bitof-reality

[bitof-reality]

Binge hearting

Just like a strict diet when you fill that craving you had for weeks that you couldn't feed because it was a "cheat meal". That addictive savour after the first bite after you've been restraining yourself, then you want more and can't control yourself no more. Your body asks for more and doesn't wait on the right answer, it just moves for more and you start binge eating. There it is, now you can't control it and you feel bad, sad and frustrated. All that effort, for nothing.

A feeling too familiar for me. And I hate to admit it, but deep down I'm kind of feeling that same craving for him. I thought I had it under control, I got over it, I mean it's been 2 years already I've had moved on right?

How an emotion you felt a long time ago can have so much power over you. After everything, you think about everything that had happened and you see how toxic and selfish it was, how you were never the winner and how mistreated you were. You learned the lesson and grew up a lot, learned to love yourself and to set your boundaries even more. You don't waste your time with people who don't treat you right, and finally you found a person whom is kind hearted, gives you what you want and need, a healthy relationship.

Why then? Why your binge craving returns? Why think of that toxic person, why lowkey compare him. You try to erase those thoughts and focus on the person right infront of you, the one that listens to you and doesn't judge you, the one who sets your mind at ease... and still, that addictive feeling is peaking.

I'm trying to be rational and understand where is it coming from so I can deal with it and move on. Maybe that isn't helping?

Too many questions, just a few answers.

[bitof-reality]

Overthinking ?

I wanted this blog to be more in the "serious" side but I'm afraid it'll end up being my personal diary oversharing on the internet. That fear freezes me from writing anything at all, ironic, isn't it?

Lately I've been overthinking again which I thought I had stopped doing for good, I guess there's always something that can trigger bad copying mechanisms.

People, people, people... we are self-centered and selfish, some more than others but we are all based like that, our egos make us that way. That's okay we must take care of ourselves and do what's best for us, but see, people don't know when to step back a bit and look outside our tiny world for once. There's so much more than what our noses let us see but it's way more comfortable not being vulnerable.

Yes, you read right, what does vulnerability have to do with thinking of others besides yourself? A lot, because that means caring for the other person, caring for feelings and thoughts of others, which translates to giving a shit for what you say/do to other and what those think of those actions. It's much harder being actively "worried" for others, what if they don't care as much as I do? Then I'll feel stupid, what if all my effort is in useless cause they don't recognize it?

It's easier to just think and care about yourself, not relaying on anyone else, it's also weaker to do so, but easier sounds way better than possibly getting hurt.

So, you rely only on yourself and the overthinking steps in because who else would you discuss it with, right?

[bitof-reality]

One step at a time.

Hello world, this is my first blog ever so nice to meet you.

I'd like to take advantage of this newness to talk about that: doing new things. The opportunity that we, as human beings in this century, have for making spontaneous decisions and trying new things for free are very wide.

I see a lot of people bored of their daily life but they don't even try to think of different ideas or how they could switch up things a little bit. Of course there are plenty of other people that fall into the opposite cattegory and are themselves creators of any kind.

I believe that stepping out of your comfort zone is really great for getting to know yourself better and discover things on the way. I'm aware that it's easier said than done, but there's no rush, my advice would be taking it one step at a time.

So here I am taking my own advice, let's see where this journey leads me to.

Thank you for reading :)