bombshellxmichelle

[bombshellxmichelle]

Love yourself.

Value yourself.

Take care of yourself.

Want and demand and only accept the best for yourself.

Do not sacrifice yourself and your wellbeing or dignity for others comfort.

Put yourself absolutely first.

[bombshellxmichelle]

BUSINESS

EDUCATION

HEALING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE AND SELF AWARENESS OF ANGER

EMOTIONAL STABILITY more so than a woman

FAMILY ORIENTED

COMPANIONSHIP

FINANCIALLY SECURE AND PROVIDING FOR

PICKING UP OVERTIME

[bombshellxmichelle]

I hate you.

I hate how invasive and lack of boundaries and projecting you are. I hate how you want to be so controlling yet lack direction, confidence and leadership. It’s so disgusting to me.

I really am not in love with him anymore. But it’s not fair to leave someone when they’re down. He’s not going to get any better. He has SO MUCH trauma and it’s just simply not fair for me to take it on. I did not cause any of this. I am not responsible for his wellbeing.

I feel guilty because he would never abandon me. That’s the fucking sad part. But that’s because he doesn’t have standards as high as you Mich.. he is ok with a beautiful girl who doesn’t feel good about herself, he is ok with a girl who stays skinny but doesn’t invest in her physical health, he is okay that you don’t feel good.

He doesn’t give a fuck about what works best for you.

Relationships take compromise and I am so goddamn tired of going to sleep and waking up fighting. This is so fucking chaotic. When are you going to realize this?

Michelle you have to walk away. You’re fucking thriving and full of opportunities. Stop.

[bombshellxmichelle]

Enough.

It is enough !

No more proving myself,

No more giving compassion,

No more explaining myself.

It is enough being myself.

[bombshellxmichelle]

I wanna disappear and run away

And just not feel myself for a couple days

More like just sleeping

Just turning off my mind honestly

It’s been super go go go lately and I need to relax my brain and my heart.

[bombshellxmichelle]

I’m so divinely protected 😭😭😭😋😋😋

Besties taking care of me

Making paper

Selling tickets

Best floating molly expetience ever

Being fed proper

Guys chasing me

Confidence

Like it all just makes sense … like everything is meant to be… what I want is to take my time with the right man.. who is serious and it takes time!! To get to know someone and see their true colors

Michelle has to be stern, proud of me. Michelle is to be taken seriously and respected, never disrespected, being in a relationship takes commitment and devotion to one person,

The next serious man is marriage like I’m only in a committed relationship for marriage

It’s not about we’ll see

It’s about confidence and being STERN with your boundaries

Boundaries are what we show not what we say,,

Your actions speak volumes 😊

Always have the upperhand and don’t feel bad! Recognize that that’s the guy it’s emotional reasoning, it’s not true.. I always thought it was true.., it’s okay to feel negative emotions and still not believe the thoughts and just let them pass!!

[bombshellxmichelle]

[bombshellxmichelle]

It’s not a goodbye it’s a see you later!

Ofc I’m happy and successful.

What a fucking beautiful day.

Going to RMT, being reminded of the masculine and feminine energies, to get back into my feminine activities. And remembering that activities will also energize me! Like going for a walk, brushing my teeth, changing out of my clothes, getting my day started. Going to a cafe and doing work. So many ppl do that too, to leave the house to get work done.

Remembering that so these activities I will feel better afterwards.. but perhaps I don’t believe it’s true because I rlly do push myself when I’m alrdy tired and my subconscious is trying to protect me from that lack of boundary by just not getting up or moving at all.

RMT also reminding me, that you need to accept who you are. Knowing yourself so you can prepare for mishaps, and have solutions to when things don’t work out. Perhaps me not accepting myself and my current career, the limitations of my body… I’m exhausted baby I have a lot of self care, rest and relaxation to do.

Self care like washing hair, sleeping earlier, gratitude list, writing to do list, skin care, gua sha & retinol, face wrap..

M ard also says if you’re successful and self sufficient right now why do you need to date who cares. Like I love that attitude yeah why do I need to do that? Lol

Mornings I need my vyvanse. I’m going to accept myself esp when I’m super low mood I need a lil energy kick to get me going. Maybe when the habits are down confidently and well then I won’t need to rely on that. Don’t beat yourself up and don’t be ashamed of what you need.

