askstrongbad-blog

[askstrongbad-blog]

What does your poop smell like?

I'm more curious why you'd actually want to know something like that. Are you some kind of connoisseur? Is there an actual market for that? Because if there is...

Yeah on second thought, I'm not touching that one. Weirdo.

[askstrongbad-blog]

Strong Bad, how does getting to The Inventory work? I'd imagine there is some transdimensional door...or someone just give you a ride their.

I gotta be honest, Cuppin' Cakes, I'm not entirely sure how it works myself. The first time I ever went their some guys from Telltale showed up at my house and just sort of threw a bag over my head and dragged me out to their car saying something about fine print in a contract.

Then they left me in this creepdark alleyway with nothing but a gold elevator and a rusty ladder for company. The elevator seemed like a safer bet for escape than the ladder but I might've reconsidered if I knew dorkahedron was going to be there.

[askstrongbad-blog]

Is your girlfriend ever going to come back from mars?

The last I heard she was still stuck in the sand with the robot. I didn't think it was worth waiting around for her to get out so we broke up right after prom.

[askstrongbad-blog]

Sorry what was that? I don't speak stupidese.

Not everyone wants to tug it to albino amputees.

Fucking chuwero.

[askstrongbad-blog]

Have you considered ever becoming a *god*?

I used to think positions of ultimate power were great, but then I got tricked into being a king for a few hours and that was the opposite of fun. I like working against authority more than being an authority figure. Or even sort of... diagonal to authority. Like how a certain duo of independent investigators toe the line but take justice into their own nunchuk gun toting, explosion making hands (or gloves).

But I digress. Yeah I considered it for maybe five minutes, then decided I'd rather go string up the resident waste of fat space by his under-drawers in his room again instead. Because that's instant gratification.

[askstrongbad-blog]

Do you have any hobbies that you're ashamed of? You don't have to tell what they are, just whether or not you do.

All of my hobbies are the cutting edge of cool because they're mine. That's kind of a no-brainer, man.

But you know what hobby people should be ashamed of? Macking old issues of Zoobooks. I'm looking at you, Tai chi.

[askstrongbad-blog]

Sup, idiot.

Clearly you got lost on the way to Homestar's ask blog.

[askstrongbad-blog]

What types of girls do you date, honey?

I don't date girls. I date ladies.

But while we're on that subject I prefer the ones without weird names like... Brian.

[askstrongbad-blog]

Look, Chuckie, knowing what my favorite pair of boxers look like doesn't prove anything.

This is the only time I'm going to say I agree with Tycho. Especially on the 'throwing up in my mouth a little' part. Conversation officially over.

70 percent?

70 percent?!

What- I don’t even-

Where are people are getting this stuff from? Is saying I hate a person not enough anymore? Is there some secret code I’m missing out on that translates public declarations of disgust into expressed attraction? If so I’d like to clear this horrifying, jibblie-inducing misunderstanding up right now:

I have not and will not get within ten feet of that creeper. Have you even heard the way he talks about giraffes?

And the pants thing never happened.

[askstrongbad-blog]

Describe to us the *finest* of *sandwiches*.

I made a huge sandwich once while Strong Sad was hosting one of his nerd gatherings and that thing had everything on it. I mean everything. I even threw a little hummus on there in one section. It was probably the most awesome sandwich I've ever had, but it took hours to put together so I'm not going to be doing that again anytime soon unless I need another excuse to hide in the kitchen from Strong Sad's weird 'friends'.

As far as regular-kind sandwiches go it doesn't get much better than two slightly moist chocolate cookie slabs surrounding a just-melty-enough layer of vanilla ice cream.

[askstrongbad-blog]

Oh wow I am blown away by all these questions you're answering over here. It's completed overpowered my dash.

Even if my internet hadn't gotten cut off because Bubs figured out I'd been paying my monthly bill in Monopoly money, I would have been way too busy pleasing my rabid fans and signing record deals for a loser like you to comprehend. Some people don't hang out on Dumblr all day. Some people are actually cool.

[askstrongbad-blog]

70 percent?

70 percent?!

What- I don't even-

Where are people are getting this stuff from? Is saying I hate a person not enough anymore? Is there some secret code I'm missing out on that translates public declarations of disgust into expressed attraction? If so I'd like to clear this horrifying, jibblie-inducing misunderstanding up right now:

I have not and will not get within ten feet of that creeper. Have you even heard the way he talks about giraffes?

And the pants thing never happened.

[askstrongbad-blog]

So whats your deal with that *chuck* kid? Trying to up that 'friend' into 'friends' plural?

Man I've got so many friends, you don't even know how to count that high. There's a whole process they all have to go through with background checks and applications. That guy would never make it past the first question on the standards of coolness test. I just enjoy watching nerds get beat up by angry older brothers of other nerds I stole boring computer games from.

[askstrongbad-blog]

First of all there is nothing wrong with playing with action figures in high school. I'm just putting that out there. I'm not saying I ever did that, but if I did it would have been perfectly acceptable.

Also, being the bottom rung I don't expect you to have any kind of grasp on what reputation actually means so I'll let that slide. For now.

I'll just let you figure out that last one.

askstrongbad asked: I'm actually almost impressed. I guess you can have it. Oh and uh just ignore that name in permanent marker on the back. I got it, you know... in slightly *used* condition. Also, I am totally not walking quickly away because the ex-owner wants it back. I'm leaving because you are so uncool it actually hurts my reputation just to be seen within two feet of you.

… man, I don;t think anything could make your rep much *worth* then it already *ith*. It’th marginaly more cool to thtill be playing with dolth in high thcool. No one knowth better then the bottom rung.

…wait. Who;d you get thith from and ith thith going to involve me getting another black eye?

[askstrongbad-blog]

Have you considered smackin' the nerd out of your little brother might not really work, in the long run?

No.

Wait, are you talking about working for me in the long run, or working out for him? Because I don't honestly care what it does for him. It's pretty freakin' therapeutic for me.

[askstrongbad-blog]

Hey, Strong Bad! Why did you never answer my emails? I wrote it in the terrible style that the emails on your show are in and everything. You really hurt my feelings. :'(

Hey man, I get like nine jillion emails a day. I can't be in nine jillion places at once... unless I had a time machine, or like... a cloning device. Either of those things would be really awesome. Okay maybe not the cloning machine. I wouldn't want to have to compete with myself for ladies... plus there's the chance that someone extremely annoying would stumble into it and accidentally make a hundred copies of themselves.

But if you have a time machine I'd be more than happy to fix those injured feelings for you (after I finish robbing some Egyptian kings and stuff). Otherwise I'm just gonna have to chalk another broken heart up to my star-studded status.

[askstrongbad-blog]

Why are you so awesome?

I get this one a lot. How many times do I have to tell you guys, it's a trade secret! If I shared it with every person who asked, I'd risk losing my powers of awesome because then everyone could be so awesome.

...yeah I'm kidding. I just am.