enough to seek out testing myself. Back to the topic. I, however, do not feel repulsed by sex and it’s something that I find interesting abstractly. I also can’t imagine myself in sexual situations without felling obligated or uncomfortable. I’ve struggled during my early teens to define my sexual orientations. For context, I grew up, sort of super sure of being heterosexual (I’m a woman) and only started questioning it when I discovered what that entailed. For some time, I felt somewhat comfortable describing myself as bi, but again, I still couldn't figure out the sexual component of it. I have tried to discuss this with close people but I don’t feel like they understand since they all identify as allosexuals. I would really appreciate if someone could help me as this is a topic that has distressed me for years. I just feel very lost and alienated from others due to this.

I'm sorry if this comes across as confusing, I have tried my best to word it, but it may still be quite discombobulated.