ask-a-familiar

[ask-a-familiar]

Yeah, the grain would be the main problem.

Vampires don't prefer eating animals anyways, but if yours do... I suggest just letting them do it. Otherwise they'll get fed up with you pretty quickly, then feed on you.

(I'm all for veganism in humans! I'm not one myself, but I respect all diets. PETA is not a good organization though, they kill dogs! The active members are DEFINITELY virgins, and eating a vegan human is technically vegan, so I suggest feeding your vampires PETA members. Yum!)

Mixing human blood and animal blood would probably be fine, but adding grains or anything like that would make them violently ill. Stay safe, we are all one kitchen mishap away from being 6 feet under!

-Sair

Hi Sair! What about blood pudding? Maybe they can eat that? (I'm really trying, when my vampires get bored they get up to the stupidest, weirdest stuff!)

Hi there! Thanks for the question!

Human plasma is made out of just a few things:

Water

Sugar

Fat

Protien

Salt

So those are the only ingredients we are looking to use. Keep in mind that they cannot consume any of these things on their own, especially in large quantities.

For instance, you can't just give them a glass of water, or a bucket of salt and sugar. You should also try to include actual blood in the mix otherwise it will end badly.

Let's look at pudding then, shall we?

Assuming we are looking at American pudding, it requires milk, sugar, cornstarch, vanilla, and butter. Different recipes have different variations, obviously, this one is just a simple vanilla pudding recipe I found online.

Let's remove the vanilla and replace it with blood. The consistency will be a bit different and it will taste like blood, obviously, so I'm not sure how the vampires will enjoy goopy blood.

The bigger problem is the cornstarch. That is not in blood, nor is it in other human bodily fluids (from my knowledge). The milk and the butter might be doable if you use human milk and human... butter... but it's all very complicated.

Then you have to chill it in the fridge and we all know how that goes.

Blood cotton candy works because cotton candy is pretty much just sugar and food coloring/flavoring, which blood can replace VERY easily, and therefore the blood is the MAIN INGREDIENT. This is very important as blood being the main ingredient is the difference between eating blood cotton candy and eating just straight up sugar.

So if you want variation from normal blood, I'm sad to say that cotton candy is probably your only option. Invest in a cotton candy machine and give it to your vampires as a treat from time to time!

Note: do not tell them how to use it, that will only end badly lol

Again, thank you so much for the question! My first ask :)

Have a great night life!

- Sair

[ask-a-familiar]

Hi Sair! What about blood pudding? Maybe they can eat that? (I'm really trying, when my vampires get bored they get up to the stupidest, weirdest stuff!)

Hi there! Thanks for the question!

Human plasma is made out of just a few things:

Water

Sugar

Fat

Protien

Salt

So those are the only ingredients we are looking to use. Keep in mind that they cannot consume any of these things on their own, especially in large quantities.

For instance, you can't just give them a glass of water, or a bucket of salt and sugar. You should also try to include actual blood in the mix otherwise it will end badly.

Let's look at pudding then, shall we?

Assuming we are looking at American pudding, it requires milk, sugar, cornstarch, vanilla, and butter. Different recipes have different variations, obviously, this one is just a simple vanilla pudding recipe I found online.

Let's remove the vanilla and replace it with blood. The consistency will be a bit different and it will taste like blood, obviously, so I'm not sure how the vampires will enjoy goopy blood.

The bigger problem is the cornstarch. That is not in blood, nor is it in other human bodily fluids (from my knowledge). The milk and the butter might be doable if you use human milk and human... butter... but it's all very complicated.

Then you have to chill it in the fridge and we all know how that goes.

Blood cotton candy works because cotton candy is pretty much just sugar and food coloring/flavoring, which blood can replace VERY easily, and therefore the blood is the MAIN INGREDIENT. This is very important as blood being the main ingredient is the difference between eating blood cotton candy and eating just straight up sugar.

So if you want variation from normal blood, I'm sad to say that cotton candy is probably your only option. Invest in a cotton candy machine and give it to your vampires as a treat from time to time!

Note: do not tell them how to use it, that will only end badly lol

Again, thank you so much for the question! My first ask :)

Have a great night life!

- Sair

[ask-a-familiar]

Welcome back to Get Familiar!

In this second installment, we will be discussing:

Vampire Feeding

The do's, the don'ts, and more! (New recipes, anyone?)

Let's get into it!

The Bloody Basics:

Vampires cannot consume anything other than blood. That much you should be aware of unless it's your first day on the job.

That rule, the MAIN rule that you should NEVER forget, is... well... more vague than it sounds.

