average-incorrect-walrus

[average-incorrect-walrus]

Chloe: That’s not how it works. You can’t just make me a lesbian!

Chloe: Look. Tons of scantily dressed women and I feel nothing.

Chloe: [laughs] Well, not nothing.

[average-incorrect-walrus]

Chloe: Why do you keep a diary?!

Jeremy: To keep secrets from my computer.

[average-incorrect-walrus]

Jake: Is this your plan B?

Brooke: Technically, this is plan P.

Jake: Plan P? Is there a plan M?

Brooke: Yes, but I marry Chloe in plan M.

Chloe: I like plan M.

[average-incorrect-walrus]

Michael: I’m gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.

[average-incorrect-walrus]

Chloe: Sorry I can’t be emotionally vulnerable with you it’d ruin the mystery.

[average-incorrect-walrus]

Jeremy: “Struggle with depression” would seem to imply that I am bad at being depressed when I am, in fact, very proficient at being depressed.

[average-incorrect-walrus]

Christine: Every zoo is a petting zoo unless you’re a coward.

Brooke: I’m worried about you.

[average-incorrect-walrus]

Jenna: Hey, what have you two been up to?

Jake: We were helping Jeremy write his vows, but he kicked us out because Rich was making inappropriate suggestions.

Rich: How is “Michael, I love your sweet ass” inappropriate?

[average-incorrect-walrus]

Jenna: Favorite horror movie?

Brooke: It

Rich: Saw

Christine: Annabelle

Jeremy: High School Musical. after watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics

[average-incorrect-walrus]

Rich, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him

Jeremy: You did WHAT–

Christine: William Snakepeare

[average-incorrect-walrus]

Christine: Are you a satanist?

Rich *drawing pentagrams*: Yes

Christine: Cool

[average-incorrect-walrus]

Jenna: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Rich: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Christine: I got distracted about halfway through.

Chloe: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

[average-incorrect-walrus]

Jenna: Okay, help me please!

Chloe: Got two words for you.

Jenna: I bet they won't be helpful.

Chloe: Your problem.

Jenna: I was right

[average-incorrect-walrus]

Rich: Lol heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this lmfao

Jenna: What did you do?

Rich: A MISTAKE

[average-incorrect-walrus]

Christine, tending to Rich's wounds: How would you rate your pain?

Rich: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.

[average-incorrect-walrus]

Jeremy: Jake, can I talk to you for a second?

Jake: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and Michael are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?

Jeremy: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.

[average-incorrect-walrus]

Michael, Rich, and Jake are sitting on a bench

Jeremy: Why do you guys look so sad?

Rich: Sit down with us so we can tell you.

*Jeremy sits down*

Jake: The bench is freshly painted.