ayuso01

[ayuso01]

I get it now, most of those feelings were born from an unhealthy way of looking at things, I will bo easy on myself and try to practice speaking with people in a casual setting again

[ayuso01]

I live alone now. I will for the next couple of years while I study education science.

My mom is paying for my education and she gives me money for my food and rent, I can not show how much I appreciate everything she is doing for me and I'm afraid I'll never be able to repay it to her, I would really love to.

I don't feel like I'm entitled to feel sad, every time I think about the things I should do or should be doing my mind gets foggy and I realize nothing would happen if I just don't do them, so many homework I never made yet I got good grades, so many chores I never did yet I got home and sleept okay, so many people I miss but still they either hate me already or don't care enough as to be around me.

The only person I felt I could call a brother said to me he hates my attitude, he is right about what he said but I just wanted to be myself at a hundred percent around him, now I realize I will only be able to be myself while being alone and I will need to act differently for every person I meet.

I don't want to behave in any way other than the one I don't need to think about being, but I don't want to be a burden to the ones around me.

-I will need to behave

As if I were some kind of animal that didn't follow orders, why do I even use that word? No filter includes no boundaries but apparently I should always have to audit myself, so there is a filter, even if I want to ignore it, but do I want to ignore me? Is this tiny marble rattling in my shoe the one that drives people crazy? I should pin it down as all the others but I don't want to, not with this one. I gave up in so many others but this one is different, this is the last one, maybe more may pop later or get into my shoe but this motherfucker won't go without a fight.

What do I value the most?

Do I want to be popular?

Do I want to be attractive?

Do I want to be loved?

Do I want to have friends?

Do I even find the life worth living?

Don't get me wrong, I am by no extend suicidal, but it is a philosophical questions that bothers me daily, if I am to be like sisyphus and I were to do the same absurd shit every day, would I even want to? I have a choice none the less, to stop pushing the boulder and just let it crush me for once and for all, someone else can push it for themselves, I am supposed to find enjoyment out of this, I am expected to think of something, make a joke out of it and laugh at it all by myself but if I were to do something that elaborate just for me why am I not being called egocentric? Is it that everyone does it already?

Yo, can I please get a break? Sometimes I wake up wishing a day in which I don't even need to do anything, a day in which I can just be a peace of flesh sitting in a vessel without moving, without taking decisions, without worrying about stupid shit.

I just want to be and if that shit is not being then I don't want to be anything anymore.

Even this tantrum it's meaningless because I will wake up tomorrow in the morning and I will go to school and I will try and learn stuff and I will do homework and I will get back to my room and think about the same shit that bothers me everyday. I will still feel guilty and I will still feel like I'm not doing something that I'm supposed to and when I realize what's that thing I will just not do it and do something else instead, my head will hurt and I will wish to just not do anyting.

[ayuso01]

Nick Grey  -  http://nickgrey.com  -  https://www.linkedin.com/in/nickgrey  -  https://twitter.com/Du1l  -  https://www.artstation.com/du1l

[ayuso01]

What will I post from now on

Hi, I’m a student and not necessarily a good one. I have a lot of things than are making me lose my mind lately and I’m in fear than I will lose contact with the English language now than I started my studies on the German language.

So I thought It’ll be a good idea to start writing fragments of the stories I think every day. There are some of them than I think of for whole weeks and maybe it’s a good idea to write some of them down in some place (this is that place) so from now on I will be posting at least the following.

1-2 Drafts per week 

1 short lecture per month

Just to practice my grammar and to have a back up of some sort in case I lose my computer or something. The first month or so will be easy for me cause I already have a little amount of story ideas written down, but I ask for patience in case I commit grammar atrocities in the future or can’t fulfill my self inflicted agenda. 

If you like to correct people and have the time to do so, feel free to tear me apart. I’m all ears

[ayuso01]

[ayuso01]

dlkdhy

[ayuso01]

A pup of coffee!

[ayuso01]

Head rotation tips - recorded a demo for my upcoming Intro to 2D Animation Tutorial Package. I talk about flipping, tracking techniques and utilizing arcs to maintain solid drawing.

[ayuso01]

Jemma Salume  -  http://oxboxer.tumblr.com  -  https://www.instagram.com/oxboxer  -  http://jsalume.daportfolio.com  -  https://society6.com/jemmasalume  -  http://oxboxer.livejournal.com  -  https://gumroad.com/jemmasalume#  -  https://twitter.com/bisonfisticuffs  -  https://www.linkedin.com/in/jemma-salume-0229056  -  https://society6.com/jemmasalume  -  https://www.pixiv.net/member.php?id=3822738

[ayuso01]

Squi-shy

[ayuso01]

[ayuso01]

Reluin  -  http://erysium.tumblr.com  -  https://twitter.com/BearsAreRed  -  https://www.facebook.com/ArtOfSarahWebb  -  http://artofsarahwebb.squarespace.com  -  http://erysium.storenvy.com  -  https://www.behance.net/SWebb

[ayuso01]

スタジオジブリ Studio Ghibli

[ayuso01]

Love It

requested by ekriv2131

[ayuso01]

¿Quién soy y que hago?

Mi nombre completo es algo irrelevante, tendrás que conformarte con saber que mi apellido es Ayuso.

Soy un estudiante con grandes esperanzas de lo que pueda esperarme la vida y siempre he querido destacar en un par de cosas, la escritura en el ámbito literario, el dibujo y la cocina.

 La cocina es en lo que más avance llevo, y que mi habilidad en esta sea casi nula te debe de dar una idea de mis habilidades, el dibujo es un tema al que llegué hace un par de años por mero postureo, la verdad me arrepiento de haber llegado a algo tan hermoso como lo es el dibujo solo por sentir que era una simple moda, últimamente me he sentido con muchísimas más ganas de empezar con esto de nuevo, con la sutil diferencia de que esta vez quiero destacar y estar orgulloso de lo que hago, y no simplemente hacerlo para encajar en un grupo social.

La escritura es algo completamente distinto, es muchísimo más fácil (por lo menos para mi) el plasmar las ideas que cruzan por mi mente a través de un texto, el acto de escribir es algo que disfruto y me divierto al hacerlo, lamentablemente los últimos años, el tiempo que he dedicado a escribir por mero entretenimiento ha bajado drásticamente y he estado perdiendo el tiempo en otros hobbies (League of Legends) que por más que me cueste admitirlo, para mi, personalmente están empezando a significar una perdida de tiempo. La verdad es que me haría ilusión el poder escribir una historia o una novela y que alguien la lea por diversión y no por compromiso, lo más parecido a un lector que he tenido son los mismos profesores que me han hecho tutela en materias como español o taller de lectura, pero su manera de ver los textos entregados por sus alumnos es lo más parecido a ver a alguien famoso tirando cartas de fans después de haber leído las dos primeras lineas.

No esperen la segunda llegada del mesías, pero haré mi mejor esfuerzo por no matarlos de aburrimiento y  para no dar cáncer ocular con todo lo que salga de mis inexpertas manos.

“Ya dada mi introducción, cualquier cosa que me quieras preguntar es bienvenida, soy un amante de los gatos y los videojuegos, llegué un poco tarde a todo, pero estoy aquí y eso es lo que importa”