bigfatbimbo

[bigfatbimbo]

guys can i PLEASE get some requests for the batman rogues? They are all so pathetic and I need them…

talking joker, scarecrow, harley, riddler, two-face, poison ivy, penguin, catwoman… hell, even mad hatter ⋆˚꩜｡

[bigfatbimbo]

Please I beg you I BEG YOU expand on that take about joker

-Yelenakisser (previously mollykisser)

6up 5oh Cop-Out ✧˖°.

1.3k words, joker/reader

a/n ⋆˙⟡ I don’t really like this but it’s fine.

warnings ⋆˙⟡ dom reader, sub joker, strap sucking, afab reader, rough sex, NOT PROOFREAD

summary After breaking out of police custody, Joker shows up at your place in search of attention.

Craackk! The window shrieks as it shatters open, scattering shards of glass throughout the floor of your apartment, entrapping your living room in the blue moonlight of the witching hour. 

“You’re late,” you project, giving a bored half-glance at your clock. “By about three days, give-or-take.”

You don’t bother looking up from your desk as your nocturnal companion steps over the glass. 

“Oh dear, don’t be such a wet blanket. I’m a very busy man, everyone wants a piece of me,” he looks in your direction as he delivers his punchline, holding up his wrists, which seemed to be handcuffed. “I guess you could call me a wanted man.”

His laughter echoes throughout the room in waves, violent and jarring like ambulance sirens. Unfortunately, having the Joker as a bootycall has increased your AHHHHH buying by hundreds of dollars. 

“Funny,” you say as you scribble something down on the paperwork in front of you. You can feel his frown.

“Say— what are you doing up anyways, chum?” He fiddles with a cigar in his pocket, fumbling slightly because of the restraints on his hands. “Achingly dull civilian activities? Paying taxes, writing a complaint to the neighborhood board about rowdy kids, a thank you letter for some homemade lasanga from the old lady upstairs — ‘Oh Denise, the pasta was to die for! I haven’t been that pleased since the Brady Bunch finale.’ How close am I?”

You sighed, still not looking up. “Paperwork. For my job. I have one of those—it’s a lot easier than bank robbing.”

He snickered, “Right on the money I was!” His joy is short lived when he looks at you again, he sneers at the lack of attention, and begins walking toward you.

You almost smiled at this. You had a strategy when you wanted to catch your unpredictable friend off-guard; disinterest. Fastest way to knock him on his ass.

Sitting himself on top of your desk, knocking your lamp over and half your paperwork on the ground, he grins. Expecting.

“Be a doll and help me out of these,” he holds up his cuffs. “Had a nasty encounter with Gothams local pigsty earlier.”

You look unamused. “Where’s Harley?”

“Arkham at the moment, i’m afraid.”

“What about your henchman?”

“I had a date to make, remember?”

It wasn’t supposed to be a date; it was supposed to be a quick fuck, just like usual. He was unfortunate the best option for a lay when you’ve been especially irritated from work. You’d never seen someone react so well to having their face slammed into a toaster.

Although, because of his unpunctuality, you wanted him riled up. 

Sympathy plastering your face, you smile. “Aw. You’re a big boy, you can handle that yourself.”

He was completely capable of getting out of these cuffs, but he didn’t because he wanted your help, your attention. Although, you were giving insultingly little of that.

His face flushes slightly and anger flashes through his him as, “By god, you’re right! And how’s about afterwards I kill you and—”

Your hand slams across his face hard and he falls off the desk with a thud. He loved how much your slaps sting. Still, he played the game.

“Why you little!” He started, but cut himself off with a hiss when you press down on his bulge with your foot. 

“Let’s think, chuckles. You stand me up when I actually call for you, keep me waiting three days, break my window, and now you want me to help you break out of your handcuffs?” You press down harder, and he grunts, smiling slightly. “Sorry, Looks like we have something in common.”

You stand up from your desk and walk over to the nearest drawer, out of his vision. 

He sighs at the loss of contact, squirming towards you slightly. “Oh and whatever would that be?”

“Just like you, my hands are tied,” you say over your shoulder. He thinks for a moment before giggling madly. 