The most healthy thing for a vampire to feed on IS human blood. But they can also safely ingest a few other things, such as:

- Blood from other animals (this leaves them momentarily sated but still unsatisfied, for the most part)

- Other... human bodily fluids... (you've seen this if you were unlucky enough to have to host the biannual vampire orgy. This doesn't actually soothe their hunger or give them any nutrition, but they don't get sick)

- Human flesh (in small quantities), most commonly consumed during throat-ripping when they're desperate for blood.

Now, with that being said, you need to throw your morals out of the window if you haven't done so the second you took on a dark master. There are no artificial alternatives to blood that can be used to feed vampires. They can go for many nights without feeding, depending on the vampire. Younger vampires need to feed more regularly than ancient vampires.

In general, the best way to go about it is to fetch when your master tells you to, save leftovers for later when you can, and learn your masters feeding schedule.

If you mess up, be prepared to be the substitute meal.

Now that we're clear on what they can eat, here's a crash course on some do's and don'ts, and general questions most familiars have at some point in their infernal careers.

Q: Should I offer my own blood to my master?

A: NO! That is a remarkably bad idea. Most familiars start the job with rose tinted glasses and romantic YA novel fantasies about vampires. If your vampire isn't outright disgusted by your offer, getting fed off of will not be the intimate, romantic thing you think it will be. (Okay, maybe intimate, I've heard it gets kind of intense,) but the main concern is that you will die.

Virgin blood, freely given, is some of the most delectable blood a vampire will ever taste. So if you offer it, they will take it, and more often than not they WILL completely drain you. You will not be turned just for offering to feed them, unless you count being turned into a shriveled up raisin of a human corpse.

Remember: Vampires are VERY rarely attached to their familiars. You are replaceable.

What does being fed off of feel like? Am I leading people to a horrible, painful, death?

Yes and no. Being fed off of hurts, but it also makes you dizzy and I've heard there is a sort of elated numbness that comes over you when being fed off of. It might even feel sort of good.

Take solace in the fact that it doesn't ONLY hurt for your victims, but there's no way to dance around the fact that you ARE still leading them to their violent deaths. Sorry.

I feel like my vampires are bored of just plain old blood. Can I cook something with it? Or freeze it into blood Popsicles?

No. We've all thought about it, many have tried it, and it's usually a major fail. Blood "popsicles" won't make them sick, but vampires don't like them very much. Cold blood is usually a no-go. Blood snow cones work for some vampires, but it's a big gamble to try.

However... after many sleepless days, I managed to figure out an answer to the problem.

How can I make a recipe using only ingredients found in human blood?

For this, I had to turn to food items with a VERY small list of ingredients, for blood is incredibly simple in its makeup.

Then it hit me.

It is fully possible to make blood cotton candy that is edible for vampires.

Yes. You read that right. Cotton candy is the only feasible way to feed your vampire anything other than plain old blood.

They will not projectile vomit as if they were eating regular human food, just make sure you ONLY flavor it with blood. No other flavor.

You're welcome!

And with that, thank you for reading this installment of Get Familiar. I hope this helped, g*dspeed, soldiers.

-Sair

[ask-a-familiar]

I've seen a lot of talk about the Night Markets lately!

That's certainly an interesting topic. Be careful asking about it, and especially be careful attending one if you're a human familiar. It's a dangerous place for us!

One of my vampires, Claudius, sometimes rents out a stall at our local Night Market. (By "rents" I mean he killed the last guy who owned it). He sells various things, that's a story for another day.

Instead, I thought I'd talk about my first time at the Night Market.

I was, obviously, not thrown into the familiar pit fighting ring, a super common thing at most night markets. Sonja said I was of more use to her carrying her shopping bags than I would be if I were dead, one of the best compliments I've ever gotten from her.

Instead, Irving and I trailed behind our masters, he was in charge of the shopping list and I was in charge of carrying everything. It's a bartering market, so Irving and I almost got traded off several times, to no ones surprise.

I was, however, particularly surprised when an infernal creature took intense interest in my necklace. My friend had given it to me in high school as a gift, it was this lovely pendant with a red diamond. This man would NOT stop pestering my masters and I about it, and kept offering various things to trade for it.

Turns out, my necklace was an enchanted heirloom from his family. It had some sort of memories stored in it, and apparently my friend had been distantly related to this guy.

I obviously had no use for the memories stored in it, nor did I know how to access them, so I decided to trade with him. In return I got an opal necklace with a protective ward on it, which has since saved me from quite a few nasty encounters.

Irving proceeded to walk down the wrong alley and got hit by a water balloon full of a mixture of blood and g*d knows what else, so I had to drag him home.

- Sair

[ask-a-familiar]

Get Familiar! - Ancient Vampires

Welcome to get familiar, a segment where I explain some important things you should know when immersing yourself in the daily lives of the supernatural!

This first installment is about ancient vampires. After all, it's important that we understand them and treat them with respect (unless they're dicks).

