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“We should be especially grateful for having to deal with annoying people and difficult situations, because without them we would have nothing to work with. Without them, how could we practice patience, exertion, mindfulness, loving-kindness or compassion? It is by dealing with such challenges that we grow and develop.”

— Judy Lief, “Train Your Mind: Be Grateful to Everyone”

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Some Things I Didn’t Realize Were Complex Trauma Symptoms

I don’t usually post personal shit but my friend and I were talking and there were some things she didn’t know were PTSD related, and sometimes it’s just so weird and out there so. Some stuff I learned too late were caused by trauma:

- Nightmares that have *nothing* to do with your trauma

- Getting angry at anything that startles you/is loud/is irriatating

- Becoming alarmingly calm in situations of crisis/chaos

- Shaking, just, all the time

- Needing very little sleep to function effectively

- Massive mood swings that often get mistaken for personality or mood disorders

- Feeling like there is a layer of dirt on you/that your skin is dirty and needing to get it off

- Believing you will die young and alone !! Big one!!

- Looking for reasons to cut people out of your life

- Needing things to be exactly as you like them to be – not necessarily clean/organized but just to be a specific way and be within your control, and getting angry when it is not *this one gets mistaken for OCD v often

- Preferring high stress/very busy lifestyles to keep occupied

- Needing compression/pressure (ie tight shoelaces, heavy coats and blankets, snug fitting hats, etc) to feel comfortable/safe

- Discomfort with silence

- Very sensitive to heat, smell, and lighting

- Ringing in ears!! I had no idea about this one tinnitus is not that uncommon for ptsd, even if there was no direct head trauma involved

- Physical numbness, often in arms & hands when a flashback or panic attack is about to start

- Derailing conversations when they are causing stress

- Sudden and unexplained onsets of just the most deep sense of melancholy (often accompanied by a lot of tears)

These are just the ones I know of from experience, if there are any others ppl know of and were surprised by pls add. But yea ptsd is not always flashbacks and panic attacks and avoiding triggers, it’s also just random small shit that effects how you exist ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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C-PTSD Symptoms

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a type of PTSD that is caused by severe, repeated trauma, such that involves captivity, manipulation, and entrapment. It is trauma that is long-term and involves an inability for escape. This trauma occurs long enough to deform one’s sense of identity and self.

There is no mandated list of criteria for C-PTSD in the DSM-5, but there are six clusters of symptoms that are currently used for diagnosis. These major, core symptoms of C-PTSD are:

Emotional Dysregulation - This involves severe mood swings/dysphoria, impulsive behaviour, self-harm, and suicidal preoccupations. This could result in explosive anger, or extremely inhibited anger, or both. It could also result in either compulsive or extremely inhibited sexuality (i.e. hypersexuality or sex repulsion/trauma-induced asexuality, or both.) This also involves difficulty expressing and communicating emotions.

Consciousness Instability - Forgetting traumatic events or reliving them is a part of a struggle with consciousness. Sometimes reliving trauma can be either through intrusive thought, or preoccupation with the trauma. This also involves dissociation, which can cause severe consciousness interruption and memory gaps.

Self-Perception Issues - The trauma that causes C-PTSD messes with the ego, so its symptoms results in a skewed perception of self. One might feel helpless, full of shame and guilt, like a constant victim or a horrible person, feel defiled and disgusting, and/or believe they are completely separate from other human beings altogether.

Distorted Views of the Perpetrator - Becoming preoccupied with a perpetrator, whether it’s allotting total power to them, developing a preoccupation with them (such as revenge or seeking to find others exactly like them), or clinging onto the idea of being special to the perpetrator, would all be examples of distorted views.

Struggle With Interpersonal Relationships - Avoidance, distrust, paranoia, a sense of inability to connect with others. One with C-PTSD might also be constantly searching for a ‘saviour’ figure, and could also go to great lengths for self-protection.

Loss or Change in System of Meanings - The beliefs one held before trauma changing or going away completely, such as religious faith, or one being succumbed with despair or feeling like there is no hope.

