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I don't care for Vergil/V as a ship at all (and I do think being comfortable with the term "selfcest" is a pretty big red flag), but I don't find it inherently objectionable, I wouldn't block someone over that alone

However, having seen some art of the ship, will not stand for the assumption that V would bottom and Vergil would top

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I'm sure we've all seen the concept art that depicts V as a woman. And while the design is kind of hit-and-miss, and V's voice actor did a phenomenal job, I think we can agree it would have been interesting if they really went with that, in part because of what it would have implied about Vergil himself.

V was extremely skinny and frail because of the physical trauma that Vergil has endured over the years, and perhaps because he's neglected that side of himself in favor of his pursuit of demonic power for so long. However, by the end of DMC5, Vergil has somewhat accepted his humanity again, and has healed his physical body. So it makes sense that if Vergil separated himself again, V wouldn't be skinny anymore, maybe she'd even be fat.

My point being:

Lady, when that katana-white-guy who helped her evil creep of a father open a portal to the demon world, disappeared for over 20 years, then came back as a demon who trapped her in a giant mermaid thing for a month starts hanging out with all your friends because he's related to them:

Lady, when that guy uses his katana to transform into a thicc goth girl with a low voice and any charisma to speak of:

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The DMC cast ranked by how likely they would be to fall for a Rusalka:

Nero, as we see in DMC 4, immediately clocks the Rusalka as the demons responsible for the blizzard in Fortuna, and starts wailing on them before Bael even shows up. Not even remotely interested.

Trish would recognize the Rusalka for what they are, but compliment them anyway because she appreciates the beauty of the diverse life forms of the Underworld. I could see her cracking a joke about kissing whichever toad the Rusalka were attached to and turning them into a handsome prince. Only interested as a friend.

Dante, as we see in DMC4, plays along with them for a moment, but when Dagon attacks, he reveals that he wasn't remotely fooled. Pretends to be interested for the bit.

Lady, I can imagine having been momentarily flustered if she encountered a pair of these demons early in her career. In the present day, they wouldn't impress her, since she has a far more beautiful and powerful demon wrapped around her finger. Not very interested.

Nico, as openly horny as she is, wouldd be knowledgeable enough to recognize that they are merely the feelers of a giant toad and steer clear. Besides, there are already enough beautiful women she can't have in her life, she doesn't need anymore. Not that interested.

Lucia definitely has a lonely side, she's been fruitlessly pining for Dante since DMC2. If a Rusalka had the means to exploit that, she'd definitely be caught off guard. Just a little bit interested.

Vergil is the only character on this list who's been confirmed to have sex. I think they would get a reaction from him, but he's too cautious to allow himself to be vulnerable in the face of something so obvious unnaturally. Interested, but not proud of it.

Kyrie, I believe to be very repressed. Nero either isn't as horny as she is or, he's just too bashful to initiate. I also believe she's as into Nico as Nico is into her, but hasn't admitted it to herself, let alone to Nero. Furthermore, I imagine she'd want to fuck a demon anyway, and that finding the Rusalka would be like finding herself in the middle of her favorite erotica, though I doubt a giant slobbering toad is exactly what she has in mind. Actually somewhat interested.

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this post probably only makes sense if you've played DMC4

We know that Nico owns a Gladius, but there's no evidence that it's currently functional. What if she's trying to restore it?

Obviously she doesn't tell Nero, he might have seen her trying to recreate any of her father's work as a big red flag, regardless of her intentions. But, he's not the boss of her, so she works in private, studying the synthetic demon, learning what makes it tick

When it comes to life it eagerly obeys her command - it helps that she has a literal instruction manual, even if she has to read around the bullet holes. So now she has a flying sword, a weapon and a companion in one, so she starts going into the field more often

She gets the hang of devil-hunting, and she's able to gather materials herself on top of what Nero provides, her research yields breakthrough after breakthrough. She restores a Cutlass, then a Hellhound, and she even develops some original creations (maybe expanding on some of the technology in the Devil Breakers)

But there's one of her father's creations that even she is reluctant to touch - the Ascension Ceremony. The means through which he gained his own devil form, one that allowed him to challenge Dante himself

It's power sounds incredible, but flawed - as Agnus hastily scribbled, humans have something that devils lack, something he lost when he gained this power. Whatever this is, he died never knowing it

She knows better than to even attempt such a thing. It's not worth it. And yet she continues her studies, learning everything she can about her father's so-called ascension. Not to recreate it, of course. Just out of curiosity. A little curiosity never hurt anyone, right?

