anxiousfem-blog

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“Life just has its seasons, flowers can’t bloom all the time, the sun can’t be out all the time and it can’t be summer all the time. In life there’s always gonna be highs and lows and if there is no way at the core to ease the pain you feel in that moment you just have to really allow yourself to feel it and know that you’re going to get through it and it’s not gonna last forever.”

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OK I’m in bed and feeling all spongy and cute and shit and the moon is so beautiful tonight.  Yo bitch what highlighter do you use?  Anastasia Beverly Hills?  What about you glowey bastards, do you use Jeffrey Starr?? I need answers people.  God my legs feel cold.  Glad I didn’t shave them.  I wore a skirt today.  SHOCK HORROR HASHTAG MODERN DAY FEMINIST.   Nah I do like to shave personally but I'm also not going to freak out if someone else chooses not to forcefully remove their natural body hair in the pursuit of creepily soft smooth skin.  I also don't care if my two-week-old blonde leg hair offends you.  Fuck off, don't look so closely at my damn legs you creep.  

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OMG REAL QUCK I JUST PICKED UP MY LAPTOP AND THERE WAS A GIANT FUCKING SPIDER UNDER IT.  I’M SAT ON BLANKETS WITH THE FRENCH DOORS OPEN TO GET THE SOOTHING NIGHT AIR AND SUCH AND I JUST HOOVERED THAT MOTHER FUCKER UP AND NOW IM SCARED IT’S GONNA GET ME IN THE NIGHT FUCKING HOLD ME JESUS 

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diary womb musings

Here we (C and I) sit in the diary womb.  Like a diary room, hello big brother in the sunset, I see you, seeing us, all hazy n shit.  I feel like I’m in an episode of skins on the telly; like I'm in the program, playing on one of the old box televisions that had static on when you touched them.  The diary womb is in fact not a womb at all, but rather a ‘cacoon.’  It has become my safe place as I have battled depression and anxiety; current days absent from work: 18.  A Cacoon is all the range on ‘Pinterest’.  It’s a womb like space that makes you feel safe, and, for me, like you're on a TV  set.  Mostly because the scenery in Somerset is beautiful and because I’ve just smoked a fat J.  That’s right, if you hadn’t guessed by now, I'm super high.  C just left (she didn’t smoke, we’re semi law abiding citizens.)  So, there we were, laying in our diary womb.  We always joked about having our own TV shows or something, “fuck the Kardashians” we said, with some vague aura of triumph, even though we religiously watch KUWTK.  I mentioned that it felt like we were on a set and that we should live broadcast my HASHTAG HIGH THOUGHT PROCESS and the amazing bond we have.  We discussed our dreams and what our super powers would be and how we wish we had done certain things.  How we wish we could put a stopper on time - pause certain things, go and live differently for a few years, and then come back and press play again.  How we hoped to get pregnant around the same time one day; C:” my implant expires while I'm on holiday with my boyfriend - we need to find you a man!”  How we will always be there for each other forever.  Anyway, after we birthed (got out) from the diary womb, I laughed about how we had always said we had known we had known each other in a past life, and we spoke about how we could remember past lives, how we had dreams and flashbacks and how they’re so real and nobody ever believes you!  But I believe you, C! When we got back to the kitchen I sat and gorged on carbohydrates and pesto and C ate custard from the tin, she told me to take it hour by hour.  C: “Those that are important will wait for you to come back.”  An important thing to remember, and that I have cemented in my knowledge base through talking with many others, is that everyone handles depression differently.  When hers hits, C likes be left alone and will come and find you when she is ready.  Another close friend, K, is a talker.   I'm somewhere in between (the worst kind as it changes from one moment to the next!) They naturally treat me with the same methods that works for them.  C won't text me for weeks, knowing that I will come to her when I am ready - I’m always mindful not to take her absence personally when I’m going through it, as I know her thought process.  K is a talker and will text me daily to check in but also won't fly off the handle if you don't reply - she's been there and she gets it.  I feel both C and K are my heart and soul.  I feel they are both my soul mates, I have so much to give to both girls as they are both so different, and yet both the same as me.  I was almost supposed to be split - Kind of like a modern day / happy ending horcrux.  lol.  C is in a serious relationship, K is single like me.  C works full time like me, K is a uni student (as I will be, come October, holla open uni!) and works part time.  I am so different but so whole when I am with these women, these strong women who are my unwavering pillars of support.   They both understand me of differing levels, but both deeply and I love them, trust me when I say u n c o n d i t i o n a l l y with every drop of stardust in the universe.  Fucking alien haze making me think I can see the stars in the sunset.  The diary womb is kind of like a saucer shape.  Fuck what if big brother is the aliens watching us.  fuuuuck an AVG virus protection just popped up.  guys I gotta go they're on to me, I'VE WRITTEN SO MUCH, AND I’VE SMOKED ANOTHER J AND HOLY FUCK L STOP TYPING AND GET TO A SAFE HOUSE

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Bitch I do what I want. Move along

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Check our Facebook Page

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I learned that people can easily forget that others are human.

Philip Zimbardo, Standard Prison Experiment, 1971 (via depressionarmy)

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10 Steps to Self Care

1. If it feels wrong, don’t do it.

2. Say “exactly” what you mean.

3. Don’t be a people pleaser.

4. Trust your instincts.

5. Never speak badly about yourself.

6. Never give up on your dreams.

7. Don’t be afraid to say “no”.

8. Don’t be afraid to say “yes”.

9. Resist the need to always have control.

10. Stay away from drama and negativity – as much as possible.

Source: Lessons Learned in Life

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_ Don’t treat a girl like she’s a damsel in distress awaiting her saviour’s arrival. Treat her like she’s thunder and has the might to shake the world and turn it upside down. Because each girl has within her a cauldron brimming with millions of unsaid words, unacceptable morals, unprovoked thoughts and unjustifiable strength. One day, it will be one girl, who when chooses to unfurl her inner pearl, will then change the face of this world. _

Via @mymellowcupcakestudent (via mymellowcupcakestudent)

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We are the granddaughters of the witches you weren’t able to burn.

Unknown (via hairy-hag)

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Why do people still do this to someone who truly cares about them?

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A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. The man who never reads lives only one.

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First tattoo