The laughing dies down, “Well actually, that doesn’t make lot of sense. My wrists are cuffed, not tied. You should really leave the comedy to me dear, so you don’t keep making yourself look so damn foolish— ack!”

You kick the side of his stomach hard, he sputters. You kick him again. “I’ve heard enough from you tonight, you fucking piece of shit.”

You take a seat in your chair and he glares up at you, noticing the strap you now have on. You yank his chin forward roughly, nails digging into the side of his cheek. 

“Can you think of any other way to use that loud mouth of yours?”

A snicker caught in his throat as he grinned. You were finally doing what he wanted; giving him attention. He nodded vigorously, and you don’t wait to shove his mouth onto your strap.

His red lips wrap around your plastic cock like ribbon as he began to bob up and down slowly, gazing up at you with empty eyes. He was going too easy on himself, obviously to provoke you.

“Don’t be a fucking baby,” you growl, hand curling in his hair and forcing your dick deeper into his throat. 

He gags, gasping slightly in attempts to catch his breath. You don’t let him, using your grasp in his hair to shove his mouth onto you with a fast pace. His eyes roll back, and he struggles to breathe. 

“You can fucking take it. I was thinking if you’re good i’d help you out of those cuffs. So far though—“ you rest your foot on his erection, pressing down once again. He whimpers around you. “—you’re doing fucking pathetic. I’m embarrassed for you.”

He sucks faster, with vigor. His tongue wraps around your length and he bucks his hips up into your foot. 

You shove your strap into his mouth without warning, leaving him reeling as you step on his dick hard. He whines.

“Fucking slut. Maybe I should keep those cuffs on a little longer than planned, I’m gonna have to slap you around later for that one.” You light a cigarette, glancing down at joker while taking a drag. 

His eyes were half lidded, dazed and dilated, as his lips puckered around your strap, sucking like he was trying to drink you. As if he could. 

You blow smoke into his face, just to see his reaction. He sneers, nose wrinkling, looking up at you irritably.

Sometimes you wondered about Jokers fixation with you.  You’d heard about the way he treats other people in his company, and it never seemed to add up how desperately he wanted to be dominated by you. 

However, there never seemed to a rhyme or reason for the things he does. Maybe that’s what it was. Being dominated was more interesting, unpredictable, uncontrollable. Maybe he just doesn’t want to be bored.

He pulled away with a heave, catching his breath, beed of spit connecting his to your plastic length. 

You shove him back on, “Did I tell you to stop?” He snickers around you. “Do you ever listen—Shake your head yes or no.” He shakes his head slowly, breath catching. “That’s right. No, I didn’t. So keep fucking sucking.”

He liked when you talked to him with a bite. The kind of attitude he wouldn’t take from anyone else. Only you had the privelege of belittling him, making him feel small. And you were good at it too, because he was already close just from sucking on a dildo. 

His eyes trailed up at you. You looked almost spooky in the dark lightening of early morning. Against all rhyme or reason, moments like this made him feel like you really were his superior. You say large in your chair while his precum stained the front of his pants, aching for your attention. Made him feel sorta like Harley. 

Without warning, you put your cigarette out in his cheek, making him hiss with pain.

 The foot you were resting on his crotch trailed upwards, and you kicked him away. “Actually, change of plans. I think you’re ready for it now, right?”

He wasn’t, but he still bit back joyous laughter, and nodded madly.

[bigfatbimbo]

oh you bitches are NOT READY to have me back in this field. CAN I GET A WHOOP WHOOP 🗣️🔈‼️

CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING?!?!?

[bigfatbimbo]

I have a question for you what types of jokers do you write for?. is it alright with you you can make a list please 🙏

Great question! here’s my list:

JOKER from BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES

JOKER from BATMAN BEYOND

JOKER from THE DARK KNIGHT

JOKER from THE TELLTALE SERIES

JOKER from HARLEY QUINN

I mainly write for the first two—I love Mark Hamill— but these are the ones I really like! I’d probably write for Arthur Fleck too… haven’t decided.

[bigfatbimbo]

both at the same time but your praising clark and degrading lex

[bigfatbimbo]

Sub!joker, who yes is the biggest painslut in a 1000 mile radius, but also when it’s daytime needs some reassurance? Like not in the sweet sub way. But in a fucked up, “I just broke out of Arkham in a cool new way that soo cool right?”