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Not valid love interests for Dante:

His own relatives

Clones of his own relatives

Valid love interests for Dante:

Bear who runs a local pizzeria and gives Dante free food to thank him for that time he cleared some empusa out of the pantry

That guy I saw in that one clip from the anime who was demanding that Dante race him again and Dante responded by basically asking him out (I have not seen the anime beyond a couple of isolated clips)

Gargantuan himbo boss-fight demon who starts out all cocky and ready to take on the Son of Sparda, only to get his ass kicked and immediately devote the rest of his demonic existence to following Dante's way of standing up for justice, and maybe he's not the best at it, sure, but his heart's in the right place and that's what matters

And viewers like you :)

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I was thinking about this post I made nearly a year ago, and yeah, it would have been great because Dante would have an opportunity to show his vulnerable side, and Lady and Trish wouldn't have been damsels in distress, and Dante would get a badass Angelo-sona boss fight, but also:

Dante nude scene.

Where he is just as sexualized as Lady and Trish are in the game we got.

Bonus points if Dante has body hair and a mild beer belly, instead of those abs he has in most of the mods.

Maybe Lady's the one who saves Dante, and she makes a teasing, non-serious comment like "hehe, you put on weight" and Dante's like "yeah, i'm not 19 anymore and I drink water on occasion now."

Extra bonus points if Dante falls out of Digiorno Angelo's chest and Lady says "Well, this is my kind of rain."

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It's kind of a shame that Agnus was killed off in DMC4. Aside from being a fun villain, he and Dante could have had the perfect Toxic Gay Ship™ dynamic.

On Agnus's end, he clearly does admire Dante, but only superficially - it's really Dante's strength that he admires, and I suppose that could evolve into an attraction, but not any sort of real affection.

And on Dante's end, Agnus is everything that Dante stands against - he's a coward and a misanthrope who turns people into Angelos and uses demonic power for world domination plots... But, he's got huge tits and thighs, and he indulges Dante's theatrics in a way that typical demons never do. Dante finds the bastard hot, and he's so annoyed that he does.

However, I don't think that Dante's the "I could fix him" type - if Agnus has no desire to be a better person, Dante won't wait on him. So, I think this dynamic would only work if Dante honestly intends to kill the fucker, but he's just conflicted enough that his head isn't in the fight, and Agnus always manages to escape.

Of course, it's not out of the question that Agnus could actually become a better person. A lot of what he did was out of loyalty to Sanctus, so if he genuinely came to question his misanthropic ideology, maybe Dante would give him a chance.

Though if that came to pass, Nico would be flat-out disgusted by the situation - Dante, who she clearly admires and respects, shacking up with her deadbeat asshole dad. Dante would feel for her, of course, but they're not very close, and ultimately Dante doesn't care if he has her approval or not. What's between Agnus and Nico is between Agnus and Nico, he's got enough family drama on his own plate.

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Headcanon that the only reason Lady's extremely fashion-savvy friends let her:

Stick to her school uniform-inspired getup from when she was 16 well into her 30s,

Switch from that to a white pinstripe blazer - with nothing underneath - and a pair of matching pinstripe booty shorts, then,

Switch again to the weirdest fake dress shirt you've ever seen, and yet another pair of booty shorts, with leather chaps this time,

Is because, to be frank, they weren't gonna complain that Lady was committed to showing off her assets, even if the outfits she does so with look rather ridiculous. Besides, her outfits eventually started to be as funny as they are sexy, and what good is a friend if you can't have a laugh at their expense sometimes?

Vergil would try to tell her she looks silly, but it would come off as him telling Lady to dress more modestly, so of course she would tell him to fuck off and dress even sluttier. Because of this, Dante, Trish, and Nico would be all "just keep trying bro, you'll get through to her eventually" because they want to see how far that can go.

It's Nero who - out of love - gets through to Lady and tells her that she looks ridiculous, because:

The only body he wants to drool over is Kyrie's,

He spent his teen years running around in a vest with an impossible double-zipper, he knows what it's like to be an oblivious fashion disaster and he hates to see that happening to Lady,

He saw the opportunity to spite Dante and Nico in one move, so he took it.

