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angelofmusicals87614 · 2 days ago

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The cruelty of love

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Madeline Ashton x Helen Sharp

Warnings: mentions of sexual assault, Madeline’s mother is extremely cruel to her, their very toxic dynamic… like Mad is really toxic

Tags: unrequited love, hurt/no comfort, Madeline POV, flashback to college!madhel, Madeline is insanely toxic, abandonment issues, breakdowns, mommy issues, no beta readers we die like Madeline and Helen

Summary: Madeline is a mess that night after Helen tells her about her engagement to Ernest.

Words: 2K

Notes: just a little minific based on that one post I made about Madeline crying herself to sleep that night after the show. 80% of this was written earlier today in like one writing session… and I have only reread this once so… excuse any mistakes but I needed to get this out of my system. Not sure yet if this is getting posted to ao3 as well. Anyway I hope you enjoy reading my angsty little oneshot 🫶🏻

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“Mad… Ernest is my fiancé.”

5 words, 5 words was all it took for her entire world to come crumbling down. Madeline answered on autopilot, she spent the entire rest of the evening barely present. Her mind was spiralling and her feelings overwhelmed her. There were so many different emotions she felt all at once: rage, betrayal, sadness, hurt, disbelief, confusion, and most frustratingly love.

Madeline had never loved anyone besides herself, she couldn’t get herself to be interested in anyone, they all seemed so boring. Helen was the only one who had been worth her time, the only person interesting enough to capture her attention, the only person besides herself she thought about. She wasn’t stupid, she knew their friendship was anything but healthy… it had been… once upon a time, a long time ago… but then life happened. Helen kept dating useless men who didn’t treat her right, and Madeline just couldn’t stand the idea of Helen spending time with anyone that wasn’t her.

The reason for their behaviour didn’t matter, the only thing that mattered was that she only felt alive whenever Helen was around. The only time she felt real was when they were dealing blows to one another, bleeding and watching her bleed was proof that she could feel, that she was alive.

Madeline wasn’t sure when her feelings had changed from platonic to romantic, she had only just accepted that they had. After years of struggling with them, after years of fighting them, after years of denying she even liked women, she had finally accepted that she was a lesbian and in love with Helen. It had taken months to really come to terms with it, to stop crying about it, but now she was finally ready. Ready to seduce Helen, to give her her all, to make her hers. She had never even thought about the possibility that the feelings might not be reciprocated. She was Madeline Ashton for fucks sake, everyone wanted her.

So she had put on her sexiest pink lace set, in combination with her favourite flowy robe and had made a big entrance, using all her usual tactics on the redhead. She even combined her flirting with some boasting about how amazing her life was, immediately letting Helen know just how much better her life was and how lucky she was that Mad was flirting with her, killing two birds with one stone, making Hel jealous and seducing her at the same time.

But then those 5 words had come out of Helen’s mouth and her entire world had collapsed in mere seconds. She couldn’t even really remember the rest of the evening, but that one sentence was burned into her memory, everything else was just a blur. She vaguely remembered inviting them to her place before changing into something more comfortable and racing home, collapsing into her bed the second she locked the bedroom door.

That’s where she was now, curled up in bed, clutching her pillow as tears streamed down her face. Helen was abandoning her. For good this time. She seemed so happy and smug about it too, like she had been waiting to watch Madeline suffer as she told her. And suffer she did. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt this rejected… had felt this alone. Helen had been thriving without her, had found herself a plastic surgeon. While Madeline had spent her nights crying herself to sleep, trying to come to terms with her feelings for her best friend, she had been out on dates… with Ernest… she was getting proposed to… by Ernest.

Not only was the love of her life currently in love with someone else, someone undeserving, she had completely neglected to tell her she had even been dating someone. So not only was Helen clearly not in love with her… Madeline obviously wasn’t that important in Helen’s life, when everything in her life revolved around making Hel jealous. Helen was her best friend, her arch nemesis, the only one in her life that actually meant something to her, her life was a mess without Helen, she hated whenever they were apart and counted down the days till she saw her again. Even if she acted like she couldn’t care less, it was only just that, an act… an act she knew Helen saw right through since she never failed to mention how bad of an actress Madeline was.

Helen had always acted like Madeline was important in her life, had always acted like she was the center of her universe… only Madeline wasn’t aware it had been just that… an act. Only now did she realise how little she really meant to her… I mean she didn’t even let her know she was talking to someone, dating someone, let alone was engaged to someone! She had never heard of Ernest before today… when it was already serious enough for them to be engaged… proof that Mad was never anything but an afterthought in Helen’s life… that she thrived without her.

Sure, she had been cruel to Helen, she wasn’t unaware of that, but never in their decades long friendship had she ever been as cruel as Helen was right now. Acting like she cared, like Madeline had been important in her life, like she mattered, like she could possibly be more than just a vapid blonde who was only good at opening her legs, only to then show her just how little she really meant… to push her aside and abandon her and make her feel more rejected, useless, and stupid than any of the men who had forced her to sleep with them for a role.

