beautiful-fear-devotee

[beautiful-fear-devotee]

Thinking about being taken by an eldritch god-thing.

Being dressed up in fine robes and given as an offering, knowing that the person I was is about to be destroyed. Im terrified at first, but then I behold the thing in a way nobody else has. My mind shatters as its voice slips into my head, telling me to just relax, this won't hurt, in fact it will feel good.

And I did go willingly, after all. It knows this, it can see all my memories. It laughs at me while I whimper and plead, calling me its newest toy and telling me that we're going to have so much fun together.

[beautiful-fear-devotee]

Something that David Lynch gets that Lovecraft never seemed to understand is that if the gods that govern the space between spaces are truly vast, unknowable and infinite-- then somewhere within the confines of that dark infinity is the capacity for joyousness, kindness, and even love.

[beautiful-fear-devotee]

“nobody is making you do this” i am driven by unnatural forces you will never even begin to comprehend

[beautiful-fear-devotee]

I am having Some Kind Of Feelings this morning about having 9-10 kg of bones inside me at any given time

[beautiful-fear-devotee]

i love seeing the uptake in portraying xenomorphs with their inherent uncanny beauty and eroticism rather than as roaring, man-eating monsters. yes, they are still monsters, but theyre meant to have a certain elegance to them, i think

[beautiful-fear-devotee]

It's okay sweetie, don't shy away from fear, it's natural. You've never seen me like this before, in my true form. It's unsettling. it's meant to be. The fact that you've managed to stay here, before me, at all is a testament to your bravery, your commitment, your love for me.

That fear runs deep, doesn't it? What is it you like to say, that it's in your brain stem? That primal, animalistic sort of fear whose origins you cannot place, but which each and every human being feels without exception? It's not just you, you know. Not just your species. And it's not in your brain. It's fear encoded in the very molecules that make up the genes of all living things.

I've never given you a straight answer, have I? About my people? Just that we're long lived, that we're ancient, that we're... predators. carnivores. That the sentient species of the galaxy live in fearful peace with us. It's not untrue, not a lie per se, but it runs so much deeper then that, my dear. We were here before any of you. Before life itself. We ripped a hole in this desolate realm and seeded it with our own creation. We tended carefully the crops and watched them blossom across a billion galaxies, and trillions of worlds.

Your memory of us is not cerebral. It is not genetic. it is atomic. it is subatomic. It is encoded in the vibrations at the bottom of this fertile little universe, and we laid it there ourselves. i was there. I helped to plant the seed. Look me in the eyes, my dear. My true eyes, for the first time. Tell me every ounce of you does not want to flee. Do you know why? Why we made you afraid? Why we raise our crops to fear?

Because it makes the hunt more fun.

Oh don't worry sweetie, you're not on the menu tonight. If I were here to harvest, it would not just be you. We consume on the scale of planets, of civilizations. You are lovely, my dear, but you are hardly a meal. The harvest will not come for your world until the earth is ripe, and you have still so long to wait. So come, cuddle up to me, my darling. Lay with me like every night before and live as though I was not what shifted in the shadows when your ancestors feared fire. As though I am not what lay in the back of your mind when you were too afraid to leave your bed at night. You have nothing to fear from me darling, even if I am fear itself.

[beautiful-fear-devotee]

sometimes a prayer just drips off of your tongue, slow like honey, and buried within it is a secret name of a god that can never be recorded, and you must suffer yourself to let it escape, to let it echo and ebb out into the abyss of the world from whence it came....

[beautiful-fear-devotee]

“In 1404, King Taejong fell from his horse during a hunting expedition. Embarrassed, looking to his left and right, he commanded, “Do not let the historian find out about this.” To his disappointment, the historian accompanying the hunting party included these words in the annals, in addition to a description of the king’s fall.“

LMFAOOOOOO rip to that guy

[beautiful-fear-devotee]

“All sacred creatures partake of monstrosity, whether overtly or covertly.”

— Rene Girard, excerpt from Violence and the Sacred

[beautiful-fear-devotee]

i refused to stay buried because i love you why are you running

[beautiful-fear-devotee]

Today I introduced my sister to “the problem of Susan” and I had to explain to her that Susan was left out of Narnia cuz she liked boys and lipstick now and without missing a beat she said but what about Peter? Does Peter not like girls? And I knew she was pointing out the inherent misogyny at the center of the “the problem of Susan” but the implications of that question are a source of much hilarity to meeee LMFAO like Does Peter not like girls? Does he like boys? Is he Gay? Is Narnia really just a homo-utopia where Lucy is also a lesbian and Edmund is a bisexual disaster and Susan was kicked out cuz she was too straight??? Can I make CS Lewis turn over in his grave with this new reading?

[beautiful-fear-devotee]

There would not be slums like this, if the Revolution prevailed. But there would be misery. There would always be misery, waste, cruelty. She had never pretended to be changing the human condition, to be Mama taking tragedy away from the children so they won’t hurt themselves. Anything but. So long as people were free to choose, if they chose to drink flybane and live in sewers, it was their business. Just so long as it wasn’t the business of Business, the source of profit and the means of power for other people.

-Ursula K. Le Guin, "The Day Before the Revolution" (1974)

[beautiful-fear-devotee]

"Anne Rice didn't make it clear enough that this was Bad and Wrong to do" she was busy fighting the Popeyes chicken guy, YOU fucking figure it out

[beautiful-fear-devotee]

okay this reminded me of the strongest human being (I use that label with some reservation) I have ever met and I still think about him like once a week because about 4 years ago on Thanksgiving night my sister, cousin, and I were going to pick up a friend about a 40 minute drive from home, and I got lost and tried to turn around on a little gravel pull-off on the side of the road, but my front tires got stuck in the snow.

we were in the middle of nowhere with no cell reception, and the only sign of life was a single, completely dark house across the road from us.

We all did our best to push the car out, and we’re strong people, but we couldn’t make it budge. Cold and stuck, we climbed back and wondered what to do. A car full of men pulled over beside us and asked if we needed help, but getting out of our locked car on a backroad at night with strange men felt like a bad idea, so we said a tow was coming and waved them along. We did that twice before finally deciding our only option was to accept the next offer for help and just risk it,

when a man came out of the house across the street.

He’d clearly been watching us and figured out why we’d been lying to people, which really surprised me & he said “it’s okay, you can stay in your car and keep the doors locked. Just start backing up when I say so.”

I had the window cracked and told him “it’s too stuck. There’s no way we’re getting out. Could you call a tow?”

And he said “just back up when I say so.”

So he walked around the front of the car, squatted, and said “okay back up,”

and I did, and

he lifted

the front of the car Into The Air. Off its front wheels, and we backed up while he essentially wheel-barrowed us back onto the road.

And we were honest to god yelling. We couldn’t help it. We just yelled until all four wheels were back on the ground and he was waving us off while we thanked him.

And then I looked at my sister and cousin & said “he REALLY told us we can KEEP our doors locked as if THAT WOULD’VE FUCKING STOPPED HIM!!!! As if he couldn’t have just RIPPED EM OFF THE HINGES.”

I later looked up the weight of my car, and it’s 3200 pounds without anything or anyone in it.

This haunts me.

[beautiful-fear-devotee]

Did I ever tell you guys

[beautiful-fear-devotee]

in many cases, the word “monster” should be said with reverence and not disdain or disgust. if you fucking care at all

[beautiful-fear-devotee]

I was pretending that I did not speak their language; on the moon we spoke a soft, liquid tongue, and sang in the starlight, looking down on the dead dried world.

We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson