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Elephant says thank you after herd crosses road

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The great escape

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(via)

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Wrong Chat Capi! — A. Putellas x Reader

WC: 1.2k

Summary: Alexia makes a small mistake when sending a suggestive text, chaos ensues.

Alexia is not usually reckless.

She's calculated and careful. A team captain and the kind of woman who triple-checks texts before sending them.

But today?

Today she’s feeling herself.

Post-training endorphins. Shower steam is still clinging to her skin. You’d sent her the photo right before she went for her shower. It was innocent, technically, but the way her hoodie hung off your shoulder, your thighs just barely showing beneath it? She'd lost all rational thought.

She opens the photo again and exhales sharply through her nose. The rest of the locker room is loud with laughter, towel snaps and music but all she hears is the blood rushing to her head.

And lower.

You didn’t say much. Just typed out:

“I miss you. Hurry up perezosa!”

Alexia quickly swipes to her camera. Then with her towel low, hips cocked and lips wet from biting them, she snaps a single photo of her: washboard abs, the hard line of her hipbone and her hand gripping the towel’s edge.

Then she types:

“When I get there, I’ll have you standing with your cheek pressed against the window, hands behind your back and begging loud enough that the whole block knows who you belong to. Hoodie stays on.”

Send.

There´s a few seconds of peace and then..

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, ALEXIA!!”

Mapi’s voice cuts through the locker room like a fire alarm and everyone freezes.

Alexia blinks in confusion and checks her screen.

She didn’t send the message to you.

She sent it to Barça Team Group Chat.

All. Twenty. Players.

“No. No no no no no.” Alexia groans. 

“Did she just? She did. Oh my God.” Irene’s already doubled over. 

“Cheek pressed to the window??” Salma gasps. “SHE WROTE THAT??”

“Hoodie stays on?” Ona shrieks. “This is a professional football club!”

Mapi’s on the floor, wheezing. “Capitana. CAPITANA. There are children in this chat!”

Alexia stares down at her phone in horror. Her towel threatens to slip as she scrambles to type.

[Alexia]: WRONG CHAT. DELETE THIS IMMEDIATELY.

[Patri]: She said ‘begging loud enough the block knows.’ I’m calling the mossos.

[Pina]: *gif of someone diving into holy water*

[Aitana]: I can't tell if I'm traumatized or wildly impressed.

Alexia slams her locker shut.

“I’m leaving the country,” she mutters.

“Leaving the planet,” Jana corrects. “Pack your things. Go to mars. I’ll cover for you.”

“The neighbors. THE NEIGHBORS?? Imagine looking out to water your plants and seeing Alexia Putellas, two-time Ballon d´Or Winner doggying someone while standing.” Irene cries out.

Then Patri adds a poll:

Mapi checks all of them.

And then your name lights up on her screen.

[You]: Nice aim, Cap. I mean, I’m flattered. But your team’s gonna need a lot of therapy.

She nearly groans out loud.

[Alexia]: I’m deleting myself.

Just when Alexia thought that it probably couldn't get any worse, it did. 

“I just…” Frido starts, frowning like she's trying to solve a 1000 piece puzzle. 

“I can’t believe she’s into that.” The room goes dead quiet.

“She’s been with you since what? 2019?” Salma says, already spiraling.

“I’ve literally seen her knit in public.”

“She brings muffins to away matches,” Ona blurts.

“Like. With napkins. Real napkins.”

“She once asked me if I needed help carrying my groceries,” Patri says.

“That’s not window sex energy, Alexia!”

Alexia hides her face in her hands.

“She’s the one who made that playlist for when we’re feeling anxious,” Aitana says, horrified. 

“Now I find out she’s out here steam-printing her ass on the glass like a decal?!” She shrieks.

“She taught my little cousin how to make pancakes,” Ingrid adds quietly. 

“And now I know she’s out here getting flipped like one.” She whispers in disbelief.

“I saw her organize your spice rack alphabetically,” Kika says. 

“That’s a woman who makes her bed every morning. That’s a woman who thanks the bus driver. That is not a woman who begs loud enough the block knows.”

“She sent me a TED Talk once,” Irene adds, staring at the wall. 

“About emotional intelligence.”

“She used to be one of us! Now she’s fucking window décor?!” Mapi’s already losing it.

“She offered me a lozenge after I lost my voice!” Ona yells. 

“A LOZENGE, ALEXIA.”

