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Me, staring at gay ship art that I went out of my way to search up and find: WOAH.. that's a little, ermm... gay??? homosexual alert!!

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Can I just say that I fucking HATE when people say stuff like "uh oh, did [character] eat the horny [food] again?" or "who taught him that?" at an innocent-seemimg character being somewhat flirtatious. Like, no girl, he didn't just magically grow the horny quadrant of his brain, he's a grown-ass adult man with feelings and it just so happens that one of those is lust!

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Okay coming back to this, what smooth brain makes the name of their account something like their real name and then posts racist bullshit or stuff like that. Like, a digital footprint exists for sure, but mine would be like a small footstep in the sand that'll be washed away by the waves eventually, whereas Mr. Anothey Ramirez Jones just took a giant step into setting concrete with size 15 shoes by saying fascist shit on main.

i appreciate all the adults in my life that told me to watch my digital footprint when i post things online because when i apply for jobs the people hunt those questionable-ass posts down like hunting dogs.

what the adults did not foresee, however, was that i am a sneaky little goblin who tossed my gender out the window the second time my mother forced me into a skirt. as i am now a part of the goblin tribe i no longer go by the name my birthgiver gave me at birth, i am now clorgak the Mischievous.

i bid good luck to the job people to try to connect this post to my Outward Persona as i scurry away to find hidden treasures in a cave. i am unsure if i will be emerging from this cave ever. 

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woke up in a cold sweat about ten minutes ago because I had a dream where Tumblr used the wrong Lesbian flag during pride month (the one with the lipstick on it) and everyone was fucking PISSED. Like, people on every side of Tumblr were up in arms and rioting and threatening to leave the platform and hop ship to a new social media my brain made up called Theedle that was somehow more Tumblr than Tumblr. Anyway, the Big Guys up at TumTum HQ were sweating bullets, like there we're countless apology posts from the offical Tumblr account and users would randomly get notifications begging for forgiveness (I specifically remember one saying "Remember man hand man hook car door?? That was a good one, right? Please don't leave!"). The users were having none of it and just left.

However, I was suspicious of this whole situation. Tumblr is very in tune with LGBTQ+ things, it's literally the gay social website. So I looked into it, did some snooping. In my investigations (and by that I mean logging into the offical Tumblr account with the password "tumbl1234") I found out that they meant to post that, and that Elon Musk had bought Tumblr as well, and was trying to sabotage it to get people to come back to Twitter. When I found out this information, Elon Musk was rolled into my room in one of those baby walkers, which was being pushed by a Tumblr T that grew arms and legs and eyes in a cartoonish way. Elon himself had the body of a baby with his head how it normally was and he was wearing nothing but a diaper. He had a rattler in one hand and a gun in the other and said, "No one was supposed to know. But now you do, huh? You figured out my little goofy plan?" Keep in mind he sounded nothing like he actually does but like a grizzled mob boss you'd see in a movie, "Listen kid, this won't take up too much of your time. From one silly goofy guy to another, I understand how it is. But that means you'll understand how it has to be, too." And then he shot me at point blank and I woke up.

Moral of the story! If this site goes tits up for some reason, do not blame Elon for the love of god.

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Wanna see my firework cock?

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My beloved is so unnecessarily cruel to me. How dare he prevent me from having the tiny friendly fella I desire and try to make me better in one fell swoop. A monster if there ever truly was one.

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me, looking at some fanart: woah, this is really cool! ...wait a minute, I recognize the art style!!

me: *thinks really hard about where I remember the art style from*

me: ...right, this artist draws rule 34. yup. okay.

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when ginger ale comes out of the can too fast and then fizzles and is half foam when it hits your mouth. like, girl calm the FUCK down. it's not that deep.

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Okay, listen. I respect the sanctity of tone tags, but you have to understand that when I say "/hj" I don't MEAN "half-joking" I mean "I'm not joking but I'm gonna say I'm half-joking to test the waters on how you'll react to what I'm saying when I'm being serious."

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Honest to GOD my favourite genre of men is the ones with the personality of a kitten that fell into a puddle. Like come here babes, let me dry you off and watch your face light up as I give you the praise you deserve.

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Hey uuuh if any of you like my verbal barfing, you should maybe check out my art blog too. I post there like, every century or so. But! When I do post! It's usually just a sketch!

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I like your pfp!

Thank you! I drew it myself ^^ it is a (real) picture of me and my melty brain juice.

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I wanna draw thighs, but. .

Who, with thighs?

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What are you talking about, "the words won't write themselves"??? I have an ending and the middle bits too, I'm doing all the work here. Someone else should pull their weight around here because it seems I have to do EVERYTHING.

Starting a project is the worst part. What do you mean I have to write an opening?

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I just woke up from a dream where I was mainly wandering around my city and doing random shit, and at one point I found this old lady with a walker trying to cross the street. Now, she's not the focus, but she's important to the "plot". I notice that she keeps almost getting hit by cars because the intersection is HUGE we're talking like eight lanes at least and people would rather steamroll an old lady than let her pass, which I wasn't having. I told her that I'd help her across the street, seeing as I'm "a big beefy boy" (I'm tall and have relatively broad shoulders so it's true but it's funny to me that my brain chose to describe it like that) and I could act as a barrier of sorts, willing people to stop.

We start walking across the street and about halfway through I hear a noise that sounded suspiciously like a hand banging on the inside of a trunk so I look over because wtf, who's kidnapped? The person driving the car is none other than Susie Deltarune, and I come to the logical conclusion that Kris is in the trunk. I then comfort the old lady, who was worried, by saying "don't worry, this is a meme. It's not to be taken seriously."

So if that dreams-are-other-universes theory is true, that means there's a universe where Susie kidnapping Kris is a meme, something that would be on the same level as "GOD FUCKING DAMN IT KRIS, where the FUCK are we?!" meme.

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Going from "I don't want to read any more fanfics this person writes, I'm not a huge fan of their writing style" to "THERE'S MORE?!?? :D!!!" is such a common leap for me to make that I'm surprised I don't have whiplash.

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Me, looking at a picture of a character crying: "Aw... is he crying? Poor baby :( The sad widdle scwungle... who made him cry."

The person in question: A jaded, middle-aged man with a headcount (and would beat the shit out of me if he heard me say that)