aphantasicheadspace

[aphantasicheadspace]

Aphantasic systems! A poll:

These would be experiential or flashbulb memories.

If it's "sometimes" or "for some of us" please answer in the affirmative, unless you feel it's such a rare occurrence that it's not worth counting.

For this survey, exomemories are inclusive. From source, past lives, or even headspace memories, all are included. If you feel like something is an exomemory, feel free to answer accordingly.

(Note: Aphantasia is the lack of ability to consciously visually imagine things. Not necessarily the lack of visual recall. We for instance, can recall experiences visually, but have no means of consciously editing or altering them.)

[aphantasicheadspace]

#Fifty-Two

[pt: #fifty-two]

Plurals, are there any things you experience that you never see others talk about? Feel free to share them, maybe others experience the same or similar things!

[aphantasicheadspace]

Aphantasic systems! A poll:

These would be experiential or flashbulb memories.

If it's "sometimes" or "for some of us" please answer in the affirmative, unless you feel it's such a rare occurrence that it's not worth counting.

For this survey, exomemories are inclusive. From source, past lives, or even headspace memories, all are included. If you feel like something is an exomemory, feel free to answer accordingly.

(Note: Aphantasia is the lack of ability to consciously visually imagine things. Not necessarily the lack of visual recall. We for instance, can recall experiences visually, but have no means of consciously editing or altering them.)

[aphantasicheadspace]

hi, do you have any idea if having aphantasia can affect how hallucinations and flashbacks manifest?

We don't know concretely, but we certainly imagine (heh) that they can.

One way I would guess that it would manifest is in the things being hallucinated or recalled. For instance you might not have visual hallucinations but still have auditory or tactile ones. Similarly flashbacks might be more commonly emotional. We for instance don't ever have memory intrusions that reach the level of literally thinking we're in or seeing the memory over/instead of our external visual perception (but not sure if that's something related to aphantasia or just a misconception about flashbacks).

If any followers have direct experience with aphantasia and hallucinations, please feel free to share them.

[aphantasicheadspace]

https://medium.com/@scottkildall/ai-dreams-for-aphantasia-3bb3ed3ea11b

Recently we've been playing with generative image software (AI art) and it's been a massive boon to our system. We've been able to actually see what our headmates look like!

For other aphantasic systems, it might be helpful for you as well.

[aphantasicheadspace]

I think map making software could be handy for plurals with innerworlds that have appearances and layouts but struggle to visualise the space fully.

I think it could help those with aphantasia also.

I think it might also just be really neat.

[aphantasicheadspace]

I'm working out my business expenses for last year so I can file my taxes, and the sheer amount of ADHD tax I accidentally accumulated by forgetting to pause or cancel payments for subscription-based services (looking at you, stamps.com) is infuriating.

Like, I'm mad at me for forgetting, but why does everything have to be subscription-based? Why can't I just pay for shit when I use it.

Anyway. I've been derailed from doing my taxes and now I'm hunting down all the shit I'm not using but apparently still paying for. Fucksake.

[aphantasicheadspace]

This!

You can absolutely create a headspace even if you can't see it. That's what we did!

If you can imagine in other senses than sight, you can absolutely use that to get around. Touch is probably the most straightforward, imagining the textures and temperatures can do a lot to shape things out. Proprioception is a huge one for us. That's the sense of your body's location. We imagine how it feels to be sitting or standing or laying down. That really brings us into our headspace and is quite absorbing.

I have aphantasia. Is there still a way to make the innerworld/wonderland? Because I know what things look like/are, I just can’t see them in my head.

Like, I know what a headmate’s room looks like, but I can’t see the room in my head.

I don't know if you'll be able to fully see it like you want, but some systems with aphantasia have made inner worlds. You should check out @aphantasicheadspace for more details!

[aphantasicheadspace]

Plural with aphantasia culture is constant self doubt, especially when you see people describing their extremely vivid inner worlds when it's more like you have...vague vibe zones for everyone. Like a part that feels like a forest clearing or a city or like being in the sky and those places are different for everyone but they're not really visual in the brain. Same with how it feels everyone said what they look like. Regardless it's weird and sometimes distressing having nothing visual in your head.

.

[aphantasicheadspace]

I haven't posted in a lil bit so here I am!

As of late, I've felt like a less valid system because I have aphantasia, and me and The Dudes communicate through our emotions and opinions.

I know not many other systems are like this, and it's something I've had to get around because it makes me feel less valid, so for any other systems out there that struggle with this: your& valid.

Your& a valid system if you have aphantasia.