This proved that her previous cruelty was entirely justified, if she hadn’t stolen all her previous boyfriends then clearly she would have replaced her sooner, would have abandoned her the first chance she got. She did what she had to do to make sure Helen stayed, to make sure Helen needed her, and this only confirmed that it had been needed indeed.

Her mind began to reel even more as she questioned who Helen had told. Did everyone but Madeline know? Was she the only one left out? Another sob rang through the silence as she held onto her make-up stained pillow tightly. She would regret not taking her make-up off in the morning… but she’d deal with it then, when her entire world wasn’t falling apart.

The stinging pain in her chest only got worse, her heart felt like it had been ripped out of her chest, crushed into a million pieces, and was then shoved back into her chest. All by the same hands that had once cradled her face when she had had a similar breakdown in college.

“Mad… Mad I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what this is about… please…”

Helen sounded panicked, her voice trembling as she spoke. It was sweet really, how much she seemed to care about Madeline’s distraught state, how badly she wanted to help, how she panicked simply because Madeline was ‘having one of her hysterical moments’, is what her mother would call them before giving her a Xanax and telling her to get herself together.

Speaking of the devil, she had been the reason why Madeline was currently curled up on the floor, sobbing, unable to get any words out, while Helen pulled her into her arms and gently caressed her hair as Madeline sobbed into her shoulder.

Her mother had just left after an impromptu visit. She hadn’t asked her how classes were going or how the semester was treating her, she hadn’t even asked about Helen. She had come all this way to yell at Madeline for not booking a role. She had refused to sleep with the director, who had been 20 years her senior, so he hadn’t cast her. When Madeline had tried to explain herself, her mother hadn’t cared to listen. She had pulled a lot of strings to get her into that audition room and she had fucked it up, she was a disappointment as usual. There had even been a comment about what the use was of having been blessed with a good body if she wasn’t willing to use it to her advantage. Madeline didn’t miss the way she had said it, it was clear what she had meant. Madeline only had her looks to rely on, so she better be prepared to start using them.

Another sob wrecked her body so violently that it actually hurt. A pathetic whine left her lips. She didn’t know why her mother’s comments had hit her so hard this time. She had said far worse to her. Maybe it was the unexpectedness or maybe it was Helen’s presence that made her feel safe enough to really process and show her feelings like this.

“M-mom..”

Another sob that left her gasping for air. She tried her best to focus on the feeling of Helen’s hands combing through her hair.

“Bad director…”

Madeline hiccuped while she clung onto Helen tightly, scared that she might leave after seeing her this vulnerable, this hysterical.

“…no.. ro-le”

Were the last pitiful words she managed to get out in between sobs, yet Helen somehow seemed to understand because she held her closely and whispered sweet nothings in her ear. It should scare her how well Helen knew her, how she managed to understand everything from such few words, but in this moment she couldn’t help but be extremely grateful for her best friend.

Madeline had half expected Helen to scold her for being so dramatic over something so trivial. Helen had met her mother before, she knew this was nothing new. Yet there wasn’t an ounce of judgment in her voice as she reassured Madeline that whatever her mother said wasn’t true, that she didn’t know her, that she was just a cruel bitch.

Madeline chuckled sadly when Helen called her a bitch, she rarely cursed, it wasn’t proper, so she must be really pissed at her for her to use this kind of vocabulary.

Suddenly Helen shifted a little and this time it was Madeline’s turn to panic, she grabbed the redhead with all the strength she could muster, her fear of abandonment kicking in once again.

“I’m not going anywhere, Maddie, just getting comfortable.”

The panic had fully left Helen’s voice and had made room for soft reassurance and gentle warmth and understanding. She continued to reassure her, telling her she knew Mad could make it in the industry, they both would, they’d work on projects together, and be best friends forever.

Madeline listened intently, her sobs lessening both in intensity and quantity as she focused on Hel’s voice. Soon her sobs were reduced to sniffles, that’s when she felt Hel pull back a little. She let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding when Helen gently cupped her face, her palms softly holding Mad’s cheeks as her thumbs wiped away the last stubborn tears that refused to stay back.

The world around Madeline had completely disappeared as she leaned into Hel’s touch, those green eyes grounding her in the present, while the careful motion of her thumbs reminded her that she wasn’t alone.

The lack of warmth and eerie quiet were a reminder that she was alone, that Helen had lied that night, a reminder that she had abandoned her for some guy who didn’t deserve her, a reminder that Madeline Ashton would never be enough for anyone, not if she didn’t do everything in her power to make sure they stayed… and even then they eventually managed to escape.

Her mother had been right. There was no point in being blessed with a desirable body if she didn’t use it to get what she wanted. Sure she couldn’t use it to seduce Helen and make her hers that way, so she would use it to seduce Ernest and make sure Helen ended up with no one else, ended up as alone as she made her feel right now, ended up crawling back to Madeline and begging to be allowed in her life once more.

If Madeline couldn’t be important to Helen as a friend or lover, she would make herself important as her number one enemy.

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