Everyone in the crew is disappointed, and ironically, this quietly includes Kyrie.

Lady gets her revenge by forcing Dante and Trish to wear her old, terrible outfits for a week.

Trish helps Lady pick out a fashionable, sensible, but still sexy wardrobe to ensure she doesn't overcorrect like Nero did and end up looking a little bland.

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If Vergil had encountered Nevan instead of Dante in DMC3 he would have been toast.

Dante saw right through her because he's just as well versed in performative horniness as she is, but Vergil? That guy can't perform anything, he can barely make up names!

This gorgeous naked redhead demon would strut up to him and tell him how strong and handsome and Just Like His Dad™ he is, and he'd be drained of vitality before he could even say "outta my way gayboy I'm boutta get it".

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While I'm not much of a Lucia enthusiast - she sounds like a great character on paper, but what I played of DMC2's story didn't hit at all - I find the idea of her and Vergil being a ship conceptually hilarious because- Look, here's how I imagine it going down:

Dante: "Okay, it's time I did something about this Lucia situation. She's a nice girl, but I'm just not that into her. But what can I do? It's not like I can just find a guy who's as handsome as I-"

Dante: "..."

Dante:

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Trish shapeshifting things:

Trish frequents clothing stores, but she rarely buys anything for herself, she just looks at clothes and then recreates them with shapeshifting. She sometimes uses this to buy gifts for her friends, though.

She impersonates celebrities a lot, mostly just to make her friends laugh and for brief pranks. She has to be careful not to attract too much attention, least of all because she might get sued.

She can, in fact, imitate non-human creatures, much to the jealousy of the rest of the crew. Her favorite forms are a cat or a horse. She can also turn into demons, and she does use this to jumpscare her friends (Lady teases her, suggests that perhaps Trish enjoys getting shot ;)).

The one thing she has yet to master is inanimate objects. She studies suits of armor and Devil Breakers as inspiration, since they're sort of a step between person and not-person.

She doesn't age naturally, and she never wished to until she noticed Lady showing signs of aging, which only made her look hotter and more badass in Trish's eyes. So she will sometimes age herself up, just for fun. It makes Dante a little sad because it reminds him how young his mother was when she died, but he hides it well.

She frequently takes the form of her friends to mock them. With Dante, she just kinda spouts catchphrases and plays up his immature and irresponsible qualities. With Vergil, she'd probably do the same thing, if they ever became friends. I feel like she'd also imitate V if she really wanted to embarrass Vergil. With Lady, she just says and does obscene things while the real Lady pretends not to be turned on.

She occasionally does weirder, creepier things, like temporarily sprouting extra limbs, just for convenience. One of these days Lady will gather the courage to ask what else those hands do. Once Dante found her reduced to a head and dozing off, so he set her on the floor and punted her into the street.

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If I had an ounce of talent or motivation for writing, I'd do many things, but the most out-of-left-field story I'd write? A romance between Nico and a Devil Arm

Ever since the Redgrave incident, Nico spent months trying to get her hands on an authentic creation of the gunsmith Machiavelli. She saw first-hand the power one of them can have when Nero fought Artemis, the result of such a weapon possessing a human host (according to the wiki, anyway), and she can't help but feel curious.

Well, one day, she gets her wish. Maybe Enzo caves and gives her one that Dante found, or perhaps it came from from an entirely different source. Like Machiavelli's other creations (Artemis, Titiana, and Pandora), it's named after a woman from a real world mythology, but Nico would insist on calling it a 'she' even if that weren't the case. Let's go with Aphrodite, since this is a love story.

So, Nico begins to study Aphrodite. Of course she's careful, she may be a mad engineer, but she's not stupid. Devil Arms are dangerous, and Machiavelli's were created for the explicit purpose of killing. And she takes great care not to damage the weapon, it's a rare artifact of a great gunsmith, she'd keep her in the best shape possible.

However, everything changes one night, when she's hunched over her workbench and tinkering with Aphrodite - who begins to speak to her.

She's wary at first, but the Devil Arm assures her that she means no harm. She's grateful to Nico for taking care of her, for taking interest in her as something more than a tool to destroy. She tells Nico what an incredible gunsmith she is, commending not just her knowledge and her skill, but her passion.