Like picture a grotesque scene, he’s just done something, probably in pain, and is just like, “so that was funny right? Wasn’t borin’?”

✮⋆˙ I think the Joker being submissive in bed would probably affect your relationship in interesting ways, and this would be one of them. Normally he isn’t particularly concerned with what others think of him. He just has a few people whose attention he wants to specifically grab when he does things (aka batman, the police force, gordon); you are now on that list.

✮⋆˙ Sometimes he expects you show up at the scene, other times he just drops by your place afterwards—more like into… the windows broken now. He opens with comically fake subtly:

“Have you been reading the news this afternoon? Hm, see anything that stuck out? Something catch your attention?” He snickers with a grin, awaiting to deliver his punchline. “Catch!” He tosses an expensive looking piece of jewelry in your direction.

You catch it with one hand, and turn it over to examine. Your tongue clicks, “Very nice.”

“Oh, you think so?” He says with proud showmanship. “Got it off some lady in the street during the panic— you can have both her hands too but I thought that’d be less classy.” Laughing with glee, he walks towards you, expecting. “So what’d you think? Quite the crime with quite the payoff, yeah? I mean, what do you make of it—just by reading it on the papers—“

✮⋆˙ You’d have to interrupt him to stop him from dragging on, and give him some praise. Yes, it was an award winning performance; the Bats probably pulling out his hair; that definitely gave the cops a scare; “Very entertaining, baby. Can’t wait to see more.”

[bigfatbimbo]

I'VE BEEN MENTIONED!!!! It's me mollykisser/Yelenakisser

JOKER HEHEHAHHAHEHHAH I'm so glad you started posting about him because unfortunately I need that deranged jester! LMAO

I wanna. Ruin his life. Idk. That's insane his life is already ruined. I need to be MEAN to him. He deserves it!!! He'd love that though I feel like.

ANYWAY you were so right a while ago he sucks the strap and he's so pathetic and and and and JSVSIWBWHWJWBHS

sopping wet cat that has committed countless atrocities ❤️

I'm sorry I LOVE HIM I'm sorry

I feel like he definitely has an oral fixation, he's gotta be using his mouth for something at ALL times or he will crumple into dust and die I think.

God i need to be so mean to him. I need to ruin his life.

AAAAAAAAA DIES

anyway. I hope thT was good enough for my favoritest Tumblr blog ever 😋

Mollykisser/Yelenakisser OUT

── .✦ ORAL FIXATION JOKER REAL! It’s because he bores so easy. Genuinely, you’d have to just shove things in his mouth, because he never shuts the fuck up. He’s so loud—definitely on purpose, and somewhat forced— and that god-awful giggling whenever your hand comes down hard on his cheek.

✰ You’re riding him, using him as a stupid fucktoy, but he’s making it so hard to focus with all that whining, and that laughter that dissolves into loud slutty moans. He’s doing it on purpose, ever since you started focusing on achieving your orgasm, your attention has been slipping away from him.

✰ Don’t worry, just shove two or three fingers into his mouth without warning. He gags at first, sputtering in adjustment, but then snickers around your digits. You can feel him submit as his tongue presses against your middle finger, and he begins to suck, eyes fluttering slightly as he dizzies with desire.

[bigfatbimbo]

Hello, dearest!

I heard and I saw and hear me out,

-------

Joker pushing your buttons, so much so that it just becomes fucking ridiculous. You got this man robbing banks just because he knows you'll show up.

You got this man killing his own goons because they rush towards you when it should be HIM that gets to greet you first.

You got this man tying himself up and telling you there's bombs underneath this very floor and you have to untie him (and kiss him) so you guys can get away, but oh no, the ropes too tight, you gotta carry him now. WHOOPSY DAISY.

You got this man REFUSING to get saved by anybody because he needs to see you.

