biaswreckeedbybts

[biaswreckeedbybts]

“You worry about the uncertain future, and you become afraid of it. You agonize over the past that you cannot fix. But I can control the present, stories that focus on the present. The past is just the past, the present is just the present, the future is just the future“

- SUGA: Road to D-DAY  - Trailer

[biaswreckeedbybts]

I have been holding myself from saying this for quite sometime (too long tbh) & honestly I was hoping that I would not drop the bomb just one day before Christmas but it's too much for me, nobody knows me here enough to judge me,so it's easy. You can ignore this if you're in festive mood.

I've been dealing with extreme sadness for quite sometime. I don't even know if it's depression but the sadness is simply born out of my unrealistic expectations from myself but these past two months- I started projecting those high expectations from other people & art forms. Constantly complaining,trying to find something that isn't there & connecting myself through that mistake. I had quit Twitter,insta & even WhatsApp but Tumblr seemed like an okay place. I wasn't questioning my self worth at all but then the smallest of judgement or negative opinions that weren't even directed towards me started getting to me. Fandoms, artists,capitalism,communism, animals,books- everything. From having strong opinions on things to degrading myself into a form who didn't know what to believe,what side to take,what's wrong or what's right. I was questioning each & everything.

Then I saw how talented people are, how they use complex sentences, argue so confidently & i gave into all that & forced myself to become that person. I've always loved doing & learning random things at intermediate level & then I give up but now even that was biting me. Why give up? Why can't I continue something? Why do I forget names, factual information but can remember 5 year old incident?

All this finally got me to my current condition. Completely exhausted,crying over simplest of things & being numb in general. I've tried to stay positive,do yoga, do manifestation,watch relatable videos but nothing worked- it just tired me out more.

When I see people knowing their self worth, knowing their good traits & bad ones- I feel jealous. I want to be that person that says 'thank you,I know that' when someone calls me beautiful but I still appreciate all compliments (without any ulterior motive). I can't be that person.

I am a perfectionist, if there's another word that is 2× perfectionist then I'm that. I'm noy perfect, what I do/say isnt nice or good enough but it was all okay when I was expecting all that from myself, it was okay when I was pushing myself to change MY work & behavior- when I started expecting that from others- who were not related to me or my work that's when my utopian castle crumbled down. Unfortunately I built that castle from a glacier, underneath there's only water now & it's too cold for me too swim or have my survival instinct do it's work.

So coming to an end,I would be taking a break. I want to sleep for as long as I can, until I find another iceberg where I temporarily stay in or the water becomes less cold. Fighting with my demons is like talking to myself,there's no conclusion,no safer end. So I'd not even do that. Idk how long the break will last or if it'll ever end. So. . If you actually read this & came this far,tysm for reading it- I truly appreciate it. & I'm sorry for ruining a festival for you in an already sht year. please take care,until we see each other again.

& sorry for my bad English

[biaswreckeedbybts]

I hope the PR team of BTS realises that they can make a Christmas version of life goes on too.

I'd love to hear a comforting Lgo Christmas version+ it'd be helpful to boost their position on charts

[biaswreckeedbybts]

makes me really sad to see people hating on bts just because of a bad part of the fan base, as if bts didn’t also work hard from nothing to get to where they are now

[biaswreckeedbybts]

We'd get called ugly,currymuncher or just poor & backward. When white girls do it- it becomes a trend & everyone's appreciating it, completely ignoring the fact that it's not their culture.

and to be clear if i were to wear a nose ring - a south asian woc with my pottu and various other gold jewellery - it will never and can never be compared to a white girl wearing a nose ring

[biaswreckeedbybts]

how come niall has two (2) full length heartbreak albums and there’s not an ounce of anger on any One of the songs? all his songs are so full of love and tenderness and even the ones about regret are just… soft and gentle. so much pain he sings about and he never shows any anger or resentment for the other person…. i have no choice but to respect

[biaswreckeedbybts]

I think it's fine to cut it like this. In the end you cook it & it goes in your stomach. Doesnt matter what shape it's in- as long as it tastes good

Everyone bullies me for how I cut chicken for no reason

[biaswreckeedbybts]

7 year heartbreak | 007. I want to hear your voice

chapter summary: In a look back, Namjoon and Aspen explore their relationship and the inner-workings of each other during a trip through Europe.

tags/warnings: mention of death word count: 3.8k a/n: part one to this Europe trip flashback, I enjoyed writing these a lot. series mlist

006.|008.

They spent the better part of their new relationship over the computer and phone, an action so familiar but now with open feelings to boot. Namjoon found himself busier than ever with their approaching comeback. The desire to talk to each other and see each other through a screen made her giddy. His smile made her heartache with a kind of love she had yet known. The way he would try to hide his face after telling her how beautiful she was made her feel like she was floating. She loved how new it was to the both of them. After the busy season was over for Namjoon, he didn’t shy away from planning for them to see one another before he and the members had to leave for their world tour.

“I want you to come visit me-” he watched for her expression, fiddling with the zipper of his windbreaker, “but only if you want the same thing.”

She smiled, “of course I do.”

“Good,” his laugh eased with her like desire, “we have a one month break at the beginning of summer, I want you to come to Korea but it would only be for a short time so-”

“That’s okay Joon, I’m happy with any time we have. I mean, the thought of our last time together as friends will next be as a couple-”

“Um well- what I mean is I am visiting Europe for 20 days and I want you to come with me.”

20 days.

She was aware of her expression not wanting to disappoint him. Of course Aspen loved the idea, having all that time to be with Namjoon but it was also a length of time they hadn’t spent together before. She worried it was too big of a step for their early relationship.

“I’m not sure Joon, that’s not too soon?”