Alexia, still towel-wrapped, mutters, 

“She’s still the same person.”

“NO SHE’S NOT,” Mapi shrieks. 

“SHE HAS SAFE WORD NOW.”

There’s a loud thud as Salma dramatically drops onto a yoga mat. 

“I just remembered she made everyone custom Christmas gift tags. She used calligraphy, bro.”

“She has bookmarks,” Ingrid says.

“Physical bookmarks. She reads with a blanket.”

“She makes soup,” Frido whispers.

“Not from a can.”

“I’ve seen her wear matching pajamas,” Aitana adds.

“With socks. And now she’s being folded like a lawn chair?”

“She’s not just folded. She’s a mountable furniture.” Mapi wheezes, half-coughing.

Alexia doesn’t even fight it now. She just sits there, towel over her face, letting it happen.

Then Patri drops an image into the chat: Alexia, edited into the Titanic scene except instead of Jack and Rose, it’s her gripping the towel and you, face half-hidden, pressed against a fogged-up window with a caption that says: “I’ll never let go… unless it’s your throat.”

Mapi chokes and Pina types like her life depends on it, 

[Pina]: New idea. Barça Media Day, but every player has to answer one question.

Alexia doesn’t even look up. “Don’t.”

“Too late,” she says.

[Pina]: What does hoodie stays on mean to you?

[Aitana]: Someone take her phone. Take all our phones.

Patri strikes again, she sends a fake Google Calendar screenshot, zoomed in on Thursday evening:

🗓️ Event: Hoodie Stays On

🕒 Time: 8:30 PM

🪟 Location: Against the Window

💥 Guests: Alexia + You Ft. The Neighborhood

Alexia sits frozen, towel clutched like it might protect her from divine judgment. She's not moving. She’s not blinking.

“Why are you all like this?” she finally whispers.

“Because you sexted the entire team, Capi!” Mapi throws an arm around her, grinning.

And then comes the kill shot, Jana posts a fake book cover.

Title: Oh Capitana, Mi Capitana

Subtitle: How I Tactical-Fouled My Girlfriend Into A Glass Window

Cover: That cursed abs-and-towel thirst trap, filtered in soft vignette like a budget romance novel. The font was sinister looking with gold foil.

Alexia exhales like she’s aged ten years. 

“I need to go into witness protection.”

No one disagrees.

Later that night, Alexia gets home to find you exactly as she left you. Curled up on the couch, legs bare, the same hoodie hanging off your shoulder like a weaponized memory. 

You're holding your phone, clearly mid-scroll. Clearly reading the group chat.

You glance up, all fake innocence. “So… how was training?”

Alexia drops her bag with a dramatic thud. “I hate everyone.”

You smile. “Happens to the best of us.”

She groans, dragging a hand down her face. “Did you know they made a book cover?”

“I saw.” You pause. “Strong branding, honestly.”

Alexia just stares at you. “I sexted the entire team.”

You nod solemnly. 

She narrows her eyes, steps closer. “You’re enjoying this way too much.”

You tilt your head. “You said ‘hoodie stays on.’ That’s iconic. That’s gonna be in the locker room forever.”

Alexia leans over you, hands on either side of your thighs, her presence suddenly a little heavier, darker.

“I should be mortified.”

“You are mortified,” you say, smiling up at her.

She kisses the corner of your mouth. “Yeah, but I still meant every word.”

Your breath hitches.

“Oh?” you ask, voice softer now.

“Still planning to follow through?”

She grins, wicked and unrepentant.

“Window’s clean, right?”

[andrexsblog]

Goddess

Alexia Putellas x Reader

Summary: Alexia just can't help herself

WARNINGS: Minor sexual content

Alexia's mind doesn't wander during sex usually.

Why would it?

She's got you right where she wants you, like an angel as you moan out your pleasure.

You're beautiful in this position, perfect like you always are but, still, Alexia's mind wanders.

She's an attentive lover even as her gaze shifts to the bedside table.

It's from IKEA, she's pretty sure. She doesn't actually know. All she knows is you disappeared one day and came home with two flatpacks that you made Alexia build as you sat on the bed and watched tv.

You'd rewarded her with kisses, of course, but you'd also insisted she build them then and there and refused to make dinner until she did.

Your bedside table is cluttered now. There's a lamp that Alexia's never seen you use perched atop it along with your phone charger. All three of your drawers are filled to the brim with your jewellery - rings, bracelets, necklaces.

It's unfair really, Alexia thinks as she thrusts deeper, drawing a loud whine from your perfect lips as you bite at the pillow so the neighbours don't complain again.

It's so unfair that you can so easily switch between gold and silver jewellery. It's unfair that no matter what you wear, you always achieve that ethereal quality like how you always look like you've descended from upon high.

You can close your eyes, dip your hands, gentle and careful like always, into your bedside drawers. You can draw your jewellery out like they're sacred threads on a loom, reverent and awe-filled always.

It doesn't matter what you put on your body.

You have a timeless beauty that Alexia can do nothing but marvel at, in awe of you like always no matter what you're wearing, no matter what you're doing, no matter the time of day.

Marvel at you like she is now, momentarily pulled from her thoughts by you writhing under her, gasping and whining like it's all you can do.

She leans down, kissing your shoulder and hooking her chin over it so her lips can brush against the shell of your ear.

"Are you doing okay, beautiful?"

You whine, a beautiful, broken thing that has pride filling Alexia's chest.

"S-So good," You moan out as Alexia hits that one spot she could find blindfolded.

"Yeah? You feeling good?"

"Y-Yeah."

Alexia draws back, laying another soft, reverent kiss to your shoulder as she thrusts a bit harder into you.

Her mind wanders again, eyes lazily looking over at her bedside table.

Unlike yours, hers is neat.

There's no lamp on the top of it.

Her phone charger is plugged in elsewhere.

It's just a water bottle for her to drink from when she wakes up in the morning.

Her three drawers are practically empty. The bottom one holds her passport usually but that's currently packed away in her travel bag for her next away trip.

The other two are empty usually.

But not today.

They haven't been empty for the past two months actually, no matter what Alexia tells you.

Two things rest there.

Two potentially perfect things.

If Alexia could ever make a decision.

Sometimes she would open up the first ring box and stare, imagining the golden band and the beautiful diamond sparking in the early morning sun as you stretch out in the golden sunlight, sitting out in on the balcony with a coffee made lovingly by Alexia with a book that she'd recommended to you months ago.

But then the second ring box would catch her eye.

She can picture it so easily in her mind.

The silver band snuggly situated on your ring finger, bathed in the silver moonlight. You'd be fresh from your shower, wrapped up snuggly in Alexia's robe. Your head would be thrown back, laughing at whatever Alexia's said.

Both of the rings would look perfect on your finger and that's the problem.

You look perfect in anything. Any clothes. Any jewellery. Any makeup.

With or without it all.

You gasp under her and Alexia gently coaxes you down from your high, careful hands steadying your shaking body as she holds you so tenderly.

"Marry me," She blurts out when you pull away from the lazy kiss you share.

For a moment, Alexia's heart misses a bit, eyes grow wide at her own audacity.

You don't deserve a proposal like this.

You deserve to be wined and dined. You deserve a big speech filled with all the things Alexia loves about. You deserve all the promises Alexia knows how to make.

You don't deserve this even if your post sex glow has Alexia free falling for you, plummeting closer and the closer to the ground just so she can look up into the sky to gaze upon you, to look at you how you were meant to be viewed.

Like a goddess.

You deserve so much more than a post-sex proposal.

"Yes," You whisper against her lips," Do I get to choose my ring now? Or did you want me to wear each of them on different days?"

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My babies 😩😭

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...enjoying life

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A good and experienced dog to protect those who trust him...

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The getaway

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saw a video about a singer who canceled the fireworks show at her concert because she noticed that a stray dog was quietly watching her performance and she didn’t want to scare him away and maybe maybe there’s still hope for humankind

❝ Brazilian singer Taty Girl left her fans speechless during a concert when she made an unexpected decision: she suspended the fireworks show she had planned to protect a homeless dog who was attending the show. While singing, Taty noticed the presence of a dog she named “Caramelo,” who was calmly watching from a distance. Without hesitation, she told her audience: “We will not launch any more fireworks, Caramelo does not like them. Out of respect for him, we will not use them. You can see that he is there quietly, enjoying the show.” Taty’s gesture was applauded by the audience, who not only admired her sensitivity, but also suggested that she adopt the dog. According to reports, the singer listened to the voices of her fans and decided to take Caramelo home, ensuring him a life full of love and care. ❞ Vía 🎥 tt/tatygirloficial

— Source

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The side eye

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A cutie