And for a vigilante!reader (my favorite)

If he ever saw you without the mask/constume?? You can bet his ass is gonna take pictures and tack them on his board with little hearts and little "date ideas" next to them (it's a list of crimes he's gonna do to catch your attention)

You can BET that he's showing up to your place like he's been living there for MONTHS. You think he'd still something but nope he just leaves around burnt food for you (he can't cook, you can't convince me that he can) and leaves around little love notes (like the one he stuck around your bathroom mirror saying that he'll kidnap the next bitch that gives their number to you)

He leaves sex toys he wants you to use on him. He "conveniently" leaves a list of fantasies he has in the bedroom for you to see. He leaves porn sites intentionally for you to see what he gets off to and for him to see if you guys click like that.

-------

AND I CAN GO AND ON AND ON, I WAS OBSESSED WITH THIS FUCKER.

✮⋆˙ Oh girl, you GET HIM. With a complete lack of morals, convictions, rationality, and logic as a whole, any interaction between you guys would be solely based on him attempting to grab your attention. That’s what a relationship is right?

✮⋆˙ You can be his knight in shining armor, saving him from the pesky law enforcement; maybe waiting a little too long to take the handcuffs off, just carrying him over your shoulder to safety. Or you could be the hammer of justice that nearly crushes him into dust each night. Although, that is exactly what he wants.

✮⋆˙ Loved what you said about him leaving burnt food around your house. He just lets himself in whenever. Sometimes when you’re not even home, you really have to start locking the windows.

✮⋆˙ He draws lude pictures of you and him on any surface he can find. Once you came home to a picture of you pegging him drawn in lipstick on your refrigerator. Classy.

✮⋆˙ Oh, what you said about him leaving sex toys and lists around? You find the biggest tentacle dildo wrapped in a ribbon waiting on your bed.

[bigfatbimbo]

guys i literally CANNOT stop thinking about sub!Joker… if we have anymore thoughts about this fucker SHOOT THEM straight into my inbox. Working on a longer post about him too from an anon (mollykisser if you can hear me mollykisser)

[bigfatbimbo]

Hello, dearest!

--------

Thinking about joker being possibly the biggest masochist in Gotham to have ever bottomed. Getting beaten black and blue by you and still wanting more. Who gets off from every bruise that litters his body.

He wants you mad at him. He wants you seeing red everytime you see his face. He wants to feel your hands gripping his waist while you throw him around, just so he can imagine what it'll feel like when you throw him on the bed instead of the Gotham floor.

Making the bed rock? Nah. He wants you to fuck him through the goddamn floor. Call him every insult while you fuck his ass and suck his soul straight through his cock.

--------

TL;DR: He wants you to ultraviolence him in the ass.

✮⋆˙ Look at how happy he is to get his ass kicked. LIKE HELLO?

Oh my god, the return of the GOAT to my inbox!? The way I gasped. Joy and happiness is back in the world. And just like old times, YOU’RE RIGHT!

“Come on baby, beat me til’ your knuckles bleed” actual joker quote… okay king, we see you.

I agree with everything you said; this man doesn’t just want marks, he wants gashes. If you’re brave enough to dominate the Joker, you better be memorable.

So yes, fuck him hard and rough with your strap. Maybe even without prep, or lube, just so it stings. If you stop degrading him for more than ten seconds, he fake yawns. Asshole. He’s just hoping for a blow to his face, maybe a knocked out tooth… or three.

By the end of the night, countless orgasms later, he’s too fucked out to even laugh. Weak little giggles, that turn into whines, or winces. He can’t even move! He thinks you broke a rib, but he’d rather you had broken more.

[bigfatbimbo]

fuck it, REQUESTS OPEN FOR DC! The Joker, Harley, Riddler, Two Face, Poison Ivy, Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd, and Dick Grayson ….. I say as I shove all of my drafts and requests in my closet.

guys PLEASE hear me out…

[bigfatbimbo]

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ Getting to Alexandria and finally having the stability to have a good sex life—aka, you finally tie Daryl Dixon up. He’s all hesitant at first because that’s so…kinky. But he ends up loving being your little pillow princess, completely at your mercy. Going on runs is so tiring and now he gets to be tied up n fucked silly by his mommy

[bigfatbimbo]

having multiple hyperfixation at once is so odd because wdym i’m sitting here like a single mother thinking “wow… i thought about the eltingville club so much today. daryl dixon didn’t get enough attention!”