He looked confused at first, looking around as he played with the collar of his jacket, putting it over his mouth as he thought about it, “you’re my girlfriend, I love you. I want to spend as much time as we can together.”

She chuckled to herself at how simple and clear it was for him. Without necessarily trying, he made her feel secure.

She nodded, “you’re right.”

The feeling was different. She felt nervous before, flying to Toronto to see Namjoon as his friend was enough to fill her stomach with butterflies. But this time, she was traveling to see her boyfriend Namjoon. She looked out of the small airplane window, flying thousands of miles up in the air.

One part of her felt completely insane, visiting an entirely new country to meet her boyfriend who lived overseas himself and explaining that to her sister was no easy task. Aspen sighed, not wanting their argument to put a damper on her current happiness. There were 4 hours left of her last flight to Italy and she wasn’t going to spend them thinking about her sister’s criticism.

The tires bounced against the runway, disguising her stomach that was doing flips of its own. She looked out of the window again but this time at German grounds. Nothing could mask her smile. Namjoon arrived the day before and he was anticipating her just as much.

There were so many firsts for them, she hadn’t given much thought to the room they would be sharing and the bed, not that he asked. The thought of seeing him was enough to push the worry away. He requested a ride for her and she scanned the small group of drivers, walking towards an older man holding a green sign with her name printed on it. He greeted her with a smile and took her luggage, leading her out to the car. She confirmed the hotel and off they went. She took in a preview of Berlin as they drove through the city streets from the people to the buildings, it was all so fascinating. Her mind could only focus on one thing though, or person to be exact. She wondered if the driver caught glimpses of her in his rearview mirror, smiling like an idiot.

Namjoon texted her that he was out running a quick errand and would be back to meet her in a few minutes. Her eyes followed the scale of the grand hotel to the very top, making her head spin. She did as he said earlier, retrieving a key from the desk. She rode an elevator up to the 7th floor with the concierge who pulled her luggage on a trolley. They walked through a zig-zag of hallways before reaching their room. He helped her in, thanking her for her generous tip.

Keep reading

[biaswreckeedbybts]

curly hair is so.. . romantic

[biaswreckeedbybts]

Excuse me,I love you is by Ariana is just not good. I only enjoyed the parts with dancers & the band. The bond between them is real but besides that it was hella boring. I finished it in 15 mins. The camera work wasn't that great either.

Homecoming by Beyonce & reputation by Taylor was actually far better & still remains my favorite. It barely had any skipable parts. You feel the energy & whole concert vibes through the screen

LY in Seoul was also a great one but its not available on Netflix.

[biaswreckeedbybts]

The complete erasure of indigenous ARMYs by this fandom is so fucking frustrating. No we are not a monolith and no not everyone is upset by the teepee issue, but for those of us who are, stop fucking using us against each other and gaslighting us. It’s not a “conical tent”, it’s not the same as tents used by indigenous Russians (which would still be the same issue?!), it’s teepees. There’s no if’s ands or buts about it.

We have had our land, our languages, and our families stolen from us. Every treaty we have ever had with the US govt has been broken. Let us keep and rebuild on the culture we have left without the rest of the fucking world taking it for fucking aesthetics. We are not here to be your goddamn spirit guides or your noble savage. So stop telling us to be so fucking honored all the time.

My anger and frustration is not at the boys, but it is definitely at BigHit and all of these shows who act like there’s no problem in using indigenous culture as a prop. Also just to head off any criticism, I am extremely aware that this is not an issue limited to BigHit and to BTSs stages. Trust me, we are all aware. I love BTS with my entire heart and that’s why this is important to me. If the continued use of Indigenous objects is due to ignorance, then I want BH to know that it’s not okay and that it hurts fans. If it’s due to capitalism and not caring, then BH needs to know that continued appropriation can hurt the boys image down the line and they are at a stage where they cannot afford that.

Here’s a template for emailing BH though I encourage you to put a personal spin on it if you send one. https://t.co/X95yB4CPLf?amp=1

[biaswreckeedbybts]

I really,really hate solo stans but...the one thing that I have to praise them for is their ability to organize & do fundraisers. In BTS's case, I know ot7 stans do charities too but BTS solo stans (especially V stans) are on a whole freaking new level. From doing ads on yts to donating million & above to children's education,housing for orphans, shelter for stray dogs etc. I'm sure most of the people who donate are ot7 & locals but still. This is one thing that I can't help but praise them for. Using all that money for good cause? Hell yeah I'm up for it.

Now it's only considered appropriate for me to mention that despite Chen solo stans being the absolute worse for trying to dictate his life & consider him a 'traitor', they used to do alot of charities in his name too (exols probably helped with donations)- the water project, community library, 9M in UNICEF etc.

[biaswreckeedbybts]

I really don't get the hype bout Jennifer Lawrence. She is an average actress & has done some problematic things ig? I only know of two but the girl has a dark sense of humor & seriously she needs to keep that in check. Not everyone is comfortable with it or understands what it actually means.

[biaswreckeedbybts]

Seriously,if you hate a kpop group or their fandom then it's best to ignore them or block them & move on. Stan culture sometimes give birth to most obsessed & ignorant people but you posting bout them & making fun of them 24/7 doesn't make you look any better- infact the obsession level is quite same.

[biaswreckeedbybts]

How do you guys compliment people?

[biaswreckeedbybts]

I don't get anon hate because everyone here ignores me

i dont get anon hate because everyone here loves me

[biaswreckeedbybts]

This is my 10th time reading this but it still shocks me that NY,one of the biggest & most advanced city cannot pay EMTs properly. I'm sure the palace where she works at isn't the only one,there must be more hospitals where they are Underpaid & overworked. As an outsider, America projects itself as a great, developed nation but can't support the people who are risking their lives to save others wearing months old PPE kit.