Your& a valid system if you can't properly talk to your headmates.

Your& a valid system if you communicate though emotions/opinions.

Your& a valid system even when you think you aren't for small reasons.

If anybody has any questions about how we communicate leave an ask!

[aphantasicheadspace]

Let’s Talk: Headspaces

So let’s talk about headspaces. I see a lot of younger systems freaking out because their headspace is like, half formed, or they can’t get into it or whatever. 

When you think of headspace, you think fully-immersive, like stepping into another world, right? I know I certinally did when we first started dealing with it. 

The answer is, more often than not, that’s not what it is like. Some people do experience fully-immersive headspaces, and some call their equivalent to headspaces seperate dimensions, but from what I can see, this seems to be pretty uncommon.

That’s not to say it’s wrong to have a fully-immersive headspace- you are valid, but I’m afraid I’m not able to talk about that because I don’t have that experience. That’s not to say things like willing won’t be useful for you, however.

So what can affect my headspace’s appearance? Let’s talk about hyperphasia, antaphasia and why you shouldn’t worry if your headspace isn’t quite solid.

Hyperphantasia, antaphasia and the dissapearing couch.

Imagine an apple.

What’s it look like? Are you hyper-realistic at a level like number one here, or are you totally unable to like number five? Antaphasia is an inability to visualise things- it’s a spectrum, but it’s characterised by not having a “mind’s eye.”

Hyperphantasia is the opposite end of things. Super realistic, vivid mind’s eye. Most people lie somewhere between the two points. I personally lean more towards four or three on this scale.

That means that even if your headspace is there, it might not be perfectly vivid or solid and things might not stay where they originally were. And that’s normal and okay!

If you grew up as a system with the tulpa community, which you might well have, you’ll be familiar with the idea of forcing. That is, for those unfamiliar, imagining something really intensely until it “sticks” in your head. Obviously, someone with hyperphantasia will find that easier than me, and someone with antaphasia will find it harder. (I’m not gonna patronise people by explaining that further, but if you have either antaphasia or hyperphantasia, feel free to reblog this with your experiences.) A lot of “headspace building” tutorials rely on having a good mind’s eye. Maybe you don’t. What do you do now?

The answer to that is willing. And a dissapearing couch.

Let’s say I want a sofa in headspace. Comfy, soft, like the Simpson’s couch. Instead of focusing on filling it in with my mind until it is there, I’m just going to go “this is there.” Every time I imagine that room, I remind myself the couch is there, and I use it. It might not “stick” but in our experience, nothing really does. So even if the couch dissapears, or isn’t solid or whatever I am going to tell it to get it’s ass back here. The couch is there. It just is. Because I say it is.

This is a handy workaround for people who can’t focus to force, or those who don’t have a great mind’s eye- even if you have no mind’s eye at all, the couch thing still works, although it might need a little working around- we started out writing descriptions as best we could to do these things.

But do you even need a couch? Do you, for that matter, even need a headspace?

Systems without headspaces?

Yes- some systems don’t have headspaces at all.

A headspace is a neat thing to have, but it’s not essential for anything. We ourselves only really see headspace when we’re sitting somewhere quiet and able to close our eyes and focus.

We don’t use it to communicate, our hearing each other’s voices method of communicating doesn’t use headspace, in fact, it’s not all that useful at all save for the insiders who use it, and they’re not communicative anyways.

In case just us alone isn’t enough of a sample size (it’s not), I asked a number of other systems of various origins and types and sizes. Overwhelmingly the response was that their headspace is not neccesary for them to communicate. You don’t need a headspace to function, nor do you need it to communicate. It might make things easier in terms of visualising system functions but again, you don’t need it and you shouldn’t feel ashamed for not having a headspace, or not finding yours useful.

To summarise: your headspace is yours. It is unique to you and doesn’t have to be fully immersive. It might not be for a variety of reasons. It’s not wrong or unnatural or invalid.

~ Charlie

EDIT 31 Aug- corrected spelling of hyperphantasia. I can spell I promise.

[aphantasicheadspace]

Headspace tips: Feeling yourself rather than the body

Note: This guide is geared toward systems who already have a headspace and wish to work through difficulty with accessing it. I do not have a guide for creating a headspace, but there are guides for that out there!

In addition, this guide may not work as well for systems with aphantasia as it relies heavily on visualization.

If you struggle with accessing your system's headspace, here are some tips that you could try to gain a better connection to it. It is best if you can get another member to guide you through this process, but it may also work alone. It's also best if you are alone and able to speak aloud without having people questioning what you are saying, and have a decent amount of time (I'd say about an hour, that's how long it took for Kiki and I to make significant progress.)