Ancient vampires are as mysterious as they are old, and can be a real pain to care for in public. There are only so many times you can convince people that they're just elaborate cosplayers. Ancient vampires are MUCH harder to hide in plain sight than most vampires.

What exactly IS an ancient vampire? How old do they have to be to be considered ancient?

That's a difficult question to answer. When is a human old? Some would say 60, some would say 70, some would say when their back and joints start hurting (and if that's the case then I'm an ancient human). Its all a matter of who you ask, really.

I tend to consider an ancient vampire to be a vampire who is at least 1 of 2 things:

1. Over around 1000 years old (give or take a few hundred years)

2. Physically different than a regular vampire

That second one is a little less straightforward. Vampires, obviously, do not age like humans do. They are immortal, they stay as they were when they were turned.

But as the centuries go by, they often start to change, bit by bit.

Imagine being a shapeshifter. You have the gift of transformation. Now, imagine being a shapeshifter who cannot look in a mirror, able to change forms at will but not having a reflection to remind yourself who you are.

This is the main reason why vampires change over time. I think they just... forget what they're supposed to look like. Typically this manifests in subtle changes, small adjustments but otherwise still mostly recognizable.

Here is a visual diagram thing I made to show some examples:

This guide shows the 3 more common changes, ears, eyes, and teeth. You can see these things manifesting in vampires as young as 500 (even earlier for the ears), though it's rarer to happen to anyone who isn't VERY old and "going through it".

The older the vampire, the more intense the changes. Some are shriveled or wrinkled, like something you'd find in a Skyrim crypt. An example of one that has still kept his basic human shape but still looks definitely ancient and definitely not human, famous in the vampire community, is the Baron. You've probably heard of him if you've been around vampires for at least a few years.

Some who are so ancient that it's honestly insane, like THE Sire, Göjlrm himself, look more beast than man. He is over 8000 years old (you don't look a day over 300, sir!) and as the oldest vampire alive, it's no surprise that he has lost so much of himself over the centuries. Still weirdly cute, though, like a winged vampire dog!

Ancient vampires may have a harder time adjusting to the modern age, especially if they speak a dead language. Be patient with them, they've been through more than you can comprehend.

They might suffer from intense loneliness, common to vampires after they hit a certain age. Hang out with your ancient masters if you have them, they might disrespect you as all others do, but they've seen so many eras and yet belong to none of them, they're out of place and everyone they knew is probably gone. A little kindness goes a long way, y'all.

I've talked your ears off enough, I hope you found this informative, now that you're familiar with changes in ancient vampires!

- Sair

P.S. Irving, if you're reading this, it's your turn to clean the blood thermoses.

[ask-a-familiar]

Welcome, friends, to Ask a Familiar!

I am Saoirse, but you can call me Sair. (If you're wondering, YES my vampires DO take great enjoyment out of butchering my name.)

She/They, if you care!

This blog is 16+ due to subject matter

For civilians: This account is a WWDITS roleplay blog! The supernatural creatures we discuss here don't exist.

For familiars: A great way to discuss your life openly online is to just tell people you're just roleplaying ;)

For vampires: You are allowed to browse this on the condition that you respect this as a safe space. No berating any familiars for any grievances they have against you. We unionized for a reason.

I live and work in a household of 3 vampires (sort of).

I say sort of because we have a guest at the moment, so technically it's 4 vampires. This is because the local vampiric council graciously volunteered us for the Displaced Ancient Masters Program (DAMP). For those of you unaware, DAMP is a little vampiric association that helps vampires recently woken from a comically long super slumber. It puts them in households with familiars and modern vampires to help ease them into this strange new world, a nice gesture but a huge pain to deal with. Marcus can only speak Latin (Yeah he's that old) so I'm the only one who can understand him, since I took Latin for 4 years in school. It's a bit choppy but it works.

Anyways, back to the main 3 that I work for.

Out of the permanent residents of our little pod, two are your typical blood drinkers and one is an energy vampire.

Surprisingly enough, I get along decently with my energy vampire. Maybe it's because I'm autistic and genuinely find his topics interesting.

Either way, those are who I deal with.

Sonja Thornbury works with VNN as a news broadcaster, you might have heard of her. Some people say we look remarkably similar but she denies it. She was turned when she was quite young so she looks to be around 18 at MOST and that causes a heap of problems.

Claudius Lorde is exactly what you imagine when you hear his name. He thinks he's stunning and gorgeous or whatever but I just think he's a remarkably messy eater.

Richard Bust is the energy vampire of the household. Yeah.

Interestingly, this is a two familiar household. My coworker is Irving. Short guy, skinny, large round glasses and blond hair. The vampires LOVE him, I think they find him cute, so they kind of just use him as like... a scribe? So I do all the actual familiar work.

Alright, introductions over! Feel free to send me any questions, stories, comments, etc! Stay strong guys, this job BITES.

-Sair