Nico is flattered, but still cautious, even after the Devil Arm assures her that she has no intention of possessing Nico, or anyone at all. She wants Nico to continue her work, to take care of her, to study her. And all the weapon wants in return is to study Nico, to learn more about her.

Nico takes protective measures, a choice Aphrodite doesn't object to, and the two begin to talk. They find they have some things in common. They were both abandoned, discarded by their fathers. They're both fascinated with the worlds opposite their own. They're both lonely.

They grow very close, and Nico swiftly falls in love with her.

Things go okay until the others in the crew find out. Many are wary, especially Lady, who has first-hand knowledge of how dangerous Machiavelli's creations can be.

This puts Trish in an awkward position. On one hand, she sees a lot of herself in the Devil Arm - she too was created to destroy, but found a new purpose in the company of humans. And yet, she can't help but sympathize with Lady. It doesn't help that she's the one who brought Artemis to the Qliphoth, and she feels a little responsible for what happened to Lady.

Kyrie, to everyone's surprise, also defends Nico. She knows what it's like to be looked down on for loving a demon, and she thinks Nico should follow her heart. This, of course, would sway Nero to their side.

Dante would be wary as well, but being the product of a human and a demon falling in love, he has no reason to doubt that Nico and Aphrodite's love is true, so he elects to mind his own business.

This leaves Lady alone on the other side of the argument, making Trish feel even more guilty. Nico can't help but feel bad too, she admires Lady a lot, but she isn't going to give up Aphrodite for her approval.

Lady knows there's nothing she can do at this point, so she holds her tongue, but this may prove to be the beginning of a rift between her and the rest of the crew.

Until one day, circumstances contrive that Lady must wield Aphrodite to get out of a hairy situation, and the Devil Arm has a chance to prove to the hunter that she can be trusted. It's not a quick fix, of course, while Lady's skepticism is well-founded, it's also informed by trauma, but it's a start .

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My ideal Dante design:

The same sort of coat he wears in 4 and 5. But longer than it is in 5. Redder too. But the interior is black. And the bottom is a little torn up after Dante lost to Urizen.

A very sheer black tank top, that hugs his chest and belly very tightly. It has some holes in it after Dante lost to Urizen.

The exact same gloves he wears in 5. The wraps he wears underneath are also the same.

A belt with a buckle not unlike the one Dante had in 4.

A pair of booty shorts not unlike what Lady wears in 5. They are black.

A pair of chaps familiar to those who played 4, but are really more like the ones Lady wore in 5. They are red, to match his coat.

The very same boots he wears in 5. Only the belts(?) and soles are red to match his coat.

His ex color just swaps the black and red, and replaces any silver bits with a pale gold.

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Trish, Lucia, Lady, Kyrie, and Nico are having a get-together, and generally having a good time, when through the open window, an object is tossed into the room.

Nico picks it up, and finds it to be a Gold Orb with the text "For The Fairest" written on the side.

Now, vanity aside, Gold Orbs are a very rare and useful commodity for a devil hunter, and doubly so for the significant other of a devil hunter, so naturally everyone in the room wants the Orb.

So, they each make Nico an offer:

Trish offers knowledge of the Underworld - she'll answer any questions Nico has about the history, culture, and magic of demonkind.

Lucia offers to invite Nico for dinner at Matier's - her mother's a good cook, and if anyone thinks that's a lame offer, it's their loss.

Lady offers demon parts - for the next few months, every demon she kills will go straight to Nico's workshop to be dissected. Trish avoids eye contact.

Then Nico turns to Kyrie, and asks what her offer is. However, Kyrie doesn't make an offer - instead she simply walks up to Nico, and kisses her on the mouth, all while taking the Orb from her hands.

Nico does not object.

The others are stunned by Kyrie's boldness, but she just returns to her seat as though nothing out of the ordinary happened.

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Lady probably would get bottom surgery because she has the financial means, and having external genitalia just sounds like a pain in the ass if you're devil hunting as an ordinary human.

Nico, however, probably wouldn't get bottom surgery, because she does not have the financial means, and I just don't figure she'd want to anyway (though if she ever did decide to recreate her father's research and gain a demon bug transformation it would be in large part so she could have a freaky bug ovipositor).

Trish wouldn't require any kind of surgery because she's like a character in a competently optimized video game, in that nothing that's covered by clothes is rendered in real time. She probably doesn't even wear real clothes, she just generates whatever clothing she needs using her shapeshifting powers.