1. Feel your internal body. Specifically, feel what makes you you. This will probably feel like imagination, and that's okay. (A lot of times, headspace feels like imagination. It can be hard to tell the two apart.) If you have horns, feel your horns. If you have a different length or texture of hair, run your fingers through it. If you have a different body type, feel your curves and edges. If you're of a different species with a different body plan altogether, flex your limbs (if applicable), feel your joints (if applicable) and feel the way your body interacts with gravity. Take as much time as you need to get attuned to your internal body.

2. Narrate your actions. You can narrate mentally, but as I was going through this with her, Kiki found it much easier to narrate with our physical body's voice. "I am touching my horns." "I am touching my nose." "I am touching my arms." "I am standing up." [Kiki's addition: It helps if you repeat it a lot! Repetition helps solidify neural pathways, so it can actually make this easier in the future.]

3. Open your eyes to what's around you. It's okay if all you can see is a void. Over time, try to notice if there is anything around you. Does it feel familiar? This is where having another system member around can help the most, because they can feel where you are as well and help you figure out where it is.

4. Narrate what you can see or sense. "There is a hard floor beneath me. I am standing on it. It is dark. There is no furniture." Look around, how much detail is everything in? Is it vague or well-defined? Can you feel anyone nearby, perhaps the companion that may be helping you? Again, it's totally fine to repeat your narration several times to solidify it in your head. If you have a companion, you can even talk to them about it!

5. Do something. Perhaps it is something as simple as walking around. If there are objects around you, you might also want to interact with those objects. At this point, you can just do whatever you please to further connect with your headspace. Your intuition is best. [Kiki: I'm just going to walk around the basement, which seems to be the origin point of the headspace, and explore the town that surrounds it! I already explored a bit with Harmony but I want to do some on my own as well.]

If you have any questions, feel free to ask, though keep in mind that Kiki and I literally just came up with this process and finished it about 20 minutes ago, I am mostly posting it to remember how we did it and to pass along this knowledge to the community.

[aphantasicheadspace]

Do you have any advice on wonderland building for someone who really struggles with visualisation? I had aphantasia until I was 15, when I taught myself to visualise but it's still very much a process, and I primarily use it to visualise maths problems in my day to day. Visualising my wonderland is very disjointed because I can't do more than a sliver of it at a time. I still haven't managed to do sound at all. Touch, smell, and taste come more easily for me so I've probably put some emphasis on that but they aren't exactly the most helpful senses for building.

Aphantasia to synesthesia communication, aphantasia to synesthesia conversation /j/ref

Not gonna lie anon, this is a little out of our breadth cuz we rely so heavily on visualization, but we've been mulling over this for ages cuz we have a friend that wants to do tulpamancy too but has such bad aphantasia she can't do much, so we have at least a few ideas you could give a shot! If any of em work let us know cuz the feedback would be epic

- focus on what you can feel! Your mindform is an extension of you. Feel your limbs and how they connect with your wonderland around u. What's the texture of the couch you sit on or the grass you touch, how's the wind feel in your hair? Think about how people without seeing and hearing get around IRL

- this one's a bit more instinctive, but generally, you can kinda "sense" the things and people around you in the physical world, right? Applying that to your wonderland and tulpa might work. We can sorta instinctively "know" about where something is before we even visualize it, and I'm pretty sure ppl with aphantasia can do that too.

- Drawing down your wonderland might work! Maybe something a bit more objective that ya can use to help judge space and distance, and then apply that space & distance to your real wonderland in your head.

Just some shots in the dark, but I bet you can figure out your own unique way to interact with ur wonderland eventually. Don't give up!

[aphantasicheadspace]

Seconding the focusing on what senses you do have! We focus a lot on proprioception, as that brings us into our headspace most readily.

Bootstrapping memories might also help/be easier. Adding a room or area that's the same as a place you're really familiar with (especially one that has positive memories). For example, we have a couple of bars/dance clubs we went to in college in our headspace that are for dance parties.

Also, starting small and simple might be helpful. E.g. something like a relatively simple blank/dark room just to sit and interact in; something that you can maintain with little if any active thought. And then building up from there.

-Faye

Do you have any advice on wonderland building for someone who really struggles with visualisation? I had aphantasia until I was 15, when I taught myself to visualise but it's still very much a process, and I primarily use it to visualise maths problems in my day to day. Visualising my wonderland is very disjointed because I can't do more than a sliver of it at a time. I still haven't managed to do sound at all. Touch, smell, and taste come more easily for me so I've probably put some emphasis on that but they aren't exactly the most helpful senses for building.