[bigfatbimbo]

omg stoppp thank you! that means so much coming from you, i adore your character writing

jerry and bill with a reader who fights for them n like defends them agaisnt bullies and stuff :3

𐙚 a/n sorry if it’s not romantic enough, I kept it to a minimum since they’re minors here

𐙚 contents SFW, drabbles + headcanons, Bill being Bill, really just fluff, implied comic-age!bill & jerry

summary — Bill and Jerry with a reader who gets into fights for them.

BILL ⋆. 𐙚 ˚

Mildly intimidated by the fact he can’t control you. You’re scary—a total guard dog. It makes him feel weak.

Because of this, he’s pretty defensive when you fight for him. “I coulda handled that!” And he really thinks he could have.

No, he was definitely about to his face smashed in before you stepped up.

In truth, he’s always somewhat relieved by the protection. Thats one less broken nose.

But you’re still an asshole and he’s still ego-hurt.

“I really don’t get why you did that,” Bill sat down next to you, dropping an ice pack into your hands.

“Me neither,” you mutter, groaning dully as the ice made contact with your black eye, stinging the already burning wound with shock.

“No— I mean really. That was stupid,” Bill continued.

“I know, Bill.”

“I mean, I would never do that for you—“

Irritation furrows your brows. “I know, Bill.”

“Like, in a million years. More likely: the Millennium Falcon lands on earth. Or a good Green Lantern movie comes out!”

You growl, throwing the ice pack in his direction, “Fucksake, geek, I just won a fight for you. At the very least, you could give me a—“

“Thanks… I guess,” Bills face flushed slightly. His tone seemed less-than-genuine, but the awkward way his body shifted told something else. Maybe it was a mix of both—maybe he didn’t want you to kick his ass next. 

So you do actually like me, Bill thought about saying. He thought it so hard he hoped you would hear it. But he didn’t say that; he just looked at you, in mild disgust of your mangled face. 

You lean forward, pushing his jaw playfully with your bloodied knuckle. “Don’t mention it.”

He recoiled in disgust, “Ew, don’t touch me all mangled. Deadpool mask-less is less repulsive than you.” Really, Bill wanted you to lean in again, touch his jaw affectionately, tell him you’d do it again in a heartbeat. But you didn’t say that, so Bill just kept insulting you.

JERRY ⋆. 𐙚 ˚

He’s probably pretty embarrassed about having someone stick up for him. Especially because of what the guys might say.

His face turns red, and he backs away the second you stand up for him. He wishes he could be a hero like you.

But he thinks it’s nice: Like, none of his friends would ever do that. You do make him feel safe, and reassured, which is totally new.

It’s sorta nice to have someone in his corner like that, although he knows he should be able to do it himself.

Jerry’s face is frozen with worry. He examines you with shaking hands, as if he’s concerned about your face falling off. 

“It’s not that bad, Jer,” You crack a smile, and the cut on your lip cracks with it. 

Frowning, Jerry dabs the cut with a wet napkin. “Bidibidibidi, try again Buck; you look like a witch put a curse on you, and not in a cool way — more Ork-ish,” He pauses. “Why’d you go and do that anyways? Guys like me just have to get used to that kinda stuff.”

Your hand falls into Jerry’s hair, rubbing gently. “I guess I just think you deserve better.”

Jerry stiffens at the contact, retracting his hand from your face. “Right,” but it’s spoken like a lie. “N-not really, though.”

Your brows knit with confusion, “I didn’t take a beating for you to be down on yourself. Seriously, you don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

Blush splashes over Jerry’s sweat-covered face like watercolors on a damp canvas. He sputters for a moment, thinking of what to say. 

He lands on “Bidibidibidi, thanks for your service Buck! Uh— do you want ice for the swelling? You look like bad 80s claymation.”

You wave your hand in his direction, putting your fingers above your nostrils and leaning upward, stopping the bleeding. “Thanks Jer—“

“Seriously, you look like the Lord of Darkness from Legend.”

“Alright, I get it.”

“Jim Henson doesn’t make muppets as off putting as you. That’s counting The Dark Crystal, by the way—“

“Jerry.” You warn, but you were just happy some of the worry drained out of him.

