amandaforst-blog

[amandaforst-blog]

Follow 4 Follow

F4F

[amandaforst-blog]

[amandaforst-blog]

Yep

[amandaforst-blog]

♡🙏

[amandaforst-blog]

However, I continue to try and I continue, indefatigably, to reach out. There’s no way I can single-handedly save the world or, perhaps, even make a perceptible difference - but how ashamed I would be to let a day pass without making one more effort.

Isaac Asimov (via wordsnquotes)

[amandaforst-blog]

Follow for Follow

Follow for Follow

[amandaforst-blog]

The Bravest This I Ever Did Was Give Up On My Dream!

“Going to college for dance was a big risk,” they said. “Moving to NYC to pursue dance was so brave,” they said. “Moving out to Los Angeles, California all by yourself took a lot of guts,” they said. “Picking up and living in China was something I could never do,” They said. However, to me, it was something I had done to pursue my dream, my destiny, my passion, my life! Of course, there were moments that I wanted to cry, throw up, or change my mind, but I kept my chin up and pushed forward. Growing up in Wethersfield, CT was comfortable to say the least. My Mom, a teacher, and my Father, a successful business man and guitar player always supported us in whatever my brother, sister and I did. Whether it was sports, music, dance, writing, or math, our parents were cheering us on. We all fell into what we were best in. My sister, Sara was the “smart one,” my brother, Michael was the musical genius, and I stole the stage at every dance recital and moment I could. I was a natural performer, I loved the spot light, and attention was always welcome! It was never a question of what I wanted to be or do. I was going to be a dancer, end of story. After attending college for dance, moving to NYC and starting the audition train things went from hard to harder. I heard everything from, "You are too “fluffy,” to "You are too sexy," to "You aren’t cute," and the list goes on and on. It wasn’t all bad, I also had amazing times, gigs, and opportunities to perform. It was at an audition in California where I stood in a hot, hot, hot room with 300 other amazingly beautiful, talented, and intelligent women where I made a decision. The choreographer had split us into our skin color, even if you were Latino and looked white, you were with the “white” girls. He said to us, “I am going to tape you all so that when I get home I can roll a blunt and pick out girls for this video.” He didn’t stop there, “All you white girls, if you cannot twerk do not even bother auditioning, please leave now.” I was appalled. I don’t regret a lot in my dance career, but not leaving in that moment is one that I repeat over in my head. It was up to me to stand up for all those hard working women in the room and I didn’t. It was in that moment when I looked in the mirror, I realized I didn’t recognize myself. I had become someone that would do anything for a job and an “opportunity for exposure”. I was not living up to my potential and wanted more out of my life. I left that audition more confused than ever. If I wasn’t a dancer, who was I? I had always been “Amanda, the dancer”. In that question the identity crisis officially began. I fell into a spiral of depression, confusion, and self-pity. I had NO idea who or what I wanted to be! I had always been into personal development so I had some guidance but the shock of finding out I didn’t know myself was a lot to handle. I wrote in a journal some, about what I liked to do. I knew I enjoyed dogs, watching movies, personal development and eating. That’s it! I was lost to say the least and my mom, boyfriend, sister, brother, and friends had no answers. Could I really give up dance? Some close people in my life thought I would regret it if I “gave up”. “This has always been your dream, don’t stop now!” my family said. I understood wanting to be supportive and I loved them for it, however that was not helping. I had already thought all of those things and was scared straight of making the wrong decision and regretting it forever! I was looking for a change and was unsure of what that looked like. I knew this: Dance was no longer aligned to my purpose and who I wanted to be in this world. I want to support people on their journeys, and inspire leaders to come into the belief of endless possibilities. I enjoyed reading Wayne Dyer more then I enjoyed dancing. It was after two months of searching, crying, and sleeping that I landed on personal development for my next adventure. Deciding was the easiest thing to do, telling my parents and family was the challenge. In my head they had paid a fortune out of pocket for dance school, college, all those costumes, recitals, competitions, supporting me when I maxed out credit cards in California and now I’m going to decide that I’m done?! My family also knew me as someone that would get excited about something, see a squirrel and forget all about it. Because of this they were a little hesitant when I told them, “I am going to be a hypnotherapist!” I felt as if I was "coming out" to my parents as the words exited my mouth. I squinted my face waiting for the awkward silence to end and the delayed response of “ok…???” came over the phone. After telling the people close in my life about this decision and enrolling in the #1 school of hypnotherapy, HMI (Hypnosis Motivation Institute) things started to fall in place. I found an internship writing personal development blogs, and assisting a motivational speaker to get experience. However getting out of the restaurant business, which I had devoted 10 years to, was the most exciting. I felt free. I felt like I was saying “yes” to myself for the first time in my life. I felt like I was listening to myself and following my heart. I had never asked myself what I wanted to be, ever. I was clear from before I could remember so I never tried anything else on for size. Now, I was following my bliss. I was going to do what I wanted to do, and not what I thought everyone else wanted me to do! It was the bravest thing I had ever done, and I am so proud of myself for doing it. In the end of that chapter of my life I realized that everyone that loved me simply wanted me to be happy. It was my beliefs and pressure I put on myself that I was feeling. I have learned so much in this transition in my life that I have come out the other side a new person.