Aphantasia to synesthesia communication, aphantasia to synesthesia conversation /j/ref

Not gonna lie anon, this is a little out of our breadth cuz we rely so heavily on visualization, but we've been mulling over this for ages cuz we have a friend that wants to do tulpamancy too but has such bad aphantasia she can't do much, so we have at least a few ideas you could give a shot! If any of em work let us know cuz the feedback would be epic

- focus on what you can feel! Your mindform is an extension of you. Feel your limbs and how they connect with your wonderland around u. What's the texture of the couch you sit on or the grass you touch, how's the wind feel in your hair? Think about how people without seeing and hearing get around IRL

- this one's a bit more instinctive, but generally, you can kinda "sense" the things and people around you in the physical world, right? Applying that to your wonderland and tulpa might work. We can sorta instinctively "know" about where something is before we even visualize it, and I'm pretty sure ppl with aphantasia can do that too.

- Drawing down your wonderland might work! Maybe something a bit more objective that ya can use to help judge space and distance, and then apply that space & distance to your real wonderland in your head.

Just some shots in the dark, but I bet you can figure out your own unique way to interact with ur wonderland eventually. Don't give up!

[aphantasicheadspace]

I haven't posted in a lil bit so here I am!

As of late, I've felt like a less valid system because I have aphantasia, and me and The Dudes communicate through our emotions and opinions.

I know not many other systems are like this, and it's something I've had to get around because it makes me feel less valid, so for any other systems out there that struggle with this: your& valid.

Your& a valid system if you have aphantasia.

Your& a valid system if you can't properly talk to your headmates.

Your& a valid system if you communicate though emotions/opinions.

Your& a valid system even when you think you aren't for small reasons.

If anybody has any questions about how we communicate leave an ask!

[aphantasicheadspace]

do you have advice for making an innerworld when absolutely zero visualisation is possible?

i can't use any senses because the best i can do is weird pseudo-proprioception? y'know that trait some animals like dogs or insects have where movement is easier to see than still objects, yeah like that but i don't actually see anything

even then i can only imagine one thing moving at a time, imagining taking a single step would mean constantly flicking between my thighs, lower legs and feet as if watching an unfinished animation where some frames are missing limbs, which is a headache and a half and would mean having more than one system member present is either impossible or too difficult for me to want to bother

Hi!

So it's seems like you've explored a lot of other senses and found the imaginative side of those lacking as well. That you have some level of proprioception is something you might build on. Normally we would suggest trying to build on that, but if they're causing headaches, well then that's not great and it might not be worth exploring.

However, you may try to explore it without movement. We teleoprt a lot around headspace. Instead of imagining what every limb feels like as we walk around, we jump to imagining what our body feels like in different sitting, lying, or standing positions. And we don't try to focus on all parts at the same time. Usually spending more time focusing on our head/faces or torsos.

But again, that might be something that causes more pain and doesn't work for you.

So instead, you might try bootstrapping!

First, a note about aphantasia to keep in mind. There's a difference between visualizing and knowing. A person can know what something would look like if it were in front of them. If I ask you to describe an apple, you could probably list off facts about what apples look like, even though you're not visualizing one. This comes from your real world experience of having encountered apples throughout your life, and recalling the knowledge gained in those experiences. We're going to lean heavily on this knowing to replace visualizing.

Think about your home (or somewhere else familiar). Remember where things are in relation to other things? Remember how if you were looking for the TV remote what places you'd try to search? When you brush your teeth remember where your toothbrush is relative to the sink? (These of course might not be universal, so do try to add your own personal routine experiences here).

If you're having trouble with that, try to take note of these things in your daily life. I think it's called being mindful, but tbh mindfulness is a concept that boggles our minds.

Once you've got that, when you can hold a spacial memory like that in your focus, try to take note of how that feels.

If you're remembering the specific times you've done those routines or been in those places: Try to mash them together to find commonalities. When you are in your memory of your bedroom, try to recall this memory from different times you were there (and especially from different angles).

The goal is to get to a point where you can remember these places as purely spacial. Not any specific memory of a time you were in a place, but rather the place itself.

This might sound like trying to visualize, but it's not that. It might be if you're like us, but there's a non sensory component to just knowing where some things are in relation to other things, and that's what we're trying to focus on. (Again, the visualizing vs knowing concept)

So, you have those memories? Now pick a room you like the best, that you feel strongest with. If you were in that room right now, where would you be? Or rather, where would you want to be? Just for the moment. Let's say you picked a bedroom. Would you be sitting on the bed? Lying down? Maybe standing in the doorway? Perhaps you have a chair and a desk that you could sit at?