As for how beautiful today was,

Just another reminder that when you show up… things happen for you. Things flow. Things fall into place. Beautiful, divine timing, the perfection of it all.. I love it.

[bombshellxmichelle]

It wouldn’t even be safe for me to be dating right now

Im so freaking low self esteem

Don’t know what I want

Not having the balls to ask for what I want and also stating what I like and what I want

I just need to be all focused on me and focused on michy, I’m the best investment, I am my own best investment

At least I’m grateful to be dating, knowing what it’s like to date, to be happy.. at least I’m much better than how I was before, couldn’t stay sober,

I need to see the reality and the truth of these losers before I become attached, it’s just not safe right now to be forming any attachments D/t limerance, feeling desperate, feeling fearful.. scarcity mindset is just not going to get you what you want.

I know what I deserve and unfortunately I don’t have all the balls to advocate for myself ):

It seems like it’s just when shit hits the fan..

[bombshellxmichelle]

[bombshellxmichelle]

[bombshellxmichelle]

Life.

[bombshellxmichelle]

I’m just fucking sad.

But I’m not actually

I’ve just been in a fucking depressive ass shell for the past x amount of days.

I need to get my shit together, as always.

Thoughts that make me feel terrible about myself and feeling like I need to move on:

The THOUGHT of having a future with Sarb. It’s so pathetic because there’s no promise of anything with this man. And I need to love myself.

Letting my past affect my present moment

Constantly thinking about how many times I have been wrong’ed? When it’s really a lot of shit in my head.

How cluttered I fucking am with everything. Night shifts, smoking weed, drinking liquor. It’s all a fucking shit show again.

How many friends I’ve lost (but I could probably pick up and talk to again if I wanted to) and recycled or cut out of my life. Why do I feel so lost and disconnected?

How grateful I am for a career but also, when do I need to move on? And learn more? And not be comfortable and complacent?

How self sabotage I am with the food this past week for example, how come I do that to myself. Sigh. Eating like shit, waiting for the pimples to come up, eating like shit, waiting for the damage to appear.

How comfortable I am in my disgusting and unproductive habits of rest but also just feeling like nothing. Sigh

How much I miss my friends but I can’t get the balls to pick myself up and be something good for others and show up.

How much I need to get up and just take care of things.

How even when I’m super upset about things, I just can’t seem to love better for myself. How attached in a broken way I am to my mother and these bad habits, I mean things could be worse but I’m so tired of how heavy things are when I just want to chill out with her man. And just being fucking bombarded with shit on shit on shit I’m tired of it please shut the fuck up!

How normalized these sex workers and escorts and travel hoes or ho tours are everywhere. It’s just disgusting and I want no parts of it yet I want to live so carefree and without hard work or discipline. It looks so easy but trust me you’re not you anymore.

How fucked up further it is that I got a taste of atties. And how it took away my ego. And I just felt free to be me. How fucked up was that. Craving for that feeling again, to feel authentic. It’s so fucked up how good it felt. I think im melting back into old behaviors and if I don’t do something about it well, karma is listening and watching.

How closed off I am from the world. Not opening up. Avoiding everything. Shutting down.

[bombshellxmichelle]

Riding motorcycles in the countryside and speeding down empty road with the sunset.. screaming at the top of my lungs

Not to mention being safe… thank you God

Thank you Jesus

Thank you for all of this safety and opportunity and luck and patience and relationships and friendships and loving calm nature…

I’ve always wanted to do this, to ride on the countryside, next is to ride by the Oceanside hehe soon,

It was soooo fucking fun, something crossed off my bucket list 100%.

I also loved how protected I was with the sand and etc.

And most importantly I love how happy I am and happy I can be for myself because I couldn’t find this or meet these needs with S. We are both on different life paths .. and that’s okay.

[bombshellxmichelle]

[bombshellxmichelle]

[bombshellxmichelle]

to the girl who’s going after a new life. a fresh start. just be patient with yourself and your journey. remember that whatever’s meant for you, won’t miss you at all.

believe in God’s plan and timing.