[bigfatbimbo]

guys PLEASE hear me out…

[bigfatbimbo]

guys PLEASE don’t tell me this post is a flop… it’s not well written or anything but it’s so pretty

jerry and bill with a reader who fights for them n like defends them agaisnt bullies and stuff :3

𐙚 a/n sorry if it’s not romantic enough, I kept it to a minimum since they’re minors here

𐙚 contents SFW, drabbles + headcanons, Bill being Bill, really just fluff, implied comic-age!bill & jerry

summary — Bill and Jerry with a reader who gets into fights for them.

BILL ⋆. 𐙚 ˚

Mildly intimidated by the fact he can’t control you. You’re scary—a total guard dog. It makes him feel weak.

Because of this, he’s pretty defensive when you fight for him. “I coulda handled that!” And he really thinks he could have.

No, he was definitely about to his face smashed in before you stepped up.

In truth, he’s always somewhat relieved by the protection. Thats one less broken nose.

But you’re still an asshole and he’s still ego-hurt.

“I really don’t get why you did that,” Bill sat down next to you, dropping an ice pack into your hands.

“Me neither,” you mutter, groaning dully as the ice made contact with your black eye, stinging the already burning wound with shock.

“No— I mean really. That was stupid,” Bill continued.

“I know, Bill.”

“I mean, I would never do that for you—“

Irritation furrows your brows. “I know, Bill.”

“Like, in a million years. More likely: the Millennium Falcon lands on earth. Or a good Green Lantern movie comes out!”

You growl, throwing the ice pack in his direction, “Fucksake, geek, I just won a fight for you. At the very least, you could give me a—“

“Thanks… I guess,” Bills face flushed slightly. His tone seemed less-than-genuine, but the awkward way his body shifted told something else. Maybe it was a mix of both—maybe he didn’t want you to kick his ass next. 

So you do actually like me, Bill thought about saying. He thought it so hard he hoped you would hear it. But he didn’t say that; he just looked at you, in mild disgust of your mangled face. 

You lean forward, pushing his jaw playfully with your bloodied knuckle. “Don’t mention it.”

He recoiled in disgust, “Ew, don’t touch me all mangled. Deadpool mask-less is less repulsive than you.” Really, Bill wanted you to lean in again, touch his jaw affectionately, tell him you’d do it again in a heartbeat. But you didn’t say that, so Bill just kept insulting you.

JERRY ⋆. 𐙚 ˚

He’s probably pretty embarrassed about having someone stick up for him. Especially because of what the guys might say.

His face turns red, and he backs away the second you stand up for him. He wishes he could be a hero like you.

But he thinks it’s nice: Like, none of his friends would ever do that. You do make him feel safe, and reassured, which is totally new.

It’s sorta nice to have someone in his corner like that, although he knows he should be able to do it himself.

Jerry’s face is frozen with worry. He examines you with shaking hands, as if he’s concerned about your face falling off. 

“It’s not that bad, Jer,” You crack a smile, and the cut on your lip cracks with it. 

Frowning, Jerry dabs the cut with a wet napkin. “Bidibidibidi, try again Buck; you look like a witch put a curse on you, and not in a cool way — more Ork-ish,” He pauses. “Why’d you go and do that anyways? Guys like me just have to get used to that kinda stuff.”

Your hand falls into Jerry’s hair, rubbing gently. “I guess I just think you deserve better.”

Jerry stiffens at the contact, retracting his hand from your face. “Right,” but it’s spoken like a lie. “N-not really, though.”

Your brows knit with confusion, “I didn’t take a beating for you to be down on yourself. Seriously, you don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

Blush splashes over Jerry’s sweat-covered face like watercolors on a damp canvas. He sputters for a moment, thinking of what to say. 

He lands on “Bidibidibidi, thanks for your service Buck! Uh— do you want ice for the swelling? You look like bad 80s claymation.”

You wave your hand in his direction, putting your fingers above your nostrils and leaning upward, stopping the bleeding. “Thanks Jer—“

“Seriously, you look like the Lord of Darkness from Legend.”

“Alright, I get it.”

“Jim Henson doesn’t make muppets as off putting as you. That’s counting The Dark Crystal, by the way—“

“Jerry.” You warn, but you were just happy some of the worry drained out of him.