Outside of the six clusters of general symptoms, the other symptoms often associated with C-PTSD are:

Revictimization - Those with C-PTSD are particularly vulnerable to abuse and exploitation. Many will be revictimized if they are not taught how to read red flags, as those with C-PTSD may seek to relieve trauma without realizing it because they don’t know anything else.

Hypervigilance - Increased anxiety and sensory input will make the survivor hyperaware of everything in their environment. This may result in paranoia, in extreme jumpiness, etc. Someone with C-PTSD will be constantly feeling like they are in a dangerous situation, and thus be hypervigilant due to that. (This may cause someone to be constantly in fight mode, or flight mode, or freeze mode, etc.)

Unexplained Physical Symptoms - Hypervigilance exhausts the body. This is what most professionals believe leads to chronic pain, gastrointestinal issues, headaches, nausea, chest pain, and various other physical symptoms that range from mild to severe. This pain cannot be explained by other existing medical conditions.

Dissociation - Degrees of dissociation range. It is common for those with C-PTSD to deal with chronic dissociation, which can lead to emotional numbness, feeling unable to focus, inability to connect to one’s identity or reality (depersonalization and derealization), and memory loss. To a severe degree, it may result in identity splitting, which would lead to comorbidity with Dissociate Identity Disorder.

Substance Abuse - It’s not uncommon for those with C-PTSD to struggle with substance abuse, whether it’s alcohol, drugs, smoking, etc. Some may also use sexual contact in the same way.

Attachment Issues - C-PTSD can cause various problems with attachment, including hyperempathy or a lack of empathy, an inability to accurately perceive other people’s motives, isolation, seeking out codependency, feeling unable to depend on others at all, and not knowing where personal boundaries lie for themselves or others.

Cognition Problems - Executive dysfunction, inability to pay attention, communication problems, sensory overload, object impermanence.

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“Clearly recognizing what is happening inside us, and regarding what we see with an open, kind and loving heart, is what I call Radical Acceptance. If we are holding back from any part of our experience, if our heart shuts out any part of who we are and what we feel, we are fueling the fears and feelings of separation that sustain the trance of unworthiness. Radical Acceptance directly dismantles the very foundations of this trance.”

— Tara Brach

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“Even when I detach, I care. You can be separate from a thing and still care about it.”

— David Levithan

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“I think I like my brain best in a bar fight with my heart. I think I like myself a little broken, with rough edges, a little harder to grasp. I like poetry better than therapy anyway. The poems never judge me for healing wrong.”

— Clementine von Radics, Mouthful of Forevers (via books-n-quotes)

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Instagram | ThePowerWithin.Co

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“What you see and hear depends on a great deal on where you are standing.”

— C.S. Lewis, The Magician’s Nephew (via philosophyquotes)

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The real hopeless victims of mental illness are to be found among those who appear to be most normal. Many of them are normal because they are so well adjusted to our mode of existence, because their human voice has been silenced so early in their lives, that they do not even struggle or suffer or develop symptoms as the neurotic does. They are normal not in what may be called the absolute sense of the word; they are normal only in relation to a profoundly abnormal society. Their perfect adjustment to that abnormal society is a measure of their mental sickness. These millions of abnormally normal people, living without fuss in a society to which, if they were fully human beings, they ought not to be adjusted.

Aldous Huxley (via themindmovement)

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Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.

Don Miguel Ruiz (via themindmovement)

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We are all strangers in a strange land, longing for home, but not quite knowing what or where home is. We glimpse it sometimes in our dreams, or as we turn a corner, and suddenly there is a strange, sweet familiarity that vanishes almost as soon as it comes…

Madeleine L’Engle (via themindmovement)

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You Will

You will notice my long wavy hair but I won’t tell you that in fact is not ombré, that’s only my inability to maintain hair dye.

You will stare into my light brown, almost golden eyes. And I will hope to avoid you ever having to witness them loose that special light. If the day comes where you see them go black, I will advise you to walk away.

You will find me mowing a small farm on a hill, bailing hay, and swaying side to side with a weed-eater that is half my size staring in disbelief during short lived breaks while I smile at what I accomplished.

You will find me eager to be outside. You will hear about my hatred for winter, and more than likely hear my achy bones agree. You will see my seasonal depression overturned by nature walks and picnics under the sun.

