ayoungmother

[ayoungmother]

everyone get inaturalist account, you don't have to observe anything just fave things that actually are cool instead of yet another leucistic squirrel

[ayoungmother]

I audition for the role of Ophelia.

Ophelia might be 18. She might be 25. We don’t know. We know she’s young and pretty. I’m 27 and fairly pretty. I’m not young.

The director says he won’t cast someone who “looks” older than 25. I know this means he won’t cast someone who looks older than he thinks 25-year-olds look like.

The truth is, your face when you’re 27 is the same face as when you’re 25. The truth is, your face when you’re 25 is usually the same as when you’re 23. It changes sometime in the night when you’re 21.

Your face when you’re 20 is your face when you’re 18 is usually very close to your face when you’re 16. But when you audition for a 16-year-old when you’re 16, you lose the role to someone who’s 25.

You realize that all of those teenagers you watched in movies growing up were adults. They needed to be beautiful. They needed to be desired. Not awkward, growing, acne, baby fat cheeks.

That’s why you never looked like them. You wanted so badly to look like them.

Now 27 is too old for 25 and you spent your life waiting to look old enough to look young until you’re too old to look your age.

I lie. He can’t tell whether I’m 23-25-27 or whatever age at which a woman is disqualified.

I get the role. I meet the actor playing Hamlet. He’s 45. I meet the actress playing Hamlet’s mother, and she’s 30.

God forbid a woman looks like she was born before she gave birth.

Imagine if she looked like a mother.

Would Ophelia like to be a mother?

Would she have to look like one? With stretch marks and tired eyes from late nights nursing her baby?

Would she have to grow up?

Luckily for Ophelia, she drowns before she gets the chance.

Luckily for me, I still look young enough for the audience to care.

Ophelia and I leave behind a perfect corpse. And happily, because who leaves flowers at a grave with crows feet and smiles lines?

The play is a tragedy, so we don’t smile much, anyway. Luckily.

The people will cry because I’m worthy enough to die,

and happy Ophelia will never become too old to play herself.

—

Ophelia— a somewhat lazy poem I recently found buried in my notes app.

[ayoungmother]

On the topic of English people being shitheads towards Welsh people - This fucking dude today on AITA

[ayoungmother]

Laws in 16 U.S. states explicitly allow educators to use corporal punishment on students as a form of discipline.

[ayoungmother]

(X)

[ayoungmother]

i want yummy bugrer

[ayoungmother]

EARNEST POSTING. while everyone is still working on new year’s resolutions i want to make sure everyone knows about the FREE serial reader app.

if you are trying to read more classics/public domain works but for whatever reason struggle with incorporating reading into your daily life, or you’re just intimidated by huge books, serial reader is a great tool to make reading more approachable. it works much like dracula daily in that it sends you one excerpt at a time (usually about 10-15 minutes of estimated reading time). awesome for commutes, lunch breaks, quick bedtime story, etc.

it’s very customizable. you can change fonts, themes, and you can even take notes and highlight. you can also sync with other reading apps like goodreads (no storygraph yet……. we can hope!). the base app is completely free, but there is a one-time optional upgrade fee of $2.99 USD if you want some extra features. this is all developed by one guy, so the money goes to supporting the creator - although i’m sure apple takes their cut 😑.

there are a ton of works to choose from, currently something like 800+.

you can now also add your own .epubs to break up your own books into daily serials! very cool, serial reader!

this was the best app i added last year so i just want to pass it on. happy reading! :)

[ayoungmother]

https://twitter.com/northumbriana/status/846454474654781442

[ayoungmother]

wildest part of the folger's incest commercial is still when the brother mentions coming back from west africa and says "ahh, real coffee"

[ayoungmother]

normalize saying "okay💖 yay💖" while masc

[ayoungmother]

please spread this so that it can actually be funny instead of just 1 person voting

[ayoungmother]

no no no

[ayoungmother]

[ayoungmother]

I like how the one dude had to sit down twice he was so overwhelmed

[ayoungmother]

What about taking it out and putting it in an uninvolved third party's mouth?

Taking someone's cigarette out of their mouth: Multiple meanings - used a lot in media to convey control, power play, very masculine, I'm your boss and this is mine now, get over it. Mildly flirty, look at me, all in your space and shit, seductive. You're not allowed to smoke, because I say so.

Putting the cigarette back in their mouth afterwards: Ground-breaking. Would be less erotic to just fuck honestly. Who does this?

[ayoungmother]

Thinking about the lego dragon again. Love that guy. Perfectly shaped

[ayoungmother]