[bigfatbimbo]

jerry and bill with a reader who fights for them n like defends them agaisnt bullies and stuff :3

𐙚 a/n sorry if it’s not romantic enough, I kept it to a minimum since they’re minors here

𐙚 contents SFW, drabbles + headcanons, Bill being Bill, really just fluff, implied comic-age!bill & jerry

summary — Bill and Jerry with a reader who gets into fights for them.

BILL ⋆. 𐙚 ˚

Mildly intimidated by the fact he can’t control you. You’re scary—a total guard dog. It makes him feel weak.

Because of this, he’s pretty defensive when you fight for him. “I coulda handled that!” And he really thinks he could have.

No, he was definitely about to his face smashed in before you stepped up.

In truth, he’s always somewhat relieved by the protection. Thats one less broken nose.

But you’re still an asshole and he’s still ego-hurt.

“I really don’t get why you did that,” Bill sat down next to you, dropping an ice pack into your hands.

“Me neither,” you mutter, groaning dully as the ice made contact with your black eye, stinging the already burning wound with shock.

“No— I mean really. That was stupid,” Bill continued.

“I know, Bill.”

“I mean, I would never do that for you—“

Irritation furrows your brows. “I know, Bill.”

“Like, in a million years. More likely: the Millennium Falcon lands on earth. Or a good Green Lantern movie comes out!”

You growl, throwing the ice pack in his direction, “Fucksake, geek, I just won a fight for you. At the very least, you could give me a—“

“Thanks… I guess,” Bills face flushed slightly. His tone seemed less-than-genuine, but the awkward way his body shifted told something else. Maybe it was a mix of both—maybe he didn’t want you to kick his ass next. 

So you do actually like me, Bill thought about saying. He thought it so hard he hoped you would hear it. But he didn’t say that; he just looked at you, in mild disgust of your mangled face. 

You lean forward, pushing his jaw playfully with your bloodied knuckle. “Don’t mention it.”

He recoiled in disgust, “Ew, don’t touch me all mangled. Deadpool mask-less is less repulsive than you.” Really, Bill wanted you to lean in again, touch his jaw affectionately, tell him you’d do it again in a heartbeat. But you didn’t say that, so Bill just kept insulting you.

JERRY ⋆. 𐙚 ˚

He’s probably pretty embarrassed about having someone stick up for him. Especially because of what the guys might say.

His face turns red, and he backs away the second you stand up for him. He wishes he could be a hero like you.

But he thinks it’s nice: Like, none of his friends would ever do that. You do make him feel safe, and reassured, which is totally new.

It’s sorta nice to have someone in his corner like that, although he knows he should be able to do it himself.

Jerry’s face is frozen with worry. He examines you with shaking hands, as if he’s concerned about your face falling off. 

“It’s not that bad, Jer,” You crack a smile, and the cut on your lip cracks with it. 

Frowning, Jerry dabs the cut with a wet napkin. “Bidibidibidi, try again Buck; you look like a witch put a curse on you, and not in a cool way — more Ork-ish,” He pauses. “Why’d you go and do that anyways? Guys like me just have to get used to that kinda stuff.”

Your hand falls into Jerry’s hair, rubbing gently. “I guess I just think you deserve better.”

Jerry stiffens at the contact, retracting his hand from your face. “Right,” but it’s spoken like a lie. “N-not really, though.”

Your brows knit with confusion, “I didn’t take a beating for you to be down on yourself. Seriously, you don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

Blush splashes over Jerry’s sweat-covered face like watercolors on a damp canvas. He sputters for a moment, thinking of what to say. 

He lands on “Bidibidibidi, thanks for your service Buck! Uh— do you want ice for the swelling? You look like bad 80s claymation.”

You wave your hand in his direction, putting your fingers above your nostrils and leaning upward, stopping the bleeding. “Thanks Jer—“

“Seriously, you look like the Lord of Darkness from Legend.”

“Alright, I get it.”

“Jim Henson doesn’t make muppets as off putting as you. That’s counting The Dark Crystal, by the way—“

“Jerry.” You warn, but you were just happy some of the worry drained out of him.