No Reblogging No Liking No Don't Fucking Look At Me.
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I will never be you and I will never be able to do things how you do. I can barely drag myself through a day.
Fucking stop holding me to your insane standards.
Your killing any small will I have left to keep trying.
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Becoming an alcoholic in the south in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere any percent speed run.
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I need to hide i need to run
I need to hide i need to run
I need to hide i need to run
I need to hide i need to run
I need to hide i need to run
I cannot move
I cannot move
I cannot move
Theres no where to go
Theres no where to go
Theres no where to go
I am trapped
I am trapped
I am trapped
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One of those days where I just can't get myself to do anything.
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I know why you're always here.
Stop looking.
You have me!
We have each other and the others too!
...
I know its weird for ME of all people to try to keep you from it...
...but
I think you're right.
I think its killing me.
Us.
So...
Please stop looking.
You aren't just hurting me.
Your hurting him too.
Rest.
Please.
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Everyday I have to remind myself to release my grip on things that are already gone.
#once i really like somethin#i do not let go#its a bad habbit of mine#its empty and lonely so i cling on to have something to make me feel#being present is really hard#but when i dont allow myself to cling to things I start using my bois more#they cant ever leave unless i want them too#abandomnent trauma go brr i guess
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The sandman is good as hell im only 6 episodes in but im so into it. Man why tf did i never watch tv stuff before.
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At this rate, I'm not sure I'm ever going to understand what I'm doing wrong.
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Man I forgot how good journaling / drawing stuff is. I guess I don't do like... Typical journaling. But i write my feelings out thru characters talking and idk it helps alot to get it out. Drawing on paper is gr8. I need to keep the more personal stuff to journaling in a sketchbook and the lore stuff can be saved for digital drawings I share on tumblr.
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I never even told any of my closest freinds from back east that I was moving.
I didnt have the heart I guess.
...
I just really hate goodbyes.
I cant do goodbyes.
I feel like that makes me bad.
...
I should have at least told them.
But i was too busy to meet them one last time.
Oh well.
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Hmm.
#creature-creature it is not for you#you overthink over worry#release your grip#avert your gaze!#we still have much to do#we aren't safe yet#do not loose sight#keep going
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Just watched the first season of Wensday. Shits fire i love that goth boss ass bitch omg shes so fucking cool!
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Why do you always run when the feelings get too heavy?
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Heavy heart again. Eugh. I need to stop reblogging garbo on tumblr it only makes me sad. But theres NOTHING TO DO. No PC. Phone is boring. I cant draw all the time in my sketchbook or i run outta ideas. Uuuuggghh.
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*Drawing on paper with pencil and gurgling and foaming at the mouth*
Iiii...I'm.... AAallivvees... Aaarrghhh..
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Back home i got 50/50 for getting gendered correctly and called the right name.
Here my own family is misgendering me and calling me the wrong name after getting it right for a decade. They've never had problems before.
I think going to be really alone here.
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It's about to get even harder again.
Wish us luck.
I'm so tired.
Havent had a full uninterupted nights sleep in a month or so.
I just want to sleep forever but I cant.
I have nothing left.
Im so tired.
#i hope something works out#even if it does its going to be so fucking hard#i wont be happy#just releived its over#then I can finnally secclude myself and be left alone#im ao tired of being around people 24/7#this is so exhausting#just a couple more weeks... or one week... or something#idk hope its soon..
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