Now, where would some other things be in relation to where you would put yourself? Think about those other places in this room. If you're on your bed, where would the doorway be in relation to you? If you're lying on the floor, where would the desk be?

Once you've gotten comfortable with that, ask your headmates where they would like to be in this recalled room. They might pick the same spot, and that's okay. If they pick different spots, share with each other the spots you picked. Tell your headmate where they are in relation to you, where you are in relation to them, and ask them to do the same.

Then practice doing this. Get a really strong idea of where these things are. As you get more comfortable ask yourselves about what kind of things you might be able to feel from these places. Think through what you might be able to see if you were sitting in the chair vs in the bed. This won't be imaginative as much as it will be deductive. If you don't know the answer, try to go to that place physically and observe what it is you can see/hear/feel from there. As you practice these questions will likely get easier for both you and your headmates.

Now to get a bit more predictive. If you and your headmates have pictures of yourselves, ask each other and think about what it would look like for you all to be in those places. Again, this won't be imaginative. You won't be conjuring an image of all of this in your head. Instead try to think of and answer questions about what would be true if you all were there. Let's say Headmate A is at the desk and Headmate B is on the bed. Could they see each other from there? How much of the bed does B take up? What part of A's body is parallel to the top of the desk? Are either within reach of the other?

This step might be full of stumbling blocks. Just remember, it's okay to get it wrong. You're trying to make deductions and guesses about things that aren't readily available to test. There will be times when you didn't take into account someone's height, or their wing size, or how far apart the walls are, or any other myriad of information that you're just pulling from faulty, limited memory (as we all are). Taking notes or drawing might help.

The other major stumbling block is to get too caught up in the idea that this is imagination or that you should be getting some sort of visual output. You likely won't. We can manage to pull visual information from memories, but as soon as we try to edit them they fall apart and turn into black void. But what this technique is trying to do is just work past that void. These are simply theoretical facts about the spacial relationships of things, headmates included. They're "what ifs".

Keep practicing. The more you repeat these facts, think through these questions, and recall these spaces, the less thought you will need to pull them up.

To make this a part of your inner world, well, if you've gotten this far you more or less already have. When you want to "go" to your inner world, focus on that place. Ask your headmates to be there. Ask about those details. Think about what it would be like to be in that room with them. Directing more of your attention there and less on the world around you will catalogue your memories as being there rather than wherever it is your physical body actually is.

But, say you don't want this room, and instead want a place you've built yourself with a fully customized shape and feel. Look for creative games. Stuff like minecraft or the Sims. Turn on creative mode. Build a house there. Explore it a lot. Get very familiar with it. Then try these exercises with that location. Whatever creation suite you choose will have its tradeoffs, so pick whatever feels most comfy (hell I'm sure that CAD software would work for someone somewhere).

When you wish, you can add to these places. Repeat this process with another place. You can "get back and forth" with a sort of teleporting. Which is just doing this deductive work between headmates in relation to a different room. Instead of asking about what it would be like to both be in the bedroom, ask what it would be like to both be in the kitchen.

Or you can attach these places with further questions. Add a door to each room that connects them? Well how does that work? Which way does the door swing? How close to the ceiling would it go? What color would it be painted? (These questions are yours to answer, i.e. make up)

Or instead you can redirect doors and windows. When one headmate is in one room and another is in the other room, what would the sounds be like? How much do the walls muffle the sounds? Which walls are shared? Do they intersect with each other in non Euclidean ways? (Again, you can just make up answers)

The extra step to these last two additions will require some degree of reinforcement. You will need to repeat the answers to those questions. These new rules and made up interactions will only have your collective memory to verify or answer. (Although writing these things down or plotting them out in a creative game will help).

Getting into headspace, or creative with it is very difficult when there's nothing there to see. I hope this helps!

[aphantasicheadspace]

I don't know if you would have experience with this or not, but I was wondering if a system that has both headmates with and without aphantasia could it be possible for aphantasic headmates to experience what it was like to visualize by co fronting with a non aphantasic headmate if they don't have strong dissociative barriers

Unfortunately we don't know this personally beyond, "is x system thing possible" is almost always yes. I'm fairly certain there are systems out there who do just that. For us though, we have global aphantasia, so we can't provide experience on that.

If anyone else has experience with this, please feel free to share!