You will hear me ramble about my adventures far and wide. I will tell you all about my love for mountains, you will hear about dozens of road trips, and I’m sure I won’t forget the time I witnessed the purest love pouring down the streets of San Fransciso.

You will find me field dressing a deer after bearing through arguably more than I can handle because I want to prove that I can rough it with the boys. You will find me smiling through the pain. In fact, I’ll have plans to go fishing later and you can expect that my 30 pack of Budweiser is waiting patiently on ice.

You will find me in a black satin dress, it has taken me 2 hours to perfect this look but I won’t dare admit it. An extravagant night out on the town that could have ended abruptly after I sat on my floor sobbing because I couldn’t find the perfect shoes to match.

You will find me engulfed in music, surrounded by strangers that I consider family. You will find me emptying my wallet, buying water for my dehydrating newfound friends. You will find me caring for a girl distressed in the corner, lost and afraid. You won’t know that I do this all because I know how it feels.

You will find me drained by concsious thoughts and concerns for others instead of focusing on myself. I will strip myself of all selfish and self seeking views and replace them with consideration of the people around me. I won’t tell you that being an empath can become extremely self destructive. I don’t care.

You will find me expressing myself in a way that is relateable, uplifting, and somewhat overbearing. You will see me laugh smile and you will believe that I am a positive ray of sunshine.

You won’t be aware of the anxiety and depression that fills my life. You won’t be aware of the darkness I have went through. You won’t see my addiction battle. You won’t feel the pain of my sexual assault.

You will start a conversation with me, and if you’re lucky enough, you may just get to know the real me. I will open up if you give me time. I will be your friend if you can accept the good bad and the ugly.

You will see a side of me that you never thought possible. I just hope that you accept me and all my sides, because it’s taken along time, but I am me. And you will see.

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You are loved. You are respected. You are cherished. Don't forget that you are #valid

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Remember the clear light, the pure clear white light from which everything in the universe comes, to which everything in the universe returns; the original nature of your own mind. The natural state of the universe unmanifest. Let go into the clear light, trust it, merge with it. It is your own true nature, it is home.

Tibetan Book of the Dead (via gaiabodhi)

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7 Days

An adventure into a strange week spent with even stranger people doing the strangest things…. ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Who’s to say that the madness is anything other than the antidote of your survival? What if it was exactly what was needed to cure stagnant lifestyles driven by unnatural restraints.

7 Days were filled with dusts of sunshine, suspended by refreshing canopies of rain.

We embraced this newfound shortcut to paradise embodied by the smell of coffee and cigarettes.

Sometimes when all is spun out and all that is ugly recedes into a deep sleep, there is an awakening.

And all that remains is true; A body ravaged and a spirit stronger.

We took our rebellious habits and harnessed them into a childlike complex.

We tested the bounds of reality, in fact we tested the reality of reality itself.

Eyes were opened to a world we all shared, all so different yet undeniably the same.

Time and space twisted and thoughts made their way to paper while our egos lay dead in the silence of an empty house.

Sun Rise•Sun Set

A cycle that became unregulated much like the emotions we experienced.

Adventures were sporadic much as the words that stumbled from our mouths.

A completely unpredictable series of events; unfolding right in front of us.

Not all was golden, but each trial led us to discover more about eachother than we did anything in a worldly essence.

We followed a twisted decent of logic down a trail of curiosity, confusion, anger, enlightenment, and joy.

Our misunderstood souls were at home.

Whatever “home” meant.

Peace

Without pressure or judgement.

Free from the skeletons in our closets.

Safe

Although we lived it, it didn’t seem real.

It resonated as a blurred scope into something different and beautiful.

During our visit here we discovered our true self completely unrestrained and got a glimpse into the truest sense of eachother.

A sneak peak into the version that throughout time had been beaten down and compressed into something that we only fantasied about revisiting.

We saw the world in a grain of innocence.

Our experience in those 7 days became a bold journey into something strange, original, and most of all…

Pure.

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Listen to what your passion is telling you. If there’s something you’ve always felt like you’ve wanted to do, then go do it. Allow yourself to be drawn towards your interests; you never know where you might find your calling.

Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin (via thepowerwithin)

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           CLAIRSENTIENCE/EMPATHIC (Intuitive Feeling)

                      MASTERPOST & HELPFUL INFO HERE <–

Clairsentience is also known as ’Clear Feeling’ or ’Clear Sensing’ and is very closely linked with the gift of Empathy (they’re both basically the same thing, which is why I’ve decided to group them together.)  See, Empathy and Clairsentience are within the same spectrum of gifts that are based on feeling/sensing the emotions and energies of the world around us. But, Clairsentience is a more intense version of Empathy which takes on a wider range of sensitivities. 

Where an Empath has the ability to sense and feel emotions of people, animals or objects, a Clairsentient person is able to do all of that as well as physically feel energy fields around them, including a person’s aura and voice. So while the two are similar and it is very likely that an Empath can develop a greater Clairsentient gift, it strongly relies on the drive and trust in an individual’s own intuition to tap into fully. We have to trust that what we are feeling is true and act accordingly; it’s so important to remember that we cannot take on and help everyone either. Sometimes the best we can do is protect our own energy, it’s not being selfish, it’s called being SAFE.

In the beginning, you may find that it can be very challenging to understand, because sometimes you will feel things but, you don’t know where it’s coming from or why it’s coming to you. It can be strange at times because you may even feel physical sensations like tickling, goosebumps or weird pressure. Imagery and words DO have an effect on the body so, it may even help to cut back on some of the crazy shows and become more aware of how you speak. It’s important to understand that your words are spells and they should always be used wisely. You may even find now that you can’t watch gore-type movies for example, because they feel physical pain that you feel. Ugh, I know that now just thinking about the ORIGINAL Hostel movie (the LAST gore film I ever watched, legit) I can feel my stomach turn and I get a weird lumpy feeling in my throat. Never again, nope. 

Anyways, sometimes information or specific details will pop into your mind and they will have come out of the blue, literally from nowhere. You will generally feel the emotions and energy of people and the environment around you. The more you develop this gift, you will find that you will have a good sense of what someone is thinking. You might feel exactly what another person around you is feeling, their happiness, sadness and even aggression. You may feel just kind of heavy or off when you meet a new person who ends up being more narcissistic than anything. You may get anxious for no reason or feel random pent up emotions that suddenly burst out like a popped balloon without warning. But, most of all you will just be able to sense the presence of another being before you see them, you’ll just know when someone is having the best or the worst day of their life. Trusting your intuition will greatly help you to know whether you should put your energy and trust into a situation or a person. 

So, how do you know that it’s not ‘all in your head’? Well, we test it! Have you had experiences of overwhelming emotions or energy from people animals, or for just no freaking reason at all? Does it expand to objects and places too? Have you ever felt emotionally attached to someone, even at a distance and can easily call on them in dreams, random thoughts or flashes of insight? Maybe you have a pattern of people not understanding or saying that you are just being “too sensitive” or have a very “vivid imagination”. Are you able to understand energy by words and body language by easily picking up on small cues that others don’t? Perhaps you can sense the presence of spirits, or are aware of the strong energy that will suddenly surround you. Are you highly sensitive to your surroundings to the point where they can put a damper on your emotions or do large crowds make you physically feel ill and call for a serious recharge after? If any of these situations sound familiar, it’s very possible you are an Empath with the ability to tap into clairsentience on a deeper level.

A fun activity you could try is to ask a friend to show you a picture of somebody they know well (obviously make sure you don’t know the person too lol) and then look into the person’s eyes and focus on their energy. Ask yourself how they must have felt at the moment of the photo being taken? What this individual is like as a person? Would you trust the person? Is there anything else the person’s eyes are revealing or rather hiding? After a few minutes of gaining insight, check with your friend to see how accurate you were! Your first time you may only get basic feelings like a burst of positivity or negativity but, the more you practice, the more you will begin to feel, understand and see the opportunities that this beautiful gift has in store for you.

                               (video used in .Gif here) *This concludes the ‘CLAIR’ posts. If you have missed any and want to read more, click the link at the top of this post. Have any areas you would like me to cover? Shoot me an ask for in-depth write-ups!